Sins For Thought
by Sev-chan
Summary: Spot’s in a Mexican gang, Anthony is practically a straight A student, but somehow they manage to fall in love. And their love clashes like ocean water on rocks at midnight during a thunderstorm, but who's to say they won't make it? mod.day
1. What a Way to Say Hello

**Disclaimer:** Like I said before, if I owned it I'd be a lucky one. But alas Disney holds onto the rights with a strong death grip.

**Warning:** Oooh, cussing! Lots of foul language in…….Spanish! ..and English. (Or at least Spot attempting to) lol, no but really nothing too bad. Drugs, (did I say nothing too bad? Maybe I was wrong) some violence involving baseball bats, though I really have no idea how far I'll be going into Race and Spot's love life. (if that's what you wanna call it here)

Also, this isn't meant to be racist, or stereotype Mexicans or the like. Besides I live in California, all we got are silly little boys pretending to be gangsters and thugs. It's very funny really, till someone gets hurt that is or arrested, which so happened to one of my cousins, who I never talked to. lol

**Paring:** Spot and Race, which will pretty much be the only pairing in here. (Newsies used in this fic: Skittery-Evan, Jack, Itey, Bumlets, Racetrack-Anthony, Spot.)

**Sins For Thought**

Though we like to figure that everythings ok, it is not. We're only deluding ourselves into thinking that way. We like to pretend that nothing bad ever happens. As long as there is not disturbance to our own world of peace, joy, and false prosperity everything is fine……but slowly as bits and pieces of our world start to collide with others, we start to build thicker, stronger, walls of pretenses. Because when our world is disrupted, nothing is ok.

XXX

"Hey, Pinky, come here!"

**Life is a bundle full of crap and excitement.**

"What the hell you want Spot!"

**Not that very often you get the chance to screw up your life by just meeting someone.**

"Do me a favor, spot me a five. I need to pay someone back," Spot had come over to the three boys standing on the sidewalk.

**Life was just funny and fucked up that way.**

"You probably owe me more than the guy you need to pay back," said the boy pulling out his wallet.

"Yeah, well, he's got a gun and you don't, Evan," said Spot.

"Uh-huh, here's a twenty," said Evan.

"You so rock man, if you ever need a high, just tell me and I'll hook ya up," said Spot pocketing the twenty and walking back to the lawn chair on the front porch.

"I'll keep that in mind," said Evan walking off with his friends.

Songbird Court was a pretty laid back cul-de-sac filled with a wide variety of ethnicity. Though, that could have just been because the Flea Market was just down the block. Early morning Saturdays were always filled with loud Mexican music and heavy accents, whether it was Mexican or Asian. Weekdays were pretty quite if not for the loud sound of engines and chatter from the Fair Grounds just at the edge of the block.

Now, Anthony was one of Evan's friends, as well as Jack. Though, Anthony had never been to Evan's home because his mother always said he lived on the bad side of town. What she really meant was: Evan lived on the poor cultural-stockade of sorts. Not that Anthony really lived on a good side of town either. But, there weren't always police cars roaming the streets around his block like Evan's or chickens pecking the ground. No, just random cases of domestic violence, house break-ins, and missing puppy-dogs.

Spot may not have been one of Evan's friends, but really, everyone knew him. Spot was part of this group of young Mexicans, even though he wasn't, who claimed to be a gang. Much to everyone's surprise they did seem to get into many fights and drive-bys were nothing new around that neighborhood. Anthony found this all quite very stupid.

"No really, it's funny because Spot tries to speak Spanish," said Evan.

"Yeah, honestly, it comes off hella funny because he can't always get the accent right," said Jack.

"But _why_ is he the only white guy in a gang of Mexicans?" asked Anthony glancing behind them.

"Don't know, but they're all really stupid," said Evan.

"All they do is hang out on the front lawn half the time and get drunk and wasted," said Jack.

"I think Rollercoaster is the only one with a gun," said Evan.

"And Itey and Raffle-Ticket have switchblades," added Jack.

"So what about Spot then?" asked Anthony as they went inside Evan's house.

"Nah, he's a fighter, both him and Bumlets," Evan grabbed a soda off the living room table he'd left there that morning.

"Have you ever seen them get into fist fights?" Anthony turned on the TV and kicked his feet up on the table.

"Yeah, Spot was all bloody, but the other guy was on the ground twitching," said Jack.

"There were so many police cars here that night," laughed Evan.

"Man, Pelon and Panzon were just lucky they weren't there that night," said Jack.

"That sounded so weird coming from you," said Anthony.

"They were out shooting-up, yeah, you get use to it after a while," said Evan laughing at Anthony trying to say the names under his breath.

"Look, whatever, I need to be home by five, when's your mom gonna be home?" asked Anthony getting up and looking out the window.

"Not till ten, why what do you gotta do?"

"Nothing, my dad just wants me home by then," said Anthony watching some kids ride around the street on bikes.

"You should probably catch the bus then," said Jack laughing when he saw one of the kids crash his bike, "Man he wiped out!"

"That's fucked, Jack," said Evan laughing.

"You guys are real messed up."

"Geez go home already, you're gonna miss the bus at this rate," said Evan.

"I'm not going to catch the bus, someone might shank me!"

"It's not _that_ bad a neighborhood," said Jack worry free because he was use to it and lived just around the block.

"Four-fifteen shows up in a few minutes, better hurry it up Tony," said Evan flipping channels.

"I just want you both to know, if I die, I'm coming back to haunt your asses," said Anthony heading out the door and flipped them off.

"Uh-huh, see you tomorrow Tony!"

Anthony figured he'd made it out in the clear after he'd passed the house Spot had been at. He couldn't help the feeling though that everyone at that house had been staring at him. Once he made it to the bus stop he sat down and just waited. The bus was halfway down the block when he noticed someone running down from Songbird Court. He was wearing a baggy red T-shirt and semi-baggy dark blue jeans with red and white shoes. It was Spot. Anthony prayed to any god listening for Spot to not recognize him as one of Evan's Friends.

Anthony stepped onto the bus and slipped a dollar into the money box. Spot jumped up onto the bus and threw a bunch of change into the box and headed straight for the back. Anthony exhaled as the bus took off and continued down the road. It was going to be a while till the bus came close to his house.

"Pisst, vato, come here."

Anthony's eyes went wide and he looked over at Spot, "No, fuck you."

"Besa mi culo bitch and get over here," said Spot.

Anthony rolled his eyes and went to the back of the bus, "What the hell do you want?"

"Do me a favor, lend me some money," said Spot slinging his arm around Anthony's shoulder.

"Like hell, I don't even know you," said Anthony removing Spot's arm from his shoulder.

"Do you _want_ me to get shot?" asked Spot, though it really didn't sound like he was worried.

"No skin off my back," said Anthony shrugging.

"You're a little bitch, I'll pay you back," said Spot writing on the back of one of the seats.

"Uh-huh, just like you pay back Evan," said Anthony rolling his eyes.

"No, you see that's different. Evan doesn't _really_ expect me to give him his money back," Spot smiled at his handy-work.

"And if I give you money, when can I expect to get paid back?" Anthony cringed at the smell the marker left in the air.

"Stop by tomorrow and you'll get it, swear," said Spot crossing his heart.

"Yeah, sure, you better have my money," said Anthony pulling out a ten.

"Dios mio, man, you sound like my dealer," said Spot taking the ten and pulling the cord, "See you around shorty!"

"…..des me what?" Anthony sat there at the back of the bus just pondering why he would even allow himself to talk to Spot…..he knows people with guns, maybe that was it, yeah sure, "well, fuck me."

XXX

Anthony was sure today was going to be a bad day already. While he was taking a shower today he dropped the shampoo bottle and when he'd been brushing his hair he'd dropped the brush on his foot. Now, he'd be the first to admit superstition was stupid, but he was a closet case so he kept his mouth shut. When he came down for breakfast he told his mom he was going to the library to study for a test. She was pretty trusting of him for the most part. As long as he wasn't failing in any of his classes, she trusted him. And boy was he doing well in all his classes.

"See you later mom, tell dad he still needs to look at what's wrong with my drain," he kissed his mom on the cheek, grabbed an apple, and took off.

"Don't stay out too late!" she called as he jumped in the car.

His mom only let him take the car on weekends or when something important needed to get done. It usually left him in a foul mood because it meant he pretty much had to walk everywhere half the time during the week. He started the engine and immediately changed the station. God he hated the music his parents listened to.

He pulled onto the road and took off. This was why he needed to get his own car. That way he could speed and when he got a ticket, it would be his problem, not his parents. God he loved to speed. It took him fifteen minutes to get to ……..well, he had no idea whose house it was come to think of it. He was just about to turn off the car when the passenger side door opened and Spot sat in shotgun.

"Dude, take off, take off now!" Spot locked the door and quickly put on his seatbelt.

"What, why!" yelled Anthony taking off.

"Because that guy with tattoos is coming towards your car and he's angry at me," said Spot flipping the guy off as they turned the corner.

"Who the hell is that!"

"Remember that guy I owe money to? Yeah, well, he came for the rest of his money," said Spot turning on the radio.

"How much do you owe him?" he was calming down.

"Too much," he started flipping through Anthony's CD collection.

"No ones gonna come after me now are they?" asked Anthony.

"Nah, he only wants to kill me, you have nothing to do with this," he put on a CD, "hey, can you stop by one of my friends houses?"

"…..where?"

"Just down the block from Second Street," said Spot rolling down the window and lighting up a cigarette.

"That's the shady side of town," said Anthony reaching over to skip the song that was playing.

"Menso, every side of town is shady. You just have to know what to avoid in order to "pretend" it's not shady," Spot changed the song back and blew out a plume of smoke.

"Stop touching my radio, I hate that song,"

"Shut it I like this song."

Spot went to turn up the volume Anthony slapped his hand away, Spot glared at him and took another drag from his cigarette.

"I'm the one driving you know!" said Anthony.

"Pendejo," mutter Spot.

"What you call me? Because you know, I can stop this car right now," said Anthony giving Spot a look.

"Nothing," he threw his cigarette out the window.

"Good," Anthony looked over at Spot, "Where the hell am I stopping?"

"The only green house on the block," said Spot pointing just down the way.

"Do you want me to wait?" he had no idea why he was asking.

"Yeah," Spot got out the car.

"Be quick bitch."

"Whatever you say, chingado," said Spot waving a hand at him.

"Fuck you, speak English when you call me shit!" yelled Anthony from the car.

Spot went inside the house. Anthony wasn't sure how long he'd been waiting but he was sure as hell getting fed up with it. He was just about ready to start up the engine and take off when someone came up to his window and knocked on it. Anthony literally jumped in his seat then slowly rolled down his window.

"Can I help you?" asked Anthony praying to god he wasn't about to have a gun pulled on him.

"You here with Spot?" asked the guy.

"Um, yeah…"

"Dude, he's gonna get your ass in a shit load of trouble if you keep hanging your ass around him. Jus' letting you know, kid," said the guy leaning up against the car.

"…..uh, thanks?" said Anthony.

"Eh man, this is a nice car, how much it set you back?" he started running his hands over the hood of car.

"It's my mothers," said Anthony feeling his heart beat pick up.

"Hey, cabron, get away from the car!" yelled Spot coming up to the car.

"Thank god," muttered Anthony under his breath as he unlocked the door for Spot.

"Hey kid, just remember what I told you," said the guy walking off.

"Sure will!" called Anthony taking off quick.

"Hey, we need to stop by somewhere else," said Spot glaring at the guy as they passed him, "What the hell he say to you?"

"Nothing, just that I should be careful," around who or what Anthony didn't say.

"Careful about what?" asked Spot changing the song on the CD.

"Not sure, just said be careful," said Anthony, shrugging.

"….whatever, hey, turn left."

"I'm not a damn taxi service!"

"Cool it man, you're going to get some gas money out of this," said Spot turning up the music.

Anthony turned it down, "Where am I-"

"Turn right."

"How much further?"

"You're gonna take another right, then a left then we're gonna stop at the house with the giant tree out front," said Spot lighting up another cigarette.

"…….." Anthony let out a low guttural growl.

"Oh, sexy," laughed Spot.

"What!" yelped Anthony.

"Baboso," Spot kept laughing and turned up the music.

Anthony turned it down again, "Stop fucking with the radio bitch."

Spot started to open his mouth.

"If you say one more word in Spanish your ass is getting shoved out on the sidewalk," said Anthony.

"Sí sir," said Spot.

Anthony stopped the car unlocked the doors and leaned over and opened Spot's door, "Get out."

"Aw I was joking," said Spot trying to close the door.

"Well I wasn't, get out!" yelled Anthony.

A car honked behind them.

"Drive bitch," said Spot switching the car back to drive.

"No more Spanish," said Anthony driving.

"Fine, have it your way," said Spot throwing his cigarette out the window.

"You're a little bitch."

"_You're_ a little bitch!"

"Fuck you!"

"Thank, but no thanks!"

"I can stop the car again!"

"Good, because we need to!"

"……." Anthony sighed and parked the car along the driveway.

"Wait for me, this'll only take a minute," said Spot getting out the car.

"Whatever," said Anthony anticipating a long wait.

Much to his surprise it only took Spot a few minutes and he was back and in the car. Spot tossed him a folded up twenty and said he was hungry. So Anthony drove them to the A&W to get some cheese burgers. Spot was scarfing down his food and was attempting to steal Anthony's as well.

"What the hell, you have like, two stomachs?" he pulled his box of fries off the table.

"I'm just hungry all the time," said Spot taking a drink from his soda.

"Uh-huh, do you get high?"

"Well that's the stupidest question I've ever been asked," said Spot smirking at Anthony.

"Answer the question," said Anthony.

"Mi dios él es estúpido ……uh, I mean, isn't it fucking obvious?" said Spot trying to keep from laughing.

"You sound like an idiot trying to speak Spanish," said Anthony rolling his eyes.

"What're you talking about, I'm doing a great job, even ask Raffle-Ticket," said Spot getting up.

Anthony followed suit, "Yeah sure and I drive like an old lady."

XXX

They didn't show back up at Itey's, that's whose house it apparently was, house till around eight. Spot figured it wasn't like the guy could stalk Itey's house all day. But really, Spot was apparently a bad judge of character. When they had parked and Spot had stepped out the car Bumlets, who Spot had described earlier to him, had been hissing at Spot to take off. Spot couldn't hear him because he was arguing with Anthony. So, when a baseball bat narrowly missed hitting him in the back and straight into Anthony's mom's car window, Spot was quick on guard.

"What, chingado!" Spot was having an easy time dodging the baseball bat, if only for the fact that it was obvious the guy had been sitting around drinking Itey's dad's beer, the whole lawn was covered in empty cans.

"Hey, pinche puto where the hell's my money?" said the guy.

Anthony merely watched with wide eyes as the guy continued to slowly make his way towards Spot.

"Chinga tu madre bitch, don't call me that shit. I've got your money right here," said Spot throwing a small clip of money at him.

He picked up the money and counted it, "Hey man, no hard feelings eh? Just have to make sure I'm protecting my interests."

"Fucker," said Spot.

"Don't act like that man, you're one of my best costumers, when you pay that is," said the guy tapping his foot with the bat.

"Go already," said Itey from the front porch, his mother just beyond the window inside watching.

"Hey man, where's the hospitality?" he laughed and started walking off the lawn and stopped at Anthony's car and whistled, "Hey, I know someone who can fix that."

"No, its fine, I'll tell my mother I just drove into a baseball field," said Anthony really regretting lending Spot money in the first place.

"Hey, this bitch is funny, I like him. You guys should keep him around," said the guy laughing and continuing down the street.

Spot walked over to Anthony and laughed, "Man you should have seen the look on your face."

"How the fuck am I going to explain this to my mother!" yelled Anthony finally getting out of his car and looking at it from the outside.

"Bumlets can fix it, he does know how to fix cars and all," said Spot.

Itey, who'd been standing at the front porch still, walked over to Spot and Anthony, "Cars baboso, not broken windows."

"……though I'm sure it's not that hard," Bumlets looked at the car sideways for a second, then nodded his head and took a drag off the cigarette he'd been smoking.

"Yeah, but for how much?" asked Anthony brushing out the broken glass from the seat.

"Nah, man you get a discount," said Spot smiling.

"Yeah, it was Spot's dumbass that got your car fucked up, not you," said Itey.

"Which means Spot pays for it," said Bumlets laughing and walking off.

"Pendejo," said Spot flipping Bumlets off.

"Hey man, you're what keeps this group laughing," said Itey also walking off.

Anthony stared at his car, "My mom's gonna kill me."

"Don't worry about it," said Spot slinging his arm around Anthony's shoulder, "We'll have it fixed by Sunday."

XXX

A/N: For some reason I think Spot speaking both accented and unaccented Spanish is just hilarious. Ok, so I'm not going to translate any of the bad words from this fic, because that's just wrong. Teaching people bad words in different languages is a no no. Find them out for yourself.

Man, can you imagine Itey with pitch-black sunglasses and a red bandana tied around his head? lol, it's a funny image to me. Spot and Bumlets are just a wee bit harder for me to picture, but it still gives me the giggles. Though some of you may have a hard time trying to figure out how Race and Spot get together, just wonder how it's going to be on my side I have to _write it_!


	2. Getting to Know You

Sins For Thought

Chapter 2: Getting to Know You

When Anthony had gotten home last night his parents had long since been in bed. Though sleep for him had come hard he'd managed to finally pass out just as the sun had started coming up. His mother, like clock work, was already knocking on his door to get him up. But just as he was about to go into the bathroom to shower he heard his father yell from outside.

"ANTHONY HIGGINS! You get out here right now and explain what the hell happened to the car!"

"Shit, shit, shit," this was what he'd been dreading.

Anthony visibly shivered. Slowly he walked out of his bedroom and was dragged outside by his mother. His mother had him firmly by the arm and shoved him at the car. She was pointing at the window and his dad had his arms crossed, both looked severely angry.

"Explain now!" yelled his mother.

Anthony stood there frozen for a minute then calmly said, "Evan had some cousins over yesterday and they were playing baseball out front. One of them went to swing at the ball and accidentally let go of the bat at full swing."

"I thought you were at the library," said his mother sternly.

"I was, but afterwards I stopped by Evan's to give him back some notes he lent me the other day ago."

"I thought your mother said she didn't want you going over to that side of town," said his dad.

"We have a test Monday. He needed them back."

His mother looked over at the hole in the window, "That's an awfully big hole."

"It was a metal baseball bat," said Anthony surprised he'd said it convincingly.

"……What time did you get home last night?"

"……Eleven?"

"How about one in the morning?" said his dad.

"Sorry?"

"Why so late?" asked his mom.

"I was freaked out! Evan helped me clean up the mess and we tried to figure out what to do…..If it makes you feel better he said we could take it to his uncles to get fixed today."

His mother stared at him for a moment then sighed, "…….Fine take it to get fixed, but next time something like this happens or you're gonna be late, call."

"Yes mom," said Anthony trying to look as sorry as he should feel.

"Good, now get inside. You're out here in your shorts," said his mom shoving him inside.

XXX

Anthony showed up at Itey's house at around eleven o' clock. Itey had opened the door still in a sleep fogged daze. He was greeted with a glare. Itey's mom was in the kitchen and gave him a plate of food to eat while he waited for Itey to get out of the shower and call Bumlets.

"What's your name?" asked Itey's mom.

"Anthony and thanks for breakfast," said Anthony.

"So polite. Your parents raised you well," she smiled at him and gave him more food.

"Stop feeding him, you're gon' kill him," said Itey walking into the kitchen and taking Anthony's plate.

She rolled her eyes, "He _likes_ my food."

"You say it like we don't," said Itey sitting down.

"You don't take time to savor it. All you and your cousins ever do is eat like I never feed you," said Itey's mom handing Anthony a glass of juice.

"Thank you."

"That shows you how much we like it."

"Enough not to taste it!"

"Yeah, yeah, okay, whatever," Itey picked up the plate and grabbed Anthony by the wrist and dragged him to the living room.

"Why aren't you eating in the kitchen?"

"No one eats in the kitchen, what's wrong with you? How un-American," said Itey laughing and picking up the phone.

Anthony was about to make a comment, but Itey shushed him.

"Don't be rude, I'm on the phone," Itey smiled.

Anthony rolled his eyes.

"Mornin' bitch, what time you want us over?"

"Uh-huh."

"I know, bitch showed up at my house even before the damn rosters crowed."

"Yeah, ok bye," he hung up the phone and turned to Anthony, "We're gonna head over as soon as Spot gets here."

"And when is he getting here?" asked Anthony already following him outside the house and to the front porch.

"Don't know, but Bumlets said Spot called an hour ago, so maybe anytime now."

They waited, and they waited, and they waited, but really it was only about fifteen or so minutes. Spot was jogging down the street in an unbuttoned button up shirt, black tank top, and khaki pants.

"You guys seriously only wear red?" Anthony pulled the keys out of his pocket.

Itey looked over his shoulder at Anthony for a second, "Which reminds me, if you're gonna be hanging out with us you need to start adding some color to your wardrobe."

"Meaning?" Anthony unlocked the car, Spot sat shotgun.

"That red needs to be your new favorite color," Spot dug something out his back pocket and tossed a red bandana at him.

Race grabbed the bandana and threw it back at Spot, "How about, I just don't wear blue?"

Itey shrugged, "Whatever man."

They drove down town and picked up something for Spot on the way to the car detailing and garage shop Bumlets' uncle owned. When they got there Bumlets was sitting on a small crate drinking a soda. He waved them over and another guy, who was tall and lean, came over with him. Anthony looked at the guy; he was wearing a white tank top, jeans with a chain on his belt, and white Adidas with red stripes.

"What's crack-a-lackin', Pelon?" Itey gave the guy a hand shake.

"Chillin', so what's up? I heard you" he looked over at Spot, "got some poor bastards car fucked up," he paused and looked at Anthony. "Who's this fucker?"

"I'm the poor bastard," said Anthony.

"Oh, hey sorry about your car," he shook Anthony's hand.

"Speaking of which, lets take a look at the damage," said Bumlets taking the keys from Anthony and opening the car door.

"Hey cuz, tell the new guy to make himself at home and tell Spot not to touch anything."

"Bitch, we're standing right here," said Spot.

The three of them went to the Mexican restaurant just next door to the car shop and ordered some food. Itey and Spot wouldn't stop laughing at Anthony because for some reason he'd never eaten at this place before in his life. He almost chocked twice and just kept going. They had ordered Carne Asada Nachos with everything on it, which entailed sour crème, guacamole, and chili.

"Holy crap, how did I ever live without this!"

Spot laughed, "Swallow before you talk."

"Don't you mean chew before you swallow?" said Itey.

Anthony swallowed the food in his mouth, "So how long do you think it'll take?"

Spot shrugged.

"Knowing my cousin and Bumlets, not that long." Itey got up and got a refill on his soda and came back.

"So what do you guys usually do for fun?" asked Anthony tossing his empty tray.

"Hang out," Itey shrugged.

"…….."

"Hey man, it costs money to do things," said Spot.

"Ok, I'll give you that," said Anthony as they headed back over to the shop.

"Hey Itey, mind if I crash at your place tonight?" asked Spot.

"Can't let you. Got cousins coming over."

"Damn……"

Both Itey and Spot stopped mid step and looked over at Anthony. Anthony pretended he didn't notice that they stopped to look at him and started to whistle.

"Dude you have to let me stay the night," said Spot walking up next to Anthony.

"My mom doesn't know you, or your parents. So the chances of you being able to stay the night aren't likely."

"So wait, you can't have friends over unless your parents have met that friends parents?" Itey pulled a cigarette out and lit it up.

"Yup."

Spot made a face, "Dude, that's fucked up."

"Imagine my problem when I have to buddy up with someone for a project," said Anthony.

"Man it would suck being you," said Itey walking over to his cousin, Pelon.

Pelon took Itey's drink, "So we fixed the window."

"You did," said Anthony rushing over to the car.

"Yup, but you know, I was thinking I've seen this car before."

"Yeah, you know I thought it looked familiar too!" said Spot.

"Hey you wouldn't happen to race down Santa Fe to Lagrange would you?" asked Bumlets as he rolled down the car window.

"Um……If my mom asks, no," said Anthony looking at the window, you couldn't even tell anything had happened to it.

"Man, you're a regular Speed Racer," said Pelon leaning against the car.

"Panzon gets pissed as hell every time he losses to this thing," said Itey.

"Anywho, I think I'm gonna take off," said Anthony opening the car door and side stepping so Bumlets could get out.

"Wait, you haven't even tried to see if I could stay over," said Spot opening the passenger side door.

"Fine, get in, but if she says no……." he paused in thought for a second. "Well, I guess I could sneak you back in through my window.

"Awesome."

XXX

When they showed up at Anthony's house they found a note on the door saying that his mom had gone out for groceries and that his dad was staying a couple hours late at work. Anthony shrugged and tossed the note in the trash. He was about to make a comment to Spot when he noticed he was staring at the black and white picture hanging on the wall just across from the front door above a small table.

"Ansel Adams……ain't that like, a beer?" said Spot looking over at Anthony.

"No, you're thinking, Samuel Adams," Anthony tried not to laugh.

"So how long till you think your mom will get here?"

"Not long," said Anthony already hearing a door close outside. "Take off that stupid red shirt and take those sun glasses out of your hair."

Spot mock pouted, "Why can't you love me for who I am?"

"Don't be a dumbass. Besides, you look likely to steal something," Anthony snatched the glasses off Spot's head and pocketed them.

"Fine, but just this once," Spot slipped off the red button up shirt and ran his fingers through his hair.

Anthony tossed the shirt in the closet just around the corner of the entry way and quickly came back to the front door in time to open it for his mother.

"Oh Anthony, good you're home. That means the car's fixed right?...oh…..who's this?" his mother just stood in the doorway and handed the bags in her hands to Anthony, who handed them to Spot and pointed him in the direction of the kitchen.

"Mom, this is …..." he just realized he didn't know Spot's real name.

"Shawn, ma'am, Shawn Conlon," he reached over with one hand and shook hers before making his way to the kitchen.

"…….Anthony, outside, now," they walked over to the car together.

"What's wrong?"

She gave him a look, "What side of the gutter did you bring him from?"

"Mom, how can you say that! He's a friend from school."

"So are Evan and Jack, but I've heard you mention them before," she handed him four bags.

"Yeah, but I just met Spo….Shawn," he shifted the bags around in his arms knowing Spot's real name came off awkward on his tongue.

"Spo? Sounds to me you didn't even know what his name was," she was still giving him that look he so desperately hated.

"I've only ever called him Spot, it's like his nickname," he looked away from his mom.

"What the hell kind of nickname is Spot?" she shut the door to the trunk.

He shrugged, not knowing what to say.

She sighed, "So, why's he here?"

"……I was sort of hoping he could stay the night?"

"Absolutely not! I haven't even met his parents."

"What do his parents have to do with him staying the night?"

"You don't know what kind of people they are. For all I know they're just waiting for something to happen to him at our house so that they can sue us, I don't want you bringing that sort of trash into my house."

"He's not trash mom," said Anthony trying his best to hold his tongue and not argue with her.

"And you'd know that personally because?" she tried her best to look intimidating, which always worked.

He hated his mom, "I wouldn't……but you just can't go off calling people trash when you haven't even given them the chance to show how good a person they are."

"………Have you been watching day time television again?"

"I'm being serious mom."

"I know, I know," she sighed again. "Besides, he's already here isn't he?"

"Thanks mom."

They both walked back into the house and found Spot sitting in the kitchen. He looked up when he noticed they'd walked into the room.

"So, Shawn, what do your parents do for a living?" she set down the bags in her hands on the table.

"Well, my dad was a construction worker before his accident when I was ten, he died. Um, my mom is a professional dancer, who moonlights as a physical consultant," Spot couldn't seem to keep the smirk off his face, the look highly confused Anthony.

"I'm so sorry about your father."

"No, it's ok. Mom always said he was stupid to be in that field of work. Too many hazards not enough medical insurance, if any," Spot shrugged and Anthony got the feeling that Spot was being all too casual about the whole thing.

"So……your mother is a professional dancer, has she been in any music videos or um…concert tours?" it was obvious she suddenly felt awkward.

"Never really asked," Spot shrugged again and started helping Anthony's mom put food away.

Later that evening Spot was sitting in the middle of Anthony's room in a pair of barrowed pajama bottoms flipping through Anthony's huge CD holder filled with nothing but DVD's. He was waiting for Anthony to get done with a lecture with his dad who had just come home from work a few hours ago. It didn't sound like his parents were angry, just curious about where he met Spot.

When Anthony had walked back into his room he looked absolutely exhausted. Spot watched as Anthony threw himself onto the bed and growled into the pillow. Spot smiled to himself and got up off the floor and jumped onto the bed next to him.

"So, do your parents hate me or what?"

"No, but my mom doesn't like you either."

"You know, she's right, I'm trash."

Anthony lifted his head off the pillow and noticed Spot was smiling, "What're you talking about?"

Spot shrugged, "Nothing really."

Anthony rolled his eyes, "Don't fuck with my head Wanna-Be-Mexican, I can't handle it after a lecture."

"Don't call me a Wanna Be, Taste of Italy!" Spot punched him in the arm.

"Taste of Italy?" he raised an eyebrow at him.

"Who said what?" Spot looked around the room.

"Dumbass," muttered Anthony sticking his head back down on the pillow.

"You're so sweet, I bet you get all the fine senoritas," Spot grabbed the pillow from beneath Anthony and used it to rest his feet on.

"Get your stinky feet off my pillow," Anthony snagged the pillow and glared at Spot, then hit him with the pillow.

"God get that thing off my face, you know how bad my feet smell!" yelled Spot as Anthony shoved the pillow in his face.

"As bad as your face looks!"

"Oh it's on now little man!"

A small wrestling match ensued and soon Anthony found himself pinned underneath Spot on the floor. Both of them were breathing hard and Spot wouldn't stop smirking down at him. Anthony decided Spot was enjoying this too much and at an attempt to win he tried to flip Spot off him. It didn't work and only made Spot laugh, hard, at him. His mother banged on the door and yelled at them to keep it down before opening the door and stopping mid yell.

"Sorry about that, I swear we'll stop roughhousing," said Spot as he got off her son, smirk still in place.

"…." she was glaring at them both, "Good."

She shut the door and they were both quite as they listened to her feet down the hall. Spot looked over at Anthony and smiled.

"You're a little bitch," said Anthony walking over to his bed and turning down the covers.

"Aw mad because he didn't win," said Spot walking over to the bed and jumping back onto it.

Anthony looked at him, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Don't think I'm sleeping on the floor."

"Yes you are."

"I'm the guest, I get the bed."

"My ass."

"No, the bed," said Spot matter of factly.

"Fine whatever, we'll share!" he walked over to the light switch and turned it off and crawled into the bed.

Spot turned onto his side and exhaled loudly and Anthony shifted uncomfortably in his spot on the bed. This was a little more then he planned on getting in return when he'd lent Spot money. A broken window, lecture, and friendship had not been part of it at all. Though he had to admit, Spot was compellingly interesting to him.

XXX

A/N: You ever meet someone who just has a way of making it seem like their parents' jobs are way more sophisticated then they are? And anyone want to take a wild guess at what Spot's mom does for a living? Hm…you'll start to feel the general hostility Spot feels towards his mother and a bit of a _shove_ at Spot and Anthony's personal relationship in the next chapter. Jack and Skittery will have a say about Anthony's new friendship and it won't be a positive one.

Hope you enjoyed this one, and don't be afraid to leave feedback. –waves- ya'll come back now ya hear!


	3. My Falling From Grace

Sins For Thought

Chapter 3: My Falling From Grace

Anthony had been late to school because he dropped Spot off at his school across town. Anthony decided, for someone who goes to a preppy school, Spot was definitely out of place or a splash of color, who could really say? He couldn't keep himself awake in class and fell asleep, which resulted in him ending up stuck in class during break. So he didn't get to see Jack and Evan till lunch.

They were sitting at the fountain like they always did during lunch. And like always, the fountain was crowded with a million people trying to eat and carry on conversations. Anthony and his friends were sitting on the side opposite the gym eating.

Jack took a chip off Anthony's tray, "Where the hell were you this weekend? Every time I called you I got voice mail."

"I was uh, hanging out with Spot."

Both Jack and Evan dropped their trays.

"You were what!"

"I don't see what the hells the matter, it's not like I killed someone."

"This is Spot we're talking about. I'm not saying he's not gonna hurt your or nothing, but being friends with him isn't good either," said Evan scowling at his fallen food.

Jack kicked his tray away from his so he wouldn't have to pick it up, "Besides, Spot's kind of, well they keep referring to him as maricón or puto when they get mad at him."

"Which means?" asked Anthony suddenly mad that it seemed everyone knew more Spanish then him.

"Pretty much gay, fag, or faggot," said Evan picking his tray up off the floor and setting it next to him to throw away later.

"That doesn't mean shit, I mean he does have a girlish feature about his looks, it could be that. Besides everyone calls everything gay, it's a negative connotation nowadays."

The other two stared at him.

"Oh come on, you can't be gay and in a gang, that's illogical!"

"He's the only one they call that," said Jack.

"Plus he gets defensive and mad when they do it."

"I would too!" said Anthony.

"Hey, are you gonna eat that?" asked a guy pointing to Evan's food.

Before Evan could say anything Jack said, "Nah, he's done with it, go ahead."

Anthony and Evan stared at Jack.

"What?" asked Jack smiling as the guy took off with the tray and began eating the food.

"You're so fucked," said Anthony.

"He shouldn't be asking for other peoples' food."

"You're so fucked."

"What! It's funny!"

XXX

After school Anthony went home with Evan and Jack. Now Anthony really didn't think that Spot and Itey were serious when they said all they did was hang out, but low and behold there was Spot and company sitting out front Itey's house, smoking. Spot jumped up and slung his arm around Anthony's shoulder.

"Yo Pinky, what's up?" Spot pulled the……Anthony prayed to high holy heaven was a cigarette against his better judgment.

"Homework, food, sleep."

"And T.V. Not in that order," added Jack.

"Ya'll are boring. Anthony chill with us!" said Spot dragging him over to the house.

"I've got homework too you know," said Anthony trying to pull Spot's arm off him.

"That's for over achievers, menso," Spot rolled his eyes.

"Hell ya!" yelled Raffle-Ticket.

"So true," said Bumlets.

"And that's why you all go to Valley," said Itey opening a can of Pepsi.

"Not true, I go to East Campus," said Bumlets smiling and taking the soda from Itey.

"Yeah, and I'm a Wild Cat!" said Spot making a hand gesture, "Growl."

"Ok, so only Panzon and Raffle-Ticket."

"Honestly, get your facts straight," laughed Raffle-Ticket, then the two of them went off into full Spanish.

Bumlets rolled his eyes, "And we've lost transmission."

"Say what?"

Jack and Evan just watched them all from the sidewalk.

"Ok, so we're going," said Jack walking off.

"See you around Anthony. Hope your mom don't want you home early today!" yelled Evan.

"Shit!" Anthony looked at his watch.

"You know, when my dad gets home I can probably give you ride home," said Itey.

"……Let me call my mom," Anthony pulled a cell phone out of his pocket.

He waited and his mom picked up.

"Higgins residents, Cathleen speaking, how may I help you?"

"Mom?"

"Anthony?"

"I was wondering if it was alright if I stayed at school a little later and then maybe go to the library afterwards for a project I need to get done?"

"And how would you be getting home?"

"One of my partners has a car and offered to bring me home."

"Fine, don't stay out past nine."

"Ok, promise."

"Bye sweetheart."

"Bye," he hung up the phone and noticed everyone was staring at him, "What?"

"You so lied to your mom," said Itey.

"It was the only way I could stay!"

"I'm gonna pray for your soul vato. Lying to your mother," Raffle-Ticket smiled and made a tsk sound.

Spot laughed, "Who gives a shit!"

"Says the guy who never talks about his mom," said Bumlets.

"I know, huh!" said Itey.

"Speaking of moms, Raffle-Ticket, stop trying to teach Spot Spanish it's pissing off my mom. Every time he says something wrong and insults someone," said Bumlets.

"What're you talking about, you can't even speak Spanish!"

"Yeah, but at least I understand it!"

"I think you just don't want him to know when we talk crap about him," said Itey.

"I knew it!" yelled Spot grabbing hold of Anthony's cell phone.

"What're you doing?" Anthony tried to grab it back but Spot held it out of reach.

"Putting my home number in incase you need to tell my puta of a mother I died."

All the other guys got quite for a moment and just watched Spot punching in numbers. It was at this moment Anthony really wished he took Spanish instead of French at school. The other guys started talking in Spanish, though Bumlets just nodded his head and responded in English. It was hard to piece together what they were talking about, but from what he could tell Spot didn't like his mom much.

XXX

Itey's dad had come home early so they dropped Anthony off at his house around six. Spot invited himself inside, which didn't make Anthony's mom happy, but she wasn't about to be rude in front of company. They all ate in relatively comfortable silence. Anthony could tell his mom wasn't happy one bit and made it painfully obvious every time the two of them went into another room to get something. Once dinner was done she motioned Anthony into the kitchen while Spot sat in the living room with Anthony's dad.

"He smells like cigarette smoke and pot."

"And you'd know because?"

"Oh please, I was young once. I don't want him back in this house!"

"Are you telling me you use to do drugs?"

"…..Besides the point."

"No wonder I have learning disabilities!"

"Don't be an idiot!"

"Don't be a hypocrite!" his face went white for a second.

"What did you just call me?" her face went deadly serious and he completely regretted opening his mouth.

"I love you?"

"If you ever bring him back into this house I swear you won't like the consequences."

"Yes mom," he didn't want to look at her.

"Good, now clean this kitchen and take him home," she walked into the living room and he could hear her talking in that fake pleasant voice he knew his mother to use when something he did pissed her off.

Spot walked into the kitchen, "Need help?"

"That awkward in there?" Anthony was organizing the dishes before he washed them.

"Yeah," Spot turned on the water.

"She's not usually so bitchy. It'll pass," he started tossing in all the eating utensils.

"I'm sure," said Spot rinsing the dishes Anthony placed in his side of the sink.

"No, really when she first met Evan and Jack she didn't like them either."

"But better then me?"

"If you stop smoking weed she'd like you."

"Hoping Armageddon's coming soon?"

Anthony tossed some bubbles at him, "Shut up."

"Yes sir," said Spot smiling.

After they finished washing the dishes Anthony got the keys from his mother and went out to the car with Spot. Anthony had asked Spot where he lived but Spot said that he could drop him off at Itey's. He found it strange Spot never seemed to be home, ever. When he dropped Spot off he watched him walk off down the street from his rearview mirror. His head was down hands in his pocket, it looked like he was down because he had to go home. It really made Anthony wonder.

XXX

It was late that next evening and Anthony was glad that his parents were gone for the rest of the week. It had something to do with work, which Anthony knew was a complete lie. His parents had this habit of saying they had work when really they just wanted to go away with each other. The thought made Anthony shiver. Eww his parents off alone together doing…..things he'd rather not think of. It was bad enough he walked in on them once.

He pulled into the drive way of Itey's house where someone was sitting; he assumed it was Panzon because he was the only friend of Spot's he had yet to meet. The guy sat up and nodded at Anthony.

"Hey, it's Speed Racer! They told me they met the ass who was always beating me," said the guy.

"Panzon right?" asked Anthony walking up to him.

"Hell yeah bitch, I rock," he leaned forward and shook Anthony's hand.

"So, uh, where's Spot?" he looked around and noticed Spot wasn't in sight.

"Inside drunk off his ass," said Raffle-Ticket.

"Nah, he drank so much he passed out on the couch," said Bumlets.

"Oh," he turned to leave when Panzon said.

"Hey, Speed Racer, take Spot home. He's been passed out on my cousins couch for like ever!"

"Why me?" asked Anthony kicking cans aside as he made his way to the front door.

"Because we've been drinking," said Raffle-Ticket.

"Yeah, and what you call it, friends don't let friends drive drunk," said Bumlets laughing.

"Right, right," said Panzon also laughing.

Anthony rolled his eyes and knocked before going inside. He saw Itey sitting on the floor with his two little (he assumed) cousins, watching Harry Potter. Spot was laying face down on the couch. Itey looked up at him.

"Please tell me you're taking him home," said Itey.

"Take him home! Take him home!" chorused the two little boys.

"Shhh…..watch the movie."

"Yeah, whatever," he hoisted Spot up off the couch, "So, where this guy live?"

Itey shrugged, "Don't know, never been to his house."

"Well jeez where am I supposed to take him?" asked Anthony trying not to get angry.

"Don't care, long as it's not here."

"Not here, not here!" yelled the boys.

"I'm gonna turn off Harry Potter if you don't stop talking," said Itey grabbing the remote.

"I can't take him home with me, my parents aren't home."

"Well then that works out perfectly," said Itey.

"Perfectly! Perfectly!"

"That's it off goes magic boy!"

"NO!"

"Ass," muttered Anthony somehow managing to drag Spot to his car.

"You don't need help do you?" asked Raffle-Ticket.

"No, I can do this _all_ on my own," said Anthony rolling his eyes.

"If you say so," apparently sarcasm was lost on R.T.

Anthony managed to get the door open and slipped Spot into shotgun and buckled him in. Never in his life had he ever had to take a completely limp person home. His parents would kill him if they found out about this. As he sat down in the drivers seat he flipped off Spot's friends who just laughed and waved and threw empty beer cans at him.

It started raining the second he pulled into his driveway. Not just a simple drizzle either, it suddenly started down pouring. He'd thrown his coat that he had in the backseat on top of Spot. So, when he managed to get Spot inside, he was soaking wet and Spot was dry. He left Spot on his bed while he went to go change clothes. When he came out of the bathroom Spot was attempting to stand.

He rushed over right before Spot fell, "You ok?"

"Yeah……" said Spot right before he let all his weight on Anthony.

They toppled over onto Anthony's bed. Anthony couldn't tell if Spot was still awake. He tried shifting his way out from under Spot, but the other boy had him firmly pinned underneath him. Anthony sighed, this was not how he wanted to spend the rest of his day. Pinned underneath Spot. Spot's breath ghosted warmly past his neck and Anthony winced at the feeling it suddenly sent through him.

"Well……that can't be good," said Anthony to himself.

He wondered exactly how much Spot weighed. From what he could tell it was more then the boy looked. He was starting to find it hard to breathe. He was just about to nudge Spot awake when he noticed Spot was staring directly at him his breath caught in his throat. Spot just stared at him through fogged vision and shifted slightly.

Suddenly Spot ran his fingers through Anthony's hair and lazily smiled at the feel of it. Anthony felt his heart in his chest start to pick up in speed steadily.

"Spot….what're you doing?" asked Anthony in what he hoped was a calm and steady voice.

"Shh…..no talking," said Spot slightly swaying.

Neither of them spoke much after that. Spot kissed Anthony's neck then chin and for a moment Spot's vision went blurry. He stared at Anthony's face for a minute and as each second passed his face seemed to get slowly close to his, until he place his lips over Anthony's.

The whole experience was all taste, touch, and color. And for Spot it was all Anthony, hot skin, and bleeding colors of red, yellow, blue, purple, and white melting and blending. He swore he could feel his soul shake.

For Anthony it was a completely different experience. It was callused hands against skin, warm lips roaming, and terrifyingly wonderful. He really wasn't sure if the excitement was because of what Spot was doing to him or just because it was Spot. Anthony could hear himself let out a low moan.

Anthony was starting to wonder where he'd lost all common sense and gotten himself into this mess. He was more then sure he didn't want to go all the way. His problem pretty much fixed itself when he realized Spot had went lax on him. He let out a long sigh and finally shifted out from under Spot. He had absolutely no idea what he was supposed to or was gonna do. But however things went, he was not going to say anything to anyone.

XXX

A/N: Well, what a nice step for me to be taking. Yay a shove in their direction!


	4. My Night on the Town

Sins For Thought

Chapter 4: My Night on the Town

Anthony woke up just in time to watch Spot fall off the bed with a nice loud thud. He let out a loud yawn and stretched then leaned over the side of the bed. Spot was barely able to move himself up into a sitting position. Anthony got off the bed and sat down next to him.

"You ok?"

"I think I landed on some vital organs."

"Do you even remember what the hell you did yesterday?"

Spot shook his head for a moment, "Um, I remember the morning, not a lot after that, and some of the evening. Stupid fucking pill…..God Anthony…..never do drugs."

"Come on," he helped Spot to the bathroom.

About an hour later, and dear Lord help Anthony if he ever found out what Spot did in his bathroom for an hour, Spot came out of the bathroom and threw himself on Anthony's bed. Anthony walked back into his bedroom carrying a glass of water and some toast and shoved Spot with his foot.

"Leave me alone, I died in your bathroom."

"Shut up and take this," Anthony handed him the water and toast.

"Yes mom," said Spot as he sat up and took them from him.

Anthony sat down next to him on the bed, "Listen Spot, do me a big favor and lay off the drugs."

"If I get a good reason."

"And what's a good reason to you?"

"Haven't decided yet," Spot bit into the toast.

"Ok fine, new question. You really gay?"

"God you're blunt."

"You didn't answer the question," Anthony took the water from Spot and set it on the dresser next to his bed.

"Well what's gay anyways these days? I mean, your shirt is gay, this floral bedspreads even gayer."

"You kissed me. That's gay."

"You're gay!"

"Fuck you!"

"Maybe later," Spot leaned back against the headboard.

Anthony sighed, "You bring about a whole new level of stress."

"Yeah, I have that effect on people sometimes," Spot smirked.

"How about I take you home now?"

"How about no."

"How about, get your ass up right now."

Spot looked at the clock, "Fine."

Anthony discovered that Spot lived just around the corner from Evan and up the block from Jack. Spot's house was extremely small and sat on a lot with little to no grass. An extremely ancient rusty tricycle sat just beside the gravel driveway and a couple of old tires. Spot was less then happy when Anthony had parked the car and got out.

Spot had opened the front door threw his keys down on the table near the door, "And open up the Champagne bottles, you're the first person my age to step foot in this house besides me."

"Hell, I was starting to think you lived at Itey's," said Anthony.

"By the way, you're so killing my Spanish vocabulary."

"Oh, saying bitch in another language, what an accomplishment."

"No mas, no mas," Spot walked off into another room.

Anthony heard the front door rattle and just as he was about to go and open it, it swung open. A tall slim woman walked through and she paused and stared at Anthony with a confused look on her face as she shut the door.

"Shawn?" she yelled out Spot's names.

"Chingao!" there was a loud crashing sound and Spot came out from the other room.

"Dear God, is it Doomsday already? You're home!" she put down her purse on the table.

"What're you doing home?" he stood next to Anthony.

"Got off early. I was uh, going to order pizza. Do you want me to order you and your friend some?"

Spot looked at Anthony and shrugged, "Ok."

"Well uh, I'll call you when it gets here," she flashed a brief smile and walked off to another room.

Spot motioned Anthony over to his room and shut the door behind them. Anthony looked around and smiled over at Spot who was sitting on the window sill.

"You tried to clean up!"

"Shut up, you can't prove nothing."

"Looks like you tried to shove everthing in your closet," said Anthony looking at the fallen mess.

"If you ain't cheating, you ain't trying," said Spot kicking his shoes off.

Anthony sat down on Spot's bed. They could hear Spot's mother in the other room talking on the phone. Anthony was slightly annoyed by the silence in the room.

"You know, for some reason, I don't know why, but I really thought maybe your mother was like horrible."

"………." Spot gave him a weird sideways look.

"Well you know, my moms absolutely crazy, but you never seem to be home. So I figured your would be worse."

"………." Spot continued to stare at him.

"Your mother seems like a nice enough person."

Spot shrugged.

"She didn't spaz out like my mom did when she met you."

Spot shrugged again.

"……Ok, so what is it that I'm not seeing?"

Spot looked momentarily at the floor then back at Anthony. The silence in the room seemed to span on for an eternity. Anthony always had the strangest mental picture when rooms got this quiet. For some reason it always involved an empty kitchen, close up on the sink with water slowly dropping into a plate filled sink. Then an ambulance would crash through the wall and a black and white old cartoon bird in a butchers apron covered blood carrying a butcher knife would come out smiling and bouncing to a soundless tune…….

Anthony shook his head, "Spot really….."

Spot let out an irritated low growl, "Honestly my mom's like sweet as hell and shit, but I can't stand her, personal reasons."

"That doesn't make any sense," Anthony furrowed his brows.

"………" Spot had his head down, if only because of his hunched position on the sill, and looked up at Anthony. "I'll explain it some other time when I'm drunk."

XXX

Anthony was lying on his bed that night and thought about the few things he'd learned about Spot. He was most possibly gay, which severely threw him off. He was almost always never home, drunk, did drugs, and hated his mother for some unknown personal reason. Either Spot was severely screwed up in the head or was just screaming for attention.

Anthony sighed and sat up when he head the phone in the living room ring and got up to get it, "Higgins residents."

"I'm taking your cousin to look for a prom dress. She wants some male opinions so you're coming with us this Saturday. And before you ask, yes you can invite a friend."

"Can it be Spot, I mean Shawn?" Anthony sat cross-legged on the couch with the phone.

"……"

"Come on, you said you didn't want him back in the house, not with us in a car or to a mall," Anthony hoped it would work.

"Why not Evan or Jack? Are you fighting with them or something?" she sighed and he could hear his dad laugh at the T.V.

"No, but Spot doesn't have many close friends. I just figured I'd be a good influence on him."

"If you're so adamant about him, fine."

Anthony smiled, he knew his mom would come around, "That's great!"

"I warn you now, if I find something missing or you start being influenced by him-"

"I get it, I get it mom. So what time are we going?"

"We're leaving around six or sevenish in the morning."

"Can I take the car to school tomorrow?"

"What for?"

"It's a Friday, I don't want to have to use the bus. It's always crowded on Fridays."

"Anthony, I trust you……Don't ever do anything to make me rethink that, ok?"

Anthony blinked, "Ok, I promise I won't."

He hung up the phone put it back on the receiver. The house was too quiet. He really needed sound right now. He went back into his room and grabbed his cell phone and called Spot.

It rang a couple of times, "Hello?"

"Spot?"

"……..Anthony?"

"I'm bored and lonely."

"Masturbate," rustling sounds came through the phone.

"I said bored and lonely, not hard and horny," Anthony rolled his eyes.

"Either way it gives you something to do," Anthony could hear a window being open.

"Anyways, what're you doing this Saturday?"

"Drinking."

"Nope, you're coming with me to help my cousin look for a prom dress."

"And you keep asking me if _I'm _gay?"

"Yeah, it sounded better in my head. On the bright side, it's out of town."

"Where?"

"Not sure yet, but be ready before six. I'll make sure to remind you tomorrow too."

"Then how do you know it's out of town?"

"Because the only time we have to get up early is when we go out of town."

"Wow, you're a regular Sherlock Holmes."

"Whatever, bye."

"'k," Spot hung up.

Anthony stared at his cell phone and glared, "Does no one say goodbye?"

XXX

It was so hot, whatever happened to that gentle warm lull into spring? Anthony was glad he had asked to use the car God he loved a/c. Since he had the car, Evan and Jack decided to pester him to givethem a ride home, which he unhappily obliged to. The three of them were walking to Anthony's car when they saw him. There was Spot leaning against it, lighting up a cigarette.

Anthony glared for a second, "What the hell're you doing here?

"I got bored of school and decided to just ditch," Spot smiled.

Jack and Evan both gave each other a look.

"So, Spot, still owe that guy money?" asked Evan going to the other side of the car.

Spot looked at him for a second and none too gently shoved him away from the front seat, "Nah, thanks to Anthony here."

Evan looked at Anthony, "Thanks to Anthony?"

"I just drove him to a couple of places. I don't see what I did," he got into the drives seat.

Jack looked over the top of the car at Evan, "More like helped him sell drugs."

"I'm in listening distance you know?" said Spot trying to glare at Jack but since Jack was still standing outside he was glaring at his torso. "Chingado."

Anthony smiled when Spot realized he'd used Spanish around him, "Hey, it wasn't at me, so what do I care."

"Nice," Spot smiled and nodded his head.

Jack and Evan both looked at each other again.

"So," Evan decided it would be best to just not say anything till after Spot was gone, "are we still cruising tonight or what?"

"Cruising?" Spot looked at Anthony, "Had no idea your mom unclenched."

"Don't be a bitch, besides, she's not getting back till twelve tonight," Anthony headed down to Evan's house.

"That's not enough time to cruise!" said Jack glad Anthony was short because he needed the leg space.

"Didn't we have this conversation earlier?" said Evan.

"And I said only till eleven!" Anthony glared at the road.

Spot turned up the radio.

"Stop touching that," Anthony turned it down.

"Make me," Spot turned it up again.

Jack moved from the back seat and changed it, "That's it, we're listen to what I want now."

"We are not listening to some crackpot talk about aliens!" yelled Evan.

"Stop touching my radio everyone!" yelled Anthony breaking a little harder then was necessary at the stop sign.

"Talk about male PMS," said Spot changing the radio but leaving the volume alone.

"Seriously Tony, watch the breaks I think I got whiplash," Evan rubbed his neck for good measure.

"Shut up we're here," he turned off the engine and got out the car.

Everyone else got out of the car and headed up the driveway. Spot tossed his cigarette and shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced over his shoulder at Itey's house. No one was out front, but the entire house was surrounded by cars and loud Mexican music could be heard. Evan chased a chicken off his yard and said how much he hated the fact that no one thought it would be a bright idea to stick them in a pin. Jack had laughed and said better to have them on your lawn then dead in the road.

Anthony sat down on the couch once they got inside, "So, we can't go cruising till it's about nine."

"But no one starts coming out till midnight," said Jack sitting down on the recliner.

Spot had made himself at home and went straight for the refrigerator.

Evan sat down on the coffee table across from Anthony, "He's not coming with us is he?"

Anthony shrugged, "I don't know and why should it matter?"

"Look, its one thing to talk to him and lend him cash, but to seriously be hanging out with him?"

Jack moved a little closer, "It's not a good idea."

"Now, is this the gang thing? Or the gay thing?" Anthony tried not to get annoyed by his friends.

"So he is gay?" asked Jack now getting up and moving over to the other two.

"How would I know, he never answers my questions," Anthony looked around Evan towards the kitchen.

Spot was moving about making what appeared to be a sandwich.

"This is stupid," Anthony rolled his eyes.

"Tone, this is your life, screw it up anyway you want," Evan got up and sat down on the now vacant recliner.

Spot came out of the kitchen carrying a plate with his sandwich on it and a glass of Kool-Aid, "Shit man, your kitchen is stocked!"

Jack and Evan looked at Spot.

"You act like you've never seen a full fridge before," said Anthony laughing.

"My mom's weird. She goes through bouts of healthy food choice and junk. Guess which it is right now," Spot bit into his sandwich with a smile.

"I doubt I have to," said Anthony changing the T.V.

XXX

The roads were practically deserted by ten-thirty. They'd been roaming the streets for about an hour or two. Spot had yet to relent on his hold of the front seat, which was making Jack irritated because he usually got shotgun when they cruised. Back seat to him was like calling him a little kid, in this case, Jack was an angry little kid. He took to constantly changing the radio while Evan hung out the back window smiling and waving at any girl that would look at him. Spot sat comfortably drinking a soda they'd got at the place they ate before they went cruising down the main streets of the town.

"Jack, you're one of my best friends, but if you don't stop messing with the radio I'm going kill you," Anthony had tried to be patient, but it obviously wasn't working.

"Whatever," muttered Jack crossing his arms and sat back in his seat.

Spot smirked and changed the radio.

Jack jerked his head to look at Spot absolutely livid that Anthony didn't say anything.

"Hey Tony, look at the County Bank," Evan pointed to a group of girls hollering and waving from their position at the top of the County Bank parking lot.

Jack quickly perked up and started hollering and waving back, "Quick Tony, pull over."

"God, this is how you pickup girls?" said Spot leaning his head down a bit to try and see the girls.

"Almost forgot you're a fag," muttered Jack more out of lack-of-front-seat-anger, then anything else.

"What the hell'd you say?" Spot jerked his head in Jack's direction.

"I said, almost forgot to call my dad," Jack pasted on a fake smile.

Anthony reluctantly pulled into the parking lot and turned off the engine. There were two girls standing at the bottom of the stairs to the top parking lot. This was why Anthony disliked cruising, either there was never enough girls, or no one wanted to talk to him. Jack and Evan jumped out of the back seat of the car quick as Hell and started talking to the two girls. Shortly after the four of them went up the stairs to the top parking lot.

Anthony coughed.

Spot rolled down the window and pulled out a cigarette.

Anthony started rubbing his temples.

"Want one?" Spot stuck a cigarette out at him.

Anthony looked at it for a second. Smoking was "bad" though to be honest he did every once in a while crave one. He blamed it mostly on the fact that a lot of his relatives smoked and the fact that pretty much half the kids at school smoked. God, it looked so good. He could practically taste the nicotine.

"Sure," he grabbed it from Spot's slim fingers and lit it up.

Anthony inhaled and tried to hold the smoke in his lungs for as long as possible. When he exhaled he felt quite at home with the feeling. He smiled to himself and then turned to say something to Spot. The words stopped dead in their tracks when he noticed Spot was staring at him. Spot took the sunglasses out of his hair and placed them on the dash. Anthony noticed this was the first time Spot wasn't really wearing any red. Anthony pulled the cigarette from his lips and moved forward and pulled the red bandana from Spot's pocket.

Spot smiled at him for a moment, then let the cigarette smoke slowly curl from his mouth. Anthony threw the bandana in the back seat and threw his cigarette out the window. Spot arched an eyebrow in his direction and finished off his cigarette before throwing it out his window. He moved to the back seat and Anthony sat down next to him in the back. Anthony wasn't sure what the Hell he was trying to do, but Jack and Evan would be occupied for at least thirty minutes and that was a nice enough thought.

They could see the streetlights flicker and Anthony wasn't sure if he was going to regret this later. But before he could really decide the streetlights went dim and he felt Spot kissing him. No chance for him this time to blame it on drugs or drinking. Anthony's back was pressed up against the door handle and Spot's hand was behind his neck. He half expected the kiss this time around, but it did still catch him a little off. Part of him was just glad he didn't initiate it.

"Mmn," Anthony tried moving to a more comfortable position, but really he doubted he'd find one in the back seat of a car.

Spot let out a low growl in the back of his throat and mumbled from behind Anthony's lips, "Stop that."

"Can't help it, damn door knobs digging into my back."

"Oh my God, you serious? That is so awesome!" the sound of one of the girls talking echoed down the stairs.

Anthony and Spot looked at each other. Spot was cringing and Anthony tried to see if they were coming down the stairs. He sighed when he saw feet. Quickly he moved back to the front seat and Spot rolled his eyes and moved back to the front as well. Jack and Evan had stopped at the bottom step and just stared at the two of them. Jack was blinking and Evan semi shrugged and went to the car. The ride had been slightly quiet for the first five minutes, but then Jack had gone back to irritated mode and was glaring at Spot.

He'd already dropped off Jack and Evan and was currently parked outside Spot's house. They were both sitting quietly in the front seat. Spot had his door open, but didn't wasn't going out. Anthony looked over at Spot then back to his hands on the steering wheel.

"They didn't, you know, saw anything do you think?" Anthony knew that sentence came out a bit wrong, but he really wasn't in the right mindset right now.

Spot shrugged and smirked.

Anthony dropped his head onto the steering wheel, "God, they're so going to say shit Monday."

"Who cares?" Spot started to get up.

"…….So you are coming tomorrow right?"

Spot sat back down, "Yeah, what time was it again?"

"I'll come over early to make sure you get up."

"Hm, I'm not so sure this'll be worth it now."

Anthony rolled his eyes, "Just shut up and get some sleep."

"Sí senor," before Spot got out of the car he quickly pecked Anthony on the mouth and sprinted as much as his slightly baggy pants would let him.

Before Anthony took off he noticed Spot's mom had opened the door for him. Spot had given her a sideways look then just walked past her. She looked at the ground for a moment then noticed Anthony still parked on the sidewalk and smiled and waved at him. He smiled and waved back before taking off.

XXX

A/N: bah! Ok, so finally finished up this chapter and it's even a few pages longer then most of mine are. So now I will celebrate by eating something before it gets too hot for food. (Damn sun) And lets thank Rustie73 for kicking me in gear because honestly I was also slightly procrastinating –sheepish grin-.

Something to look forward to in the next chapter: The disappearing Spot act of ----, and his first trip to San Francisco. (thedash's is supposed to be a date, but I was too lazy to come up with one.)


	5. Frisco Baby!

Sins For Thought

Chapter 5: Frisco Baby!

Anthony had the un-delightful surprise of finding his parents home the same time as him. He just thanked any God listening that his mother had been too tiered to get mad at him for being out so late. He was even happier that his mother didn't say anything about it the next day. Though, he did have the slight feeling that maybe his mother was saving that lecture for after they went and found a prom dress for his cousin.

He was currently sitting at Spot's house waiting for him to finish getting dressed. Spot's mom's car was gone and he was sure the sweet smell in the house was the lingering scent of her perfume hanging in the air. Anthony still couldn't digest the fact that Spot didn't like his own mother. The bathroom door opened and Spot came out brushing his teeth.

"You've got tooth paste all over you mouth," said Anthony.

"Shut up, go to your car. I'll be there in a minute," or at least Spot said something akin to that.

"Yeah sure, toothpaste face," he walked off to the car.

Anthony had started the care and waited for Spot. He was about to go back inside and get Spot when he saw the other boy come out of the house. Spot locked the door and before he got in the car pulled out a plant.

"Hey look what I got!" Spot showed Anthony a green multi leaf plant.

"Holy crap get that shit out of my car!" Anthony felt his heartbeat pick up.

"Relax, I'm only messing with you. It's from my neighbors bush, can't remember what it's called."

"Don't you ever bring that shit into my car again!"

Spot tossed the plant on the ground and got in the car, "Good thing you didn't know I had some on me that one time."

"Shit Spot!"

"Ok, chill, I'll never do it again," Spot paused, "bring it in your car, not, not do _it_ again."

Anthony gave Spot look momentarily while they were at a red light, "………."

"What!"

"Remember that good reason you needed? I'm giving you one," said Anthony as they continued down the road.

Spot stared at Anthony for a second then changed the radio, "Whatever you say vato…"

Anthony sighed, "It's a wonder my mom doesn't care for you much."

Spot smirked and kissed him on the cheek, "Shut up and drive."

"Bastard."

Once they got to Anthony's house they immediately got into another car. The two of them were sitting in the backseat with Anthony's cousin, while his parents both sat in the front seat listening to the Craig David CD his cousin brought. Spot eventually passed out from boredom and had fallen asleep against Anthony's shoulder. Anthony was reading a book for his class and his cousin was doing her nails while trying to sing to the CD, and boy she was off key.

They finally stopped at a store halfway there. Anthony poked Spot awake.

"No, I don't want more oatmeal cookies mom," he turned and leaned against the window.

"Get your ass up," Anthony unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car.

"…….." Spot lifted his head and looked around, "Where are we?"

"Pee break, come on," he dragged spot out the car.

Inside the store, after everyone had used the restroom, they were all walking about trying to find snacks. Spot stared longingly at the Smirnoff bottles and Anthony just pulled him over to the fountain drinks. Anthony's mom was looking at maps and Spot's eyes widened when he realized where they were going.

"We're going to San Francisco!" Spot ran off and grabbed four cameras and bought them.

Anthony's cousin started laughing at him, "Get out much?"

"Hell no….." he decided not to correct himself, but did chance a look at Anthony's parents.

Their attention hadn't been pulled from the maps, but there was a slight frown on their faces.

"So you never go out of town?" asked Anthony as the three of them went back to the car.

"My mom never has time to, so I just never go anywhere," Spot and Anthony leaned against the car.

"That's sad. So what about your dad?" she opened her bottle of Sprite.

"He went on his own trip ages ago."

"How sad."

"Is that all you can say?" said Spot ignoring the look Anthony was giving him.

"No, I can say shut up!" she smiled.

"Ok, both of you grow up," said Anthony watching his parents come out the store.

"Can't wait to get to Frisco," said Spot as they piled back into the car.

It was a couple of hours till they actually got there, but once they hit the city Spot kept shoving his head out the windows. His camera kept going off whenever he saw graffiti and he'd keep pointing it out to Anthony. Eventually Anthony's dad told Spot to get his head back in the car before he lost it. Spot had just laughed and took a picture of Anthony's dad. Then of course Anthony's cousin wanted her picture taken. They finally stopped and found a place to park the car for a decent price and made their way down the busy streets of San Francisco.

Spot's eyes were wider then plates as he eyed all the tall buildings. The air was full with the sounds of chatter, cars, and music as they made their way to one of the many places they'd be going to. It amazed Anthony to realize how excited Spot was about being there. It was like Spot was going to the circus for the first time. After a long walk they made it to a mall. His cousin was already calling half the dresses ugly and she hadn't even seen them yet. They ended up in a Sears near the top floor.

His cousin finally came out of the dressing room and showed them the first dress she tried on, "Well, what do you think?"

"Too much sequin," Spot made a motion of rubbing his eyes.

"It's….nice," Anthony forced a smile.

"I know, it does look like crap," she rushed back into the dressing room and came out five minutes later.

"You don't have a nice enough back for that dress," Spot looked ready to kill himself.

"It's kind of sagging off your shoulders," Anthony could tell his cousin was annoyed already.

"I never should have brought you guys," she walked back into the dressing room.

"God, why is it that she takes forever to change! It's a freaking dress not a police uniform!" Spot had taken to drawing on his hands.

"Have you seen all the ties, straps, and zippers on those things?" Anthony was getting just as bored.

"She could make a bomb out ofthat thing," Spot grabbed Anthony's hand and started writing on him.

Anthony tried to read it, "Pro-propriety…..of…"

"Property," said Spot still writing on his hand.

"…..Spot…" he glared down at his now inked hand stating he apparently belonged to Spot.

"Oh come on, it's….um…shit what's the word I'm looking for?"

"Stupid?"

"Ok, now how about this dress!" she came out in a less then flattering black dress.

"That makes you look pregnant!" Spot started laughing.

"When I buy my heels I'm going to stab you with them," she turned around before even hearing what her cousin had to say.

"She really did," said Anthony trying not to crack up.

After a quick glance at Nordstrom's and Sax Fifth Avenue they ended up back at the first place they looked. It was already hitting mid to late afternoon by the time she finally picked a crème colored dress lined with gold thread. Spot felt like his feet were going to fall off. The only highlight to his day so far was when Anthony's mom saw the writing on her sons hand and asked why he had it on him. Then somehow Anthony's cousin convinced them to stop around Haight and Ashbury, not even two seconds after they were out of the car and Spot was gone.

To say that Anthony was furious would have been an understatement. His parents said Spot was a big boy and could take care of himself, though, knowing he could get "lost" so quickly installed little faith. So while his mom, dad, and cousin enjoyed themselves he spent the next thirty to forty-five minutes panicking over where the hell Spot could have taken off to.

"Seriously, where the hell is he?" Anthony looked around the crowds and still saw no sign of Spot.

"Honey I don't understand why you're freaking out so much," said Anthony's mom as she tugged on her husbands shirt and pointed to a shop.

"Honestly Tone, don't have a heart attack, he's not your girlfriend," his cousin walked into a shop with his mother.

"Oh, shut up, I'm just worried that's all," he stood outside, too mad to enjoy the rest of his day.

They'd been heading back to the car when he noticed someone taking a picture of some graffiti. Anthony didn't even wait to see if it was Spot, he just went right up to him and turned him around.

"What the hell's your problem! You just don't take off like that! What the fuck's wrong with you?" Anthony could swear his left arm had a light pain streaking threw it.

"Chill man, I got carried away by the….artistic outlets painted on the walls," Spot smirked, but his smile dropped when he realized how angry Anthony was. "God, it's not like I stole something."

"You could have got hurt," Anthony glared at him as he dragged Spot off the floor from his crouched position.

"What the fuck I'm not four!" Spot jerked his arm out of Anthony's grip.

Once they got to the car Spot and Anthony ignored each other. Anger was pouring from them and it seemed like everyone else could tell. His mother was trying to tell jokes and his dad was asking if anyone else wanted to go to Ghirardelli Square. Once night time finally settled in and they'd done and finished visiting Pier 39 they ended up at the Fishermen's Wharf. Anthony couldn't keep the smile from his face when Spot got all excited again. Apparently Spot was a fish lover and for the prices all the food was being sold for Spot let lose and bought anything and everything.

Anthony was sitting with Spot on a bench watching as Spot downed oysters, "God that's sick."

"Have you ever eaten an oyster?" Spot arched an eyebrow at him.

"No, and I never want to," Anthony cringed at the thought.

"Try it and I promise not to run off the next time you take me somewhere," Spot grabbed one and passed it to Anthony.

"……" he really didn't like fish and couldn't stand the smell, would eating an oyster really be worth the possible gagging? "I don't know."

"Come on, what do you have to lose?"

"My lunch," he grabbed it and just stared.

"It won't bite you,"

"Good because I don't plan on biting _it_."

Spot grabbed his pen and smirked, "Do it, or I write dirty things on your hand."

"But it's going to taste bad!"

"Here," Spot squeezed some lemon onto it.

Anthony stared at it and squeezed his eyes shut as he lifted it to his mouth and swallowed it. His whole body twitched and his eyes were shut so tight he was making them water. That was disgusting, how in the Hell could anyone eat it was beyond him.

"If you think I'm kissing you later, think again," Anthony grabbed Spot's untouched soda.

"But, how'd you like it?" Spot was eating a clam chowder bread bowl.

"…..It sort of tastes like when you eat too many pineapples," he drank half of Spot's drink to get rid of the taste, but it really wasn't working much.

"Good food's wasted on you," Spot shrugged and continued eating.

Anthony watched the people pass around them and wondered where his parents and cousin had gone, "So, how'd you like San Francisco?"

"It's like Disney land!...if I'd ever been there, it'd still be kick ass. I mean, where else can you get cheap-ass sea food?"

XXX

Eventually they all piled back into the car and headed home. It was already nine and would take them hours to get home. His cousin had fallen asleep and his dad was driving while his mom slept in the passenger seat. The radio was semi loud and Spot was leaning against him more then he should. He didn't mind it much though and relished in the peace that finally seemed to set in. It had been a long day and a stressful one for him. He sighed then felt Spot grab his hand. Spot was wearing a jacket so you couldn't really tell where his hand was.

Anthony smiled at him and sometime nearing twelve they stopped at Casa De Fruta. Every time they ever stopped by Casa De Fruta no matter what time of day it was there was always many cars parked in the parking lot. Inside was warm and they got a booth on the same end where the kiddy train sat outside. They ordered their food and everyone took off for the bathroom.

Anthony was washing his hands when his dad left the bathroom. Spot stepped out the stall and washed his hands too. Anthony was reaching for a paper towel and flinched when he felt specks of water hit his face. And Spot laughed so hard when Anthony franticly wiped his face.

"Don't do that, that's gross!" Anthony tossed the paper towel.

"Aw poor pobrecito," Spot smiled.

"What did I say?"

"What, I didn't say anything bad," Spot tossed his paper towel.

"Ok then, what did you say?" Anthony leaned against the door.

Spot smirked and slowly stepped in front of Anthony. He placed his hands on either side of Anthony's head and leaned in forward next to his ear. Anthony's heart started racing when he felt Spot's breath ghost past his cheek and ear. A slight shiver ran down his spine.

"I said poor thing!" Spot laughed and opened the door.

"You bitch!" Anthony was rubbing his ear, but pulled Spot back into the bathroom.

"What?" Spot found himself pushed against the door.

"Don't ever do anything stupid," he leaned forward and kissed Spot as deeply as he could then opened the bathroom door and walked out to the table.

All and all, Spot was thinking this was a pretty kick ass day and licked his lips and headed back to the table.

XXX

A/N: A pretty pointless chapter, but adds to their relationship. Ok, I'm done for the weekend. And since I finished Dream Me away… it should be easier to update this. (hopefully)


	6. What I Wouldn’t Give…

Sins For Thought

Chapter 6: What I Wouldn't Give….

Spot shifted on the bed and Anthony realized the thing he had his legs wrapped around was not his pillow. Rather, he discovered he had his legs firmly wrapped around Spot's legs. He'd nearly had a heart attack last night when his mother had said it was too late to take Spot home and that he could stay the night. And if his mother realized the kind of relationship he and Spot had, Spot would be sleeping on the couch or just not over at all. He me might not even be alive. Slowly he untangled himself from Spot and yawned.

Anthony could hear his mother watching TV in the living room. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and headed for the bathroom. Spot turned over on the bed and rolled off it onto the ground. Anthony couldn't help himself and laughed while Spot just flipped him off from his fallen position on the floor and just grabbed a pillow and put it over his head. After Anthony had got out of the shower he had to bug Spot to get off the floor and into the shower. The two of them were currently making their way down the hall into the kitchen.

Anthony's cousin had stayed the night too, "Anthony cook, your mom said she's on strike."

"No," he pulled out a box of cereal and put it in front of her.

"That's not food," she shoved it away from her.

"How old are you again?" asked Spot pouring himself a glass of cranberry juice.

"Old enough to kick your ass," she sat huffily in her chair glaring at her cousin.

"Old enough to graduate, not old enough to act mature," said Anthony shoving the box back at her.

"Oh, hey Anth, don't eat here," Spot started gulping down his juice.

"….Why?"

"We're going over to Itey's for some menudo," Spot kicked his shoe off real fast and scratched his foot.

"What the hells menudo?" Anthony made a face then glanced at his cousin.

"Um…tripe, hominy, and chili," Spot noticed the smirk Anthony's cousin was sending at her cousin.

"That doesn't sound bad," Anthony suddenly had the urge to scratch his foot now.

"Who'd want to eat the stomach lining of a cow?" she finally just opened the cereal box and started eating it dry.

"Ew what?" Anthony looked over at Spot.

"It tastes better then it sounds, which is why I said _tripe_," Spot picked up a balled-up napkin off the counter and threw at her.

"You really want me to eat something like that?"

"We need to go now," said Spot heading out the kitchen.

"Its barley seven!" yelled Anthony following Spot out the kitchen.

They walked back down the hall to Anthony's room, "Yeah, well I can't stay late there because Rollercoaster hates my guts and will most likely shoot me."

"Rollercoaster?" he knew he heard Jack or Evan say that name before.

"He's Itey's cousin," Spot grabbed his wallet that he'd left in Anthony's room and the two of them headed into the living room.

Anthony was about to say something, but his mom was staring at him, "I'm gonna take Spot home right now, but I was wondering if it was alright if I stayed over for a while longer."

"Uh-huh, that's nice honey, be safe," she waved them off and never pulled her attention away from the TV.

They both walked out to the car and got in. Anthony turned on the car and they both flinched from the loud music that poured out of the speakers. Spot immediately turned it down and pulled out a CD he'd left in Anthony's glove box the other day ago before he'd gotten out. Spot stuck the CD into the player and turned up the music, which Anthony immediately turned it back down.

"Who's that?"

"NBK," Spot turned the radio up just a little.

"And they are?"

"Nastyboy Klick….they're good, you'll like 'em," Spot skipped a couple of songs. "This is one of my favorites."

The song played for a minute, "It doesn't sound so bad."

"Well, actually now they're called NB Ridaz," Spot wondered briefly if the group was even still together now.

Anthony parked the car and they got out. Itey's driveway and curb was packed with cars, Anthony had never seen this many cars parked outside someone's house before in his life. The only time he saw this many cars parked anywhere was at the mall. Though there was that one time Jack and Evan dragged him to a party when his parents were out of town. Anthony noticed Spot looked slightly nervous, then Itey came out and waved them over.

"I was wondering if you were going ta come," Itey held the door open for them. "My cousins not here yet so don't worry."

"Thank God," said Spot as he shook Itey's hand as he went inside.

"What, you and his cousin don't get along?" Anthony could smell the ….menudo?

"Nah…and here I thought we played hopscotch together like school girls," Spot went straight for the kitchen and said hi to Itey's mom and poured himself a bowl.

"Rollercoaster and Spot use to be cool, but you know sometimes it's just better not to be opening your mouth spouting truths," said Itey walking into the kitchen.

Anthony looked around the living room and got real uncomfortable when everyone sitting in it stared at him then started talking to each other in Spanish. He quickly went into the kitchen and sat next to Spot who was sitting across from Bumlets at the table. Anthony stared at the red looking soup.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Anthony watched as Spot put some lemon juice and salt into his bowl.

"Try some first," Spot stirred it and got a spoonful and blew on it.

"No thank you," Anthony watched the rest of Spot's friends eat.

"Just try some now," Spot motioned the spoon closer to Anthony's mouth.

"How is it you can get me to put weird crap in my mouth?" he took the spoon from Spot and ate some of the menudo.

"Good, huh?" Spot nodded his head once and took his spoon back.

"I don't like the meat, I felt like I was freaking chewing on someone's arm," Anthony looked around and saw an unopened can of Pepsi.

"Hey, when were you chewing on someone's arm?" Bumlets gave Anthony a weird look.

"Don't insult my mothers cooking pendejo," Itey grabbed some oregano and sprinkled some into his bowl.

"What're you talking about, you don't eat the meat either," said Raffle-Ticket eating a big spoonful and smiling.

"Why would I, it tastes weird," Itey laughed.

They sat around the table for an hour just eating and talking. Every once in a while one of Itey's relatives would come into the kitchen and get another bowl to eat. One of them even made a comment about how menudo does wonders for a hangover, but Anthony wasn't sure if he was joking or being serous. They eventually washed their dishes and headed outback. Itey's backyard had five trees and the fence was barely visible threw the large rose bushes and Aloe plants. There was even a cactus by the corner of the fence surrounded by what Itey said were Indian rocks him, his bothers, and dad found when they use to go Indian rock hunting.

"…es muy feo," Spot and the others laughed and Anthony felt like an outsider again.

Now, he wasn't expecting Spot to proclaim undying love to him or anything because that would just be retarded. But he did however expect Spot to consider his feelings more. It seemed like whenever Anthony was gone for just a second Spot fell back into mexi-mode and started talking with a wavering accent. It didn't really bother him that Spot was like that with his friends, but he was there with Spot and he figured that maybe Spot just sort of seemed to forget he wasn't into the whole "gang" thing. Heck, Spot seemed to forget Anthony didn't even know a dime of Spanish.

Everyone jumped when they heard a door slam, "What the fucks this puto doing here?"

"Shit," muttered Spot under his breath.

"What's going on?" Anthony hissed his question at R.T.

"Cállate la boca tu menso!" Raffle-Ticket hissed back at him.

"He was just leaving Rollercoaster, chill," Itey looked back at Spot.

"'ey, quién es el gringo?" Rollercoaster did an odd handshake with Itey and motioned over at Anthony.

Anthony watched Spot back slowly to the fence door by the house and slide out the small opening.

"I'm gonna get me a beer, be back," Rollercoaster went back inside.

"You better take off before my cousin comes back," said Itey watching said cousin open the fridge.

"Yeah if he finds out you and Spot are, you know, like that together-" Bumlets picked a peach off one of the trees.

"Like what together!" not that he was denying it, Anthony just didn't like it when people assumed.

"Look, no one _here_ gives a shit about what you two do together-" said Itey gesturing to everyone in the back yard.

"Shit, surprised me Pelon and Panzon don't kick his-" said Raffle-Ticket but got cut off by Bumlets.

"I think it's because he shares his weed-"

"But like, honestly, if you deny it, that makes you a straight up bitch," said Itey watching his cousin talking to his dad.

"Whatever, fuck you, I'm going," Anthony walked off in the direction of the fence door and left.

Anthony saw Spot sitting inside his car, he checked his pockets and realized he didn't have the keys with him. Spot was one slick sneaky little bastard. He decided not to get outright mad at the other boy and just coolly and calmly get into the car. But really, once he was in the car.

"How the hell did you get my keys!"

"Cool your jets Speed Racer. They were hanging out your pocket so I grabbed them without you noticing," Spot gave Anthony his keys. "I was wondering when you'd noticed."

"Let me get this straight……you sell drugs, do drugs, and STEAL!" the words 'Future Convict' flashed through his mind in bright blinking sparkly white and gold lights.

"We've been hanging out for _how_ many days now?" Spot locked his door.

Anthony sighed, Spot was turning into _his_ hopeless case, "I'll take you home now."

XXX

Anthony stood at the top of the amphitheater and clapped his hands as the cheerleaders finished their "cheer". Evan and Jack were standing next to him whistling and catcalling. Everyone sat down and the loud cheering and jeering died as the principle came to give his speech. Jack rolled his eyes and turned his 49ers cap forward.

"Hey Anthony, I got a question for you."

"Yeah and?" Anthony opened his bottle of water and took a drink.

"You and Spot, you ain't…."

Evan smacked Jack across the chest, "Since when did you and Spot start going out?"

Jack made a gagging facial expression and sound, "I so just pictured Spot holding a box of chocolates and handing him a dime bag saying, 'are you gonna be my girl'."

"You pictured Anthony in a dress didn't you?" Evan patted Jack on the back. "Who asked who out because I can't see Spot admitting to the whole gay thing."

Anthony had been about to open his mouth then realized……..Spot and him never officially asked each other out. Did that just mean the two of them were just fucking around? Also, why were his friends being so accepting of the whole damn gay thing? He was pretty sure people would be casting stones at this point. He tried to force the mental picture of Jack out of his head, who for some odd reason, was in caveman attire throwing rocks at him.

"You guys being ok with the whole gay thing is creeping me out," Anthony liked avoidance.

"Oh, ever since you dressed up as a cheerleader in Jr. High for the talent show with some of those obviously gay guys, we've known," said Evan fanning himself with the paper fan he'd made earlier.

"Yeah, that gave it away," said Jack nodding and drinking Anthony's water.

"………" he stared blankly at his friends for a second. "_I _didn't even _know_!"

During lunch Spot had called him from a payphone at his school. Anthony had wondered off quickly from Jack and Evan and found him a private place to chat. It was kind of nice being one of those people who got to talk on their phone with someone all during lunch, opposed to actually eating. It kind of made him giddy, but he'd never say that out loud, which brought something else to mind. He wanted to clarify things up with Spot, since he realized that he and Spot never asked each other out, he just wanted to know if they could be or would be serious.

"Hey Spotty boy," Anthony smiled to himself.

"Can it, Taste of Italy."

"Uh-huh, hey Spot I wanna talk to you about something," Anthony had started pacing.

"….about what because I swear I don't know how that five bucks got in my jeans."

"Shut up, no, it's sort of about….well us," Anthony almost tripped over his own feet.

"What about us?"

Hearing the questioning tone in Spot's voice made him feel a little better, "Well, it came to my attention today that we never officially asked each other out."

"…..Don't think I'm doing it."

"You're an ass," he stopped pacing.

"Your point being?"

The draw in Spot's voice irritated him briefly, "Fine be a bitch."

"Have it your way, go out with me bitch."

"NO!"

"What do you mean no?"

"Saying bitch at the end of your sentence-"

"I'm sorry, Anthony, will-you-go-out-with-me? Please? It would mean a lot to me, in more ways then you could ever imagine."

Anthony sat down on the ground where he'd stood and smirked victoriously to himself then genuinely smiled, "Sure."

"Great….."

"Spot, ya wanna go to the mall today? I saw some things at Mervyn's I thought would look good on you."

"I can't."

"Why?" Anthony had a feeling.

"I'm not allowed to go into Mervyn's, I stole something and got caught."

"You what!" he shot up from his spot on the ground.

"Hey, I gotta go, but uh, I'll talk to you tomorrow ok? I've got some things I need to do today."

He frowned, "……k, bye."

Anthony got the distinct feeling that Spot was off to cater drugs to unsuspecting patrons and pocket a few himself. He really hated that. If there was one thing he was going to change about Spot, it was going to be his drug selling and doing habit.

XXX

Later, Anthony plopped down on his bed finally happy to just have a day to himself. Spot seemed to be having issues and he was kind of holding a grudge against him for the key incident still. When he got mad about something, he really didn't want to let it go. He'dbeen hoping he and Spotcoulddo something today after school, but that plan got shot when Spot had said he couldn't go into the mall, particularly Mervyns. Apparently Spot had got caught stealing a coat from there and tried to ditch the coat somewhere, but they'd got hold of him anyways.The only reason heknewthat wasthrough Jack and Evan. Anthony had so been hoping he could get Spot some nicer clothes that fit him better, but with his favorite store being out of the question he was brooding.

He dragged his thoughts back to Sundya for a moment, and at the time he didn't want to give Spot the satisfaction of seeing him angry at himso he'd feigned a school project about doing a description about one of his friends. Spot seemed more then happy to oblige at the request. He'd drawn a stick figure of Spot on the corner of his page and wrote down all the brands Spot was wearing, he'd gotten stuck on how to spell the brand of Spot's shoes. Spot had said without even batting an eye, 'All daylong I dream about sex', which completely threw him off. Spot had just laughed then said, 'would it be better if I used, scraps always die in dark alleys?' and that just made him more lost. Apparently Spot was a fan of acronyms.

Anthony swore Spot was giving him a migraine and between Spot and his mother, he wasn't sure who was going to kill him first from stress. The day had wore on like a snail on the run. His head was starting to thump again. He desperately needed this day to himself, a good relaxing day. The sudden urge to go at his walls with a sledgehammer seemed oh so tempting. With a pleasant thought on his mind, at least to him, he quickly went out like a cat getting hit by a truck on the freeway.

A knock came on his door hours later and he lifted his head from the pillow he just became aware smelled like Spot, "It's open."

"Anthony, I just got your report card," his mother sat down on the bed.

"What, did I get a C?" he could already feel a lecture coming on.

"No, but I mean you can always do better, I know you can," she had the paper folded up in her hand.

"A's and B's aren't better?" he sat up and leaned against his wall.

"They are, but you're getting distracted out of the blue and instead of A pluses or high B's, you're getting plain A's and B minuses. I'm only saying this because I want what's best for you and I think you need to prioritize what's important and what's less."

"….You're shitting me right?" he winced when he said the s-word.

"Do not take that tone with me young man! I didn't do all that great in school and I just want you to be more responsible than I was back in the day."

"No you didn't, you were off smoking pot and ditching school, so why push me when I've never done a thing wrong in my life?" Anthony was glad his mother couldn't read minds.

"What did I just say?"

Anthony looked down at his blankets.

"…….." she was staring at him, eyes digging into him, he didn't want to look at her.

"Sorry," he hated giving in to her.

"Look, just be more responsible is all I'm saying. You're a smart boy Anthony, I know you are, just try harder," she got up and started walking out his room. "Goodnight honey."

He didn't say anything and continued to curse at his mother in his head.

"I _said_ goodnight," she stood in his doorway.

"….G'night mom," he really hated his mother a lot sometimes.

Tomorrow he was so going over to Spot's and killing time. Anything was better then staying home listening to his mother tell him crap he really didn't feel like hearing and putting up with it. At least with Spot, he may get a headache, but at least he also got someone to crawl on top of….in a good and not dirty way…..

XXX

A/N: I'm going to be completely honest…..I had the song Beat It by Michael Jackson stuck in my head all day. But you know, inspiration is inspiration. I do actually have a small play list for this fic, sort of like a mini soundtrack. Maybe one day I'll share it.

Oh, menudo, dude's I'm so craving it right now. (only eats the hominy though)

Things to look forward to in the next chapter: We find out why Spot dislikes his mother and what really happened to his father. Spot has another unfriendly confrontation, but when doesn't he? And Anthony may just get a chance to vent himself……

First one to list all of Anthony's nicknames gets to pick the pairing for my next one-shot. You can choose from Blink/Mush, Spot/Race, or Dutchy/Specs.


	7. Shit Happens

(slashiness abrewing)

Sins For Thought

Chapter 7: Shit Happens

Anthony did not even bother asking his parents to take off with the car that morning. They'd already left for work for the day and if he'd called them he knew he'd get a lecture about asking before time. That was not how he wanted to spend his morning. How'd that phrase go? It's better to ask forgiveness rather than permission? Or something like that. Anyways, he wasn't planning on coming home tonight. He just wanted some time as far away from his house as possible right now. Maybe he'd just come home real late instead…..the thought of his mother calling the police, and he knew her that well, did not set high on his 'things that make me happy' list.

Jack and Evan were supposed to be bringing food from across the street since the two of them were allowed off campus to eat. He had his heart set on those bread sticks and pizza sauce. Finally he saw Evan walking over with his hands full of bags and drinks. Jack was no where in sight, which was of no surprise considering every time he did take off campus for food he hit on another girl.

"Jack chasing skirts again?" Anthony sat up.

"Its that girl we met when we went cruising," Evan handed Anthony his bag.

"Oh God," Anthony opened his food and started eating.

"We were wondering if later on you could take us to her house maybe we could go to the lake after that," Evan bit into his Subway sandwich.

"……" he thought about it for a second "no."

"Why?"

"I was going to hang out with Spot today," he didn't relish the thought of spending time in the company of Jack making out with some girl.

"He can come too," Evan took a drink from his Pepsi.

"I doubt Jack would be happy with that," Anthony could hear the arguing already.

"We'll take my truck to her house, that way it doesn't run up miles on your moms car."

"You got a car?" this was news.

"Yup, Dad finally gave in and bought me a used Chevy," Evan was smiling like a four year old.

"Next time we go cruising, we are so taking your car."

"Hell yeah!"

XXX

After much arguing, mostly Jack, they went down to Evan's house and Anthony walked over to Itey's house to get Spot. Like always, they were outside the front of Itey's house. Anthony couldn't help but notice that Spot was wearing a bright red shirt that seemed one size too big for him. He came to the conclusion that if Spot was hanging out with him he wouldn't really wear red, but if he was with Itey and his friends he would. Dragging Spot away from beer and possibly weed made him smile.

Anthony walked over and kicked Spot's foot, "Hey, Mary Sunshine, come with me."

Spot sat up straight, "Why, where we going?"

"Out somewhere fun," he smiled when he saw Itey scowl.

"Hey man, it's always fun here!"

"Yeah, how dare you insult the host," said Bumlets playfully hitting Anthony on the arm.

It took a lot not to grab his arm, "I don't see Itey's mother around here."

"Mijo, you and your friends need to clean up the backyard, they left it a mess Sunday!" yelled Itey's mother from the house.

"Gotta go!" Spot jumped up, but before he even made it out the chair he got shoved back into it.

The front yard was eerily quiet.

"I thought I told you not to come 'round here any more," Rollercoaster stood in front of Spot.

"Dónde?" Spot smirked up at Rollercoaster not a dime of fear or panic showing on his face.

"Don't ge' smart with me, pinche puto, I'll kick your ass from here to kingdom come."

Rollercoaster turned his neck slightly to the side and the sound of his neck popping made Anthony cringe and Itey flinch. Anthony really wasn't sure Spot could take this guy, but Spot wasn't showing any signs of backing out of this situation easy. Bumlets was making small steps towards the front door and Raffle-Ticket looked like he was itching to jump in and pound in on Rollercoaster just for the hell of it. It didn't really seem like anyone like Rollercoaster much.

"Good thing I'm not religious or I'd really be scared," Spot wouldn't pull that 'cat got the cream' look off his face, it made Anthony's stomach turn at the sudden notion that Spot may have had a thing for this guy at one point.

Rollercoaster glared down at Spot, "Tu madre es puta y pendeja."

The smile on Spot's face disappeared so quick one might have thought it was never there to begin with. And without missing a beat, Spot shot up from the chair and laid in one real good punch across Rollercoaster's face. Spot stood firmly above Rollercoaster who was holding his hand against his jaw then spat out some blood. Neither of them looked too happy.

"Pinche pendejo," Spot backed away from Rollercoaster.

"For someone who hates his mother, you sure defend her a lot," Rollercoaster spat again and wiped his mouth off as he got up off the floor.

"Well if anyone's going to talk crap about her, it's me," Spot cracked his knuckles.

"Chinga tu madre….puto," Rollercoaster nodded his head once threw his hands out in that 'what' manner when you're too far to actually ask the question, though in this case it was more baiting.

"Que chingados quieres!" the tone in Spot's voice was anger/offense/ and possibly hurt?

Anthony really wanted to run off inside the house or just back to Evan's. Everyone in the yard was quiet and Bumlets had fully retreated to the front porch next to Itey. Raffle-Ticket was smiling and was fingering the baseball bat next to him, though, if Rollercoaster asked he'd say it was just incase Spot got the upper hand on him. No one really wanted to offend someone who'd probably kick their ass if you even corrected them.

A truck pulled up and honked, Anthony visibly relaxed and ran off as quickly to the truck as possible and hopped inside next to Evan. He motioned Spot over, but the other boy seemed too angry to leave his standoff with Rollercoaster. Jack honked the horn again and Spot rolled his eyes and flipped off Rollercoaster as he dogged him and practically dived into the bed of the truck. They drove till they ended up at the bowling alley across town.

"So why we here?" Spot sat down on the old wooden table out front.

"Mostly likely avoiding Rollercoaster?" supplied Evan.

"Didn't him and you use to be tight?" asked Jack sitting on top of the table and leaning against the wall it was next to.

Anthony remained quiet and just stared at Spot with a look of uncertainty.

"_Use to_ being the key word," Spot reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette.

Anthony smacked it out of his hand, "You can't smoke here."

Jack and Evan looked at each other and got up, "We're going to bowl a few rounds, call us when you're done."

Spot looked confused and watched as Jack and Evan went inside, "What's your problem?"

"You're my problem."

"What the Hell'd I do?" Spot put his cigarettes back in his pocket.

"If I have to tell you it's pointless!" though Anthony knew Spot wouldn't know what the heck he was talking about.

"Is it because I got into a fight with Rollercoaster? That couldn't be helped man," Spot took off the red shirt and adjusted the black tank top he'd been wearing underneath the other shirt.

"You wanna let me in on you and Rollercoaster?" he sat down on top of the table.

Spot stared up at him, "What in the world are you talking about?"

Anthony sighed, "So…..how long have you liked him? Or rather why?"

"That's what this is about?...wait, how'd the Hell you even find _that_ out?" Spot couldn't help the smile that came out.

"Not that it's obvious or anything, but …I don't know I just figured," Anthony ran his hand through his hair messing it up slightly.

"Me and Rollercoaster use to be really good friends, I mean like, we use to steal crap together all the time. He was pretty much my idol, but uh one day I was a little too high and drunk for my own good and……things, slipped out….." Spot shrugged.

"Do you still like him….like that?" Anthony held back the urge to shiver.

Spot shrugged, "Can't really say I _hate_ him, I like him a lot less, but I still think he's hot as hell."

"Uh-huh," Anthony nodded and headed inside.

Spot sat outside confused and slightly annoyed. Who the Hell did Anthony think he was getting mad at him for something stupid like an old crush? The urge to smoke weighed heavy on him and to keep from lighting up he pulled out his lighter and flicked it on against his pants. As fun and distracting as lighting his pants on fire was he didn't like Anthony being mad at him. Spot growled low in his throat and pocketed his lighter and went inside.

Anthony was down on the floor about to throw his bowling ball, right before he was about to swing his arm forward to roll the ball Jack and Evan yelled his name. Anthony literally jolted and the ball went flying out of his hand and near the seats. Jack was laughing and Evan had to move quick before the ball almost hit him.Anthony's entire face was red.

"You fucks!" half the people there were looking at him.

Spot sat down next to Evan, "How long are we gonna be here for?"

"Not long, just till Sarah's parents leave," Evan picked up the ball and handed it to Anthony.

"Sarah who?"

"Jack's girl, we're only going to be here till it gets dark," Evan smiled as Anthony looked back at them and glared before he tossed his ball.

"That broad from the County Bank parking lot who was waving to every guy who'd look her way?"

Jack leaned over and smacked Spot across the chest, "Don't call her that."

"Oh, my bad, I must have been thinking of some _other_ broad," Spot smiled when he noticed Anthony tried not to laugh.

"Whatever," Jack got up for his turn.

XXX

The evening wore on like that till around tenish and Anthony had had enough of Jack and Spot tossing insults back and forth, though it seemed to keep Evan entertained to no end. Anthony volunteered to drive the truck Spot had to lay down in the back of the truck because there was no room for everyone to sit in the cab comfortably. By the time they finally hit the road to go to Sarah's house most of the roads were empty. Spot found this to be the most opportune time to try out his vocals and was singing off key in as high a pitch as he could hit. He was standing up in the back of the car swinging his arms about and making comments about Anthony having a stick up his ass.

Spot then proceeded to sing some song in half Spanish and English, which sounded absolutely awful coming from someone who could hardly sing in English to begin with. Anthony was more then annoyed and Jack kept telling him to make Spot shut up. Finally right after he turned the corner and onto the straight road to Sarah's house Anthony hit the breaks as hard as he could. Spot let out a loud 'holy shit' and slid down the front shield of the truck. His eyes were wide and he was staring into the cab at Jack and Evan who both looked as equally shocked as Spot was. Though that didn't last long, as both boys started laughing, Anthony on the other hand was glaring at Spot.

Spot managed to climb back into the bed of the truck and dusted off his shirt and sat down leaning against the cab, "You're a fucking bitch!"

Anthony glanced in his rearview mirror and saw Spot pouting and couldn't help but let a laugh escape his lips when he looked at the windshield, "Dear God, we have a Spot print on your car."

After they got to the girls house Jack and Evan were inside with Sarah and her friend. Spot was sitting on the old swing set on top of the slide. Anthony hadn't really spoken to him since the bowling alley and could tell Spot really just wanted to take off at this point. Sighing to himself, Anthony walked over to Spot and stood next to the slide. Spot didn't turn his head, but his eyes drifted over to where Anthony was standing.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry," Anthony ran his hand through his hair.

"What the Hell did you get so mad about it for anyways?" Spot slid to the bottom of the slide and Anthony moved and sat down in front of Spot on the ground.

"I don't know, maybe the fact that you could possibly like someone more then me and I'd never really know it?" he pulled out some grass and tossed it aside.

"By the way, I'm never getting inside the back of a truck when you're driving again," Spot smiled at him.

"I promise I'll never do that again," Anthony crossed his heart.

"Yeah?" Spot inched his face closer to Anthony's.

"Yeah," Anthony swore everything got quiet as he started closing his eyes.

"Hey you guys! We're going!" Jack stood in the doorway and smiled. "Opps, sorry did I interrupt something?"

Spot flipped him off and Anthony was glaring at Jack, but never the less the two of them got up and went inside.

"So what's going on?" Anthony pulled a can of soda out of the fridge.

"We're going to the lake," said Sarah who was sitting on the counter across from the fridge.

"We're just waiting for Evan to get out of the bathroom," said Jack standing next to Sarah.

They all just stood there quietly for a second.

"I'm waiting outside," Spot grabbed Anthony and dragged him outside.

Once everyone was outside Jack decided that the girls would sit inside with him since he was driving. Evan wasn't happy, but didn't say anything. Anthony made jokes about him hating the cold, which was true and Evan made that more then apparent every time a strong wind picked up and he'd complain. Spot finally got tired of it and gave Evan his red shirt he'd taken off earlier. It took them about half an hour but they got to the lake. After much coaxing Jack had convinced everyone it was a great idea to skinny dip.

"I swear I don't have balls anymore," said Spot getting out of the water and pulling his clothes back on.

"Oh God, I saw everything," said the other girl.

"Which wasn't much," said Sarah causing Jack to laugh.

"The waters cold!" yelled Spot.

"Uh-huh," said Anthony getting out of the water.

"Nu-uh, you're not getting your clothes back now," said Spot running up the sandy shore and picking up Anthony's clothes as he passed them.

"You bitch!"Anthony resigned himself to crouching down in the water.

XXX

It was late, it was so late, and finally Jack had wrestled Anthony's clothes back from Spot. Evan managed to squeeze his way into the cab of the car and Anthony and Spot had fallen asleep against each other for the rest of the ride. They eventually woke up when someone kept poking them and saying 'get up, get up, get up' over and over again.

"What!" yelled Spot slapping someone's hand away from him.

"We're home," said Jack.

"Huh?" Anthony sat up and looked around.

"Yeah, time to go home," said Jack.

"Where's Evan?"

"Inside already," Jack waved at them. "See you at school."

"Ugh, God I'm too tired to drive," Anthony laid back down.

"Come one, the quicker we drive your car to my house the quicker we can drink," said Spot trying to pick up Anthony.

"Fine," Anthony got out the back of the truck and the two of them went over to his car and rode the small distance to Spot's house.

The house was dark and the driveway was once again empty. Whatever Spot's mom did, she was always up or coming home at odd hours. Spot unlocked the door and tossed his keys down on the tiny table and made way to his room. Anthony followed suite and Spot set out some towels on the floor next to his bed. Spot walked into his closet and came back out with a case of beer and two large bottles of something Anthony had never seen before.

"It's time to end the night on a nice buzz," said Spot sitting down next to Anthony on the towels and opened two bottles.

"….."Anthony stared at the bottle in his hand and shrugged.

It didn't take long, but they'd gone threw the whole case and one of the large bottles. Spot didn't seem really affected by the liquor, but it didn't seem to do him any good either. For a while the two of them were really quite, but then Spot had started talking and some of the things Spot had done had scared Anthony. Knowing that Spot wasn't like he use to be did add some comfort, but it made Anthony wonder how his mom hadn't noticed or at least said something about his behavior. It seemed once Spot got to talking, he just wouldn't hold much in.

"And why's that?" Anthony felt like the world was a warm haze.

"Well, uh, how do I explain it? I mean, my dad was real cool to me and I thought, you know, that I was the luckiest person, kid, to have, you know, such a cool father…….But when he left, I was mad……I , I , I uh…..My mom, my mother she was, she was the only reason I could see that my dad left us."

"Wait…what? I thought your dad died?" Anthony looked up at Spot from his spot on the floor next to the other boy.

"Nah, I say that to make people feel sorry for me."

"Then, shouldn't you be hating your dad instead of your, your mom?"

"No, my mom...didn't love him enough. Or maybe it was the other way around, but either way it's still her fault. I hate her, it's her fault he's gone…….." Spot looked down at the bottle in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut real tight for a second. "The least he could have done was take me with him."

Anthony reached up and touched Spot's face, "I have to say, you're still lucky. I mean, your mom stayed right?"

"My mothers a whore," Spot took a long drink from the bottle.

"I know you hate her and all bu-"

"No, really, like as in I'll-do-you-for-money sense and she's a stripper," Spot cringed at the bottle.

"What?" Anthony sat up.

"How else is someone who dropped out of high school at the age of sixteen supposed to get work? You know, she had a kid before me? He died though, birth complications or something like that I don't know," Spot finished off the bottle.

"……Spot?"

"Heh," Spot quirked a smile. "I'm the son of a whore."

"You're an ass, Spot. She's out there doing anything she can to put food in your mouth and all you do is talk shit about her," Anthony grabbed the bottle away from Spot and set it aside.

"Whatever," Spot reached for the other bottle, but Anthony grabbed it before Spot.

"No, not whatever, she's not forcing immense pressure on you to do so much better then her. She's not telling you, you can always do better then you are right now. _You_ have it better then I do in the aspect that your mom isn't trying to live her life through _you_!"

Spot looked take aback for a second then smiled, "You really do have it worse then me."

"Shut up, I'm not joking," Anthony opened the other bottle and took a drink from it and coughed a little.

"Ok, no more of that for you," Spot took the bottle and put the cap back on it before stashing it back into his closet.

"….." Anthony rolled his eyes.

Spot sat back down and shifted in his semi damp clothes before saying, "Ok, I'm taking this off before I get a rash."

"That's nasty man," Anthony stared over at Spot.

"Are you ever going to move again or did all that beer impede your movement?" Spot took off his shirt.

"Dunno," Anthony sniffed his shirt and cringed, now if he'd been sober he'd have made a comment about Spot knowing the word impede.

"You look stoned," Spot kicked off his shoes and socks.

"Uh-huh," Anthony lazily kicked off his shoes and socks.

"…..wow you are out of it," Spot took off his pants and tossed them by his closet.

"And you….." Anthony let out a little burp. "have nice abs."

Spot smiled down at Anthony, "Yeah, that's attractive."

Anthony got up off the floor and sat down on Spot's bed, "I should go home…."

"……." Spot for all the fog in his head shook his head. "And I should take up ballet."

"You'd look weird in a pink Tutu," Anthony shook his had and bits of sand soil flecked out.

"Yes, yes I would," Spot moved to find something for Anthony to wear, but the other boy had grabbed his wrist and pulled him over to the bed.

"I like you better this way," Anthony tugged at the waistband of Spot's boxers.

"Ho God, wet dream come true….." said Spot breathily.

Anthony lightly laughed, "Yeah."

Before Spot could even start a protest in his head Anthony's lips met his. And Spot being the absolutely responsible one…..yeah, even he couldn't help the mental laugh at that one. But he couldn't help it, he liked Anthony a lot and to pull yourself away from the person you cared that deeply about was just too hard. Anthony started kissing Spot's neck and for once he was glad none of this was in jest. Heh, he used the word jest, now that's classic. Damn, his thoughts were getting sporadic. He felt Anthony's tongue run along the ridge of his ear.

Spot exhaled and found his back pressed against his mattress; gingerly he opened his mouth to Anthony and looped his arms around the other boys waist. The feel of Anthony's warm palms against his hips felt amazing. Anthony went back to kissing Spot's neck and slowly moved down to his collar bone. This was so much better when he wasn't stoned…..but Anthony probably wouldn't really remember much. Spot hated his conscience. Anthony started moving his hands lower….

"Whoa, ok, we need to stop," Spot grabbed Anthony's hands.

Anthony blinked for a second, "Hm?"

"What you need is slee-," but Anthony didn't hear the rest of Spot's sentence once his head dropped down onto Spot's chest. "Well, that's one problem down."

"I came at the wrong time, didn't I?" Spot looked over at the doorway and saw his mother smiling over at him.

"Um….." Spot wasn't quite sure what to say, his mother had just walked in on him pretty much naked with a half naked boy on top of him.

"I think so," she nodded.

"Me too," Spot fought the urge to laugh, this was defiantly an eventful day.

XXX

A/N: Ok, my first thought when the Rollercoaster crush thing came about was, "Holy hell why Spot!" But um, I got over it quickly but the thought of it made me all jittery like "Spot of all the people to like, Rollercoaster?" Ok, car thing, so happened to my sisters ex boyfriend it was so funny me and my ex couldn't stop laughing (I had to use it, it so worked here!)

I feel bad for Spot's mother, she continues to get the short end of Spot's respect, but I'm sure Anthony had _some _effect on him. Yeah, Anthony's vent wasn't really much of a vent, but every bit helps, no? Oh yes, the slashness is good. It wasn't much, but it shows you how much Spot considers how Anthony might feel come next day and he's got a beating headache.

(Don't worry Rustie I'm getting to that one-shot, I just had some complications. First draft was too sad, second was treading into 'not suitable for anyone under eighteen' lol.) Plus finals week killed me, but to make up for being behind in my schedule, it's a page or two longer then usual.

–wow long authors notes this time around-

Things to look forward to: Anthony comes home to face his parents anger and gets grounded. Spot has a bit of a heart to heart with his mom. And Anthony's parents may just find out what kind of relationship he and Spot really have.


	8. Just my Luck, Benevolence Part I

Sins For Thought

Chapter 8: Just my Luck/ Benevolence

(Part I)

Anthony decided now would be a good time to start thinking up a will. He stared up at the ceiling pretty sure that the second he got home he'd die via his mother. Spot's alarm clock went off and loud music, well to Spot at least, came pouring out. Without lifting his head from under the pillow Spot turned off the alarm and for that Anthony was glad.

"How can you listen to that crap?"

"I can listen to you talk can't I?" mumbled Spot from beneath his pillow.

"God, my mom's going to kill me," Anthony could feel his heart pick up speed already.

"Your fault."

"……" Anthony glared down at the blob known as Spot and shoved him off the bed.

"You bitch!" but Spot just pulled the blankets off the bed with him on the floor.

"Do you have any spare tooth brushes?"

"No, but I got gum….." Spot's voice dragged as he spoke.

"I need a tooth brush," Anthony sighed.

"Mm….minty fresh…."

"You're not even really awake yet are you?" he got off the bed and sat down next to Spot's feet and pulled the blankets up around his waist.

"Not in the least, babe," Spot shoved his feet under Anthony's legs to get them warm again.

"You did not just call me babe, did you?" Anthony pulled the blanket off Spot and fully wrapped it around himself.

"Ain't gonna work for ya?" Spot sat up and scratched the back of his head.

"No," he got up and walked into the bathroom just across from Spot's room.

"You know, I'm surprised your mother didn't call the cops or something. Man, she _is_ going to kill you when you get home," Spot spoke loudly from his position on the floor.

Finally he stood up and walked out into the living room. His mother was asleep on the couch, the TV was on and white static buzzed lowly. He grabbed the remote and turned off the TV more then use to finding his mom asleep with the TV on and always on static. He could hear Anthony singing to the radio on in the bathroom and smiled to himself as he headed into the kitchen to make something to eat. The fridge was full of leftovers. Refried beans, tortillas, and four day old cooked cold meat.

Spot shrugged and turned on the stove. It was a little off setting to him, but it never occurred to him that his mom bought a lot of ethnic food on account of him. Even the shelves were full of dried spices and peppers, wire baskets of garlic and onions hung on hooks at one corner of the kitchen and a variety hot sauces and chili sat on the counters.

Anthony walked into the kitchen and stared over at Spot, "That's your version of breakfast?"

"Food is food. When you grow up poor you eat what you got," he handed Anthony a burrito.

"I think you live semi-comfortably," Anthony took a bite and smiled at his food.

"When I was a kid we were dirt poor, like welfare even," Spot picked up a dish towel and sat on the counter. "Nice to know this is us moving _up_ in the world."

Anthony blinked for a second, not quite sure what to say, "I, I got to go. Talk to you later?"

"If your mom hasn't killed you," Spot stared down at the dish towel in his hand.

"Spot?" Anthony stood in the doorway of the kitchen.

"What?" Spot looked up from the dish towel.

"I uh….." he looked into the living room for a second. "If your mom is the only person you got, you might want to consider holding on a little tighter to her."

Spot furrowed his brows and watched the spot Anthony had stood in seconds before. What business was it of his to intrude in? This wasn't his house, this wasn't his life, he had no say in what went on around here. He got off the counter and stood in the doorway and stared at his mother sleeping on the couch. She looked tired, then again she was sleeping, he tried not to laugh at his lame joke. Low in the back of his throat a came a light growl, why the Hell did Anthony have to have such an affect on him? He went back into the kitchen and came out three minutes later carrying a burrito and poked his mom.

"Pisst…" he poked her again.

"Hm, what, no more peach cobbler?" she lifted her head and stared up at Spot.

"You fell asleep on the couch again," he stood crouched down in front of the couch.

"Spot, there's not a night that goes by I don't fall asleep on the couch and never once before have you bothered waking me up unless you get arrested," she sat up.

Spot rolled his eyes and thrust the burrito in her direction, "I um, made some, this."

"…….." she put her hand on her forehead.

"Just take it!" he stood up.

"I'll take it, but if this is more dream food…..well there's not much I can do about it," she took it from him and watched him head into the kitchen.

Spot walked back into the living room and sat down next to his mother. She took a bite and watched him as he slowly chewed. What the Hell he was doing, he had no idea. This had to be the most retarded form of peer pressure _anyone_ ever gave into, it just had to be.

"Spot, you're not like, on drugs again are you?" she attempted a stern look.

He couldn't help but laugh, "Do you really want me to answer that?"

"No," she shook her head and continued eating.

He looked at her, "God, how the Hell do I start?"

"Want a shot of tequila?" she looked at him concerned.

"You do know I'm underage right?" he ran his fingers through his hair.

"And that stops you from doing what?" she finished off the food.

"……..I'll take that shot of tequila….." he quirked a smile as his mom got up and went into the kitchen and came back out with a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses.

"Here we go," she poured the liquor.

"It's at this point I should be saying, you're the coolest mom ever….." he took the shot glass and downed it quick.

"Then of course I'd know you were on drugs," she smiled sadly down at her glass.

"Is this really the kind of relationship we have?"

"Is everything ok in Spot Land?" she drained her glass as well.

"Anthony keeps telling me crap about how I should appreciate you more and it keeps ringing in my head, as much as I don't want it to. Now, I keep feeling bad and-"

"Let me stop you right there, first off, Anthony…..nice boy, but you have a conscience of your own," she started peeling the label off the bottle.

"……." he watched his mom scratch the paper off the glass, a scraping sound only filling the room. "I guess."

"So, why are you taking time out of your morning to talk to me, of all people?" she played with the scraps of torn paper she'd made.

"Don't ask me," he got up and went to get ready for school.

He sat on the bottom of his tub and let the steaming water drown out the thoughts swarming his head. Why _did_ he bother talking to her? Maybe he screwed up enough and had separated himself from her for so long that there was probably no way to salvage anything. But really in the end, who did he have if he didn't have her? His father had long since taken off, he didn't know his grandparents, and he was pretty sure his mother was an only child…..and in the end, he was all _she_ had.

Spot finished up in the bathroom and got dressed. Hell was going to be freezing over pretty soon. He walked back into the living room and his mom was lying down again on the couch. Static filled the TV and he actually sighed. He walked over to the TV turned it off and poked his mom. She half way sat up and blinked at him. He couldn't believe what he was about to do, but had told himself he was going to.

"I'm, I'm….." he paused for a second and quickly hugged her. "Iloveyoubye!"

For a moment she was in complete shock and by the time she noticed he was gone, well, she had a hard time trying to figure out if it had even happened. She looked over at the tequila bottle and momentarily glared at it then laid back down for a few more hours.

XXX

Anthony walked those last few steps to the door. He'd tried to prolong it, held it off for as long as possible, but he knew it was coming, he could feel it coming, that unwavering sense of impending doom. He didn't even get a chance to touch the knob, his mother had opened the door, he was in for Hell. She didn't even yell, she just pointed at him and motion him to follow her. They walked all the way into the living room and he watched her sit down on the couch he got the feeling he wasn't allowed to sit down.

"So, we take off with the car all the time and never say were we're going?" she shrugged her shoulder.

"No," now was not the time to be a smartass.

"Where were you?"

"Spot's," please don't ask where he lives.

"Uh-huh, and you felt the need not to call because we're all telepathic?" she shrugged her shoulder again and nodded at him.

"It was late and I forgot," he said more defensively then he'd meant to.

She stared at him and didn't look away, his eyes kept shifting everywhere except at her, "You are going to keep this house clean for the next month, you know why?"

"I'm in deep shit?"

"Very deep," she nodded.

"I'm grounded aren't I?" he stared at his mother.

"Hence why this house is going to be spotless and shining," she got up and walked out the living room.

Anthony sighed and walked to his bedroom. This veritably sucked. He shut and locked his door. At least she didn't take his cell phone away. Jack and Evan were probably going to get a kick out of all this and Spot would probably have a fit because now, no Spot would probably find it funny too. He sighed again and picked up his cell phone and dialed Spot's home number, though the likelihood of Spot _actually_ being home was almost non-existent.

It rang, and it rang, and rang. He was about to hang up, but someone picked up the phone and answered.

"Yo!"

"Spot?"

"Yeah?"

"It's Anthony you pothead," he sighed.

"Figured as much, so your mom didn't kill you?"

"No, why aren't you at Itey's?" he sat down on his bed.

"Take a guess."

"Rollercoaster?" not like he needed many guesses.

"Yeah, I'd gone there and Bumlets flagged me down and told me it wasn't smart hanging around there today."

"So what are your plans for tomorrow?" he picked up a notebook laying around and flipped through it.

"What's tomorrow?"

"Thursday," he smirked at the notes left in his margins.

"Nothing, apparently Rollercoaster is staying longer then everyone hoped."

"That sucks."

"Hey, how bored are you right now?"

Anthony didn't know if he liked the tone in Spot's voice, "Why?"

"I was thinking, maybe I could keep you company for a few hours."

"Spot…."

Though really, Anthony believed that since he was grounded already, if his mom found out that he snuck Spot in, it really didn't matter. So that conversation seriously went somewhere along the lines of, 'ok, fine, but only for a few hours' and 'you so rock'. And now Spot was sitting on his bed listening to music.

"I can't believe you don't have a TV in your room, you suck," Spot was doing what looked like graffiti in one of Anthony's notebooks.

"Keep it down, if my mom finds out you're in here she'll have my ass," he watched Spot color in the almost illegible words.

"She has to stand in line," Spot smirked down at the page.

Anthony smacked his shoulder, "Shut up."

"You seriously made me mess up!" yelped Spot.

Anthony slapped his hand over Spot's mouth, "Shh…."

"Oops sorry," Spot mumbled from behind Anthony's hand, then licked his hand.

"Ew, you fuck!" he winced.

"Seriously, you messed up my picture," Spot looked sullenly down at the page with the long black line dragging across it.

"Aww, poor….what was that word you used again?" Anthony tried to remember the word Spot had used when they'd been in Casa de Fruta.

"I'm not telling, you ruined my picture," Spot turned his head, but couldn't help but smile.

"Look at me," Anthony tugged on Spot's shirt.

"No," he crossed his arms.

"Spooot," he continued to tug on Spot's shirt.

"Uh-uh."

Anthony rolled his eyes and sat down on Spot's legs and tried to turn his head. Spot just continued to smile and kept turning his head. Anthony finally grabbed Spot's head and stared at him. Spot tilted his head slightly and smirked at the other boy, but Anthony caught him off guard and tried tickling him. It took all of two seconds, but Spot looked like he was having spasm attack and wouldn't stop trying to suppress his laughter. His arms were flying everywhere and Anthony was starting to have a hard time trying to both tickle Spot and not laugh so hard he couldn't breath.

"Oh my God, oh my God, too funny," Anthony sat back against the wall his bed was up against.

"You're a bastard," Spot was trying to catch his breath.

"Yeah, but you can't do nothing about it," Anthony smiled.

"So you think."

Spot, still breathless, got up and straddled Anthony's legs like he'd done earlier. He wrapped his arms around Anthony's neck and started kissing him. Anthony, not really caring at this point, went with it. Spot's hands pressed warmly against his neck and they shifted till they were firmly just on the mattress. Anthony had to bend one leg just a bit because Spot was keeping the air out of his lungs. Spot had moved his hands and was trailing them up and down Anthony's sides. Anthony fought the urge to moan out loud and a strangled small sound emitted from the back of his throat.

Someone banged on his bedroom door and Anthony's eyes shot open wide in panic and hissed at Spot, "Quick, hide!"

"Where?" Spot franticly surveyed the room and chose to hide underneath a chair Anthony's mother had moved there earlier in the day to make the hallway look nicer.

Anthony quickly jumped up and fixed his hair and opened the door, "Yes?"

His mother and dad walked into his room and looked around and a second he thought they saw Spot, but their vision stopped on him. His heart was beating and he sat down on his bed pulling his legs up against his chest and wrapped his arms around them.

"Anthony, I've been meaning to have a talk with you, both me and your father I mean."

Anthony noticed his dad was looking everywhere except at him, "About….?"

"Well, we've noticed….that you've never had a girl over to the house, ever. Even when we go away for the week or weekend," his mother smacked his dad across the chest.

"Um, yeah," he scratched the back of his head.

"What's this about?"

His mother rolled her eyes, "Honey, are you gay?"

His dad coughed and Antony went red.

"…….." Anthony kept opening his mouth, but nothing was coming out.

"It's ok, you don't have to be ashamed and if it makes you feel better, your dad was the one to mention it."

"How's that supposed to make me feel better?" his voice was a bit high pitched.

"Don't know," his mother looked around the room again.

"Why are you guys even bringing this up?"

"Well, if you think we don't know Shawn is here, more specifically, underneath that chair, something's wrong with you," said his dad, finally forming a sentence.

"Oh God," Anthony started rubbing his eyes.

Spot crawled out from under the chair and waved at Anthony's parents, "Uh, hi."

"Hi Shawn."

XXX

Yesterday had been just awkward. Not only had Anthony's parents called Anthony on the gay thing, but the two of them were subject to a strange talk about safe sex. He shuttered at the memory of it all. And poor Anthony had looked like he had wanted to shot himself to save himself from the embarrassment of it all. Though, it did make Spot think about his mother and he knew his mother knew, she just never said anything. He highly doubted it was shame because his mother never once acted strangely toward him.

Spot walked down the sidewalk and crossed the street to avoid Rollercoaster, but in the end it did nothing for him. He tried speeding up his walk, but Rollercoaster just sped up his own pace. Spot hated himself because he really enjoyed the attention from him. He didn't want to show it in the least though.

"'ey, Whitey, what the fuck's your problem? You don't understand the words, "stay the fuck away"? You know my cousin and his friends don't like, like you, you know," Rollercoaster pulled a lighter out of his pocket and lit up a cigarette.

"And I'd give a fuck because?" Spot really wished he had joint right now.

Rollercoaster quirked a smile at that, "You don't."

"Why the fuck you talking to me, huh?" he shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Because you think you can do anything you want, I'm just trying to show you you're not Billy Badass vato."

Spot didn't like the smile on Rollercoaster's face, "Whatever."

They turned the corner and three other guys showed up all standing together like they were "the shit" as Spot like to put it. This was not good at all. Spot smirked at the irony of the situation. He use to do this kind of stuff with Rollercoaster all the time. It was fun to jump people especially when the person was outnumbered although; in this case it was less fun. He braced himself for a very fucked up and unfair fight.

XXX

Anthony was sitting at home, bored, angry, and completely alone. His parents left, again, though this time it was for the rest of the week. They'd told him no one was allowed over, not Evan, Jack, or Spot. But in all sincerity they knew at least Spot would be over, they weren't stupid. He got up off the couch and headed into the kitchen to make himself something to eat, he hardly touched the handle to the fridge when the phone rang.

He rolled his eyes and picked it up, "Higgins residents."

"You might want to head over here now. Spot's getting his ass kicked _bad_," said Evan on the other side of the phone.

"What's going on?" he thanked God his parents left the car keys.

"Seriously Tony!" yelled Jack in the background. "Holy shit!"

"Shut up Jack, but seriously Anthony, you might want to come down here."

"Crap, I'll be right there," he quickly hung up the phone and made his way to the back driveway.

He hoped Spot would be ok until he could get there and be the get away car. Apparently Jack and Evan though were too chicken-shit to jump in and help Spot. Then again, who'd want to jump into the middle of a fight that had nothing to do with you and would be cool to watch. Nope, bad thought. Fights are cool, yes, but Spot fighting, not so cool. He sped down the back roads trying to get there the quickest he could. He was more then worried and Spot was going to be getting an ear full later about the whole thing. How in the Hell he could let himself get into that situation was beyond him and stupid. Granted he was told Spot could hold his own in a fight, but still it didn't stop the fact that he was someone getting his ass kicked.

Anthony was about to turn and go down the street to Spot's house, but then he saw Itey, Bumlets, and Raffle-Ticket run out in front of his car and across the street. A small group was standing at the corner of up the street Evan and Jack were a few feet away. Evan was on the phone, mostly likely calling the police. Quickly he parked his car, but left the engine running. Itey had actually shoved his cousin off Spot and it took both him and R.T to hold him back. The second Rollercoaster had been pulled away Spot seemed to just bounce up off the ground and easily took on the other three guys. One already looked like he'd taken a beating.

Anthony walked over and watched as Spot had taken a few steps backwards and was smiling like there was no tomorrow.

"You're nothing but a buster, eh," yelled one of the guys.

"Fuck you, I ain't no buster pendejo!" Spot looked enraged.

"Hey," one of the guys laughed. "you can't be a buster if you're a fag!"

"But you know, you have to say, for a pinche puto, you sure can fight."

"Shut the fuck up and stop calling me that!"

"You're lucky my cousins are always too drugged up to give a shit, otherwise they'd probably kill you," Rollercoaster kept trying to get his arms free.

"Screw you!" Spot glared at him knowing that if he sucker punched Rollercoaster right now it wouldn't really do much except make him feel better.

"Silencio both of you!" yelled Itey.

"You know, cuz, you're treading in dark water here."

"Screw you, screw this, and Fuck you all!" yelled spot as he walked off towards his house.

"Uh…." Anthony looked torn between following Spot or going to his car. He made up his mind and went for the car.

Spot had swung the front door open so hard it shook the hinges and left a dent in the wall. he always, always, had to associate something Rollercoaster did to him with something they use to do together. It was all his fault really though.

He walked to the bathroom and opened the cabinet, a couple of aspirin bottles fell out and some old small boxes of floss tumbled after. He felt the urge to swing the cabinet door hard enough to break the glass, but didn't. He found what he'd came into the bathroom for and opened the small plastic bag of red pills and took two from the bag and popped them into his mouth. Everything would be fine in a little bit. He heard the front door creak and quickly stuffed everything back into the cabinet. Anthony walked in the second he closed it. He smiled at Anthony and walked out the bathroom.

"Dude, lets got o your house. I don't want to be anywhere _near_ Rollercoaster."

Anthony looked momentarily at the cabinet then walked out, "You know, Spot-"

"Don't want to hear it. Lets just go."

The car ride to Anthony's house was a quiet one Spot didn't even once touch the radio. That made Anthony nervous. Something was wrong, very wrong. Spot just kept staring out the window and after about ten minutes later he noticed Spot started looking flushed. Once they'd made it to his house Anthony also noticed Spot kept fanning himself with his hand. He seemed fidgety, like he couldn't stop moving.

"Spot, is everything ok?" Anthony pressed the back of his hand against Spot's forehead.

Spot smacked his hand away and swayed a bit, "I'm fine, leave me alone."

"Fine, be that way. See if I care if you die," he opened the door and let Spot in.

Spot blinked for a second as he stepped into the house. He swore the room was pulsating. He tugged at his shirt, it was hot, why the Hell was it so hot? He took off his shirt, but it still felt so hot. Suddenly the room looked like it was tilting.

"Shit, Spot!"

XXX

A/N: Oh my lord! This took forever to write! A multiple amount of reason for this delay, finals week, sister is graduating today (go midget!), and plot bunnies attacked me. Also, I procrastinated and played on Gaia. I couldn't help myself I love Gaia! Anywho, next chapter is already in the works. So hopefully that one will come out faster then this chapter did.

Things to look forward to in the next chapter: ……We'll find out.


	9. Just My Luck,Benevolence Part II

Sins For Thought

Chapter 9: Just My Luck/Benevolence

(Part II)

Spot Felt like his whole world was collapsing and the walls looked like they were melting. It was like shockwaves and pulses of heat kept creeping over him and his head was swirling, constantly swirling. The ceiling looked like constant rolling waters flecked with red, blue, green, and yellow sparkles. He could feel himself start panting like he'd been running for hours. It was the most awful feeling he'd ever had. The only thing that came in clear was Anthony, and Anthony's voice…..his sweet voice anchoring him to the world, the only thing keeping him in tact.

"Just relax Spot," said Anthony brushing the hair out of Spot's face and running a cool rag against Spot's neck, chest, and forehead.

Spot made a light whining noise.

"It's gonna be ok."

"Nnn…." Spot tried looking up at Anthony, but his head was spinning and yet very, very ….still.

"My parents won't be home till next week. So you can stay here till then," Anthony wrung out the rag.

Spot wanted to tell Anthony thanks or at least something akin to that, but he could barely form coherent sentences in his brain let alone be able to verbalize them. So he resigned himself to the warm embrace of Anthony's gentle touch. He wasn't use to this kind of treatment from anyone other then his mother back when he was a kid and came home sick a lot.

"Just go to sleep, Spot. We'll worry about it all in the morning," Anthony pulled the blanket up on Spot.

"Mn…"Spot closed his eyes.

Sleep didn't come easy that night, but Anthony stayed with him. Spot would start crying and sometimes screaming in his sleep and he'd break out in a hot sweat. Eventually Anthony stripped him down to his shorts and fell asleep holding on tight to Spot. He hoped that having someone holding on to him would help. In the morning it would be over, in the morning they'd worry about it.

XXX

Spot woke up that morning, his head felt light and his stomach growled. He had the most God awful taste in his mouth and he wanted to gag. His limbs felt weak and his chest heavy. Sunlight was pouring in from the window and his eyes stung like needles were being stuck in them. He tried taking a deep breath and ended up having a coughing fit. Anthony shifted beside him and lifted his head to groggily look at Spot. Anthony swayed in his spot for moment then lifted himself up and placed the back of his hand against Spot's forehead. He mumbled, 'still a little warm, but not bad', then went back to bed.

Spot stared at Anthony for a moment, then felt something in his stomach rise to his throat. He jumped up in two seconds flat and ran into Anthony's bathroom. When he came back out of the bathroom he crawled into bed next to Anthony and curled up against him.

"Man, I so just threw up blood," said Spot.

"God, Spot, have you even eaten anything in the last twenty-four hours!" asked Anthony sitting up in the bed.

Spot just curled up next to Anthony, "No, just whatever the Hell that pill was."

"You're not gonna be able to keep much down at this point. Maybe I should make you some chicken broth or some toast."

"Screw you I want food," mumbled Spot.

"You're in my house you do and eat what I say."

"Mm…please, Anthony, tell me what I can eat," said Spot.

"I can send you home you know," Anthony poked him.

"Not like my mom would care," Spot really didn't want Anthony to know he had some effect on how he viewed his mother even if it was little.

"You're never going to like your mother are you?" Anthony sighed.

"She's a whore, screw her," Spot winced internally.

"Spot!" Anthony really couldn't understand Spot sometimes.

"It's true," Spot managed to shrug a shoulder.

"She's your mother."

"She's a bitch," Spot sighed, she really wasn't.

"Spot."

"Stop defending her!" Spot didn't want to keep calling her those things.

"I'm not, I'm just saying," Anthony was getting frustrated with this argument; maybe it really wasn't his business to keep interfering in.

"Fuck her, I hate her!" and if he kept saying it, maybe he could keep believing it.

"…..what about your dad?" Anthony figured if he could get Spot to target his dad rather then his mother it could help their relationship somehow.

"What about him?" Spot suddenly had a cautious tone to his voice.

"Well, he left and never came back, you're not mad at him."

"That's different, he left, he's not out whoring himself to half my teachers."

"……"

"Yeah."

Anthony didn't say anything he just stared at Spot and ran his fingers through Spot's hair. He should just stop trying. If Spot wanted to hate the only person in his life who was family, fine, he could have it his way. Spot was going to end up bitter and lonely when it was all said and done. He looked down at the other boy and noticed that Spot had his eyes closed, but then he slowly opened them and Anthony could see the light shimmer like when you're trying not to cry. Spot looked up at him and blinked for a second.

"Anthony I'm hungry, feed me for crying out loud!"

"I'm going, I'm going. You go take a shower," Anthony got up to get Spot towels.

"It better be real food!" Spot pointed at him.

"You eat what I'm serving."

"I hate you so much right now."

"Uh-huh, you smell, go get pretty," said Anthony shoving towels in his hands.

This was stupid and he had no idea why he did it every time things got particularly foul. Especially when it had something to do with Rollercoaster. He couldn't help but let it affect him. He stepped into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He stared at himself in the mirror for a second then threw one of the towels over it. Looking at himself made him sick. It was highly understandable why no one would _seriously_ want him. Plain o' fucked up Spot, fifty percent intoxicated half the time and dreadful to be around. Mostly likely Anthony only hung out with him because the whole gang thing was new to him. A thrill to be around till it gets old.

Things always got old. God why couldn't things go back to how they were when he was a kid? Intellect was beyond him back then and he didn't have room to be angry in-between kiddy shows and playing outside. Always outside. His dad never wanted him inside the house and his mom was never happy. But when he was a kid it never hit him he didn't understand sympathy and he didn't understand the adult life. Now that he was hitting that milestone called eighteen years old it made him sick to his stomach. Soon he'd be responsible for his actions, soon he'd no longer be considered a kid…..not in the laws eyes.

"Oh God, please help me….." he sat down on the floor between the toilet and the wall and tried his best not to cry.

XXX

Spot came down stairs and found Anthony pouring something into a coffee mug. From the looks of things Anthony made him chicken broth and crackers. God he so didn't want to drink that stuff. It reminded him of when he use to get sick as a kid and his mom would make him the same stuff and sit with him while watching Smurfs.

"You know, I feel less bad for using your toothbrush now," said Spot grimacing as he took a sip from the cup.

"You fuck!" Anthony swatted him upside the head.

"Germ freak!"

"Damn straight."

"You know, the sad thing is we've so swapped spit," Spot made a face and downed what was left in the cup.

"You make it sound disgusting," said Anthony eating a waffle he'd made for himself.

"You're the one making faces," Spot mock glared.

"Well, who wouldn't while kissing you?" Anthony smirked.

"I'm never kissing you again," Spot turned his head.

"Says the guy who made the first move."

"It's the drugs I tell you!"

"Then stop doing them. You're seriously going to screw up your life that way."

"Too late Taste of Italy I already have," Spot shoved a cracker into his mouth to get rid of the chicken broth taste.

"Don't call me that, Pot Head," Anthony slapped Spot on the shoulder.

"Don't call me Pot Head, Shot Stuff," Spot slapped him on the shoulder back.

"Druggie," Anthony took a cracker from him and smiled.

"Goodie, goodie," Spot ate the last cracker.

"That the best you can come up with?" Anthony laughed.

"Yup," Spot shrugged and opened another small bag of crackers.

Later that afternoon Spot was asleep on Anthony's couch while he disinfected the bathroom. Spot had thrown up some more and there was a bit of blood on the floor. He had no idea that getting a boyfriend entailed clean-up duty. His parents would have a conniption if they knew, not only had he not gone to school that day, but Spot had…..well…he wasn't quite sure. Most likely some kind of horrible trip and spent the remainder of it getting to know their bathroom. He sighed and watched Spot sleep peacefully on the couch. The other boy had his arms wrapped around one of the couch cushions and would constantly move and switch which side he slept on never letting go of the cushion.

"Tone, open up!"

"Yeah, we've got pizza!"

Anthony smiled to himself, "Shut up you'll wake up Spot."

"Aww!" cooed both boys from behind the door.

Anthony opened the door and looked down at the box of pizza in Jack's hands. Spot lifted his head off the couch and looked at the front door and automatically zoned in on the pizza. Before Jack even stepped past the doorway Spot had jumped up and grabbed the box. Food real food. He was so sick of drinking the chicken broth, although the smell of the pizza kind of made his stomach turn. He decided to ignore that feeling for right now.

"He spent the night?" Evan and Jack shared a look.

Anthony rolled his eyes, "Do I look like Jack?"

Jack smiled and Evan said, "Nope."

"Thank God," muttered Spot as he opened the box.

"Well, you look good for getting your ass kicked," Jack sat down next to Spot on the couch.

"You shouldn't be eating solid food for a while, Spot."

"Why's that?" Evan looked at Anthony.

"….." Anthony stared at Spot.

Spot completely ignored his boyfriend and reached for a piece of pizza. It smelt good and even though the back of his mind kept saying no, he so wanted real food. The slice was barely an inch close to his mouth, and like a magnet jumps away from a negative side he felt like the pizza wouldn't go past his mouth and threw the pizza down and ran for the bathroom. This was definitely going to be bad.

"Dear God, help me!"

"I thought he didn't believe in God?" Anthony took Spot's seat on the couch.

"Shouldn't you go check on him?" Jack cringed in the direction the retching sounds were coming from.

"Why should I? I told him he couldn't stomach real food yet," he picked up a slice and started eating.

After hacking up what felt like his entire internal organs, Spot woke up in Anthony's bed. His entire body felt exhausted. He could barely move without wanting to cringe in pain. He noticed a coffee cup sitting on the tiny dresser by the bed. Anthony just wasn't going to let him have real food was he? Not that he could actually stomach it, but really it was the principle of the whole thing. No one could tell him what to do or influence him. Slowly he got off the bed and quietly walked down the hallway towards the living room. He stopped short of completely entering the room when he heard Jack talking about him.

"-ot's not the kind of person you date," he picked up another slice of pizza.

Evan nodded in agreement.

"What kind of guy is he then?"

"He's the kind of guy you can hang out with because he's fun to be around. Now don't get me wrong, I like him and all-"

"And Lord it shows," Anthony looked annoyed, which Spot found made him feel real good.

"_I like him and all_, I just don't like the two of you dating. Nothing really good is going to come out of it," Jack could care less if he offended, but at the same time Anthony _was_ his friend.

"Anthony, you've been spending a lot of time with Spot. We're just worried because, you know, Spot has a tendency to bring unwanted attention to himself, that's all," Evan opened his soda can.

"Exactly!" said Jack loudly and pointed at Evan.

"Be quiet," Anthony shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Besides, Spot can't help it if people don't like him."

"But that's the thing, he _can_ help it!" said Jack.

"Spot's screwed over a lot of people, not a lot of people like him at all, and not a lot of people trust him. Do you know how much money he owes? And it's not just drug dealers, but also people he's borrowed money from to pay back _other_ people he's borrowed money from," Evan tried pulling the tab off the soda can.

"You being one of them?" Anthony was getting very annoyed by this.

"I don't expect to get money back from him, I feel _bad_ for him Tony. He's going to get himself shot one of these days and we don't want to see you getting hurt or shot yourself," Evan looked down at the tab in his hand.

Jack had gotten really quite.

"……." Anthony sighed and really thought about it for a few seconds. "I can deal with this you guys."

Spot stepped fully into the living room, "Hey Anthony…..take me home."

Everyone in the room stared at Spot. No one said anything and just sort of assumed Spot had heard the conversation. Jack and Evan let themselves out of the house and Anthony helped Spot get some clean clothes on and into the car. Neither said anything, it was the most awkward moment the two of them had ever had between them. Next time they talked to each other it was going to be a serious conversation and Anthony wasn't completely sure Spot would hang around to hear it.

When they got to Spot's house Anthony told him bye and he just nodded his head. Inside the house was empty, but there was a note on the table. He walked over to it and read it.

Shawn,

There's money in the pickle jar on the counter in the kitchen order yourself take-out. Be home in the morning.

Rebecca.

He sighed and held onto the note. He was tired of this. So utterly and completely tired of this. He walked to his room and laid down on his bed and fell asleep holding onto the note.

XXX

Spot sat against a tree near one of the classroom portables in the back of the school. He didn't want to think about Anthony right now, he could feel the Brady Bunch one on one coming about, and he just wanted to avoid him at this point. He looked around, the coast was clear. He pulled a cigarette out from the box in his pocket and lit it up with his favorite metal lighter. He missed this so much he had tried to give it up, but it wasn't working for him. Itey finally showed up and gave Spot a tray of nachos.

"Guess what I got for you?"

"What?" Spot sounded highly uninterested.

"Empanadas!" Itey opened up his backpack and pulled out something covered in foil.

"I love your mother," Spot took the food.

Itey watched Spot for a second, "…..Dude I'm sorry about my cousin being around so much recently."

Spot stopped mid bite and gave Itey a sideways look, "Whatever."

"….." he started eating his food. "No really, he's a dumbass and I don't know why he hangs out at our house when he knows you still hang around."

"Do you know you talk differently when you're not around the other guys?" he just wanted the attention off Rollercoaster.

"No I don't!" his voice got slightly pitched.

"Yes you do!" Spot laughed at him.

"How so?" he inclined his head in Spot's direction.

"You have like this crappy stereotypical accent when Raffle-Ticket or your cousins are around. Here at school, you sound all smart and normal. Not like I'm one to talk though either," Spot shrugged and drank the bottled water he'd swiped from someone.

"Heh, that's what we call adapting to ones surrounding," Itey smiled.

"And how," Spot smirked and took a drag off his cigarette.

The wind picked up and the leaves rustled above them. Spot put out his cigarette and started in on his nachos. Tonight he was getting drunk off his ass. There was nothing he wanted to think about come days end. Maybe he really was just one huge fuck up. Maybe it would be best if he just didn't hang around Anthony for a while. He sighed and looked up from his tray of nachos to find Itey staring at him.

"What?"

"You're not a bad person Spot…." Itey looked pretty serious.

"Shut up…… Guillermo," Spot smiled and tried not to laugh.

"Shawn," Itey quirked an eyebrow.

Spot laughed, "Don't you have some preppy straight friends you can hang out with?"

Itey pulled a red bandana and his sunglasses out of his pocket and put them on, "Nah man, they all in da slamma'."

"…." Spot took another drink from his water and stared at Itey like he was strange, "…Why do _I_ hang out with you?"

"Because I am The Great One!" Itey poked him.

"The Great Dork maybe," Spot smirked.

"Fine, I'm The Great Dork, but that makes you The Fruit."

"What, I'm not great?"

"Uh….ok fine, but only in September when dogs bark on Tuesdays during a thunderstorm," said Itey like he'd put great thought into that statement.

Spot stared blankly at him for a second then smiled, "Deal."

XXX

A/N: Funny thing about this is the beginning of this chapter was the first thing I'd ever written for this story. Well really up till Spot says 'Yup' is what I'd written up to. I wonder if it's easy to tell that was written first?

This was a slightly strange chapter to write, not sure why. Too much I want to toss into this story and strange pacing. (I've to stop trying to dive into peoples heads) By the by, how to pronounce Itey's name, GEE-YER-MO not GILL-AIR-EMO. Speaking of Itey, ain't he just a doll? I suppose you could say next to Rollercoaster Itey was the next in line to be best friends with Spot. (not have a crush on, though for a second there I almost thought they were flirting )

I'll share that little play list of mine now:

(first song to inspire me to write this) Lonely Day-System Of a Down, Love and Memories-O.A.R., Savin' Me-Nickleback, Easier to Run-Linkin Park, and On Fire- Switchfoot. There's one more song, but I have mixed feelings about it and it's meaning towards the fic.

p.s Yay for this being the fic with the most alerts (sadly just 7) but it's also the most review Newsies fic I got, it make me smile.


	10. Interlude1 Rollercoaster Not Just a Ride

A/N1: for the record just incase someone doesn't remember names well. Spot –Shawn, Itey-Guillermo, Armondo-….?

Sins For Thought

Chapter 10:

Interlude1: Rollercoaster, Not Just a Ride

The whole concept of the school social system was a huge crock. If someone didn't have money or was new to town they were dubbed un-cool until proven otherwise. Shawn had a few problems climbing the social latter from Hell. One was that he didn't have money, two was that not only did he have poor grades at this point in time,he also had a problem with authority, third was his lack of social interaction with his "better" peers. Now personally he could give a rats ass if anyone liked him, hated him, was in love with him, or wanted to kill him. What mattered was that he effected someone, anyone. The fact that he scared some people into blabbing to some teachers that he was carrying a pocketknife with him was a huge smile factor. When he was asked about the weapon all he'd said was that he'd only brought it to show some friends who'd wanted to see it. It was a lie, but it got him out of being expelled and that way he only had to serve a few weeks of detention.

This was how he spent most of his time, spending hours in detention doing homework waiting for time to pass. So to find him cutting across the Seventh and Eighth grade side wasn't unusual, but to find him stopping just before he crossed the street was. Shawn had paused in his routine to stare at the new kid from some place in L.A. tagging a wall. His name was Gerome, Gnome, or something strange with a G. The other boy stopped mid spray and stared at Shawn, while Shawn just stared right back at him gaze unwavering.

Finally Shawn spoke, "You that guy from L.A., right?"

"Yeah and?" he stared at Shawn like he really wasn't worth his time.

"Nothing……so, is this what you do for fun?" Shawn stared back blankly.

"Only when there's shit to do," he tossed the spray can aside.

"So, I take it there's shit to do…"

The other boy shrugged and walked over to Shawn, "Can I look in your backpack?"

Shawn just stared at him, "Who do you think you are? My counselor?"

"Look, kid, I'm nosy," he stood there looking bored.

"Yeah, because you're so not the same age as me…" Shawn tossed his bag at the other boy and started walking off.

"I just want to look at it, not steal it, I _do_ have morals."

"And I'm sure you make your mommy proud."

"Shut up whitey!"

"I have a name, it's _Shawn_," he said it slow and stressed it on purpose.

"Uh-huh, Lawn, I'm Guillermo, The Great One!" he held one hand up triumphantly.

Shawn just rolled his eyes as the L.A. native unzipped and dug around his bag while following him to the bus stop. The two of them sat on the bench waiting for the constantly late public transportation. Guillermo found a bus schedule and nudged Shawn with his elbow.

"We're taking the same bus."

Shawn blandly responded, "How 'bout that….."

"God, you must be like, Mr. Popular and crap," Guillermo rolled his eyes.

"Yes because I wear expensive clothes and _don't_ buy shoes from Payless," spat Shawn in an obviously fake excited tone.

The bus slowly pulled up to the curb and opened up its doors letting people out and letting people in. Shawn dropped a bunch of change in the dispenser and Guillermo stuck a dollar into it.

"Wow, if I find out you're my neighbor I'm going to shoot myself," the doors closed behind them as they went to find seats and ended up sitting next to each other.

"Aw, what? You don't have any cholo friends here you can call to do it for you?"

Guillermo glared at Shawn for a second then threw his bag at him. Shawn caught it, but jerked back because it almost hit him in the face.

"What the fuck!" Shawn jumped up and threw his bag on the floor.

The bus had already pulled out and was moving. Some of the passengers fidgeted uncomfortably while the bus driver yelled at Shawn and Guillermo to sit down. But neither of the two boys were listening and continued on their little squabble. Not that fighting was going to accomplish much, but really boys would be boys.

"Aw, what I do? Hit a nerve? Did a friend of yours get shot?" taunted Shawn.

"As a matter of fact, yeah. So shut your white ass up before you get your teeth knocked out," Guillermo shoved Shawn.

"Oh wow, shoving me is really accomplishing something," Shawn shoved him back.

"Fuck you," Guillermo took a swing at Shawn.

Shawn had quickly moved his face out of the way then just as quickly tackled Guillermo, knocking not only Guillermo into the plastic blue seats, but also himself. The bus driver stopped the bus while Guillermo and Shawn ended up on the dirty bus floor trying to take swings at the other. Guillermo had got a couple good swings in, then Shawn finally managed to shove the other boy off him and into the seats. Taking the opportunity to hurt the now winded boy Shawn pounded in on him till the bus driver finally managed to pull him off the L.A. native.

The two boys found themselves not only kicked off the bus, but also banned from using it. They sat on the warm cement sidewalk only a few inches from the other. Guillermo was touching his jaw and gently pressed his ribs causing him to wince slightly. Shawn wiped blood from his mouth and sighed in a very frustrated tone, he could already feel a black-eye forming. He finally turned his head in Guillermo's direction and noticed the other boy was touching his back and would just barely visibly jump as he did so.

"Well, there goes my only mode of transportation," he shakily got up and tried to figure out just where exactly the bus had left them.

Guillermo attempted standing, but dropped back to the ground, "School provides rides right?"

"Haven't been able to use it since I got caught with a pocketknife on me," Shawn desperately wanted to just leave the other boy on the ground.

"Dios mio, it hurts to move," Guillermo was looking towards the sky.

Shawn really hated himself sometimes, "Come on, I'll help you home. Just as soon as I figure out where the fuck we are."

Needles to say a fight can bring some people together. Shawn and Guillermo after that day became really good friends. The next day even, they just showed up at school together looking like Hell, but exuding trust and understanding like they'd been friends since childhood. Guillermo would sometimes call it, a friendship forged through blood. But if this was a friendship forged through blood, then the day Shawn met Rollercoaster was a friendship forged of adoration and complete devotion…..Though the adoration and complete devotion was only one sided and all Shawn.

Guillermo waved as his mother dropped both him and Shawn off at his "cool" older cousins' house out in the boonies of town. Guillermo's cousin lived next to a giant Clark sign and the Freeway. About five taco trucks, or Roach Coaches, as some people called them, sat in the back near the chain link fence. His cousins' room was outside in what Guillermo called The Tower. It was a solitary structure, tall, and large enough for one person to live semi-comfortably. Shawn had found the place to be the most neat place he'd ever stepped foot on.

"My cousin is so cool, he likes taking me places with him and my other cousins. One time, we even got shot at. Oh, there was also this one time we dogged the cops and lost them down the back roads," Guillermo led them to The Tower.

Shawn stared up at the semi-tall structure, "He's so lucky to get a room outside the house."

"I know, huh!" said Guillermo excitedly as he knocked on his cousins door.

"Is that you cuz? Thought I heard a car pull up."

Guillermo smiled at his cousin and nodded once at him, "Hey Mondo, I want you to meet a friend of mine."

The older boy looked Shawn up and down then at his little cousin, "This the gringo who kicked your ass?"

"Yeah, Armondo, this is Shawn, Shawn, this is my cool cousin Armondo. Usually though we all just call him Mondo," Guillermo smiled as his favorite cousin shook hands with his best friend.

"Kinda scrawny, no?" he looked at Guillermo, but nodded in Shawn's direction.

"No offense, but you're one to talk," Shawn really didn't want to offend his only friends cousin.

"Hey kid, I'm bulking up, give me about a year and you'll see some real progress. Look at this, all muscle baby," Guillermo's cousin flexed.

Guillermo looked impressed, while Shawn had looked highly entranced as his eyes traced Armondo's muscles.

"Wow, you must be strong," said Shawn locking eyes with him, but feeling absolutely stupid by his word choice.

"Hell yeah, kid its all muscle too. Seriously, try to push it down," he stilled his arm and relished in the attention.

Shawn took a step forward and placed his cool palm onto Armondo's bicep. He attempted to make it go down, but it wouldn't budge and only made him try harder. Then he tried using both hands and then the older boy lifted his arm and managed to lift Spot off the ground by an inch. Shawn looked surprised, while Guillermo and his cousin laughed.

"Holy shit you're strong," Shawn took his hands off Armondo's arm, but noticed the prints his hands had left.

"You know it," they finally went inside.

The place looked like a neat wreck. The whole place looked clean in the aspect that magazines were stacked in a corner, DVD's were under the TV in alphabetic order, and beer bottles with all the labels facing the front were all lined up. The place was a wreck because clothes lay everywhere about the room and posters sat untapped or un-tacked against the wall. Boxes of cigarettes sat on a small glass table next to a tiny tin box and a strangely shaped glass pip looking instrument.

"So what have you been up to Mondo?" Guillermo sat down on the only brown crate in the room.

"Nothing much, not since Panzon got grounded for getting caught smoking weed," he picked up the cigarette pack and took one out.

"Panzon's real name is Suél, but he's kinda fat so Tio Marco started calling him Panzon," said Guillermo.

"Fattso in English," supplied Armondo as he exhaled a plume of smoke.

"Oh," Shawn couldn't really think of anything else to say.

Someone knocked but didn't even wait for an answer. It was mostly likely Armondo's father. He looked real dark, nothing like his sons skin tone, and only spoke in Spanish. Shawn watched at what looked like an argument between Armondo and his dad. Then Armondo's dad gave Guillermo the phone saying something like tu madre, which from Shawn's small Spanish vocabulary he figured went, your mother. Guillermo went outside with the phone while Shawn sat quietly next to Armondo.

"So kid, you always lived here?"

"Yeah," Shawn was at a loss of what to say.

"Never seen you around," he exhaled another cloud of smoke.

For some reason that smell didn't bother him like it usually did, "Oh."

"So what happened to those sentences you'd been using earlier? Do I scare ya?" he smiled a slanted smile he'd later come to associate with him.

Shawn blinked and felt his heart strangely skip a beat, "No more then the next guy with a tattoo."

"Shit that's funny, not even Guillermo noticed it," he fingered the ink near his collar bone.

Shawn's eyes followed Armondo's tan fingers, "Did it hurt?"

"Fuck nah, you should get one," he smiled and nodded at Shawn.

"Maybe I will," Shawn smiled too.

Guillermo finally came back into his cousins room, "My mom's mad and is picking me up so that I can clean my room. It shouldn't take long."

"See this is why I don't live _in_ my parents house," Armondo laughed and put out his cigarette.

The three of them sat and watched Blood in Blood Out. Shawn looked highly intrigued, while Guillermo looked bored. Armondo had a lot of movies about gangs and books about them as well. Shawn had been so into the movie that he didn't even notice when Guillermo had been picked up. Leaving him and Armondo alone. If it hadn't been for the movie the room would have been deathly silent. But once the movie ended it got slightly awkward. Then Shawn watched as Guillermo's cousin reached for the tiny tin box and opened it. He pulled out what looked like a joint. Shawn had never seen a real one, unless you counted those drug free posters, which he didn't and when Armondo noticed that his cousins friends wide eyes, he smirked. He picked up the clear plastic red lighter and lit it up. Shawn watched him inhale and suddenly wondered why Armondo looked so content.

"Want a hit kid?"

Shawn stared at the twisted paper in Armondo's hands then reached for it. He looked at it as if really trying to think about smoking it and Armondo just watched him. All his life he'd heard speakers talk about living a drug free life or the horror stories of people on heavy acid trips. Marijuana, the gateway drug? In the end, weren't drugs just an escape from reality? Much like the heavy drinking his dad always use to do. He made up his mind, and brought it to his lips.

Armondo slapped him on the back, "You kid, have just been introduced to the best thing of your life?"

"I know," Shawn smiled and felt like the world was just this room.

That was the beginning of what Shawn deemed the first _great_ friendship of his life, though Guillermo wasn't sure if bringing Shawn to meet his cousin had been the brightest idea he ever had. Shawn picked up a couple of his cousins habits. Shawn started smoking and not just cigarettes, he also drank whatever liquor he could get his hands on. Sometimes Guillermo would go to visit his cousin and would find the both of them looking as high as kites. It had been a year since Guillermo had introduced the two and since then he'd felt slightly left out. So when he came to visit this day it had been no different. Shawn was sitting next to his cousin smoking, passing a joint between them.

"Guillermo, you need to lighten up," said Armondo taking the joint from Shawn's hand.

Shawn watched as Mondo brought it to his lips, "Honestly you're turning into a goodie, goodie."

"So true eh," Armondo laughed and nudged Shawn with his elbow.

"Why dontcha both shut up and give me that," Guillermo snatched the joint from his cousin.

"He's touchy today," Shawn laughed.

"Es muy loco in the cabeza," Armondo couldn't stop himself from making the hand motion and pointing at his cousin.

"Sí, sí," Shawn nodded.

"Since when do you know Spanish?" Guillermo looked annoyed.

"I don't, Mondo's teaching me," Shawn smiled brightly at his friend.

Armondo put his arm around Shawn's shoulder, "How else we gon' bridge the racial gap, huh?"

Both Shawn and Armondo laughed. Itey looked sick.

"Hey, no throwing up on my floor, eh," Armondo tossed an empty McDonalds bag at him.

"Don't be a bitch, cabron," Guillermo got up and headed for the bathroom.

"Some people just ain't natural weed smokers."

"And how," Shawn smiled contently.

Eventually Guillermo came out of the bathroom looking a little worse then when he'd left. Shawn and Armondo wouldn't stop making jokes at Guillermo's expense. Though the teasing stopped once Guillermo had fallen asleep on the couch. The high eventually wavered off and the two of them looked absolutely bored. They made a trek to the mini fridge and ate what was left in it from the "heist" the other day ago. Not that there had been much in it to begin with nothing but leftovers, a bag of potato chips, and tons of HoHos.

"Ey, I got something new from a friend if you wanna try it?" the older boy stuffed a handful of chips into his mouth.

"Sounds fine to me," Shawn polished off the last of his chocolate treat.

Armondo put down the chips and wiped his hands on his pants, "Come on follow me."

Shawn followed him to the only bedroom in the place. He'd seen Armondo's room on many occasions, though mostly when they needed to get a full stash of weed or joints. Sometimes even when it was too late to walk home.

"What is it?" Shawn sat on Armondo's bed.

"Hell if I know, all he said was it would be the greatest investment I ever made," he dug around in his closet tossing boxes around red clothes everywhere.

Armondo finally pulled out a small clear bag of pills and threw himself onto his bed. Shawn wasn't sure how comfortable he was taking pills when he had no idea what they were. But when Armondo held out his hand to give Shawn one, he reached out with his and opened up his palm. The pill looked harmless and he watched as Armondo swallowed his without a second thought and figured at least he wasn't alone in what he was doing. For a while the two of them didn't feel anything and figured he got gypped, but low and behold a couple of minutes later things stared to feel……different.

Shawn felt like everything in the room had become sound and touch. Everything looked brighter, better, prettier, and he swore he could hear Guillermo sleep downstairs below them. Both him and Armondo were laying down in the bed and when Shawn looked next to him he saw Armondo touching the blankets with a confused look on his face. Shawn wondered what was so strange about the blankets and reached out to touch them. The fabric felt weird, nice, and it was almost like he could feel every weave and thread it was made with. Accidentally the back of Shawn's hand brushed against Armondo's, it was the most exhilarating thing he'd ever felt before. Armondo looked as equally enthralled as he.

Down stairs Guillermo woke up and groggily looked around the room to find no one there. He heard the sound of voices above him and figured they went upstairs to get more drugs. Unsteadily he got off the couch and headed upstairs. The closer he got to his cousins room he realized that no one was talking. It was just strange sounds. He turned the corner and peeked into his cousins room. It took a lot not to freak out and yell some incoherent sentence. His cousin had been on top of his friend doing unspeakable things to his neck and thensome. He decided it would be in his best interest to never say anything about ever having seen this. So quietly he sat downstairs watching TV with the sound up high. After a couple hours of loud mindless dribble he heard water running.

Upstairs Shawn quietly stared up at the ceiling trying to figure out if what he thought happened really happened. Armondo walked out of the wash room he had someone install and laid back down next to Shawn. Neither of them said anything for a while. Shawn couldn't tell if it was an awkward silence or one of utter regret, either way it was too quiet for his taste.

"Ey vato, between you and me, what happened never leaves this room, 'k?"

"Yeah," Shawn sat up and noticed the rabid hickey at the base of his neck as he saw his reflection in the mirror on the floor.

"If my cousin says anything about the bite just call him self involved," Armondo stood up and headed downstairs.

"Well, here's one New Years resolution."

When Shawn came downstairs he saw Guillermo giving him a strange look and it took a lot of effort for him not to drag his hand to his neck. He really couldn't deal with the looks from Guillermo. It was like he knew what happened and Armondo just looked too nonchalant.

"I'm just going to head home, night guys," Shawn left as quickly as his feet let him.

This was by far the strangest thing he'd ever let happen. Granted he knew he had a ….._thing_...for Guillermo's cousin, but to let it elevate to the level of drug induced intimacy was just wrong. There was no way this could end good in any aspect. Armondo didn't seem like the type of guy to admit he'd ever even considered touching another guy in such away, but to have _anyone_ touching him like that was new to him. It wasn't scary just different. He wondered if Armondo was still going to introduce him to his other cousins now. Speaking of cousins, Guillermo for some reason had been staring at him strangely, he couldn't act like Mondo had and pretend like nothing happened between them.

When he got home he found his mother asleep on the couch with the TV playing static. Shawn never quite understood why his mom liked watching that right before she fell asleep. He supposed it had something to do with repetition being comforting…..or maybe she just didn't like the sound of inane chatter. He grabbed a blanket from his mothers room and put it over her. Rolling his eyes he picked up the empty beer bottles left on the coffee table and stepped into the kitchen and tossed the glass into the trash. This was stupid, he walked back into the living room and sat on the coffee table staring as his mother slept. Grabbing the remote he finally turned off the TV and went to his room. Everything was starting to get way too fucked up for him.

_-_XXX-

Shawn sat with his feet propped up on the crate as he waited for Armondo to come downstairs. He was going with Armondo to his cousins house to hang out. He tugged at the fitting red shirt Armondo had given him to wear for the occasion. It was to his understanding that Armondo and his cousins were a gang, which was why he had to wear the red. Claiming colors was a bit ridiculous, but he really wanted to be apart of something so bad. This was his moment. He jerked his head up as Armondo came down the stairs and motioned for him to follow him out to the car. They listened to loud Mexican rap music and they both kept turning up the music. It was like a contest to see who'd turn it down first once it got too loud to keep turning up.

"You know, Mondo-"

"By the way, when we get there my names Rollercoaster," he turned the steering wheel.

"Rollercoaster?" Shawn looked like he wanted to laugh.

"Yeah mean, you fuck with me and I'll take ya for a spin, you never forget."

"Uh-huh."

"See, this is why no one hangs out with different ethnicity. Everyone thinks everyone else is stupid."

"So what's everyone else's names?" they headed down the freeway till they hit and turn to take an off road turn.

"Well, there's Panzón, you heard a him already. Then there's Pelon, that fuckers a crack-up, he's afraid he'll go bald. Then there's Chacho and K-Swiss."

"Everyone has a nickname….." Shawn didn't know if he should feel offended.

"We can always start calling you Spot 'cause, you know, you're white."

"Ha funny," he turned the music up.

Armondo turned the music down, "Seriously, _Spot,_ don't act like a chick when we're there."

"Excuse me!"

"Look, there, you got offended and shit. Don't do that."

"I do not act like a chick you fuck!" Shawn glared at him then looked out the window.

"Ok, Sheila whatever you say…..chick."

"………" Shawn continued to glare out the window as Armondo parked the car outside decent looking house.

"Come on, get out the car, I swear to God if I have to ask again you won't like what happens next."

"What're you gonna do? Kick my ass again? Because you know after the second time it just gets repetitive," Shawn opened his door and got out the car.

"The first time was because you got annoying, second only happened because you almost said shit in front of my cousin," Armondo didn't even have to say anything in order for Shawn to know what he'd been talking about.

"Speaking of him, have you noticed sometimes he gives us strange looks?"

Armondo stopped dead in his tracks and roughly grabbed Shawn and glared down at him, "You haven't said shit that might make him think crap would you?"

"No, why the fuck would I?" he jerked his shoulder out of the older boys grasp and stood at the front door.

"…….." Armondo didn't drop the look on his face as he opened the door and walked in.

The house smelled thick of smoke. The smell was so strong that even Shawn thought he was getting sick. Maybe sometime after today he'd spend some one on one time with Guillermo. Smoke free, weed free, liquor free. Plain old sober. He was beginning to forget what that was like now. Many a brain cell had been lost now and it surprised him he could still get through a school day with hundred percents on his page. After a while, counslers had got on his case for his grades, he figured if he did better they'd get off him. There was a thought that made him smile, he didn't look like the type to get good grades, but there he was top of his class looking like a stoner.

Armondo hit him in the arm, "What the fuck you smiling about Spot, heh, Spot."

"Dumb shit," Shawn shrugged and looked at the other guys sitting around in the dank living room.

They all stared at him through fogged vision and red eyes. Sitting around doing nothing like him and Armondo….Rollercoaster did……all day. The fact that he could see what him and Mondo did all day in five minutes was pretty sad. None of these guys looked like they even wanted him in the room. What ever Mondo had said to these guys to let them let him hang out with them must have been one Hell of a story. He felt like no one even wanted him to even just be standing there. Now was a good time for a cigarette. Casually he dropped his hand to his pocket and pulled out one and lit it up. One of the guys lifted an eyebrow in his direction and watched as he inhaled.

"How old are you kid?"

"Old enough," Shawn smirked and exhaled.

"He's the same age as Itey," said Armondo as he sat down next to some guy in sunglasses.

"Itey?" Shawn gave him a sideways look.

"Guillermo."

"He's in this too?"

"No, we just call him that, he's short," said one of the other guys sitting on the couch.

"That sort of thing sticks, right Panzón!" laughed at the guy with sunglasses.

"Shut it bitch!"

Shawn watched and silently tried to associate names with faces, but it didn't really do good because no one was really saying who was who. After they sat around for what seemed like all day they finally somehow piled into Armondo's car and headed to the nearest store. Since none of them had money Shawn already figured out how they were going to gather snacks. Five finger discounts was the way to go, though he'd already got caught stealing the past two times with Armondo, he'd continue to do it because of Armondo. This was essentially how things always went and continued to be.

XXX

Two years later and there he was, sitting upstairs with Rollercoaster, getting high and doing some random drug. Sometimes the two of them would find themselves in Panzón's car as he raced down Santa Fe Dr. It was always pretty fun, till some kid about Spot's age would come around and beat him. Thank God the kid only showed up every once in a blue moon. But there Spot sat, staring blearily up at the ceiling, while Rollercoaster lazily smoked a joint. Personally he was starting to get sick with the whole "doing things" together, but never really serious about it all. He _wanted_ something solid. Rollercoaster wasn't solid he was hazy, shifty, unsteady. Getting his ass kicked every time he incidentally let on he and Rollercoaster were even remotely so close was cause for thrashing. After a while though, he was able to really hold his own against the only guy in the group to run around with a brass knuckle in his pocket. Dazedly he sat up and turned his head in Rollercoaster's direction. The other boy was staring with furrowed brows at the joint.

"Rollercoaster?"

"Aye," he put down the joint.

"Why is it that we do this shit together, but afterwards even when no one else is around you don't even want to mention it? It's like you fuck around with me and shit and pretend it never happened. Are you like seriously in the closet, or is it just me?"

Rollercoaster immediately sat up and glared at Spot, "What the fucks your problem, eh! Why the Hell you always got to bring up crap no one wants to talk about?"

"No one, pah, just you!"

"Why don't you shut the fuck up," he stood up and yanked Spot off the bed.

"Closet fag," Spot glared up at him.

"Shut your face or I'll shut it for you kid," he slammed Spot up against the wall so hard the younger boys vision was clouded by static and stars.

"Why don't you just shut it for me because I never seem to shut up," Spot sneered up at him, noticing his name went back to kid.

Rollercoaster banged him against the wall one more time then literally tossed him across the room. Spot lay curled up on the floor, but had little time to recover as Rollercoaster kicked him in the gut. Wincing Spot grabbed the other boys leg just as he was about to be kicked again and yanked him down on the floor. He did not want to get into a real fight with Rollercoaster and quickly got to his feet and hurried down the stairs. Footsteps from behind him were loud and quick as his. He looked behind him and saw Rollercoaster barreling down the steps two at a time. This was not good; Spot set his vision in front of him just a second too late and tripped over the coffee table.

"Shit!" he tumbled over the table and broke the bong and crate as he went down.

"Yeah, kid, that shits the least of your worries!" Rollercoaster stood over him and kicked Spot onto his back.

"Mondo……" Spot stared up at him from his position on the ground.

"You just have to open your mouth and shit comes pouring out….."

"Yeah, well, ……fuck you!" he spat at Rollercoaster and braced himself for another beating.

"Mondo!"

Both Spot and Rollercoaster turned their attention to the doorway and saw Itey standing in it. Spot wasn't sure if he was supposed to be happy or more worried, but at least he was sure he could take his friend. Rollercoaster was a whole nother story. Rollercoaster could kick _his_ ass. He expected it sometimes, this was probably why no one liked him in elementary school and Jr. High……everyone sort of knew he was _like that_. After what happened in fifth grade no one spoke to him because he'd been caught kissing some other boy behind the new classrooms. It surprised him that no one said anything to Itey all those years, but he supposed being able to pumble anyone played in his favor. Plus he in generally just scared a few people. Rollercoaster was obviously not one of them. God this was going to end bad.

"Don't defend this fag," he kicked Spot again.

"Fuck!" Spot winced.

Itey walked over to his cousin and stood in front of him and smiled, "I wouldn't be saying shit if I were you."

"……." his cousin stared at him for all of two seconds and then hit him hard across the face. "Get the fuck out."

"Christ!" Itey was holding his face, but walked over to Spot.

"Don't touch me damnit!" he slowly got off the floor and walked towards the door, but he looked back at Rollercoaster.

Why was it that he so desperately wanted Rollercoaster to say 'sike', or plain ol' just messing with him and that he could come back in? Rollercoaster was just mad, in a day or two this would all blow over and maybe things would go back to normal….but if he really thought about it-

"Spot are you alright?" Itey stood behind him.

"Whatever," he walked out the door completely.

Itey wasn't letting him get away that easy. Since neither of them had their license they had to walk, like always. Spot just wanted to let the whole thing drop for now, but Itey wasn't having it.

"Seriously, what happened?"

"Look shut up, I don't want to talk about it ok? What are you, some damn broad?" Spot started walking faster.

"If you don't talk about it, you're just going to end up exploding," Itey kept pace with Spot.

"Good."

"Spot!"

"……" he decided to ignore his friend.

"Spot!"

"……."

"Spo……_Shawn_!" he stopped for a second. "Shawn."

Spot stopped dead in his tracks and turned around to look at Itey. He looked like he was mad, but also like he was holding back from tearing up. Itey had never seen Spot, no, Shawn, look this upset before in his life. It was a little off setting to see someone he thought had complete control over his emotions. As far as he'd known Spot only had a few emotions..…humor, anger, relaxed, and stoned. Upset in the aspect of emotional pain, in the form of tears, was new.

He walked over to Spot and stood next to him, "Do you want me to get you drunk off your ass?"

Spot blinked momentarily then nodded, "Yeah."

After that day, things became unsteady. Countless times Spot would attempt to talk to Rollercoaster, but it never went well. The two of them were constantly yelling now. Itey and his friends would watch while the two of them argued far down the block at the park across from the fair grounds and next to the flea market. Once, Spot thought things were going well. He'd only got more hurt. More often then not you'd find Spot at Itey's house, with Itey's new friends. They were nice guys to hang out with, but really Bumlets and Raffle-Ticket just weren't wholly and completely into the whole thing like Rollercoaster and his cousins had been, sans Itey. Itey, as good a person as he was, just wasn't really into the gang thing. Itey did it because his cousins did it. After a while you just end up forgetting who you are along the way. Spot had already figured he'd lost himself a long time ago.

It was dark, it was real late.

So late, it was early.

He stumbled into his house and paused for just a brief second to stare at his mother on the couch sleeping to static. The entire room went hazy and he swayed in his place. He shook his head and continued on to his room. The door creaked as he opened it and he stared at his shabby semi damp feeling room. Clumsily he shut and locked his door and managed to make it to his bed and then loudly opened his window. The cool air felt nice. He sighed and took off his shirt, kicking off his shoes as he laid face up on the bed. There were times when he wished he could have just remained isolated. Isolated was nice, it was safe, it wasn't so full of crap.

He paused in his thoughts when he heard footsteps.

"Who the fucks out there?" he managed to pull himself off the bed and hang his upper body out the window.

"Look Spot, kid," Rollercoaster was standing outside his window smoking a cigarette and so obviously close to reaching burnt tonight.

"What the Hell?" Spot furrowed his brows.

"Kid, Spot, kid….Spot…..look, here's the deal. You don't come around me, or my aunt's house ever again, k? …..K?...Spot? Kid? Spot? Maricón? You listening?" he blew smoke in Spot's face.

Spot just stared placidly at the older boy eyes fixated more on the cigarette then the smoke which was obviously meant to irritate him, "Yeah, I hear ya. But here's the deal, no."

"You're gonna be cruising for a bruising and finding yourself in Kingdom Come if you don't watch yourself now," the older boy swayed.

"Like fuck if I care," though Spot relished in the idea at any opportunity to see his former ……whatever he wanted to call it.

"I already told that entire group you're a fucking puto, you think they're gon' still wan' hang out witchu?" he looked like he was going to collapse on Spot's lawn.

"Itey didn't seemed bothered….." Spot wanted to smile as Rollercoaster caught himself before he actually fell.

"Yeah, well, I'm gon'a have talk wid him. So don't come 'round n'more," Rollercoaster stumbled off and flipped Spot off as he made his way to the pavement.

Spot knew it had been a bad idea to let Rollercoaster know where he lived. Granted Rollercoaster had been over drunk/high and his mom had _never_ been home. Rollercoaster would never admit to ever being so close to Spot as to have actually been in his house. This was not what he had in mind when he'd summoned up images of friendship in his head. The only thing he looked forward to was going to school because he and Itey both went to the same school. Itey had been more then willing to help him feel better in the form of being absolutely soused.

It had been strange; Itey chose to talk about the whole thing once he'd had his fill of liquor. Not that Itey really cared if the whole subject upset him. In the end Spot supposed Itey had wanted to get somethings off his chest because he'd asked Spot if he really _was_ gay and not if it had just been because of the whole drug clout. Begrudgingly Spot had found himself admitting to being gay, but only to Itey. It really surprised him how much of a friend Itey really was. He'd gone home that night, truly happy.

XXX

A/N2: This was like the chapter from hell! Sadly I have summer classes this year so we'll be finding out how this works out. I also don't know if anyone thought this chapter was worth reading, but it's a bit of insight into Spot. I so wanted to add a passage from a book I'd once read called, Identity: Youth and Crisis, because it so screamed Spot to me. I opted to not though, but if you're at all curious, you can pm or email me to see what it was.

Also, there's going to be one more interlude into The Wonderful World of Spot. That is, if the chapter for that I'm planning actually works out.

Things to look forward to in the next chapter: Spot and Anthony have a wee bit of a talk and Spot really wonders if he's a good person or not. Anthony's more then willing to prove to Spot he is.


	11. If God Made You

Sins For Thought

Chapter 11: If God Made You

Jack and Evan waited for Anthony to come back from the soda machine. They'd been a little tight lipped about their opinions and views on Anthony and Spot. At First they'd figured the whole thing had just been some kind of phase, but it didn't seem like it would be waning any time soon. And after their conversation the other day ago the two of them weren't so sure Spot even liked them even a little bit anymore.

"Do you think they've done it?"

"If so, he got laid before me."

"I can't believe you just admitted to being a virgin."

"Better a virgin then a man-whore," Evan laughed.

"I'm not a man-whore!"

"Uh-huh."

"I'm not!"

"Why're you yelling for then?"

"I can hear the two of you from across the quad," Anthony sat down next to the two of them on the fountain.

"Jack's a man-whore in denial."

"How can someone who's only slept with one girl in his entire life be a man-whore?"

"……." Jack stared opened mouthed.

Evan laughed.

"I'm-"

"Double edged sword?" supplied Anthony as he opened his soda bottle. "If you say you're a virgin, that's just sad for a guy to say, if you admit to doing more then one girl that makes you both a liar _and_ a man-whore."

"Yeah," muttered Jack as he went back to his food.

"I thought guys couldn't be whores because you get praised for "nailing" more then one girl? Then again I could be wrong and the times have definitely changed and being a virgin _is_ in," Evan smiled at the looks on Anthony's and Jack's face.

"I think I heard somewhere girls think it's sweet or something …….why the Hell are we even talking about this?" Anthony looked around and noticed some girls laughing at them just on the other side of the fountain.

"So, how's Spot doing?" asked Evan as he raised his drink in the girls direction, nodded, and smirked.

"Good…..if only he'd pick up his phone."

Jack and Evan shared a look.

"You know, Anthony, if things aren't working out with him, you should just break it off," Jack craned his neck in Anthony's direction.

"What is it about Spot that you hate so much?" Anthony glared at the pair sideways.

"We _don't_ hate _Spot_, just his habits and crap like that," said Jack kicking trash around on the floor.

"What habits?"

"That fight he got in was pretty much all the examples I could come up with," said Evan as Jack and Anthony looked at him.

Anthony really didn't feel the need to share the drug and drinking bits. He was pretty sure Evan and Jack already knew those things about Spot, so mentioning them didn't even cross their minds because it was so common place. Thank God for teen culture.

"Wow, great argument," he rolled his eyes.

"Tony, you ever ask Spot why he's so strung up on Rollercoaster?" Jack had this puzzling look on his face.

"No why?" for some reason that set his inner commentary into a frenzy.

Even though he knew Spot had that thing, if that what you wanted to call it, for Rollercoaster he still didn't know how deep it really ran. It was really hard to tell. If it was really just about Rollercoaster not liking the fact that Spot was gay, then why did Spot seem to relish in the attention he got from the Mexican boy? Actually, why did Spot like the attention from him at all? From what he could tell Rollercoaster was always saying insulting crap in Spanish about both Spot and Spot's mother. There had been two fights involving the two since he'd known Spot and that last one for some reason really set Spot off. It couldn't have just been about plain friendship, could it?

Jack shrugged, but Evan answered, "No reason, just wondering."

"You don't really think something was going on between them do you?" Anthony couldn't resist asking the question out loud.

"Yeah right, Rollercoaster? Like that? I can't see it," Jack laughed.

"It is a little hard to picture, but then again, look at Spot……" said Evan.

The three of them got really quite. It seemed like for some reason saying that made everyone think back to how close the two of them had been. Jack was having a hard time with mental pictures of Spot, but Rollercoaster was damn near impossible to doing things with guys. Unless….no, not even on drugs would it go that far. Evan regretted even stating that sentence. He was having awful images of the two of them getting it on and had to press his fingers into his eyes to force the mere thought away. Anthony, well Anthony wasn't quite sure how he was going to pose that question to Spot later on. He didn't even want to dwell on the thought for any longer then he had to. After they all finished their mini mind warping, they ditched and hung out at the park.

XXX

Itey handed Spot another cool bottle of Corona. Spot had a tendency to want to get shit-faced drunk when he felt things were going in a bad direction or when he was just in a foul mood. Ever since lunch Itey could tell Spot went into somber mood. Usually he'd leave Spot alone, but he figured this had more to do with Speed Racer at the moment rather then his cousin. Then again, he could be wrong and it could be both. He was about to say something, but Raffle-Ticket had just brought out a plate of food and Spot picked a few things off it.

"One of these days I'm going to just eat inside. That way you won't keep stealing food from me," said Raffle-Ticket as he sat down next to Spot.

"If you didn't want me taking food from you you'd stop sitting near me," said Spot as he picked at the Carne Ranchera.

"That is so true man," said Bumlets crushing his empty beer can.

"Stop doing that, you're putting dents in the lawn!" yelled Itey.

"He's only saying that because his dad got on him for all the trash on the lawn," said Spot smirking at his friend.

"Give me back those empanadas I gave you earlier!"

"Your mom made empanadas!" both Bumlets and Raffle-Ticket jumped up and ran into the house.

"Too bad they don't know you gave me the last ones," Spot reached down into his back pack and opened it to pull out one and started eating it.

"I don't think that mixes with beer," Itey cringed as Spot took a bite out of it.

Spot shrugged and kept eating.

"So, uh, you and the short guy…..how's that going?" Itey took a drink out of his bottle.

"………." Spot stared at him.

"What! I can't ask?" Itey glanced back at the house.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Uh, I don't know, wouldn't it be a bit strange if I told you he's a great French kisser?" Spot smirked and took another drink from his bottle.

Itey made a face, "You're right, it would, but on the general scale of relationships and shit like that, how's it going?"

"Everything is fine," Spot polished off the empanada.

"You're lying!"

"Prove it," Spot crossed his arms.

"You're drinking one beer after another, I don't have to," said Itey kicking Spot's foot.

"Because, you know, I don't drink on a regular basis?" Spot glared at Itey's foot.

"No, normally when you drink, its one every couple hours. When you're upset, you practically chug."

"Whatever," said Spot drinking the last of his beer and took Raffle-Ticket's that had been left sitting on the ground.

Itey quirked an eyebrow at Spot, but Spot just smirked and continued to down Raffle-Ticket's beer. The two of them remained outside even after they'd finished off their drinks. The sun was starting to set when a car pulled up to the curb and parked. Spot immediately rolled his eyes while Itey waved Anthony and his two friends over.

"Pinky, I got something for you!" Spot dug around in his backpack and pulled out a CD and tossed it to Evan.

He looked at the cover then smiled, "I never thought I'd get this back."

"Yeah, found it underneath my bed the other day ago," Spot didn't even bother addressing Anthony.

"So did you listen to it?"

"Nope, but Itey here burned it for me, so I'll eventually get to it," Spot finally looked at Anthony, who looked a little miffed.

"We're going out for pizza, come with," said Jack as he grabbed Spot and pulled him out of the chair.

"Speed Racer, come here a sec," Itey stood and waved Anthony closer.

"Itey, you bastard, shut up!" yelled Spot as Jack and Evan shoved him in the car.

"Look, Spot's my friend and all, but he's got some serious issues I think you should take into consideration."

"I'd have to be dumber then shit not to realize that," said Anthony sighing and glancing back at the car.

Spot was glaring out at Anthony and Itey. The pair just smiled and waved at Spot who flipped them the bird. Jack and Evan both broke out in laughter so loud you could hear them from inside the car. Anthony told himself that later he'd have to go egg both their houses. Maybe if things panned out, later on tonight he could convince Spot to join in on it.

"True."

"Can I ask you something?" Anthony looked back at the car again then back at Itey.

"Shoot."

"What exactly was Spot's relationship with your cousin like?"

"Um, I don't think Spot would be too happy if I told you," Itey stuck his hands in his pockets.

"So, it _was_ something then?"

"Look, this is Spot's and your business, not mine. I'm asking not to get my friend any more upset with me then he might be right now," Itey sat back down.

Anthony just nodded, said thanks, and headed over to the car. Evan let him into the backseat and Spot moved all the way to the window on his side and glared at Anthony. Anthony just rolled his eyes and buckled up. Everyone was subject to listing to some a.m. station Jack liked listening to that only talked about alien sightings and the like. Why he liked listening to it, no one knew, they just knew Jack sort of believed in that stuff. Apparently Jack had even gotten into an hour long discussion with "County Bank Broad's" (as Spot liked to call her) brother. There weren't sadder reasons in the world to talk about aliens and Anthony and Evan were subject to most of the one way conversations. Once they'd made it to Anthony's house, Anthony and Spot hurried out the backseats.

XXX

"Jack is a fucking nutcase," said Spot as they stepped into the house.

"Tell me about it," Anthony walked over to the phone, which was beeping, and hit the playback button.

"Anthony," came his mothers voice from the answering machine. "I know you must be in the bathroom because you _wouldn't_ be out hanging with your friends when you're grounded. Anyway, don't forget to take out the trash tonight and put all the mail in you dads and my room, love you honey, bye." Anthony hit the delete button.

"You have such a sweet mommy, checking up on you and all," Spot sat down on the arm of the couch.

"Uh-huh, come on," Anthony grabbed Spot by the arm and to his bedroom.

"Um, was there some kind of preconceived plan you had before you brought me here or something?"

"Why say?" Anthony smiled at him.

"No reason," Spot shook his head and sat down on the bed.

"Spot……you and…….you and Itey's...uh, well, Rollercoaster…."

"God, I knew this was coming eventually, look what do you want me to say? That I hate him, that I regret screwing around with him, that I wish we'd never met? Yes there are times when I regret ever meeting him and shit like that, but I figure maybe I was supposed to go through that Hell. Make me realize some crap about my self-worth or something or other, or….what!" Spot noticed the look on Anthony's face.

"Nothing, it just sounds like you've had someone talk to you about it before," Anthony was leaning against his dresser.

"Maybe," Spot shrugged a shoulder.

Anthony smiled, "Who?"

"Itey," Spot shrugged a shoulder again and rubbed his eyes.

"You and Itey are really good friends, that's….that's good," it got quiet for a moment.

Spot covered his face with his hands, "Do you think I'm a bad person Anthony?"

Anthony sat down next to Spot on the bed and placed his hand on the other boys back. No, Spot wasn't a bad person, he just made bad decisions, "Absolutely not, Spot."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because, if you weren't, you wouldn't be asking that question."

Spot lifted his head and stared at Anthony with a look on his face that said 'oh' then he looked down at the floor, "You could be right."

"You don't sound convinced," Anthony put his arm around Spot's waist and pulled him back on the bed to lay down.

"Hey, Anth……kiss me," Spot looked Anthony in the eyes and didn't once blink or look away.

Anthony didn't say anything, but responded by kissing Spot, like he'd wanted. For some reason this felt utterly right. Not that there had been anything wrong with the whole thing to begin with. Spot had his eyes closed and Anthony wondered if he should close his, but he liked looking at Spot's face. Spot seemed wholly and completely lost in what they were doing. Shifting slightly Spot laid more on Anthony. His hands slid slowly down Anthony's body. Anthony couldn't resist running his fingers through Spot's hair.

"This, um, Spot."

Spot halted in his ministrations and slid his eyes open, "What?"

"Nothing, it's just….."

"Moving too fast?" Spot lifted himself up a bit to stare down at Anthony.

"………." Anthony looked like he was debating with himself.

"Because, you know, I'll understand if all you want to do is make out. Being rushed kinda sucks," Spot really wanted a cigarette.

"You're suddenly way not Spot like……"

"Look, I'm tired, I'm upset, right now I'm sick of playing like its all ok, ok?" Spot sat up and leaned against the wall, leaning on Anthony, shoulder to shoulder.

"So who you put out there for everyone to see really _isn't_ all wanna be gangster?" Anthony locked hands with Spot.

"If it makes you feel better, no," Spot was staring at their hands.

"Then who is the real Shawn?" Anthony turned head to look at the other boy.

"…..Some lost little boy….."

Anthony stared at their hands and then looked back at Spot, "We're all a little lost….some just have a better way at pretending they're not."

"Heh, I'm so going to Hell, too bad you can't keep me company."

"What?"

"Well, you're too good looking to go to Hell."

"There are beautiful people, even in Hell, Spot….." Anthony couldn't help the confused amused look on his face.

Spot turned his head to look at Anthony with this sad smile on his face, "I wasn't talking about the outside."

Anthony was truly at a loss for words. That was definitely something he hadn't expected Spot to mean. The other boy really did amaze him sometimes. Spot had many sides to him. At times he acted like nothing effected him, he could be childish/childlike (the latter made him smile), caring, introverted…maybe, and even introspective. Spot was a bit of an enigma if he really thought about it long enough.

Anthony gently smiled, "Thank you Spot."

The other boy smiled and the two of them sat peacefully side by side in silence for awhile. Finally Anthony kicked off his shoes and Spot followed suit. Anthony turned out the bedroom lights and they lay quietly in the dimly moon lit room. For a while you could only hear them breathe lightly, there was a slight electric charge feel buzzing about in the air, and the two of them slowly slid their arms around each other. Spot mumbled into the crook of Anthony's neck.

"I met the right person at the wrong time."

Anthony sighed and wrapped his arms a little tighter around Spot, "Its better then the wrong person at the right time."

"God that's so true," mumbled Spot closing his eyes and relishing in the burning pain it set off.

"I honestly feel, I met the right person at the right time Spot," he pressed his lips against Spot's and trailed his way down to Spot's neck and collar bone.

Spot sighed contently and a soft smile crossed his face, "Things do seem to be looking up for me….."

"Shawn….." Anthony leveled his eyes with Spot's. "I love you."

XXX

A/N: Summer semester is just evil. My communications class makes me write for almost every time we meet and then we have to get in front of the class and give speeches, its evil.

Anywho, no guarantees on when the next chapter is coming out or what's planned for it (only because I have no idea lol), also, I've seemed to have now lost all sense of time in this fanfic. I'd been keeping score how many days it's been since they knew each other and what days it was in my head, but I finally lost track. On the bright side, I finally know what ending I'm going to be choosing, not that it's ending sometime soon. Oh, and the title came from the song respectively titled: If God Made You-by Five For Fighting, it just popped into my head when I asked myself what to call it.

ps. Big congrats toMyKa HoLLy for being the 20th person to review. She's choosen the pairing for the next one-shot I'll be putting out.


	12. Letter For Us

Sins For Thought

Chapter 12: Letter For Us

"Anthony….." Spot's voice was hushed and low.

Anthony leaned forward and kissed Spot, who was more then willing to comply. Spot smiled, God, he loved him too, but for some reason he didn't want to say it out loud. Like, that by saying it out loud would prove how much he really cared about everything. He didn't want to have to fess up to those things and then be disappointed in the end. So, for right now, he'd settle for physical communication. Slowly he wrapped his arms around Anthony. All he knew was that he wanted this. This person touching him, holding him, loving him in those warm arms, because this would be the only place he'd get to enjoy it. His house just didn't have that warm feeling that Anthony's did, no, his house was just a house, not even really a home. It posed as a home, had all the things set up in it, but no one really lived there. Just static and this dark cold empty feeling with small pulses of life residing there. But here, it felt like a real family lived here, with people who cared immensely for each other in it. Spot ran his hands up Anthony's shirt and slid it off him. They spent the rest of the night just holding onto each other, like if the night would swallow them up whole if they didn't have each other to anchor them down.

XXX

When Spot woke up in the morning he noticed he was alone. The house sounded really quite and only the sound of passing cars seemed to break the air. Anthony, he decided, had a really nice bed. He curled up in the blankets and covered his head. He didn't want to think about having to go to school, it was boring, and he was just too lazy to get up and get dressed to go. Maybe, if he was lucky, Anthony had run off to school and just left him here by himself. But that was a short-lived fantasy as the sound of music came pouring out the clock radio. It was a dreadful sound of pop music with just a hint of country twang laced within its tune, he wished to any deity listening to kill the clock. And he was pleasantly surprised when the music stopped.

"I should pray to who's ever listening more often," he muttered from beneath the blankets and pillows.

"Do you always say weird things when you wake up?"

"I think it runs in the family…..or….genetics…..mm..pie," he laughed so low to himself Anthony almost missed it.

"Shut up, get up, and go to school," Anthony sat down on the bed and tried pulling the blankets off Spot.

"No, I don't even have clothes here, so why should I? And don't think for a second I'm wearing your stuff," but Spot sat up nonetheless.

"That's nice, now get dressed," he smiled and walked out the room.

"That's the last I'll ever stay here on a school night!" yelled Spot heading towards the bathroom.

"Well that's a lie!" called Anthony back.

The next half hour was filled with yelling back and forth and a little bit of name calling, but all in good fun. Spot was feeling immensely upbeat. Anthony had brought him home so that he could go and get changed and then take him to school. Though Spot ignored the look Itey was giving him as he'd got out of the car, it was a ridiculously goofy look, but Itey was a nice enough friend to not say something stupid about it. Or at least that's what Spot had always thought. The two of them waved bye to Anthony and made their way down the entrance hall. Itey still had that look on his face.

"Ok, shut up and stop that."

"What? I'm not saying anything," Itey kept smiling.

"You ever heard of nonverbal communication? Now shut up," Spot tugged on the strap of his back pack.

"Fine," but two seconds later Itey broke out into that grin again, "….you lo-ve him."

"Shut up bitch," Spot punched him in the arm.

"Ow, fuck! Don't do that, you hit like a boxer on steroids!" but Itey laughed it off.

"What the hell would make you think that anyways?" they turned down into another hall and into a quad.

"I don't know, say, you talk about him a lot when it's just you and me. You're around him more and more…..you don't even wear red anymore, shoelaces don't count when they're faded," Itey leaned against the tree he and Spot always sat under.

Spot looked down at his old Adidas, the shoelaces were looking a little pink, "Well fuck me." Spot smirked.

XXX

"How is it that your parents never seem to be home?"

"I don't know, too much money, too much time?"

"Either way, it's always a benefit to us."

"Uh-oh, Jack's getting ideas."

"Heh, like that happens often."

"Can it, tonight, we're heading to _your_ house."

"_We're_ as in who?"

"Sarah, her friend, Evan, and me."

"Jack's a little too proud of himself right now."

"Let him have his "moment" I'll nip it in the bud right now. NO."

"Come on Anthony, it ain't often we go to your house without your parents home. Anyway, I'll bring my old Nintendo, and Evan will supply the beer!"

"I'm not liking this plan already, why does my mom like you better then Shawn?"

"And since when did you start referring to him as _Shawn_?What happened to Spot?"

"Jack's got a point, talk about becoming intimate."

"Shut up Evan," Anthony threw his empty potato chip bag at him.

"Hey, _hey_**¸** no littering!" Evan laughed and tossed the bag back at Anthony.

"Ok, so now that the two of you are done being gay, Anthony, we're going to your house after school. Be prepared."

"And so ends another day in the melodramatic school drama know as: Jack the Untold Story of a Boy with No Life Beyond His Libido."

Evan and Anthony high-fived each other and laughed.

"Whatever you two, but tonight, we're having more unsupervised fun."

"He's starting to sound like someone who never gets out," Evan looked at Anthony.

Anthony nodded and laughed, "Ok, ok fine but you're bringing your own food and Shawn's going to be there."

"It's your house its not like I have any say about what goes on there," Jack smiled and sipped his soda.

"You could drive a sane person crazy," said Anthony rolling his eyes.

"Which means his girlfriend must be brain dead," said Evan trying not to laugh.

"You guys need to stop saying stuff like that about her she's nice."

Evan and Anthony looked at each other.

"What! She is!" said Jack defensively. "Come on, Spot's got like a server personality on him and I don't say crap about that."

"You say crap all the time!" said Anthony.

"That is true Jack, I think Tony's entitled to some Sarah bashing," he smiled.

The bell rang and the three of them split up for the rest of the day.

XXX

Spot passed Itey's house watching as his friend went inside and shut the front door. Itey and the other guys were so lucky. They all had good happy families to come home too, sans Itey having to sometimes come home to his cousin, Rollercoaster. Spot sighed. His house was in view and wondered when they stopped growing grass on the lawn, if that's what it could really be called now. When he was younger the lawn use to be so lush and full and well …..green. He kicked over the tricycle in the drive way and continued to the front door. After a minute of fighting with the lock he opened the door and gently shut it behind him. The house looked so dark, he paused when he heard the sound of static, she was asleep on the couch again. He walked over to the TV and turned it off and stood staring at his mother for a second. Then he sat down on the coffee table across from the couch with his hands folded, elbows resting on his legs, head hung.

His mother woke up, "Shawn?"

"Mom, why do you fall asleep with the TV on like that?" he remained hunched over, but lifted his head to stare at his mother.

"What do you mean?" she sat up and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

"I come home or wake up and I find you, here, asleep on the couch with the TV playing static, why?"

"Because, when things get too quiet, I get scared. I'm use to noise. I got use to all the yelling. Without you or your father around anymore everything's been so quiet and to me……silence is the most terrifying sound in the world."

Spot stared at his mother and blinked, "I think so too."

"…….." his mother stared down at her hands for a second, "Shawn?"

"Hm?"

"Why have you been home so much lately?"

Spot broke out into a smile, "That's a very good question. I'm surprised you weren't asking why I stopped asking you to leave me money."

"Or your lack of red attire……"

They both knew or at least figured why Spot had been recently doing the things he did. She didn't' say anything, but she'd seen the bathroom trashcan earlier that morning full of small plastic bags and lighters. She'd always figured her son _was_ doing drugs, but didn't really know what to do about it. He was hardly home and she was just the same, if not always asleep. She stopped trying to be a mother the second he'd slammed a door in her face and yelled at her. It seemed like years ago.

"Uh….mom…..maybe sometime, we could do…..something together……like um…" he scratched the back of his head.

"Like a family?" she gently smiled at him.

"Maybe we can like, water the lawn and grow grass together, heh," he stared up at her.

"I think we'd have to toss ……grass seeds or something on the ground to do that. The entire lawn is dirt," she crossed her legs Indian style.

"I can see it now, we're on the back porch, if that's what you want to call it, sitting on lawn chairs with a couple water hoses. As the grass grows."

"Oh, God, that sounds like a terrible show."

XXX

Anthony checked the clock, Spot was supposed to be there an hour ago. He briefly wondered if maybe Spot had run into Rollercoaster or something. If that had happened, then maybe Spot had………no, he shook his head. It was better not to think thoughts like that, because then if something _did_ happen then he would feel like it had been him who caused it. But what would make Spot this late? That made no sense, usually when Spot said he was going to be there, he'd be there. Again, Anthony found himself pacing his living room floor. Ten minutes later his front door opened and Spot just casually walked in and was waving bye to someone.

"Hey Anth," he walked over to Anthony and slung his arm around his shoulder and then causally dragged him over to the couch and plopped down onto it.

"Uh, Shawn, not that I'm not happy to see you and all, but why in the heck are you so late?" he shifted around a bit and was kind of surprised when Spot leaned over onto him.

Spot sighed and smiled, "I was talking to someone."

"Ok, I have to ask, who?"

"Someone important," Spot leaned more onto him.

"Hmm……" he leaned his head onto Spot's.

The two of them got quiet. Anthony supposed that was as good an answer as he was going to get. The silence only lasted for a moment, because the loud sound of car doors closing out front clipped it. Anthony really wished he'd locked the front door after Spot had come in. He counted to five in his head and the front door swung open and in walked Jack, Sarah, her friend, and Evan. It took Anthony all of two seconds to figure out how bad this night was going to end. He sighed to himself and rubbed his eyes. He'd be lucky if the neighbors didn't call the cops on them. In his head he ticked off the felonies one by one, and then figured they'd be doing tons of community service and a night in the local jail. Then again, Jack could simply talk his way out of any situation. That could work in their favor if anything bad happened.

"God you two, get a room," said Sarah smiling.

Spot flipped her off, "We _had_ a house."

"Play nice kids," said Anthony sitting up properly.

"Anth, babe, that's only going to work for so long," Spot ignored the looks the rest of them were giving him as he got up and took one of the packs of beer from Evan and headed for the kitchen.

Anthony turned his head and stared over at Jack, "This night is going to end very bad or weird, isn't it?"

"Tone," Jack flung and arm around his friends shoulder and steered him towards the TV, "Of course."

"Great."

They started setting up the old Nintendo and sat down for a long night. Anthony found the first half of the night to be exceedingly dull, which wasn't necessarily bad, but Spot was spending most of his time trying to beat Bubble Bobble with Sarah. Jack and Evan were both drinking and laughing every time the other two would get up to level fifty-four and lose. Spot would yell at Sarah, Sarah would yell at Spot and Sarah's friend would throw chips at them. Though once half the night had worn on, Anthony dearly missed the dullness.

Currently Sarah and her friend were still playing the Nintendo and chips and trash were everywhere. Spot was missing, Jack and Evan were in the kitchen drinking and eating last time he checked and the whole house was a wreck. Beer cans were scattered all over the floor and ………

"What the hell is that smell?" Anthony walked back into the kitchen and saw the backdoor wide open.

Jack and Evan were standing on the back porch and staring at something. Anthony was just about to turn around and go back to trying to pick up the house, but then Jack and Evan both yelled 'whoa!' and the hollow sound of something going 'fwoosh' made him turn around.

"Holy crap!"

"Man, that is so cool!"

Anthony hung out the door way, "Oh my God, put that out now!" The driveway was aflame and when Anthony yelled, Spot's excited face dropped. Anthony hurried over to the water hose, turned it on and put out the fire, "What the hell's going on!"

"Awww!" yelled both Jack and Evan.

Spot's shoulders slumped and he sighed deeply, "I thought it was romantic."

"I thought it was too," said Jack shrugging his shoulders and heading back inside, Evan following suit.

Anthony frowned and looked at the cement a dark stain on the floor read: _I love Anthony_, "Next time, try to do something sane."

"What was wrong with what I did?" Spot kicked the stray rocks on the ground and headed up to the backdoor.

"Someone could have called the cops! People don't start fires in backyards in the suburbs!"

"Don't get mad at me, it's not like I did it intentionally to piss you off!"

"Just go inside," Anthony stayed outside trying to rinse off the rest of the driveway, worried that the gasoline words would still be there when his parents got back.

"Whatever," said Spot rolling his eyes and going inside.

XXX

Morning rolled around and while the house was clean there were still five teenagers asleep in various places of the house. Evan was asleep behind one of the potted plants. Sarah's friend was asleep on the couch, half on half off. And Jack and Sarah……were missing. Spot was missing as well. Eww, Anthony shook his head, no, threesomes with those two would be gross. Anthony sighed and started going in and out of the two spare bedrooms. Spot wasn't in either of them and neither were Jack or Sarah. He walked down the hall to his parents room and found Jack and Sarah. Anthony tried not to yell and walked into his parents bathroom and brought out a cup of water. Not even for two seconds did it cross his mind this was a bad idea. Slowly he lifted the cup and poured it over the two of them.

"Crap!"

"Holy God!"

Anthony laughed, "Man that's so worth having to wash my parents blankets."

"You're an ass!" yelled Sarah.

"There's a reason your parents keep taking off all the time," muttered Jack getting out of the bed.

"Yeah, well I'm thinking about following suit," said Anthony as he left the room to find Spot.

"Who the hell talks like that?"

He was almost out of the hallway and back in the living room when something caught his eye. He took a few steps back and stared at the bottom corner of the hallway closet. A shoelace was stuck just at the edge of the door. Quietly he stepped closer and pressed his ear to the door. It was quiet. Grabbing the handle he opened the door and looked in. Spot was asleep on a pile of shoes and jackets, his neck in an awkward position. Anthony smiled to himself and kneeled down in front of the other boy.

"Shawn."

"Hmm? What?" Spot shifted and immediately cringed. "God my neck."

"Come on," he helped Spot off the pile and to his room. "Why were you in the closet anyways?"

"Well, you see, I figured that's where gay people stay right-"

"Never mind," but Anthony smiled and shook his head.

"Actually," Spot paused and stared at Anthony as the two of them sat down on his bed. "I was hoping you'd come and find me last night, but you were so effy about the house being a wreck you didn't."

Anthony blinked, bit his lip light on the side, and furrowed his brows, "So you slept in the closet?"

"No, I accidentally fell asleep. Who the hell in their right mind would _want_ to sleep in a closet?" Spot lay back against the mattress.

"Sorry," he laid down next to Spot.

"You so have to make this up to me," Spot smirked.

"………" Anthony just gave him a cross look.

"God, not like that, you're a pervert," said Spot laughing.

"Yeah, huh, whatever," Anthony managed to turn slightly to the side and pop his back.

"Nice," muttered Spot trying to do it too, but just looked like he was trying to inconspicuously adjust his underwear, which made Anthony laugh. "Shut up."

"You don't have the skills to pull a move like that," said Anthony half laying on Spot.

"Yeah, well, I do have some moves," he reached up and pulled Anthony down and kissed him, smirked and said in a low hushed voice, "and they're good moves."

"I'm not about to argue."

XXX

A/N: I can't believe it took me this long to get the chapter out. –anguished expression- I really feel like I should apologize. So forgive me.

This chapter has been brought to you by Rob Thomas and all his greatness.

Things to look forward in the next chapter: Spot, Anthony, and Spot's mother spend some time at the lake. A new person comes into Anthony, Jack, and Evan's group of friends for the day, courtesy _of_ Jack. And Anthony parents decide they want to meet Spot's mom. Oh the apprehension.


	13. Drunk Under A Bridge

Sins For Thought

Chapter 13: Drunk Under A Bridge

It was early, too early, so when Anthony saw Spot standing at his bedroom window, he almost didn't believe it. Spot was wearing a single fitting black t-shirt and a pair of jeans. It took a second to register that Spot was even wearing a regular pair of black Vans. If Anthony had never met him before, he'd swear Spot could pass as a normal nigh school kid. Opposed to the "hard core" gangster he tried to pass himself off as most of the time. Though, honestly, he had absolutely no idea what Spot was doing at his home so early.

"What, in all that is holy, are you doing here?" Anthony rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

Spot leaned against the windowsill, "Not going to class today."

"And you came here to tell me that because?" he cringed at the awful taste in his mouth.

"Actually, my teacher told me not to show up for class today. I have him first period, says we're not allowed to have perfect attendance in his class. Also, that we should use this free time to go get drunk under a bridge and think about life – or something to that extent," he tilted his head slightly to the side and smirked at Anthony's bedraggled state.

"You have weird teachers," said Anthony yawning.

"Hurry up and get dressed, my mom's waiting in the car."

Anthony couldn't hide the look on his face, "Your…..mom?"

"Yeah, criminy Anthony, don't look so damn shocked, just hurry up already or else we're leaving you," Spot took off, path hidden by the large bush next to his window.

Anthony continued to stand there for a minute, then finally grabbed some clothes and quietly went down the hall to the bathroom. His parents had come home really late that evening. The last thing he wanted was an inquiry as to why he was up so early or why he'd be leaving without his school things. He paused for a moment as he rushed through his morning routine. For a second he laughed at himself for being stupid, they're not so stupid as to not wonder why his car would still be there, when he wasn't. God, teenagers _were _stupid! Quickly he finished up in the bathroom and met Spot outside. Inside the car, Spot's mother smiled and waved to him.

"Hey Anth, guess where we're going?" Spot smiled at him and opened the car door.

"Jamaica?" he got into the back of the car, Spot next to him in the back.

"No, the lake," Anthony thought it was the strangest thing that Spot seemed that excited to be going to the lake.

"Ok."

It took less than an hour to get to the lake and by the time they made it, it was already nine in the morning. Anthony was pretty sure daylight had pretty much never seen Spot and his mother out together on a day like this, or at all for that matter. Spot was helping his mom pull stuff out of the trunk and lugging it to the table. There were three ice chests and four packs of twelve packs of soda. One chest was full of foods, another was full of drinks, and the last was just to carry the paper plates, food condiments, cups, and utensils. After everything was set up Spot and Anthony went walking around the lake. The whole place was pretty deserted, just a few scattered people here and there, then again it was earlyish. Spot and Anthony walked all the way to the other end of the lake where the cooler play area was, near the bridge.

Spot straddled the bouncing metal animal and yelled, "Ye-haw!"

"You look so weird ridding on that thing," he smiled and sat down on the sand.

"It's better to make an idiot out of yourself when no one else is around. You're less likely to give a damn and have more fun," Spot jumped off the metal animal and launched himself at the tiny slide.

"It sort of seems like your having too much fun," but Anthony got up and walked over to the spinning wheel, which he'd never learned the name to.

"I never really had much of an opportunity to go to places like this when I was young," said Spot as he climbed up the front of the slide.

Anthony stared at him as he slowly spun past Spot, "Why?"

Spot shrugged, "I don't think my dad liked public places and my mom, well, worked."

"You don't talk much about your dad," Anthony stopped the spinning wheel and walked over to the end of the slide.

"I don't remember him much, to be honest," Spot slid down the slide backwards laying down and when he got to the end stared up at Anthony, "The only thing I really remember about him was that he loved two things."

Anthony blinked down at him and took a wild ass guess, better known as a WAG, "You and your mother?"

"Drinking and football, I said _things_, not _people_ Anthony."

For some reason hearing Spot say his name in that somber tone made a shock wave pulse threw him, "Come on."

"Where?" asked Spot as Anthony dragged him towards the bridge.

"You're supposed to get drunk under a bridge and think about life, right?" together their footsteps rang loud on the old wooden bridge.

"First off, we're on the bridge, not under it. Second, we didn't actually bring beer," Spot had this absurdly weird smile on his features.

Anthony shrugged, "Oh well, doesn't really mean we still can't think, right?"

"I don't think you want to hear my thoughts on life. Lets hear yours instead," Spot climbed up on the wooden railing and sat.

"No, I want to hear yours," Anthony leaned on Spot's legs.

"You ever hear the phrase, Life's a bitch-"

"Shawn….."

"What do you want me to say? That life is this amazing thing we should all be happy to experience? Because it's not…….not everyone has a happy life or childhood."

"How about, why don't you think about the things you'd like to happen in life."

Spot had this sardonic look on his face, "Things that'll never happen."

"But good things nonetheless," supplied Anthony.

Spot jumped off the railing next to Anthony then just leaned against it and stared at the water, "I want to get out of here, move to like, the bay area. Someplace nice, where no one knows me."

"Doing what?" Anthony noticed the soft smile on Spot's face.

"I could care less, so long as I had time to see the ocean everyday," Spot had closed his eyes.

"Shawn……how do you feel about me?"

Spot literally looked jolted out of his thoughts and stared at Anthony for a second, then cast his eyes in the other direction. He didn't know what to tell him. Yes, he liked him, or rather maybe even loved him. But honestly, Spot was having a hard time reframing from comparing Anthony to Rollercoaster. He didn't even want to tell Itey about it. Anthony was so different from the other guy, but he was having difficulties with separating his feelings on the two. Though it was much too obvious that Anthony was both a better and logical choice.

"Honestly?"

Anthony nodded.

"I-"

From a distance, the sound of Spot's mothers voice calling them to come and "get it" over to them. Anthony saw the relief on the other boys face and caught the 'oh thank god' comment. Anthony didn't know whether to be confused or hurt. Together though the three of them sat and ate. It was rather peaceful. After they'd finished eating they spent the rest of the morning attempting to skip rocks, climb tress, and a boat to rent. Anthony had spent the rest of that morning wondering what Spot had been about to say. It was sort of eating at him. For a moment he cast his glance at Spot. Currently, Spot was attempting to take the wheel of the boat. Anthony smiled to himself, if anything, he felt he was somewhat responsible for the attempt at familyness between Spot and his mother.

"Hey Anth, mind if I come over after we're done here?"

"……..Uh, yeah, no that's fine. Don't know why you're asking. Usually you don't bother," Anthony really wondered what that was about.

"Cool."

They spent an hour on the water before they went back and started on coming up with lunch. Spot was sitting on the picnic table and Anthony was quietly sitting next to him. Anthony figured if he was distant enough Spot would realize something was up. It wasn't till after they ate and Spot's mother was taking a nap on a blanket next to the water that Spot said something.

"Is something up Anth?" they were still sitting at the picnic table.

"No."

"………." Spot cast a short glare at him, "you are such a chick."

"Excuse me?"

"You! You're such a liar. Saying no like that when you're really upset. You're a chick!"

"I'm not allowed to say no? Because, you know, real men hide their feelings."

"You think you're a real man?" Spot scoffed.

"……Why are we arguing?" Anthony threw his hands in the air.

"I have……no idea," Spot laughed and shook his head.

It got quiet for a moment, then Anthony asked, "Earlier, what was it that your were going to say?"

"Earlier?"

"When I asked you how you felt about me."

For some reason they weren't looking at each other.

"Honestly…..I like you, a lot, more then I actually thought I would."

"What do you mean by _thought_ you would?"

"Look, let's not ruin a good day with the crap that might come from my mouth, 'kay?"

Anthony sighed and stared up at Spot. He had the feeling that maybe Spot didn't want to talk about his reasons. Though, the whole subject was going to annoy him a lot later on in the week when he had time to himself. He supposed Spot was right and they should enjoy this time while they could. With that thought in mind Anthony grabbed Spot by the wrist and dragged him to the water. Without saying anything and much staggering he managed to fling Spot, the best he could, into the water.

"What was the point of that?"

Anthony shrugged, "Felt like it."

"Ok," Spot reached up and pulled Anthony down.

Anthony had momentarily freaked out, but managed to regain his calm before he hit the water. Landing more on Spot then the shallow side of the lakes edge where they were at. Spot smiled up at him and Anthony smiled down at him. Anthony closed the gap between them and kissed Spot. For a moment Spot was too surprised, but then responded unknowingly with a low sound in the back of his throat.

Anthony broke the kiss and looked down at Spot, "I just want you to know, I mean it, when I say I love you."

"Thanks," Spot seemed more somber then happy about the statement.

Thanks was a strange thing to hear after someone said they love you. Anthony's phone rang and he rushed out the water to check it. It was a text message, from Jack. About meeting up at Evan's after he got back from where ever he was. Anthony just smirked at it and texted Jack back. His mom was going to be so mad at him later on.

XXX

Later on in the afternoon, Jack sat with his hands behind his head and Evan held a beer between his hands sitting next to Jack across from Spot. Not one of them had said much since Anthony had left to pick something up for his mother. Spot let out a light cough and shifted in his seat. None of them had any idea why it was suddenly awkward. But then Jack finally couldn't help himself and sat up properly and looked to Spot.

"Ok, so, in light of certain events, you gay?"

Evan spat out what he'd been drinking and coughed, "Jack!"

"What!" Jack didn't look like he cared much.

"What if I am?" Spot finally couldn't help himself and grabbed one of the beers. Anthony told him not to drink but he didn't want to remain sober for this.

"No reason, just asking," said Jack.

"Because, you know, seriously groping your best friend wasn't enough," said Spot opening the can of beer and drinking it.

"Not in the beginning," said Evan.

"Speaking of which, you and Anth doing stuff in the back of the car……so obvious," said Jack.

"………back of the?...Oh at the County Bank parking lot!" said Evan.

"What? You can go flirt and make out with some random broad on top of a parking garage, but I'm not allowed to let Anthony make a move on me?"

"Eww, stop!" Jack pressed his hands against his ears, "Flash back!"

"You didn't even see anything," said Evan.

"Seriously, we crawled off each other before you even hit the last step," Spot took another drink.

"Unneeded information!" yelled Jack.

"Since we're on the subject of gross and unneeded information, we were all talking together at lunch a day or so ago and we sort of came to the conclusion that maybe…..um…that-"

"If you're gonna stutter, Pinky, then don't start sentences," Spot rolled his eyes.

"Seriously Evan, why start asking _that_ question?" Jack looked like he wanted to leave.

"Ok, so, um, what the hell is this going to be about?" Spot suddenly felt like he should take off as quickly as possible.

"Well, we just got into a conversation about Rollercoaster-"

"I'm gonna go now!" Spot made to move, but Jack's hand shot out fast enough and caught Spot's wrist and pulled him back into the chair.

"That was answer enough, Evan, shut up. I'm officially scarred for life," Jack was rubbing his temples.

Spot looked at Jack, furrowed his brows, and scratched his head then looked at Evan and jerked his head in Jack's direction, "He acts like he's the one who got-"

"Spot, shut up!"

"Squeamish much," Spot smirked.

"God Jack," Evan laughed.

"Don't want to hear it."

Spot slapped Jack's hands away from his ears, "Dude, be a man."

"Says the guy who-"

"Finish that sentence and I'll dropkick your ass in two seconds," said Spot.

"And Anthony likes you, why?" Jack got up and grabbed a soda.

"I'm just that good looking," Spot smirked and took a drink from his can.

"……..I'm gonna hurl," said Jack lifting his soda can to his mouth.

"Wasn't Sarah's brother supposed to show up?" Evan got up and looked out the window.

"Yeah, he was supposed to be here an hour ago," said Jack also getting up to look out the window.

"Who?" Spot didn't move.

"David," said Jack sitting back down.

"On a brighter note, Anthony's back," said Evan going to open the door.

Anthony walked in carrying a couple bags with someone trailing behind him, "I found him wondering around the block."

"Hey," said David, he paused at the doorway and pointed at Spot, "I know you, we go to the same school."

"Now, you see, I'm confused. Your sister goes to our school, but you go to Shawn's?" Anthony sat down next to Spot.

"Inner city school district transfer," said David standing next to Jack, who was sending a look toward Evan.

"What?"

Spot casually draped an arm around Anthony, "Since Jack and Pinky live in my school district and want to go to your high school they got an inner city school district transfer. They have to find their own way to get to school though."

"And since I wanted to go to a good school and not just once with an open campus, like some people," David looked at Jack, "I got one."

"I'm confused," said Anthony taking off his shoes.

"About what?" Spot wanted to call him dense, but really that would just be rude. He smiled to himself.

"Well, I'm going to assume you and Itey go to the same school, but Raffle-Ticket and Bumlets, Pelon? Go to another….."

"Oh, they all got sent to Valley because of their shitty grades and they had way too many missed days of school, and plus they got caught smoking and ditching too often," Spot took another drink from his can.

"So what's in the bags Anth," Jack moved forward.

"Food," he pulled out a couple takeout boxes and handed one to Spot, one to Jack, and one to Evan.

Evan opened it, "Mexican?"

"Rocks!" said Spot already digging in.

"Since when do you eat this?" asked Jack with a full mouth.

"Neanderthal," muttered Spot.

"Since I had it a while back."

"That was almost a month ago, I think," said Spot tapping the spork against his lips.

"Shit, really?" Anthony looked at Spot, who shrugged.

"Maybe we should, celebrate……" Spot smirked.

Jack made a gagging sound, "Fool around later, when you don't have innocent bystanders."

"You're not referring to me right?" David finally sat down.

"Davey, quiet."

"I think Jack was talking about his "innocent" little mind," supplied Evan.

"Yeah, no gay things allowed," said Spot tossing a chopped tomato piece at Jack.

"Heh, then what's he doing wearing that shirt?" laughed Anthony.

David laughed and Jack hit him on the arm, "Ow, what!"

"You're supposed to be on _my_ side," muttered Jack biting into his food.

"Come on Spot, let's take off."

XXX

Anthony had been surprised that his mother hadn't said anything about him skipping out on school that day, but he figured that he'd be getting it later once Spot was gone. Even when she'd called him earlier when he'd been at Jack's, she hadn't sounded mad, but Anthony was so apt at guessing when she was ubber mad. This was like the calm before the storm. But Anthony decided he'd better make the best of this while he could and currently he was making the best of it with Spot. The very best of it if Anthony could say so himself.

Spot currently had his hand up Anthony's shirt while necking him rather passionately. Anthony was sure, that if his parents hadn't been home he'd so be willing to take it just a wee bit further then this. In the back of his mind he wondered how quiet the two of them could keep if they…….

"Oh my god, sorry!"

Anthony jolted upright and stared at his bedroom door, "Was that my dad?"

"Um….." Spot looked at the door, "if I said no, could we keep doing this?"

"No!" Anthony got up and Spot followed him out.

They went down the hallway and into the living room where his mother was currently sitting flipping threw the mail.

"Whatever you're doing, you're scaring your father, stop," she went back to looking at the mail.

"If your son could stop being gay I'm sure he would, but I'm just too hot to not want," said Spot smirking.

"Is it just me, or do you have a bit of an ego?" asked Anthony's mom, not looking up from the mail.

"I feign confidence, I am pride."

"And I'm bored," said Anthony, more to himself.

"I have no idea how you put up with him ma'am," said Spot.

"And however does your mom put up with you?"

"………She doesn't," Spot started glancing everywhere.

Anthony's mother looked up from the mail and at Spot. She noticed Spot wasn't even looking at her at that point. It was like he was trying to avoid eye contact with her. She found that to be very interesting.

"Shawn, I was thinking, maybe this weekend you and your mother should come by for dinner."

"Um, she's busy……a lot…..I don't think dinners good for her," Spot was looking at Anthony with this pleading look.

"Mom, I don't think she has much free time, that's all."

"Yeah, she's home at odd hours of the night," said Spot.

"I'm getting the feeling you don't want me to meet her. Anthony give me your cell phone," she held out her hand.

"Mom-"

"Either you can give me your cell phone, or I can bring up the question of, why is your boyfriend here when you're grounded and why did you skip school today? Which do you want?"

Anthony sighed and reached into his pocket.

"Anthony!" yelled Spot.

"What do you want me to do, say no!" yelled Anthony.

"I'm on the phone, be quiet," she hit send and waited as the phone rang.

It rang three more times before someone finally picked it up.

The sound of static played in the background, "Hello?"

"Hi, yes, I'm Anthony's Mother."

"Dear God……." Spot roughly massaged his temples.

"It's not that bad," said Anthony placing his arm around Spot's shoulder.

"Yes, I was wondering if you, by chance, could come to dinner some time this week," she was sending Spot a look Anthony thought had only been reserved for him.

"Mom say no, mom say no," Spot was crossing his fingers and his eyes were squeezed shut.

"My mom has never been denied," said Anthony.

"That's not helping," said Spot looking like he was about to start hyperventilating.

"Uh-huh, yes, he is a sweet boy. I know, had me worried for a while, much to my surprise too. Yes, well, if you're free tonight then….."

"Was she talking about you or me?" Spot sat down on the couch, taking Anthony with him.

"Don't know," Anthony shrugged.

"Ok, see you later then," she hung up the phone and handed it back to her son, "She's coming for dinner tonight."

"You'll have to excuse my language for a moment, but…….. what the fuck!"

"Shawn!"

"Your mother seems like a nice woman, and if you ever say that phrase again, you _won't_ ever find yourself in this house again."

"Understood," Spot stood up and walked off to Anthony's room.

"Mom, couldn't you have waited to invite Shawn's mom over?"

"Nope."

"Mom!"

"Look, I met Jack and Evan's parents and they're just your friends. Shawn's your boyfriend, I think I'm entitled to meet his mother, more so then your friends parents."

"Where's dad? This isn't fair."

"I think he's hiding, what were you two doing?" she went back to flipping through the mail.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"I had no idea kissing Shawn was something I wasn't allowed to do," he rolled his eyes.

"Speaking of things you're not allowed to do. Your report card came in. You're getting a B in math, care to explain?"

"I don't see what I have to explain," Anthony wished he'd left the living room with Spot.

"You were getting an A, what happened?"

"Nothing, the chapter we're covering is just a little more difficult then the last, that's all. I'd like to see you try to do my math homework and try to pull off an A." Anthony knew he couldn't leave the room till the conversation was done and from his mothers tone, it wasn't done yet.

"If you need help, ask your father. He was in all the advanced classes back in high school. Anthony, if you don't ask for help, how can you expect to succeed in life?"

"Mom, it's just my grade for the week. It's not going to be my final grade. If things get too confusing I'll ask, but for right now, let me do this. Besides, someone should start dinner."

"We're talking about this later," she got up and headed for the kitchen.

Anthony made his way back to his bedroom and found Spot sitting on his bed. He looked positively stressed. Anthony wasn't sure if it was because Spot was still just getting use to being around his mother or if he really just didn't want her there. Even if neither was the case, something was bothering him.

"Shawn, are you gonna be ok?"

"I'll be fucking fine, I just, don't know quite how to act like a family," he shrugged and pulled his legs up to his chest.

"Just have fun, like earlier today.

XXX

A/N: so, um was this wait shorter? I was going to post a small piece of a later chapter, but since this one was longer I didn't want to drag the chapter on with a teaser piece. I realized that if I write the pieces out on paper first, the chapter is a bit longer. Hope it didn't come off choppy at all.

But, I still want people to hear something about this piece I wanted to post. So all I'm going to say is that Spot and Rollercoaster have an unexpected meeting that isn't all that bad.

And if anyone's wondering why David suddenly showed up in this fic……um…..don't ask, it's something I'm playing with, you'll find out later. lol


	14. Subtle as a Train Wreck

Sins For Thought

Chapter 14: Subtle as a Train Wreck

It took half an hour for Spot to finally calm down, but Anthony could tell Spot was still frantic inside. That outer calm didn't last long because Spot's mother showed up. She was wearing a long black skirt and a button up white collar shirt with one half inch black strap heel shoes. Anthony could tell Spot was severely surprised to see his mother so nicely dressed. Her hair was even up in a neat bun with small pieces and semi ringlets of hair coming out here and there. She'd smiled politely and shook Anthony's parents hands. Anthony could tell she'd already made a good first impression with them at that moment. Spot elbowed Anthony and made an eye motion towards the hallway. Anthony looked back at his parents and then the two of them discreetly edged out of the living room. Once they were in the hallway Spot leaned against the wall and sighed, Anthony just watched him for a moment and glanced back into the living room then leaned against the wall next to him.

"I can't believe this happened," Spot ran his hand roughly through his hair.

"On the bright side, once tonight's over and it goes well, they probably won't see each other again."

"Yeah, but I still have to live through tonight," Spot looked sideways at Anthony.

"I'm sure you'll survive," he leaned towards Spot and kissed him quickly before leading them back into the living room.

The first half of the evening passed in gentle warm conversation about what Spot deemed total and complete nonsense. He hardly said anything and sat in between his mother and Anthony while the chatter went on. Anthony would add his two cents here and there and Spot would roll his eyes. A few times Anthony's mom would give him a look after finished rolling his eyes and then he'd glanced at Anthony's dad who looked as equally bored as he was. Spot really felt like bashing his head in. Thankfully Anthony's mom got up and went into the kitchen to set dinner up and in a matter of minutes they were all sitting around the table. Apparently Anthony's mother had felt it was a bit too quite for dinner and decided to start up more conversation.

"So uh it must be hard raising a teen all on your own. What with losing your husband and all in that construction accident," Anthony choked on his food and stared wide eyed at his mother, he always felt like she never used the right words.

"Construction?" Spot's mother cast a glance at her son, but Spot was staring avidly at his plate.

"But, it must be fun to dance for a living, lots of things to take your mind off the world."

"Actually I quit that job. I work in the photo department at Wal-Mart now."

Spot looked up from his plate and stared at his mother.

"Oh, that's a good job!"

"Yes, it is, I get more free time and the hours are less, sporadic. It means I get to spend more time at home."

"That's good. I mean, no offense, but I was starting to think that your son never went home. It always seems like he's here or, from the things I hear from Anthony, at a friends house."

"None taken, besides, it takes more then one person trying, to be a family," she cast another glance at her son and found him eyes down shoveling food into his mouth.

"Slow down kid, you're gonna make yourself choke," said Anthony's dad giving Spot a look like he thought the kid was crazy.

Anthony really felt like he should change conversation somehow. He had just been about to open his mouth when Spot started talking.

"I-…….I'm sorry, mom," he didn't look up from his plate.

The room became quiet for the rest of the evening. Anthony was pretty sure dead silence had never occurred in his house when they had guests before. Under the table he reached for Spot's hand. Spot glanced at him and glanced down at their hands. He blinked for a moment and then slowly smiled. When they'd finished eating Anthony and Spot grabbed the dirty dishes and headed for the kitchen and started cleaning the table. The two of them quietly washed the dishes while the adults talked in the living room. Anthony kept staring at Spot and wondered why he suddenly seemed so quiet. It wasn't like he had to do that in front of a crowed of people. Then again, he supposed apologizing in front of your boyfriends parents about something they didn't wholly understand, may have been a bit irritating. Spot rinsed off the plates and stuck them in the dish-rack and started putting away the silverware. Anthony watched Spot's reflection in the window above the sink.

"I don't think dinner was that bad," he handed Spot a cup to rinse.

Spot sighed and stuck the cup in the dish-rack, "I wonder when she got that job at Wal-Mart."

Anthony shrugged and handed him another cup, "Don't know."

Anthony really didn't know what to say that wouldn't sound offensive, so he'd opted for the shrug, but with Spot, who know what he'd find offensive. Anthony had the feeling Spot had a lot more inner turmoil then he wanted to let on. Though he didn't know how to go about getting Spot to talk about what was going on in his head. He was sure Spot wanted to talk about whatever it was, but at the same time he was equally sure the same subject was making him bottle things up. Like in some way it would affect the way Anthony thought of the other boy, but Anthony was sure that if they talked about it, everything would work itself out. There was a tap on the kitchen doorframe.

"Shawn, I'm going home now. Are you going to stay here a bit longer, or do you want to go home with me?"

"Uh, I'll stay here a while longer," Spot shrugged a shoulder.

"Ok, see you when you get home then," she waved bye to Anthony and disappeared behind the kitchen door.

After they finished up with the dishes Anthony led them around the side and craftily climbed up onto the roof of his house. Spot looked quite impressed by the act and followed him up, though at the end Anthony had to help him by pulling him up the rest of the way. They sat there for a few minutes till Anthony finally decided he'd start trying to get Spot to talk about ………..

"You know what I hate?"

Anthony stared wide-eyed at Spot for a moment, "What?"

"The fact that…." he sighed, frustrated, and ran his fingers through his hair, "that I have no real grasp on my life."

"I think you've got a decent grasp, but you know, that's only going off of what I know about you thus far."

"……….." Spot gave him a deadpan look.

"Ok, in fucked up, screwy kind of fashion. I mean, if you just laid off the drugs, beer, and cigarettes I think you could really pull together a straight and narrow path towards your future," Anthony stared up at the night sky.

"No more after school specials, 'k?" Spot smiled to himself and watched a cloud slowly make its way across the sky.

Anthony lightly chuckled to himself and shook his head, "Ok, I promise."

"Good."

"Why is it that you won't say you love me, but will write it out in fire?" for some reason the memory suddenly dawned on him.

Spot stared at him for a few seconds, but it felt more like several eternities before he answered, "…………I don't want to get hurt Anthony."

It had been such an honest answer, Anthony hadn't really been expecting it, and for a while he pondered its significance. Spot wanted to care about him, but didn't want him to know he cared about him through verbal means in regards to the L-word? What was the point in that? That made no sense to him.

"Shawn I-"

Spot stuck his hand over Anthony's mouth, "Some other time, 'k? I promise." He stared back up at the sky, "I just don't feel like talking about it right now."

"Ok," it always felt like, 'some other time' with Spot, but he supposed the good thing to that was that Spot really just wanted to talk about it some other time.

XXX

Spot sat with his arms resting on his knees waiting for Itey to show up at their usual secluded spot. During break he'd given Itey some money to buy him something from one of the guys in his English class who was supposedly getting food off campus somehow. Now he was by himself. Thinking back on the whole event, dinner at Anthony's parents hadn't been as bad as he'd thought it would be. Though there had been a few surprises, he didn't have the courage to talk to his mother about the whole new job thing. A part of him felt guilty for always saying the things he had about her. He ran his hand threw his hair. Things were getting a bit deeper then he'd thought they would have. Anthony was changing him; his relationship with Anthony was doing things to him that his relationship with Rollercoaster probably never would have. Quick footsteps in the hall stopped abruptly causing Spot to look up. David was standing in the hall staring at Spot with this confused look on his face for a moment, then walked over to where he was sitting, and stopped just short of the grass.

"It's a wonder I never actually see you any other time besides when I'm coming onto the campus," said David shifting the binder underneath his arm.

Spot arched an eyebrow, "Can I help you?"

"Why're you sitting by yourself?" he shifted the binder again with a more neutral look on his face, knowing that Spot was that way by nature.

"Waiting for my friend to show up with my damn food," he pulled at the grass and started tossing it into a small pile.

"Oh," he slowly shifted his weight from foot to foot.

"Is there something you need help with Sparky?"

David blinked, "No, not really……..but uh, how do you know Evan and uh, Jack so well?"

"Why do I get the feeling you don't give a shit about how I know Pinky………." Spot smirked sideways at him.

He had that perplexed look on his face again, "……pardon me?"

"Never mind ok," Spot shook his head and laughed lightly to himself, "anyways, no, I live in the same area so every time they came home from school I'd see them."

"Oh, that's cool, so uh, if you want, I can sit here with you till your friend gets here."

"Ok, Sparky, if I need Dial-a-friend, I'll make sure to call you and then swallow a bottle strychnine afterwards. I'm fine, shoo little mouse.….." he made hand motions.

"Little mouse? You're supposed to be in a gang right?" he inadvertently scoffed.

"Bitch, I can see why you'd hang out with Jack…….wait how you know him again?" Spot looked down the hall for Itey.

"I'm pretty sure he's been bumping uglies with my sister, gross as that is to even say," David visibly shook.

"That's, nasty vato," Spot shook his head and cringed.

"Who?"

"Never mind, Spanish, terribly coming back to me, next time I do that, remind me I'm white," Spot looked up into the sky and slowly rolled his eyes.

"You have issues don't you?" David watched him tear more grass.

"Aye, more then you will ever know Sparky," he looked down the hall again for Itey, still no sign.

"……..so….I don't mean to pry or anything, but-"

Footsteps echoed in the hall.

"Sorry I took so long, guy took forever getting back on campus…….ain't you in my math class?" Itey handed Spot his food, but wouldn't stop staring at David.

"I think so," David nodded and started off down the hall, "got to go, see you around."

"Since when do you talk to him?" Itey sat down next to Spot.

Spot shrugged, "Met him at Pinky's."

"So, what was it you said was so important?"

"Anthony's parents met my mom, freaking weird……."

Itey's eyes went wide, "Holy crap."

"I know!"

"So what happened?"

"It was hell, that's what happened, God, I couldn't believe his mother would do something like that!"

"Like what?"

Spot gave him a look like Itey was crazy for thinking he'd actually give him details, "She's crazy I tell you. I'm leaving it at that."

"You going to come over today?" Itey gave him a questioning look and started in on his own food.

"Huh? Why?" Spot drank from his soda.

"Nothing really, just the guys been saying shit, something about you finally getting some and never coming back," Itey shrugged.

"Tch, please, like they really give a shit about me being gone," Spot jabbed himself repeatedly in the head, "they just miss my tripping."

"You were pretty fun to watch," Itey laughed and stole some food off Spot's plate.

Spot punched him in the arm, "Fucker, you got your own food. Besides, I planned on stopping by today."

For a few minutes they ate quietly, but Spot noticed Itey was staring at him. Spot stared at him directly hoping to make him look away, but Itey was smirking at him. It was very irritating. And Spot had the feeling he knew why Itey was smilingly so madly. It was that same smile Itey had on his face that day Anthony dropped him off at school that one time. It made him want to shove him into a brick wall.

Itey finally broke, "Just admit it."

"Admit what?" Spot glared at him.

"You know what I'm talking about!" Itey kicked his foot.

"That you're a delusional four year old? Gladly." Spot kicked him back harder.

"You wouldn't spend so much time with him if it wasn't the case," Itey didn't seem to care that Spot had kicked him and continued, "I'm glad though."

Spot felt the oddest twist in his gut at the tone in Itey's voice, "About…..?"

"Well, that is, I get the feeling you're not as hung up on Mondo and stuff. It's a good thing. 'Cause my cousin's an ass," Itey laughed a bit.

"I……guess so," Spot shrugged and looked elsewhere and started tugging at the grass again.

"……." Itey was staring at him again, but Spot chose to ignore it.

"Why don't we just ditch? Everyone else should be home by the time we get there," he got up and tossed what was left into the trash and dusted off his pants.

Itey, never one to protest much, got up and finished what was left and trashed what he didn't want to eat. "'K, let's go."

XXX

Anthony sat in Evan's living room drinking his fifth soda. Listening to Jack and David talk about the existence and possible non-existence of alien life forms. Evan had got in trouble with his parents for having friend over and not having the lawn mowed. So while his parents were out buying groceries, Evan was in the back yard mowing the lawn, which meant Anthony had to suffer through the insanely boring talk. The gist of the conversation Jack and David was having, was basically, "There's no tangible proof they exist." And Jack's defense was, "There's no proof they don't exist!" It was all completely annoying to Anthony. The conversation was going in circles. He thought he was going to go crazy.

"How else would all those people be able to-"

"Shut up already!" yelled Anthony throwing an empty can at Jack.

"Oh, I saw Spot at school today," said David now ignoring Jack.

"Yeah, doing what?"

Jack rolled his eyes and went to grab a soda.

"Nothing much, just sitting," he shrugged and motioned for Jack to bring him a drink.

"No one was with him?"

"He said he was waiting for his friend to show up with his food. He's not exactly how I thought he would be."

"For someone who's supposed to be a gangster?" Anthony smiled.

"Yeah," David nodded and Jack came back in with drinks and handed one to David.

"That's because Anthony's probably been rubbing off on him," Jack sat back down next to David.

"In more ways then one," said David opening his soda.

"He's got a point," Anthony laughed.

"Eww," Jack rubbed his temples. "If I knew you were going to makes jokes like that, I never would have brought you here."

"Oh can it," Anthony stood up and gathered up all his cans.

"But its fun this way," David just smiled widely at Jack.

Jack just stared at him then said, "I hate you."

XXX

Spot was working on his second beer, which everyone noticed he'd been nursing rather than actually just downing it like usual, when the sound of chains rhythmically hitting pants echoed around the corner. Spot's heartbeat picked up speed and Itey was grabbing Spot by the arm and dragging him quickly into the house and into his room. Spot stood staring at Itey's bedroom door. Itey kicked the already dented wall next to his door.

"It would figure he shows up the day you finally hangout with us."

Spot shrugged and downed the beer quickly, "We always did have a knack for showing up at the same time."

Itey glared at his door where the sound of heavy footsteps got close, "Dude, hide!" he pointed at the closet.

"Is this some kind of sick joke?" he hid in it regardless.

"Shut up!" hissed Itey as his door opened, "Ey Rollercoaster, what's crack a lackin'?"

"Chillin" he shook his hand and looked around the room, both could swear he was looking intentionally for someone.

"So, what're you doing' here?" Itey casually sat down on his bed.

"Nothing really, thought I'd sop by," he walked around the room looking at the assortment of stuff Itey had piled around his room.

"Well you should have brought some beer. You drank all of my dads last time you were here."

He stopped in front of the closet, "Ey, where's the gringo?"

"What do you mean?" Itey tried not to look too paranoid.

"I know he's here, saw him when I was further down the block, I ain't stupid ey," he reached for the closet door and opened it.

Spot stared up at him, eyes wide, but not moving, "…..aw shit….."

"Heh, perfect place for you," he looked over his shoulder at Itey, "Take a hike cuz."

"But uh-" Itey blinked and tried to think of a reason, but nothing was coming out of his mouth.

Rollercoaster walked over and grabbed Itey by the back of his shirt and dragged him out the room, "Stay out or I'll make sure you can't leave a room on your own ever again."

"But - shit!" the door slammed in front of him and he stared franticly at his door. "You're not allowed to kill people in my mothers house Mondo!!"

"Cállate menso!" he kicked the door and went back to the closet where Spot was still sitting in.

Spot was currently trying to burry himself under all of Itey's clothes. It was bad enough he had to see Rollercoaster, now he wanted to talk shit to him and possibly kick his ass in private. He was in the midst of pulling another pair of pants over his head when the older boy came back over to the closet and gave him a weird look. Spot was pretty positive the only time Rollercoaster ever gave anyone that look was when they did something he deemed extremely weird. He use to get that exact look when he tried to sing songs in Spanish.

"Get the Hell out of there, you look like a huge idiot, idiot," he lit up a cigarette and exhaled in Spot's face as he walked over to Itey's bed to sit.

Spot closed his eyes as he sat and tried to calm the rapid pace of his heart, "So what the Hell is it that you want?"

"What the fuck makes you think I have to explain myself to you, puto?" he blew more smoke in his face.

"Nothing, why would you start now?" Spot rolled his eyes and tried not to enjoy the scent of the cigarette smoke.

He blew more smoke, "This is why I hated you so much, you fucking babble on like a damn woman."

"Kiss my ass," Spot got off the bed and went to open up the window.

"No way in Hell maricon," he grabbed him and slammed him against the wall.

Spot grabbed his wrist and tried to yank it away, but he had a good grip, "Fucker!"

"Heh, just like old times ey? Getting off on this too I bet, no?" he was smiling lopsidedly.

Someone started banging on the door.

"Oh, thank God," breathed Spot.

"Armondo, your tio needs some help with fixing tia Jessie's roof," it was Itey's mother.

"Can't Guillermo do it, I'm sort of busy tia," his voice took on a lighter tone.

Spot almost could have sworn he was a nice guy.

"No mijo, Guillermo has company."

"_I'm _company tia," he stubbed his cigarette out on the window sill and tossed it out the window.

"Yeah, mijo," Spot jeered at him.

"Shut up fucker, no one asked for your shit."

"Mijo, what are you doing in there?" she tried to open the door.

Rollercoaster sighed and slammed Spot against the wall one more time, then went over to the door and opened it up and smiled at his aunt, "Of course tia, I can help him."

"Good, good," she ushered him out and glanced over her shoulder at Spot and smiled at him.

"Thank God," muttered Spot.

Itey walked in and ran over to Spot, "You ok man? He didn't hurt you did he?"

"Nah, just slammed me into a wall is all………." he tugged at his shirt and stared at the cigarette ash left on the sill. "Itey, do me a favor."

"Huh? What?" he glanced out the door to make sure his cousin was gone.

"Get me so fucking drunk I can't even remember my name."

XXX

A/N: This was supposed to be out on the thirty-first of October, but my mom finally decided to do a system recovery then she spent her time that day on gaia trick or treating and probing people for event items lol. Then of course we lost phone connection and water. Talk about freaky things. Well, hope this was enjoyable.

Things to look forward to in the next chapter: Anthony stumbles into a not so sober Spot and lugs him home, Spot wakes up from a pleasant dream not involving Anthony and feels rather bad. Though things don't go sour between them and Anthony and Spot find themselves in a favorable situation.


	15. Down That Road…

Sins For Thoughts

Chapter 15: Down That Road…..

Itey knew Spot had it bad for his cousin, but a part of him was starting to think his cousin just wouldn't let Spot go either. He opened the fridge and pulled out a six pack of beer then over to the top cabinet to grab the bottle of Vodka and Scotch his parents kept and stuck forty dollars in its place. Looking around he walked out the kitchen and back into his room where Spot was sitting on his floor covering his face. Itey closed and locked the door behind him and sat down next to him, handing a beer off to him as he did so. Spot sighed shakily and grabbed the beer and just started at it blankly for a while. Itey closed his eyes momentarily and opened the can for him. Spot looked up at him and smiled weakly. Tilting his head back he quickly drank the contents of the can.

"I can't believe I'm letting him get to me, I'm pathetic," Spot polished it off and tossed the can.

"So what did he say to you this time?" he opened a beer for himself.

"Nothing that he don't usually do," he grabbed the tall bottle of vodka and opened it.

"He's like a damn broken record or something. Can he say anything besides, puto get out of here?"

"Not the best impersonation," Spot stared blandly at him sipping from the bottle.

"Good, if I actually sounded like him, I'd shoot myself," he opened two cans of beer.

Spot grabbed one and set the vodka aside, "I have Anthony, I shouldn't be stuck over Mondo, right?"

"Exactly!"

"He's nice and shit, plus we do stuff together, like couples are supposed to do….I think……" Spot's face was pulled into a confused contemplative look.

"Not your fault," said Itey patting him on the back.

"God, I'm screwed up aren't I?"

"I think we're all a little messed up in the head, for some it's just more obvious," he cringed at his can for a second, he really didn't care for this brand too much.

"Golly me, what the hell's _that_ supposed to mean?" Spot rolled his eyes and put down his beer to pick up the bottle of scotch.

Itey laughed then stood up taking the bottle of vodka with him, "Come on, drinking's more fun when there's a crowd," he grabbed Spot the arm and lobbied him to the door.

"More like, I'm the _idiot_ when there's a crowd," he clutched the bottle of scotch to his chest.

"Oh whatever, nobody thinks you're an idiot," he dragged him across the living room and past the kitchen to the front door.

Under his breath just as he was about to take another sip from the bottle he mumbled, "Just Mondo."

XXX

Anthony stared at the watch on his wrist and got up. David was currently drawing over Jack's face. Jack had fallen asleep while both David and Anthony went to raid Evan's fridge and make something to eat. Evan was taking a quick shower, but everyone knew his version of quick was like taking a three hour bath. Anthony had taken the liberty of suggesting that David should write "Do Not Probe" on Jack's lower back, which David had found delightfully hilarious, especially at the possibility that his sister might get to see it. David was writing "brain not for sale" on Jack's forehead, which Anthony thought was kind of weird and funny. He made a mental note not to fall asleep around David for fear of waking up with ink on his face. Evan finally walked out of the bathroom, towel around his neck, already in his night attire.

"Heading out already Tone?" he glanced at David, and shrugged.

"Yeah, if I don't take off now, I won't make it home before it gets too late, not many excuses I can give my mom after a certain amount of time," he opened the front door.

"Ok, um, we're still sneaking you off campus tomorrow to go to KFC right?"

"Hell yeah, also," he pointed at David, "watch yourself, he might try to write on your face."

Evan looked back at Jack and just laughed, "Fitting in nicely huh?"

"Too much," said Anthony taking off.

David gave the closed door a look and continued to write over Jack's face, "We need a camera."

Anthony was coming up to Itey's house, he could hear laughter from down the block and the closer he got he could make out who everyone on the front lawn was. Raffle-Ticket was just coming out of the house, Bumlets was sitting on one of the many lawn chairs, Panzon was there sitting right next to an ice chest, and Itey was standing next to …..Spot? Earlier he hadn't seen him when Jack and Evan and him had made a trek down the street, just R.T, Bumlets had been there unless you counted Itey's cousin Rollercoaster, who'd been leaving………Internally Anthony groaned, something was definitely not going to be good. He walked up to the edge of the grass at the side walk and had been about to say something, when he noticed that looked a little…..not too about himself. Itey looked a bit on the worried side and everyone else was laughing.

"¡Ese árbol me está amenazando!" yelled Spot pointing furiously at the tree just a few feet across from Panzon.

This only seemed to make everyone laugh even more and even Itey couldn't contain himself.

"Um…….."

Itey looked up at him, but tried to get Spot to sit back down, opposed to launching himself at the tree, which Anthony assumed had somehow offended him, "Oh, hey, thank God."

"What's going on? Why's he drunk?"

"Long story short, our cousin came by and gave him hell," said Panzon reaching into the ice chest and grabbing a beer.

"Shut up Panzon!" hissed Itey, he looked at Anthony apologetically, "can I ask you a huge favor?"

"I don't know," Anthony walked over to the pair.

"Take him home, he needs some sleep, you know," Itey handed him off to Anthony.

"Why do you guys have to drink so much?" he tried to keep the foul look off his face as he took his less then sober boyfriend into his grasp.

"It's what best friends do man, heh," he half smiled, feeling bad deep down about it all.

"Right, yeah, uh-huh."

The other guys had gone a bit quiet; Spot was currently trying to bite at Anthony's neck, which made for a strange scene in Anthony's head. Panzon seemed too interested in his beer to seriously look their way, while Bumlets and Raffle-Ticket just seemed highly interested in it. Anthony wasn't sure if they'd gone silent because of what Spot was currently trying to achieve, or because of how he was talking to Itey. Either way he suddenly wished he was anywhere but there.

"Look, I'm not about to explain in great details the problems that Spot has in front of a crowd or at all, its his business, just like you are, he keeps the two separated at much as he can. Got it? Now just take him home before he becomes a total dead weight and it gets harder to carry him."

With his free hand Anthony roughly rubbed his eyes and sighed to himself, "Bye."

"Uh-heheh," Spot was currently laughing at a cloud then turned his head, "whoa, hey, when did you get here Anthony?!"

"Be quiet, you drunk," Anthony just shook his head and tried not to think too much about the fact that Spot just noticed it was him he'd been latched on to.

From behind him everyone was yelling bye, which caused Spot to shout back in response. Half way down the block Spot had become a bit quiet and when Anthony glanced to the side, he found Spot staring whimsically at him, a fond sad smile on his face. There was a firm pressure in Anthony's chest, he had the feeling Spot was sort of looking right through him for some reason. Spot leaned forward and kissed him chastely, and for some reason Anthony had the feeling that somehow Spot had merely given him a sympathy kiss. Whether he knew it or not, it hurt more then it felt good. When they got to Spot's house Anthony managed to pull Spot's keys out of his pocket, by that point Spot was almost about ready to pass out. Anthony managed to lug him over to the couch and just as he laid him down.

Spot reached up and gently laced his arms around Anthony's neck and pulled him just a ways bit closer to him, and in a light tone of voice Anthony almost could hear, Spot said, "Sometimes, I wish things had gone differently between us Mon……"

Anthony stared down, feeling confused, at Spot, who'd just peacefully closed his eyes.

XXX

_//Sitting on the couch in the tidy wreck known as Rollercoaster's domicile, were Spot and Rollercoaster. Spot was panting furiously while Rollercoaster busied himself letting his hands roam Spot's body and his mouth bite at his neck. Spot could tell the high was starting wear off, because the older boy was starting to be less frantic in his ministrations. A few minutes later the room was deathly silent. Rollercoaster was half laying on him, and Spot had a hand in his hair, enjoying the quiet. Looking around the room he spied his untouched Sprite from earlier. Sitting up Spot ran his fingers through his hair and straightened out his frumpled clothes. He was getting up to grab it when Rollercoaster grabbed his arm and yanked him back down and onto the couch._

_Spot looked down at him, "What?"_

"_Mmm……don't go yet, I'll order Chinese food or some shit. You like that crap right?" he yawned and shoved his hand roughly against Spot's face, causing him to cringe and smoosh himself back against the couch. _

"_No, I like Mongolian grill………or cheeseless pizza with extra pepperoni."_

"_That's sick vato," he sat up and reached for the phone._

"_So what you gonna order?"_

"_Combo, extra cheese," he smiled lopsidedly at him._

"_I hate you," he managed to get up while Rollercoaster was ordering and grabbed his soda._

_He finished ordering and put down the phone, "Ey, you won' get this?"_

"_Hell no, I'm tapped, spent my money on the stuff 'member?" Spot sat back down and set his foot on the table._

"_Pendejo, better stop talking to me like that or your gon' get your ass kicked," he walked over to the tiny shelf against the wall and opened up a tin jar he kept up there and pulled out money._

"_Like what?"_

"_Never mind," he tossed the money at Spot._

"_Why do I always have to get up when they come?" he glared at the money._

"_I say so," he whapped him upside the head, "that's why."_

"_I'm not your goddamn servant, you know!"_

"_Heh, what ever gringo, get me a beer," he grabbed the remote and turned on the TV._

_Spot rolled his eyes and gritted his teeth. He hated how Rollercoaster treated him, but at the same time he basked in the attention. He liked being smiled at by him, getting praise when he managed to get a good bag of weed, or stole something of real value. Speaking of stealing, after they ate they were probably going to ransack a store. It was just something they did on a Wednesday afternoon. Opening the tiny excuse for a fridge Spot pulled out an extremely cold beer. Maybe if they scrounge up enough money, Rollercoaster could get a new fridge. Walking back into the living room Spot handed him the icy beer and sat down next to him. Rollercoaster opened it and drank, ten put it down. Spot grabbed the remote and changed the channel to a show about baking. Rollercoaster stared at it blandly then watched Spot, who seemed completely interested in it. After a few minutes of that, he finally decided to distract Spot the best way he knew how, which was to pay special attention to him._

_Leaning over he blew at Spot's ear, Spot slapped his hand to his ear then, as he turned to glare at Rollercoaster, the older boy just smiled and pulled him down._

"_hu……" Spot found himself heating up and breathily stared up at the older boy. "Mondo I-"_

"_Don't ruin it kid," across his face slid that lopsided smirk._

_Spot barely had time to register that Rollercoaster's hands were sliding up his shirt when someone knocked on the door. Under his breathe Spot cursed in any language he could and got up._

_Opening the door, Spot opened the door and glared at the pizza delivery guy, "The one time you fucking get here when you say you would."_

"_Um………that'll be seventeen fifty," the guy handed Spot the pizza as Spot gave him the money. "Here's your change, thank you for ordering Pinky Winks pizza, have a good night."_

"_Yeah, whatever Pinky," he glared down at the box, "bastard, I'm so toilet papering his house later."_

"_Who the fuck cares lets eat!" _

_Half an hour later the two of them found themselves at the store, the two of them were standing next to each other inconspicuously pursing the merchandise, as an employee passed them by. As soon as the woman was out of sight they both glanced around in different directions and then started ripping things out of cases and boxes and stuffing them into their pockets and moved on. By the time they were done it was late and the two of them walked quietly down the empty road. Rollercoaster's car was in the shop because his exhaust converter was cracked and he needed a few new tires. _

_Spot stared discreetly to his side, "Do you think, we hurt anyone by taking these things?"_

"_Tch, no, they get, whatchyou call it, reimbursed or something like that. Store gets paid either way," he lit a cigarette and handed it to Spot._

_Spot smiled and took it from him, inhaling and relishing in the sweet rush, "You sure about that?"_

"_You gonna start questioning me?" he glared at Spot and took the cigarette back from him._

"_No."_

"_Good," Rollercoaster slung his arm around Spot's shoulders and Spot smiled contently to himself. //_

Spot groggily sat up and wondered how in the hell he'd gotten home from Itey's. Last thing he remembered was Panzon and him shaking a can of beer and punching a hole in the bottom and drinking it as fast as he could. He was about to get up, but a hand firmly pushed him back against the couch. Looking up Anthony stared down at him. A stern but concerned look across his features. Sighing, Spot figured he was in for a long, long night. But much to his surprise, Anthony didn't seem all too upset, more worried and curious than anything.

"What happened?" he rubbed his head.

"Found you drunker then sin, can I ask you the same thing?" he moved around and sat down on the coffee table.

"…….hm……." Spot stared down at the blankets for a moment. "When you fall for somebody, you usually fall hard Anthony. Sometimes it's not so easy to get back up."

"Oh." Anthony watched Spot's face, studying the lines and dents as he sadly stared down at the blanket.

"Believe me I want to so badly," he looked up at Anthony, "I have somebody, right here who honestly gives a shit about me, and I'm just…..screwing up."

"No you're not," Anthony reached for his hand and held on to it.

"You're too good for me Anthony, I don't understand you," he leaned back letting go of Anthony's hand and roughly rubbed his eyes, pressing his fingers to them till he saw colors and static.

Anthony got up and reached for Spot's wrists, pulling his hands away from his face, Spot stared at him wide-eyed, "You don't understand me? Sometimes I don't understand _you_ Spot, but I want to. I hope one day you'll let me……."

Spot reached up and pulled him partly down and kissed him, "I want you to too, Anthony."

Spot sat staring at Anthony; his heart was pounding so hard in his chest. It was strange, he'd wanted so bad to just screw him in the beginning, but it was like the second he realized how much Anthony meant to him that feeling of simple lust disappeared. Though, Spot was pretty sure if he told Anthony his initial thoughts, he'd find him a lot less attractive. Suddenly Spot found the situation a lot more statically charged then he'd remembered it being two seconds ago. The last time he'd ever felt this strongly about someone he got hurt, pretty bad, more out of stupidity, but still, he'd felt. Crushes he supposed, under the age of sixteen, were stupid. Idiotic notions that carving someone's initials into your arm really meant you cared. God, being a teen was the stupidest phase to go through.

They got up and moved down to Spot's bedroom, "Shawn, if you don't want to go through with this, I'll understand."

"Trust me, I want this. I just don't know how to go about it sober."

"Sober?"

"Well," Spot broke eye contact with him. "honestly, I mean with Rollercoaster we were always on drugs and I haven't really wanted to be with anyone else."

"That guy's a creep and an asshole, what the hell did you see in him?" Anthony looked really grossed out.

"Look, I don't mean to kill the mood, but um-," Spot stared at him pleadingly.

"Whatever, but don't think for a second that we're done with the Rollercoaster conversation."

"Yes Mrs. Higgins."

"Shut up, you're seriously killing the mood now."

"Well, we'll have to fix that."

"I don't think I'll ever be able to have sex now."

Spot raised an eyebrow, "Sex?"

Anthony went slightly red, "Well, I mean, shut up."

"The word sex is an awful word. It doesn't mean anything other then two people who know each other consenting to do it."

"What?" Anthony couldn't help the expression that came across his face.

"Ok, this is may sound weird, but after the whole Rollercoaster fiasco, Itey and me had a conversation about the different kinds of sex and their meaning."

"I had no idea you guys had such, profound, talks," Anthony sat up.

"Shut up, you're such a jerk."

"No, I'm serious, what'd you guys come up with?!" Anthony latched onto him and playfully shook him.

"You're so my bitch," Spot laughed.

"Whatever," Anthony rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well, like I was saying. There are three kinds: having sex, fucking, and uh making love."

"And uh making love?"

"If you want me to stop talking, keep it up."

"Fine, fine, I'll stop talking."

"Sex is like I said; two people who more or less know each other doing it. Fucking is pretty self explanatory, but it's just, two people who don't care an ounce about one another, just how good they can feel. Making love," Spot gave Anthony a look then continued, "is two people who deeply care about each other on a level that just can't be expressed verbally, so they have to express it physically."

"Shawn……" Anthony felt on the edge of speechless.

"Don't think for a second that I'm emotionally scarred or something, cause I'll kick your ass, I'm not. I just, think too much…….is all," Spot turned out the lights and laid back down next to Anthony.

"I like it when you talk like this."

"Like what?" Spot got under the covers.

Anthony followed suit, "Seriously."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Spot frowned in the dark.

"Nothing, just, I got so use to you talking about random stuff and gang related things, that after a while I'd tune you out. But, lately, more and more, I love to hear you talk about things."

"………….."Anthony could only hear Spot breathing.

"I don't mean to freak you out by saying things like that."

"I know," Spot reached for Anthony's hand under the covers. "I'm just not use to having someone telling me stuff like that."

"This might sound weird, but can you lie on top of me?"

"Um….ok," Spot crawled on top of him, "So, um, why?"

"I sort of just wanted to feel your weight on top of me."

Spot smiled down at him in the dark and kissed him, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Anthony started slowly dragging his hands up and down Spot's back.

"For letting somebody else touch me before I got the chance to meet you."

"Would it be wrong of me to ask, what it was you saw in him?"

"Wouldn't you be a little weirded out?"

"On many levels, yes, but it must be sheer morbid curiosity that's making me ask."

"He was hot, in a well tanned, drug induced sort of way."

"That's sort of a bizarre description. You didn't like him because of anything else?"

"Who the hell knows!? It feels like forever and a day ago that he'd been nice to me or called my name without calling me a fag. He never did anything without expecting something in return, and tended to hit me a lot when I got too emotional or said anything that might lead him to believe I doubted his sexuality. I hate him as much as I ca….Never mind."

"You know what, lets stop this line of conversation ok? We should just-"

Spot leaned down and kissed him deeply as he could manage. He didn't want the rest of his day to be filled with thoughts of Rollercoaster. What he wanted most right now was for Anthony to focus solely on him and to focus solely on Anthony. He wanted the world to just be of the two of them. This room, this bed, this person. From beneath him Anthony slid his hands up and into this hair and then just resting them on Spot's shoulders. Spot wanted to imprint himself with Anthony's soul, lace his being throughout his entirety, what he wanted, was for Anthony to love him so much, that _he'd_ be able to believe him.

"Don't ever let me go, ok Anthony?"

Anthony licked his lips and slowly smiled at Spot, "I promise."

XXX

A/N: Aw, well, this is a little thanksgiving treat for everyone! Hope it was a good chapter. And as my fall semester cools to a slow simmer, hopefully we'll get another quicker update.

Oh, I almost forgot, the sentence Spot said "¡Ese árbol me está amenazando!" translates into "That tree is threatening me!" .


	16. Unspoken

Sins For Thought

Chapter 16: Unspoken

Leaning down Spot cupped Anthony's face in his hands and kissed him. Beneath him, Anthony felt like one giant nerve ending. His heart was racing and his body was a buzzing swarm of senses. He couldn't slow his breathing down and couldn't help but want Spot to engulf him. Spot had his eyes slightly open and in the back of his head, Spot made mental notes. The way Anthony looked at that moment, where his hands were just slightly on his hips, the way his lips were firm and warm. He wondered if Anthony was doing the same. He briefly broke the contact feeling a bit lightheaded, he never remembered it being so surreal like this before. Spot almost couldn't believe this was all happening. He really didn't want it to come to an end.

Slowly he dragged his hand down and grabbed one of Anthony's hands and entangled their fingers. Heart beating rapidly, Spot stared down at him and for a brief second bit his bottom lip, then slightly tilted his head to the side. Instead of kissing him on the mouth Spot started a light trail down Anthony's neck and ended at his collar bone. Anthony smiled to himself in the dark, a part of him worried he'd look like an idiot, but another part of him felt too excited to really care. Anthony blinked for a moment, none too sure when Spot had unbuttoned his shirt, but he could really couldn't deny that he liked it a lot. Seeing as he couldn't kiss Spot at the moment as Spot had moved back to his neck, he settled for nipping at his ear. It seemed to catch the other boy off guard and Anthony smiled wickedly to himself and ran his tongue along the ridge of Spot's ear. An, 'Oh God,' came from Spot and as Anthony was about to start sucking on his earlobe Spot turned his head and kissed him.

"What?" whispered Anthony.

"Nothing, just, too much, sensitive ear," if it wasn't for the dark Anthony could swear Spot was blushing.

"Yeah, really," he couldn't contain the self satisfied smirk.

"Just, be careful with the ear ok, brings back….stupid memories," he continued to suck at his neck as he started slipping off Anthony's unbuttoned shirt.

"Huh?" he stared confused.

"Nothing, I want everything to be perfect Ton-Anthony…."

"Everything's ………wonderful," he slid his hands up to Spot's face and brought their lips together.

Spot physically relaxed and sighed, repeating Anthony's last word. Eventually all clothes had been removed and the night played out in a gentle wave of passion. It was like the world skidded by on a warm sunset slowly making its way to high tide to midnight. A strong feeling at the pit of their stomachs building pressure, trying to burst, till that strong feeling couldn't sustain itself where it sat. It was like white lightning striking, pulsing straight through their entire bodies. Anthony was clutching to Spot tightly, while Spot desperately attempted to keep his eyes open so he could watch Anthony's face. He didn't know if that was a weird thing to do or not, he just knew that if Anthony enjoyed it, then this _was_ the most wonderful moment. In the way back of his mind, he briefly thought of Rollercoaster, while he'd stared up at the older boy, and suddenly he felt really guilty.

Five or ten minutes later Anthony was wearing a wicked long smile and was covering his eyes with his hand then ran them threw his hair and wouldn't stop saying 'God, oh God, that was, God.', which, much to Spot's delight, made him exceedingly happy. Turning over though Spot caught sight of the time and utter his favorite words.

"Oh crap Anthony, your mom's going to kill you."

Anthony glanced at the clock and shrugged, "I'm sure I can make up some kind of convincing lie, but I should probably get home somehow before it gets too late."

"Maybe I could get Itey to sneak off with his mom's car?"

"No, I don't want to get him in trouble," said Anthony curling his arms around Spot and trying not to think of all the yelling he'd be hearing.

"I think you need a phone," Spot leaned over the side of the bed in search of Anthony's cell phone.

"Mmm….God I don't want to go home," he tugged Spot over him.

"You're not going to be like this in public from now on, right?"

"Squeamish much with public affection?" he tilted his head up at Spot who was trying to hand him his cell phone that had been tucked under one of the pillows.

Spot looked back at the clock and said, "Seriously, Anthony, look at the time. If you don't get home, you're going to get grounded and I don't think either of us wants that."

"Argh, fine, last thing I want is to not see you for two weeks," he took the cell phone and dialed.

It rang a few times before being picked up, "Where are you?"

"At Shawn's, he wasn't feeling too well so I wanted to make sure he got home alright."

"And just how do you plan on getting home?"

"Uh- I, was going to take the…..bus," Anthony really hoped his mom wouldn't freak out.

"If I'm not mistaken, doesn't Shawn live near Jack?"

"Maybe?" he gave Spot a look along the lines of 'see why I didn't want to deal with going home'.

"Maybe….."

"I mean, yes, but don't worry I-"

Spot's door opened and his mom stood in the doorway flipping through mail, then stopped to look up, "Shawn how do you feel about pizz…..a…..um, I should, something," she blinked and stepped out of the room as casually as possible.

"Mom, no, wait!..." he looked down at Anthony who was beet red, but shrugged up at Spot.

Anthony continued on the phone, "Mom, don't worry, actually Shawn's mom just got home, she can take me."

"Oh…….wait, you were alone, together?" he heard the implication, but didn't go as far as to deny it.

"Mom!" Spot stared down at Anthony.

"What?"

"He's not _feeling_ well!"

"Yeah, uh-huh, sure, get home ASAP, got it."

"Yes mom, I promise," he hung up the phone and looked at Spot.

"You're moms not mad at you?" asked Spot searching for his clothes.

"No, but she thinks you and I are getting it on," Anthony tried not to think about what Spot's mom was thinking about at that moment.

Spot paused, giving a momentary reflective look, "But we did, didn't we? So it's not such a far fetched notion."

"God, she's probably going to give me another sex talk," he started getting dressed.

"Worse yet, having your dad give it to you," Spot laughed and put his shoes on.

"Oh Lord help me," he slid his shoes on and looked at Spot, "this isn't exactly the most romantic moment after is it?"

Spot smirked then went over to him and wrapped his arms around Anthony's waist, "Its romantic enough for me."

"You're so easy to please," he smiled.

"You have, no, idea," said Spot as he let got of Anthony's waist and led him out the room and into the living room, "Uh, mom, could you, possibly take Anthony home right now?"

She looked up at them, "Of course, but I sort of went and ordered pizza and someone needs to be here when it gets here."

"Moments I wish I had my license," said Spot feeling bad about having to leave Anthony alone with his mom.

"Well, that was really your fault," she smiled at him and grabbed her purse.

"Huh?" Anthony gave Spot a look.

"Got caught driving Itey's moms car a little under age," Spot shrugged and flipped the TV on.

"Ok!" said Anthony following Spot's mom out the door, then paused, "Uh-"

"Goodnight Anth, and I ……you know…..too," Spot smiled at him.

Anthony broke out into a large grin, "Love you, Shawn."

"Go!" yelled Spot and Anthony shut the door behind himself.

Alone in the car with Spot's mom, Anthony felt really, strange. He was usually use to music playing the background, but he didn't even get that. Just this very awkward silence that overtook the entire car. He suddenly wished he had a job so that he could get a car. He hadn't expected to go home alone with Spot's mother, so he hadn't really thought of anything to talk about. Just kept staring out the window feeling self-conscious.

"I know you and my son are involved, but I didn't you were so _involved_, does that makes sense?" she shook her head to herself, "But, I mean, well, you're a good kid I guess. I know."

"Uh….." he could feel his face heat up.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I embarrassed you! I didn't mean to I promise, it's just, he's been so different since he's been with you," she turned and went down a long road.

"I ….." he shrugged.

"I didn't mean to walk in like that, thinking back, I should have knocked. Never did learn to do that, heh," she seemed about as embarrassed as he felt.

"It's ok, we didn't- we weren't-"

"No details!" she made a sharp right and continued down the road.

His eyes were wide, "I wasn't going to!" he could swear he was getting so embarrassed to the point of sweating, "You really think I have an affect on him though?"

"Oh sweetheart, yes," she smiled sweetly at him and he pointed down the road to a house.

"……oh….."

"It's not a bad thing. I don't think I've ever seen him so open, or happy before. What with his father being the kind of person he was, I'm surprised Shawn would even want people in his life. I heard him talking to his friend once, that darling little Mexican boy-"

"Itey? Lives down the block. Not his real name though."

"Well, yes, it was by chance really, I stopped by the corner store on my way home from work and the two of them had been talking. From what I understood, Shawn said something along the lines of real love not existing. Made me feel really bad because I feel like I had a part in that."

"Shawn has some real strange theories on things and I don't………so much think of it as one thing, but a culmination of many things that……shapes the way he thinks," Anthony shrugged feeling a little uncomfortable talking about his boyfriend with his boyfriends mother in such a candid conversation.

"Hmm," she cast Anthony a look, "I'm sorry, I'm probably making you feel weird talking about Shawn behind his back like this and all. I really should stop," she parked the car in the driveway.

"No really, its fine, we're not saying anything bad about him," he got out the car, "Uh, thanks for the ride home."

"No problem and Anthony," she smiled at him.

"Yeah?" he paused.

"I'm sure that he really cares about you."

"Thank you," he smiled, closed the door and headed up the driveway and inside.

XXX

Spot sped down the hallway corridor, trying to get to Itey's class before his friend made his way to his next class. His shoes squeaked loudly as he made a sharp quick turn around the corner and past the large crowed of classmates. He picked up pace and managed to weave his way through all the other students and just as he rounded another corner he saw the top of Itey's head. His shoes were in desperate need of tying at this point, but he was a little more determined to catch his friend. Just as Itey's was about to round a corner, spot literally flung himself forward and caught hold of Itey's shirt sleeve and the two of them skidded down the hall and to a stop. Itey looked confused and stunned, more so when Spot smiled at him.

"The world just came to an end, didn't it?"

"I have to talk to you," Spot let got of his sleeve and reined in his composure.

"Oh God, I need to get to a church soon," said Itey, but walked off with Spot down the hall.

"Um…..don't get squeamish or some shit, but uh, me and Tony sort of ………." he let the sentence drag on.

Itey stared at him for a moment then made a face, "Ewww!" then abruptly switched to a serious look. "How was it?"

"What? Am I the only one getting action that you all have to live through the gay guy?" he inwardly winced when he remembered that they were in a semi crowded hallway.

"You're so lucky your voice doesn't carry, and secondly, no offense, but you're the last person I want to live through," he smiled.

"Don't be jealous," Spot smacked him upside the head.

"That's the least masculine thing I've ever seen you do," commented Itey walking to his locker and opening it.

"Besides Anthony," said Spot laughing and stopped, "I really should consider not talking like this at school."

"That might be in your best interest," Itey reached in pulled out two books and slipped two in and handed Spot a notebook.

"Thanks," he stuck it under his arm, "but really, it was……..fun."

"Ok, you smiling like that, really creeps me out, stop it," he shut his locker and pretended to cover Spot's face with his free hand.

"Bitch, stop," Spot yanked his hand off his face and was in the middle of turning around when he jumped back abruptly, "Crap, scare the shit out of me, Sparky."

"Huh? Oh, hi," David looked up from his slightly open backpack.

"Where you heading?" Itey and Spot started walking.

"Math," David shrugged a shoulder and finished zipping up his backpack.

"Which sucks," commented Itey dreading the 'quiz' that his teacher was going to give.

"Very true," David looked at Spot, "You don't hang out at Evan's much do you?"

"And why would I? He doesn't even have an endless supply of beer, Anthony's lucky I even stop by there at all," Spot smirked.

"I know huh!" said Itey laughing.

"But you guys are like, you know, together right? That's what Jack says and-" David stared wide-eyed as Itey and Spot stopped abruptly to send him a glare.

"Shut up."

"Now, Sparky," Spot pointed sharply at him.

"Sorry?" David had a slightly worried look adorning his face.

"We're at school," stated Itey.

"And your diction leaves no questions, so shut up."

"Ooh, diction, nice! Five points!" Itey smiled and high-fived Spot.

"I know, I'm so smart," laughed Spot as they started to walk off in different directions.

"You stopping by after school, right?" asked Itey as he stopped just outside his class.

"Fo'sho!"

"Kickin'," Itey made way into his class, David trailing along blinking just a wee bit on the confused side but not really saying anything.

XXX

Spot had his feet propped up on the table while Anthony was outside with Evan trying to figure out how long it took for steak to be done. Jack was busy trying to beat David at some video game, he wanted cigarette he was so bored. He wondered how mad Anthony would get if he took off to the store to swipe a pack. He shook his head to himself and resigned himself to glaring at the pair in front of the TV. They were very unentertaining, sans the fact that Jack seemed to think if he moved with the game paddle it would better his chances. Spot was about to pick up a magazine on the side table next to the couch when a few pictures fell out.

"Ha! You look good sporting a tinfoil hat, Jak-Jak," Spot laughed and tossed a photo at Jack.

"Huh? What?" he turned away from the game and as he was about to catch the photo David launched himself forward and caught the picture and shoved it down his shirt.

"Nothing!"

"No really, what was that?" Jack got up and made way to Spot who was flipping through the pictures.

"Looks like someone was having fun while you were out cold," he smiled at a picture with David holding a black marker and a white board that said _Roswell Happened._

"Spot!" yelped David backing out of the room.

"David!" Jack snatched the pictures out of Spot's hands and quickly flipped through them then darted out after David.

"Funny people," muttered Spot turning off the game and flipping on the TV.

"Christ, what was that all about?" Anthony walked in, he smelled oddly of smoke.

"Burning the food out there or what? Oh, uh, found strange pictures of Jack with crap written on him," he changed the channel and scooted over a bit for Anthony.

"No, that's from trying to get the thing started," he smiled and sat down next to Spot and took the remote, "and you should have been there that day, Dave there got all magic marker happy on Jack's face."

"What was I doing?"

"Getting drunk at Itey's."

It got quite for a second.

"Oh." He looked at Anthony, "I really didn't mean for that to happen, Anth."

"I know, but um……" he didn't know whether or not to mention that Spot had started to say someone's name as he'd passed out that day.

"What?" Spot donned a concerned look.

"I don't know, it's just, you started saying someone's name the other day before you…..well, went out for a while." Anthony tried not to make it seem like it was affecting him inside.

"Did it start with an M?" inside Spot kept chanting, _please God, say no, please God, say no._

"Yeah actually," he found himself biting down on the inside of his mouth and face strangely set in a semi glare, more of out trying not to look too worried.

"Shit-fuck," Spot dropped his face in his hands and growled to himself and slightly pulled at his hair and muttered out the name.

"Huh?"

"I said Armondo, Mondo! God I'm an ass," he pulled at his hair more.

"Spot it's-who?" he'd slid an arm around Spot.

"Rollercoaster, his real name, Anthony please don't be mad, I was just drunk and stupid. I don't feel like that about him really, I mean, I don't know what it is I said, but what ever it was, it's not like that."

"………" Anthony just started at him.

"Shit what I say?" he looked up at Anthony.

"Nothing really, just- I don't know, look Spot how do you feel about me, huh? If you don't love me, say so, if you do, you have to let me know, it's going to eat me up inside if you don't say something soon," he rested his head on Spot's shoulder.

"Anthony, don't force me to say it, its not going to have any meaning if you do," he sighed frustrated, more at himself then anything, "you should know how I feel, I mean, I wouldn't have if I – argh, God!"

"Spot seriously!"

"I'm back to Spot now?"

"Yes, cause you're stupid!"

"Stupid?!"

"Will you two shut up!" yelled Jack standing at the doorway glaring at them.

"Go to Hell!" yelled the two of them in unison.

Evan shoved Jack into the kitchen and turned to Spot and Anthony, "My parents are on their way home, either you two can work it out, or leave, got it?"

"Whatever," muttered Spot standing up.

"Goddamnit!" Anthony grabbed hold of his arm and yanked him back down on the couch.

"Leave it, damnit, just leave it! I don't want to hurt you, but I just can't!"

"Spot!"

"Anthony………" he dropped his head back down in his hands. "I need a cigarette…….so bad."

XXX

Itey sat with his feet crossed over the ice chest, habit after spending so many years around his best friend. Spot and Anthony had stopped by for a bit before heading down the street to Anthony's friends house. It was an oddly quiet afternoon crawling into evening, none of the guys had been able to stay over late today. Bumlets was helping out on fixing up some cars and Raffle-Ticket was in trouble for getting into a fight, which resulted in him being escorted off campus by two cops. His cousin Panzon only stopped by to drop off something for his dad, which left him the most bored he'd ever felt in years. Though, he wasn't about to argue with this much peace, although, if he counted Spot's random weirdness at school today……….nah, still a bit dull. He stopped in his mental musings when he heard the distinct familiar sound of chains hitting fabric coming down the sidewalk. He supposed today was just one of those days where it was mostly nice, till you rammed a car into a six inch thick brick wall.

"Ey cuz," he shoved Itey's feet off the ice chest and pulled out a- "Pepsi? What the Hell G?"

"I don't drink alone," supplied Itey reaching in and pulling a soda out for himself.

"Shit, I'm here," he cringed as he opened the can.

"Too late. Too bad, so sad," really, he was fed up with his cousin.

"So where everybody at?" he sat down on a lawn chair

"Not here," was his curt reply.

"Tch, what the fucks your problem?" he downed half the can quickly.

"Hmm…..I wonder," he turned his head and arched an eyebrow at him.

"I think you forget, I ain't graduate no top of class," he laughed more to himself then aloud.

"You went to continuation school, baboso," he didn't feel like pretending to be nice to his cousin at all today.

"Speaking of idiots, where's the gringo?" he laughed, "Heard he put on quite a show the other day ago."

Itey glared at his cousin, then paused, "I don't know why you keep bothering him."

"The fuck?" he glared at Itey.

"Yeah, bothering him, he's over you, so stop fucking with him," he slightly regretted saying it after it came out of his mouth.

Rollercoaster got out of his chair and loomed over his cousin, "Heh, over me, fuck you, like he was ever-"

"You don't think he cared?" Itey wished he could back up or at least stop talking.

"Why don't you shut up, before I decide to break your jaw, eh?" he grabbed Itey by the shirt, pulled him forward a bit before shoving him hard and knocking him over.

"All you ever do is threaten me, why don't you actually pull through one, huh?" he glared up at his cousin.

For a moment all Rollercoaster did was stare down at his cousin, he seemed to be debating something over in his head, "You're my cousin….."

Itey just watched him, he had no idea whether to be grateful or terrified at that statement, "Oh…..'k….."

Rollercoaster continued to stare, then his eyes slowly drifted sidelong down the street then cautiously opened his mouth to speak, "...he…….." he glared at Itey then back down the street, "Really, you know….?"

"I-uh-," this was definitely not the response he thought he'd get from that statement.

XXX

A/N: I was not too far off from postponing this for another chapter, seriously, two seconds away from putting out the other interlude, but changed my mind. –smiles- Ah yes, Spot's mom, nice woman, can't seem to stop talking once she starts going really, not a bad thing, she just doesn't really get to talk that often.

Its funny, but I had to re-edit the beginning of the story so many times it's almost not funny at all. It's actually one of my best, I usually can't stand going into those scenes, I like tension, tension is fun, tension I can do. Sex scenes make me all embarrassed, don't know if you can tell, but I try to worm my way around them as much as possible. Maybe one day I'll write one without feeling like a silly child. –sheepish grin- Trouble in paradise, Spots inability to verbalize is causing Anthony's internalizing to explode. Not very good since they just made happy. lol

Lastly, Mondo, Mondo, Mondo. Rollercoaster so has issues. To be honest Spot had been a convenience, Rollercoaster don't usually bring chicks over to his place because lets face it, living in your parents backyard is so not a turn on for a girl (then again, he could just be that lazy). Maybe I've said too much. Oh oh! One more thing before I go, I was playing with names and their meaning and found out that Guillermo means: a strong and resolute protector. Itey so lives up to his name. (song to add to playlist: Zebra Skin-by Dredg )

Merry Christmas/Happy holidays people!


	17. I'm In Repair

Sins For Thought

Chapter 17: I'm In Repair

Spot was currently sitting around the side of the house in the backyard just a foot or so from the old brown fence. He was in desperate need of a cigarette and for a moment he contemplated jumping the fence and heading over to Itey's and getting completely wasted, but then thought against it. He hated things being like this, but he also felt that Anthony had no real right to be mad at him. Forcing him to say that would only make him not want to ever say it, not even in his head. In all sincerity though, he desperately wanted to. It was something he'd always wanted. Someone who actually gave a damn about him. Someone who actually wanted to spend time with him. Someone who…….cared enough about what he did to himself. At the same time though, he'd told himself that love was all a bunch of bullshit people made up in order to give their life meaning, something to make themselves feel better. It was all a load of crap.

On the other side of the house Anthony stood next to the grill, he flipped some of the meat that was on it and closed the top again. He couldn't believe Spot. How could he be so, so infuriating? He stomped his way back into the house and plopped down on the couch. Jack and Evan were both staring at him as he had walked in. For a few minutes Anthony just sat there, arms crossed, glaring.

"You know Tone, I think now would be a good time to point out, he's not making you happy."

Evan gave Jack a look and smacked his shoulder, "Jack!"

"No, really, Anthony think about it, you've been catching crap a lot recently because of him, maybe you should just -"

Evan hit him again, "Look Anthony, what Jack's trying to say is, you seem just a tad bit overwhelmed by your relationship right now. A break might be nice."

"……….." Anthony just stared agape at them.

"I'm not saying break up, we're not-"

"I am!"

"Shut up Jack, you just seem a bit frustrated Tone, that's all."

Anthony pinched the bridge of his nose, "Oh God, you guys are starting to annoy me."

They stayed like that a few more minutes and Anthony kept debating whether he acted rationally or not to the situation. Maybe there was just some things he should leave be. If Spot couldn't say it, then he shouldn't force him, right? Spot did say if he tried to force him to say it, it wouldn't have any meaning. Maybe when the day came that Spot could say it, it would have all the meaning in the world……..God that sounded gay. He mentally pictured himself banging his head against a giant red brick wall repeatedly. He didn't want Spot to be angry with him and he didn't want to stay angry at Spot. Anthony finally sighed and stood up. Jack and Evan both stared at him as he walked out the room they shared a look and quietly retreated to the front side of the house near the fence where Spot was sitting. The two of them crouched down to listen. Anthony came around the side of the house and found Spot looking like he wanted to jump the fence. Spot turned his head towards Anthony where he felt eyes on him and sort of half smiled as Anthony sat down next to him. For a while neither of them said anything just sat there, Anthony leaned his head against Spot's shoulder and sighed long and loud.

Spot smiled, "Can I help you?"

"I'm sorry, I just got….frustrated. Spot I freaking love- you know how I feel and it just ….."

"I should apologize, I'm not, but I should."

"Is that Spot talk for 'I'm sorry'?"

"Heh, maybe, I don't know you figure it out."

Silence dragged on for a moment.

"You desperately need a cigarette don't you?"

"Or some weed….."

Anthony shoved him, "Come on, we'll go nick ourselves a pack and I'll let you indulge."

As they stood up Spot grabbed Anthony's arm and tugged him close, "I want to say it, I do, but,…….." Spot shrugged one shoulder. "It makes me a hypocrite."

"What?"

"Never mind," Spot tugged him just an inch closer and kissed him.

Anthony let out a sound and from behind the fence both Jack and Evan stared wide-eyed threw the holes in the fence. Somewhere in the distance Jack and Evan heard a door close and suddenly felt a presence behind them.

"I come out of the bathroom to find myself alone, what's going on? Why are you guys hiding behind the fence?"

"David!"

From the other side of the fence both Spot and Anthony looked at each other for a moment then launched themselves at the fence and pulled themselves half over it to stare down at Jack and Evan who were currently in the process of trying to hurt David.

XXX

Spot and Anthony found themselves at Anthony's house for the evening. Anthony's parents were out running a few errands so that freed up some alone time for the two of them. It had started out really slow and lots of kissing had ensued. Anthony seemed to be enjoying the trail Spot had been leading down his chest and stomach. Anthony had closed his eyes and Spot just kept going. Anthony loved the feel of Spot's breath on his skin, that alone was enough to get a rise out of him.

Half an hour later Spot sat up in Anthony's bed in his boxers only. Anthony's parents had come home with a box of pizza and had opened Anthony's door without knocking, which seemed to be quiet the trend in both their houses, to ask if they'd wanted some. The scene they caught had be quiet close to the one at Spot's house, when the door had opened Anthony had looked like he was going into shock, though Spot merely said "Awesome, pizza!" and pretended they weren't doing…….what they were doing. But now Spot was waiting for Anthony to come back into the room.

And much to Anthony's surprise the lecture he was getting wasn't exactly the one he had envision. It was kind of funny if he thought about it enough. They told him the importance of locking his bedroom door and that privacy was always to be kept, well, private. They even went as far as to tell him they locked their door when ever they got even the least bit frisky, which made him visibly gag at the slight thought. His parents had just laughed, well his mom really, his dad seemed a bit closed mouth at the moment. Before he was let go from the conversation, his mom had slapped the back of her hand against her husbands chest and he reluctantly handed Anthony a small brown bag. When Anthony looked into the bag he felt himself turn completely red, when he looked back up his dad was gone. His mom smiled at him and told him that even though anything they could tell him about sex may not be as helpful, that was the best his dad could do and then she openly handed him a book and told him they were done.

He had no intention of looking down at the book in his hands for fear of what it might be, but his curiosity won out any other thoughts he was having. He jolted to a stop and dropped the book then scrambled to pick it up. How had his mom been able to just go to a store and grab this? He was mortified even more then when his dad handed him the small brown bag. What did they do? Go to a store and ask them what they should get their gay son as some kind of sick presentfest?

He came back into the room and Spot immediately smiled over at him then took on a slightly confused look, "Don't ask."

"You didn't leave the room carrying that."

"Shut up!"

Spot snatched the brown bag from and smirked, "Condoms……..and …….yeah……"

"I know."

"You're parents kind of scare me, it's like they want us to have sex."

"Safe sex," he paused and made an odd sound, "oh God, this is sad."

"But funny."

"Not exactly ha ha funny," Anthony tossed the book aside and sat down on the bed next to Spot and rested his head on Spot's shoulder, "I'm sorry about today."

"No…."

"What?" Anthony gave him a confused look.

Spot shook his head, "Nothing, never mind."

Anthony's mom came to the room fifteen or so minutes later and told Spot it was getting late. They spent another fifteen or so minutes saying goodbye and goodnight to each other, when Anthony's mother came back into the room and told him goodnight and all but shoved him out the front door. Walking home took him at least an hour and a half. He always hated walking home by himself in the dark like this, but he supposed if it was for Anthony, maybe it was really worth it. He just hated having to listen to his inner ramblings all the way home. If he'd brought a CD player with him or something he could usually handle it, but he hadn't and had to suffer from all the guilt he liked to pour into himself about being a bad boyfriend. Not telling Anthony that he loved him, not telling Anthony he was sorry when he knew that maybe he should have if only to make him feel better.

When he got in distance of Itey's house about an hour and forty minutes later he regretted not paying close enough attention to who was currently drinking on Itey's front lawn. As he got closer he realized, not only was Rollercoaster drinking, he was well on his way to getting way past drunk. He closed his eyes for a second and continued down the sidewalk, but as soon as he got to Itey's house he had to stop and see. Spot found himself staring at the drunk Rollercoaster, throwing up onto Itey's lawn. Where everyone had gone, only God knew. Spot really just wanted to walk over to the guy and kick him good in the ribs. If he heard a snap it would be all the better, but also, somewhere inside him, he wanted to make sure he'd be alright. For a few seconds he just continued to stare at him hacking up what was left in his stomach. Until finally Rollercoaster sat up semi straightly and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Spot figured if he left now Rollercoaster wouldn't notice him. He hardly made one step when Rollercoaster made a weird sound, then a coherent word.

"Spot."

"Eh, Mondo?" he desperately hated himself right now.

"What you doin' out here so late?"

_God, why'd he have to be so drunk right now?_ Thought Spot.

"Just coming back from a friends house," he wanted so bad to have those little red pills right now.

"Oh……" Rollercoaster was obviously more than just dazed.

Silence dragged on for what Spot felt like was an eternity.

"I'm gonna, you know, go," Spot cocked his head in the direction of his house.

"Yo, wait, I was wrong," he looked like he was going to hurl again, "why'd we ever stop being friends again?"

"Because you're a closet fag?" Spot shrugged a shoulder.

Rollercoaster tried to get up, but swayed too much, and settled for saying, "Say that again and I'll fucking kill you."

Spot smirked sadly, "Like I was saying."

It got quiet again, something deep inside Spot made him remember why he'd wanted to be around this guy so badly. Maybe it had always been the drugs? Spot looked over at Rollercoaster and watched him drink water from the near by water hose. This really wasn't how he wanted his life to turn out. He didn't want to end up like this guy in front of him. Rollercoaster sat up again and motioned Spot over. For a split second Spot considered bolting to his house, but then he always did have a hard time saying no to Rollercoaster.

Kneeling beside him Spot asked, "What is it?"

"After all the shit that I've done to you, why the fuck do you still come 'round me when I ask you too?"

"I have, no idea," which was essentially a lie.

There was absolutely no way in Hell that Spot wanted him to know, that down to the very core of him, he still cared. He supposed it was all the whole "first crush/love" thing. Though for the life of him, Spot could never seem to understand what would make a person want to put up with so much abuse and keep coming back for more. Yeah so, people got use to a certain role, but people also knew when they were being treated poorly. There was never a sober moment that Rollercoaster ever treated him right. And he knew, even then, that staying for those small and wonderful moments he enjoyed weren't worth all those bruises come consciousness. Their whole friendship, relationship whatever the Hell you wanted to call it, was nothing more then a wicked spiral. No peak, no end, no new beginning. Somehow in the back of his mind Spot registered he had to be severely sick to enjoy being in this guys company after all the things that went on between them.

"Sometimes, when I lookit you, I wish I hadn't fucked over our friendship," he reached his hand out and grabbed a piece of Spot's hair.

Yeah, he was definitely screwed up in the head.

Spot let out a shaky breath, "Yeah?"

In the back of his head he could hear a spiral, draining down, down, too deep.

"Yeah."

It took all of two seconds for all Spot's sanity to disappear from his brain as Rollercoaster started tugging him close. If it weren't for the loud clang of the screen door closing Spot really felt he would have let Rollercoaster kiss him, but there Itey stood, arms crossed, as he looked on from the doorway glaring at them.

"What the hell are you guys doing out here?"

Rollercoaster was muttering a few choice curse words in Spanish under his breath and Spot was literally shaking from shock.

"I-I just-" he looked utterly confused, "going home."

Without saying another word Spot took off as quickly as he could down the block and around the corner across the street to his house. Once inside he stumbled his way to his bedroom and locked the door behind him. This was bad, this was real bad. He had Anthony. So why the Hell had he just been about read to kiss another guy and not just some random guy, it was Rollercoaster. Spot buried himself under all his blanket and tried not to yell in anger at himself. Kissing someone other then your boyfriend was bad enough. Kissing someone you use to like, who also treated you like shit and kicked you around for fun, was ten times worse. God he really hoped Itey thought he was some strange person off the street, though the likelihood of him actually thinking that was null. Anthony was going to kill him.

XXX

Morning came and Spot was more then thankful that they didn't have school today. There was absolutely no way in Hell he'd be able to face Itey. Especially if Rollercoaster was as drunk as Spot assumed he was. Rollercoaster was always way too reminiscent and nice when he was severely drunk or high. Spot really didn't want to face the day. He just wanted to stay buried underneath all his blankets and pillows till the world ended. Maybe if he wished and prayed hard enough he would. He lifted his head out from beneath his blanket and looked over to the window. Nope, no sudden apocalypse. He tucked his head back under the mound. Things were about to get real bad. Spot could just feel it. Spot figured the only way to face the day was to stay cooped up in his house. He couldn't go to Itey's, he'd say something about last night. Couldn't go to Anthony's he'd feel too guilty. A knock on his window interrupted his thoughts.

"God…." he turned his hand out of the blankets and opened the window.

"I think you severely need to have your head examined," Itey stared pointedly at him.

"No one invited you, go away."

"……you going to tell Speed Racer?" Itey leaned against the side of the house.

"Hell no!" Spot noticed Itey was staring down the block.

"I know you're supposed to be my friend, but he should probably hear it from you, not me."

"Hear what? I have no clue what you're talking about……"

"I can give you a general recap," Itey inspected his non existent nails.

"I can kick your ass," Spot sat upright on his bed.

"Look, I know I'd want to know if the person I was with had been about two seconds away from seriously kissing someone they use to do …….stuff….with," Itey slightly cringed, more at the thought of someone willing do "stuff" with his cousin, whether boy or girl.

"It was a momentary lapse in judgment."

"That doesn't make it right."

"You think I don't know that?!" Spot growled to himself and roughly ran his fingers through his hair.

"I was talking to Bumlets and Raffle-Ticket the other da-"

"You were what?!"

"Shut up, let me finish, we sort of figured, that maybe the only reason you were into the whole gang thing was because of my cousin. Don't get me wrong, I mean, that's mostly why I was, but you don't need to impress him anymore, you know?"

Spot stared at Itey and sighed, "I suppose in retrospect, you're right, but I don't know, it's so fucking hard."

"How so, huh?" Itey crawled his way into Spot's room and sat down next to him.

"I don't think you get how much he affected me Gee. I mean, he was my first……well shit, everything."

Itey made a gagging noise, "You officially made me want to rip my ears off."

"Be happy I don't talk about how awesome the drug-induced sex was," Spot smirked.

"Oh God stop!" Itey rolled onto the ground and covered his head.

Spot nudged him with his foot and laughed, "And my favorite thing to lick was his-"

"Shut up, gross!!"

"Dude, his abs, don't be a pervert."

"_You_ don't be a pervert, you got nailed by my cousin. That's just _sick_," Itey stood up and dusted off his pants and visibly shook.

"Now if only I could remember ninety-five percent of what actually happened."

"And forget the other five," said Itey sitting up.

"Too true."

The two of them continued to sit in silence. Itey was hoping he wouldn't have to get into Spot's business. It's not like the gay thing made him uncomfortable. It was more the fact that he got the feeling that Anthony was just a wee bit hostile towards him. He was pretty sure most of it had to do with the fact that he had a habit of getting Spot drunk. Not like that was his sole purpose in life. He was just a real good friend. That's what real good friends did, they helped you drown your problems. For some reason, he assumed the concept was beyond Anthony. The worst Itey figured, was the fact that Rollercoaster was his cousin and his cousin did a bang up job of screwing with Spot's head. He looked over at Spot, who looked less then pleased.

Spot was glaring at the ground, irritated at the fact that he knew Itey would interfere if he didn't tell Anthony. God sometimes he hated his best friend. Itey was all about doing the right thing, while he was about doing the things that wouldn't get him yelled at. He'd just fixed the fight they'd got into the other day ago and now he was going to rekindle those horrid flames. He dropped his head in his hands and sighed loudly. This was going to make his life a living Hell and to top it all off, he got the feeling he'd be seeing Rollercoaster a bit more often then usual. Something had just been desperately off last night. Anthony was going to unhinge and it was going to come tumbling down on him. Granted he probably deserved it in an "I'm the shittiest boyfriend ever," fashion, but it didn't make the situation any better. Spot lifted is head out of his hands and sighed again.

"I'm so not looking forward to the rest of the day."

"Have no fear, buddy of mine, I'm set with a bottle of tequila any time you need one."

XXX

A/N: Sorry for the late update, I got me that there what you call a job. It's wicked awful. I do interior for cars. It's dreadful, but we get tips. I finally managed to obtain time to write and I've been at this all day. I only got free time because it rained today.

Next chapter: I don't know yet lol.


	18. Catch Without Arms

Sins For Thought

Chapter 18: Catch Without Arms

Somehow Spot finally found the ability to get up and shower, not that he really wanted to, but after a lengthy conversation with Itey about never inviting him over to his house Spot finally just wanted him to shut up. Granted he cared about his best friend, sometimes Itey just seemed to think he knew better then Spot himself did. Or at least that's how Spot felt about it all. He liked it best when Itey's way of caring involved bottle openers and blur. All that other sentimental ABC network bullshit just tended to get on his nerves. If he had his way every problem would be solved with liquor. He paused in thought as he got a mental picture of himself chugging a bottle of Boons Farm, he smirked, well, maybe not everything he drank would have to be hard stuff. Walking back into his room he found Itey laying on his bed back propped up against the wall reading a magazine. He could feel himself clenching his teeth, he was going to give himself a headache. He took a deep breath and glared.

"Where did you get that?" he walked over and snatched it from his friends hand.

Itey shrugged, "You really need to keep your non-traumatizing magazines away from your traumatizing ones. I really need to gouge my eyes out."

"Yes I know, next time I'll make sure to cater to uninvited friends," Spot tossed the magazine back into the pile he'd had it in.

"Your room is a wreck," Itey sat up and grimaced at the mess.

"It _was_ clean, like a while back when Anthony came to visit," Spot shrugged a shoulder and kicked a pair of faded red shoes under his bed.

Itey raised an eyebrow and just walked over to the door, "Shawn, if you mess things up with him, you're going to regret it more then anything else you've ever ….. in your life."

"Shut up, I don't want to hear it, whatever. Honestly, you think I just screw up everything don't you?" Spot just glared and rolled his eyes as he walked out the room with him.

"You never want to hear anything that'll interfere with your "peace" you screw yourself every time you do something like that. I hope you realize that, right? You're the only person I know who wants to spend their life trying to make themselves happy, but sets himself up for ruin when it all comes to an end. No wait, scratch that, I know one other retard……….no wonder you two got so fucking along all the time." Itey's footsteps hit the ground hard as he made his way to the front door.

"You talking 'bout Mondo? Because if you are that makes you an asshole. I mean, what the fucks your problem." Spot slammed the door behind himself.

"You were kissing him!!"

"Almost!! Means it didn't happen!!"

"I don't care that makes you one of "those" guys!"

"Those guys?"

"The guy who'll never be happy regardless if you have the most devoted lover in the world. Don't be that person Shawn, you're better then that, I don't want people hating you for all the wrong reasons." They walked down the long sidewalk to Itey's house.

"_I'm_ gay?" Spot scoffed.

"Whatever, go to Hell, if you're going to be like this all day, just don't come over, got it." Itey shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I'm going to talk to him, so what the fucks your problem?"

"Who knows, I'm just talking out my ass apparently."

"……….." Spot shrugged and just kept walking.

"Where the Hell you goin'?"

"Anthony's, fuck you."

Who was Itey to say all that, like he knew what the fuck he was talking about like he was some sort of expert on life and shit. Spot couldn't stand it when Itey got like that, all high and preachy, as if he didn't know anything. Spot scoffed.

"I know shit," Spot shoved his hands in his pocket.

This was ridiculous he didn't see why he should honestly have to tell Anthony about something that didn't happen. Maybe he just wouldn't say anything at all, Itey wouldn't go so far as to check with Anthony to see if he really told him, besides Anthony didn't like being around Itey and them all that much. He supposed it had something to do with the whole liquor thing or something, not that he really cared much about Anthony's reasons. But God, the whole situation was just irritating, with Itey, Rollercoaster, and Anthony he was really in due for some kind of break down or something, he just knew it. He shrugged to himself.

"I've been through worse," he glared at the woman who gave him a look for his out of no where sentence.

He had no real idea why he was walking to Anthony's he was just going to feel guilty, but he really wanted to see him after the events of last night. Seeing Rollercoaster made him think stupid thoughts. He didn't like entertaining the ideas in his head it just screwed with him. He sighed and turned around and headed back to Itey's place.

-

Itey watched as Spot made his way back up the sidewalk. He knew Spot wasn't going to go to Anthony's house, too much guilt in him. He gave himself twelve points for knowing his friend so well. Though he was feeling innately bad for Anthony because he knew he'd have to go and tell him himself. That thought made him smirk, Spot really thought that he wouldn't do something like that, but he so would. Because that's how much he cared, he nodded once to himself then handed Spot a soda. Spot took it, which meant Spot was annoyed. Too funny. This was all going to crash and burn drastically. He could just feel it. Spot's guilt was odd, at least he felt it was, what person would deny themselves the drastic measures they took when they were usually upset, but not when they were nervous? Itey just watched his friend, Spot was beyond normal nervous behavior.

The front screen door opened, "Guillermo, you are outside?"

"When isn't he?" yelled Raffle-Ticket.

"Can it, Adrian," Itey slapped Raffle-Ticket hard across the shoulder.

"Ey, don't call me that!" he straightened his red plaid shirt collar.

"Yes, Adrian, you're Raffle-Ticket, because that's way more normal, estupido," Itey rolled his eyes as he turned.

"I'm go tell you mom you being mean again, _Guillermo_."

"I'm go tell you mom?" Spot gave him a look as he took a drink from his soda can. "Great English you got there."

"I know, huh!" Itey laughed.

"Ey, shut up."

"Wait, where'd your mother go?" Bumlets looked to the front door.

Itey shrugged, "Guess she didn't want to see your face," he shoved his hand in Bumlets face and pushed him back.

"Ah, yes, this is why I hung out with you guys sober," said Spot sitting down on one of the yellow lawn chairs.

A white van pulled up next to the curb, there was no visible window from the back seat, on their side at least. They all walked over to it and Spot paused when he noticed who was sitting in the passenger seat. Itey hadn't seemed to notice until the door opened and Rollercoaster stepped out and smirked at his cousin. The other guys all just glanced at Spot who was inching his way to the back of the van.

Rollercoaster looked his way, "Tch, get your ass here gringo."

Spot narrowed his eyes but walked over nonetheless.

"Give me looks like I'm crazy or some shit," Rollercoaster smiled and slung his arm around Spot's shoulder, everyone gawked.

"Cars all yours Guillermo," said Itey's uncle in Spanish as he handed him the keys.

"…….awesome……" Itey forced a smile, he supposed a car was a car.

"Tch, take it back dad, bitch don't want it," said Rollercoaster in Spanish arm still around Spot's shoulder.

Another car pulled up and Itey's uncle waved as he got in and drove off. Everyone just sort of stared, no one really knew what to say. The fact that Rollercoaster was there while Spot was there and _not_ starting shit and had his arm around him was just a total and complete shock. Though to be honest, Itey looked to be very much annoyed at the moment.

XXX

"I can't believe you assholes were watching us from behind the fence. I had no idea I had such sick perverts for friends," Anthony glared at Jack and Evan who were currently sitting on his living room couch.

David rubbed his shoulder, "And you didn't have to hit me for something that was an accident. If I'd known you were peeping toms I never would hav- ow!"

"Jack, stop beating the natives," Anthony tossed an empty pink floral plastic cup at him.

"How are you not offended?" Jack glared at Evan.

Evan shrugged, "We were spying on him."

"He enjoyed it," said both Jack and Anthony.

"Now that we're sure you're all secretly gay, can we do something fun?"

"I'm not gay!"

"I'm not gay….."

"Who said it was a secret?"

David threw his hands up and slightly backed towards the kitchen, "Ookay……"

"Speaking of your sexuality, Jack, haven't seen you with your girl in a while," Anthony picked the pink cup off the ground where it fell.

Jack shrugged, "She keeps telling me she's busy, saw her the other day ago, but she took off with the rest of the cheerleaders."

"Holy shit she's snubbing you!" Anthony laughed.

"Don't be a dick Tony," Evan smacked him across the shoulder.

"Oh, that reminds me, I meant to tell you earlier Jack," he bit into his sandwich and sat down on the couch.

When David didn't continue Jack hit his bruised shoulder, "Hello!?"

"Huh? What? You want me to tell you, right now? In front of them?" he bit into his sandwich again.

Jack stared at Evan and Anthony, "Fine," he grabbed David by the shirt collar and dragged him out the living room down the hall.

Evan stared at Anthony, "They must be having awesome gay sex together."

Anthony laughed, then paused, "What's with all the gay jokes today?"

"Must be Gay Joke Day," he shrugged and grabbed his purple plastic floral cup.

"She's been what?!" came Jack's yell from down the hall.

"Must be cheating on him," said Evan.

"Saw it coming," said Anthony bluntly.

"How?"

"Jack's not cool enough to keep hold of a cheerleader or anyone who hangs out with them. Sure he's got looks, but he's a bit of a jerk at times, it's a wonder how he even gets a hold of them to begin with."

"You and Jack really talk shit about each other when the other is not around," Evan polished off his drink.

"Must be why we're friends," he smiled.

"…………….."

"……………"

"…….."

"It got oddly quite," Anthony turned and leaned over the couch and tried to look down the hall.

"Don't even joke like that Tone!" but Evan looked amused nonetheless.

"Like what?" Jack rubbed at one of his eyes and looked oddly disheveled.

"Nothing, where's David?"

"Bathroom," Jack sat down.

Anthony smiled at Evan.

Evan gave Anthony a look.

Anthony started laughing.

XXX

Spot was starting to think that his staying was a bad idea now. Nothing had gone sour, but the oddest feeling had risen in his stomach and Itey wouldn't stop staring at him. Even now, all of them had piled into the van, and upon finding that there was a mattress in the back Spot had immediately claimed the spot as his own. Since Rollercoaster wasn't driving he decided he'd sit in the back on the mattress as well. Bumlets was sitting shotgun while Raffle-Ticket sat by himself in the middle seat. The blinds on the left of the van were old and made of thin metal, Spot could have sworn no one had those anymore, let alone in a car. He cringed when the scent of cigarette smoke filled the car, he looked at Rollercoaster.

"Can you not do that?"

He blew smoke in Spot's face, "Do wha?"

Spot clenched his teeth together.

Rollercoaster laughed and put out his cigarette, "Is it just me or you more uptight?"

"Go to Hell," Spot went to move for the middle seat.

Rollercoaster glared momentarily at the gray dingy van wall and then reached forward and pulled Spot back and the curtain dangling at the corner closed. Spot struggled for a few seconds till the older boy pinned him down and leaned in close to his ear and started whispering things. Spot swallowed hard and took a deep shuddery breath, this was treading into really bad territory. He felt lips…….

"Itey!"

The car screeched to a halt and Rollercoaster went flying through the curtain.

"Are you fucking high?!" Spot glared at him from his position in the back.

"What the fucks your problem G!?" Rollercoaster picked himself up off the ground of the car.

"Sorry 'bout that, foot stuck," he waved his hand dismissively in the air as he continued to drive.

Bumlets and Raffle-Ticket just smiled as the older Mexican boy pulled himself up and into the seat.

Spot just closed the curtain and tried to ignore the rest o f the car.

"No offense man, but that's why we wear seatbelts, thought you were smarter than that?" said Bumlets smirking.

"Go to Hell bitch," muttered Rollercoaster.

They eventually parked and everyone jumped out to order food, Itey waited for Spot to come out of the van, but when he didn't he rolled his eyes and crawled into the back seat and pulled the curtain aside. Spot was asleep, curled next to the wall of the van, hugging a pillow close to himself. He looked around and found a roll of masking tape on the ground and picked it up and tossed it at Spot's backside. Spot jolted up.

"What the Hell?"

Itey waved, "You doing ok?"

"Fuck Mondo," Spot sat up. "I need a beer."

"Yeah, because that's not letting him get to you," Itey grabbed his foot and attempted to drag him out the car.

"Let go of my leg bitch," Spot attempted to kick at him.

"No, get out the car," he tugged harder.

"I wanna sleep. Lemme go!" he started smacking at Itey's hands.

"That's very mature of you, _Shawn_," Itey finally let go of his leg and just crawled inside and grabbed his arms and dragged him out.

"Goddamnit Gee!" Spot tried clinging to the middle seat, holding on for dear life.

"Stop being a girl and let go of that seat."

"You're not Anthony, you can't tell me what to do."

"Things I don't need to hear."

"Oh, there are plenty of things you need to hear."

"That is the dirtiest smile I've ever seen in my life."

"Ain't no lie there cuz," Rollercoaster had an eyebrow raised as he sipped from his straw and stared at the two.

Raffle-Ticket and Bumlets were staring also, watching, Spot was half hanging out the van Itey hands had a good hold of Spot's shirt, "You guys are fucking weird."

"Can't prove it!" snapped Spot getting back into the van.

Everyone piled back into the van, Raffle-Ticket didn't know whether to be shocked or sickened by the fact that Rollercoaster had not only bought Spot food, but had chosen Spot's favorite meal of choice with all his dislikes removed. He sucked on his straw, the taste of orange soda filling his mouth, he watched sidelong as Rollercoaster pulled the curtain aside.

"Ey, Spot, got you food."

"Fuck you," but Raffle-Ticket noticed that Spot took the bag anyway.

"Hn," Rollercoaster seemed to be adorning a self-satisfied smirk.

"Hey wher-" before Spot could finish his sentence Rollercoaster slid a handful of ketchup back to him.

"'ere you go," another smirk from Rollercoaster.

"I think I'm gonna throw up," muttered Raffle-Ticket under his breath.

"Ey, come back here, wan' talk to ya," came Spot's voice from behind the curtain.

There was that smirk again and Raffle-Ticket was sure his food would come back to haunt him in a matter of minutes. Rollercoaster crawled back behind the curtain and from the front seat Itey made a face. Itey had the feeling he was going to have to tell Anthony things sooner then he expected. At the rate things were going, no, he didn't want to think that about Spot, he was sure his friend had more common sense then that.

XXX

Anthony was sitting on the couch by himself, it was odd, Spot hadn't called or stopped by or anything. He sighed and rubbed at his eyes. Looking at his watch he realized what time it was. He'd spent his entire day waiting to hear from Spot the only reason he didn't just go to Spot's earlier was because he didn't want to seem needy or something. He checked his watch again, it was too late in the afternoon to go out and his mom was in the kitchen cooking. She was attempting to make enchiladas, which only made him think of Spot. He let out a slightly irritated growl. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. Spot and him were supposed to be happy and together and irritating his mom and freaking out his dad out. Well, not supposed to, those were just fun perks.

"Anthony, come taste this!"

He rolled his eyes and walked over to the kitchen, "Mom….."

"I know this my first try, but don't make that face dear," she gave him one to try.

"Oh dear God!"

"What?!" she looked panicked.

"I'm just joking, it's great mom."

She slapped his shoulder, "That's not funny."

"Oh come on," he laughed.

"What's wrong?" Anthony's dad came into the kitchen.

"Anthony's being a bad son, punish him," she made an attempt at a pouty face.

He looked at his son then at his wife, "He has us for parents, I think that's punishment enough already."

She grabbed the spatula and bapped him with it, "You're no help."

"Never will be, hun," he smiled at her then opened his sports magazine.

"Best dinner ever," said Anthony sitting down.

"As always," said his mom putting the pan in the center of the table.

"Sarcasm."

"We know," said his parents.

Dinner had long since passed and he held on to the dark blue cell phone in the darkness of his room. Somehow he'd been optimistic about today, regardless of the fact that not only had all his clothes missed the laundry basket he'd also dropped the shampoo bottle. Also, he couldn't change the radio station fast enough to his favorite station. Usually he took those as bad signs, but he looked past them and thought, hey today was bright and sunny, nothing could go wrong. The word "stupid" flashed in glittering gold. It wasn't as if Spot had to spend all his time with him, but the other boy hadn't even called him. That was a bit upsetting. Maybe he was just overreacting, Spot had a right to just do stuff on his own, right? Not that he could really see the appeal in hanging out front Itey's house all day. Plus there was the whole possibility that Itey's cousin would show up and then Spot would have to take off lest a fight break out. Least that was one thing he wasn't too worried about anymore.

At first he'd been completely annoyed and a little afraid that Spot might still have feelings for the guy. That was just weird to him. How could anyone find that guy attractive let alone charming? He hadn't got much of a chance to actually meet him, but he got the vibe that "Rollercoaster" was a huge jerk. He tried momentarily to pretend that maybe he was in Spot's place and meeting this guy…………

"Ew."

_What the hell was such a turn on about the guy?_

"Well tanned drug induced sort of way?"

_What the hell kind of description was that?!_

His cell phone rang and he fumbled it up to see who it was, but his face dropped when he noticed it was only Evan. Why the hell hadn't Spot called? Something had to be wrong, but he didn't want to seem crazy and just show up, that would make him seem needy, he was sure of it. The cell phone stopped ringing, whatever Evan wanted to talk about could sure as hell wait till tomorrow. He wondered what Spot was doing at that second. Was he with Itey? Was he out with his mom? What if Spot was just tired and laying alone at home in his darkened out room like he was? Maybe he wasn't _just_ lying in his bed. He blinked to himself, that was treading into slightly perverted thoughts.

"That's kinda hot," he smiled to himself.

His cell phone started ringing again.

"God, what?!"

"Chill Tony, what ever happened to 'call me whenever it's important, doesn't matter what time, I'll be there,' huh?" Evan yawned, sentence tapering off.

"So what's going on? What happened?" he stretched and turned a light on.

"Well you remember earlier? Turns out Jack's girl _was_ cheating on him."

"God he's got the worst luck ever. First girl he goes out with dumps him after a day, second one moves away, third one just stops talking to him all together, and this one well…….I suppose that explains why David didn't want to tell Jack in front of us." Anthony pulled out an old coloring book shoved way back in his dresser.

"Look, just don't be an ass to him at school, got it?"

"He's a big boy Ev," he stared oddly at a really bad colored page.

"Anthony, seriously," Evan was pointing sternly at his phone not really thinking that Anthony could see it, but doing it out of habit.

"I know, I know three day waiting period. Hey, Evan?" he started scribbling on an uncolored page.

"What?"

"You see Shawn at all today? Just wondering."

"Yeah, he was out front that house like he usually use to be, why something wrong?" Evan was sitting cross-legged on his bed, Econ book open in front of him.

"No, nothing's wrong, just didn't see him today, figured he was busy or something, don't know," he glared at his new poorly colored page.

"Are you sure nothings wrong?" he set his notebooks aside.

"You're going to laugh at me again."

"…………your clothes missed the laundry basket again today?"

"……..no……" he felt slightly embarrassed that his friend knew exactly what it was he was talking about.

"Yeah, ok, you just have bad aim Tony, goodnight."

"Night," he probably was just being weird and paranoid like always.

XXX

Spot checked the time and sighed, it was midnight and he hadn't once called Anthony. He paused, he didn't wear a wristwatch. Looking down he had Rollercoaster's limp arm draped across his chest. Quickly he flung the arm off him and back up, pressing himself against the back double doors, staring wide-eyed. He could swear he was starting to hyperventilate. This was not how things were supposed to go, well, he had no idea how he expected it to go. God, how the Hell had the two of them passed out like that in the first place? Before another thought assailed him, the back double doors opened. Itey caught Spot by the arm before he fell out the van. Spot looked up at Itey and groaned. This was definitely going to be hell in a hand basket.

XXX

A/N: Apparently all it took was buying Panic! at the Disco to inspire me. Yay!!

Next chapter: Falling, But No Standing Yet

Not only does Spot start spending more time with Rollercoaster and brushing Anthony off, Itey makes a surprise visit to Anthony's house. And one fun silent jealous filled day spent with Itey, Spot, the rest of the guys, and Rollercoaster is enough to make Anthony both happy and upset.


	19. Falling, But No Standing Yet

Sins For Thought

Chapter 19: Falling, But No Standing Yet

When Anthony showed up at Itey's there was no one outside. He was about to leave when the screen-door swung open and clanged loudly shut. Spot and Itey's cousin walked out the house laughing and Anthony noticed immediately that Spot was wearing a red t-shirt. The two of them stopped when they noticed Anthony standing on the lawn. The tall Mexican stared over at him like he had no business standing there, while the look on Spot's face bordered on the edge of panic. Anthony sort of felt as if he'd interrupted something personal a moment later Spot seemed to regain his bearing and walked over to him.

"Hey what's up?" Spot slung his arm around his shoulder.

Anthony noticed instantly that the other guy looked a little pissed, "Nothing, I was going to Jack's and hoped you'd be here or something."

"What happed to Pinky?"

"Not allowed to have company right now at his house. Parents kept getting mad finding us there."

Spot just nodded his head.

"Ey, Spot."

"Huh?" he slipped his arm off Anthony.

"Fuck off." Rollercoaster calmly walked back into the house, but slammed the screen door.

"Pendejo."

"Shawn?" Anthony raised an eyebrow.

"Let's go, before Rollercoaster comes back."

"Why are you guys even hanging out?"

Spot rolled his eyes and started down the street, "We're not."

"………"

"Is something _wrong_?" the question came off with the undertone of, _don't annoy me_.

"No, _peachy_," Anthony suddenly realized he was craving a cigarette, the odd taste somehow at the back of his mouth.

Spot gave him what could only be described as a goofy look and Anthony suddenly hated the fact that he'd just used the word peachy. The most off setting feeling was setting in at the bottom of his stomach and he couldn't help but glance back at Itey's house a couple times. Spot seemed to be ok and normal, but the fact of the matter was that according to normal, Spot and Rollercoaster shouldn't have even been in such close proximity of each other. Anthony sighed and watched as Spot pulled off his red t-shirt, lifting up the black tank-top underneath just enough to show some skin. Anthony mentally shook his head, this was no time for distractions. Well, he paused in thought, it might be. He shook his head and received another look from Spot, he just opted for slightly smiling.

"Is it just me or are you one fry short of a happy meal today?" Spot glanced momentarily behind them then grabbed Anthony's hand and didn't let go.

Anthony just stared at their hands for a second and blinked and wondered why was it that his heart seemed to oddly race, "God I hope not."

He spent the next two and a half minutes wondering why it was that Spot just simply holding his hand made his head spin the way it was. He knew they were beyond all that simple stuff and not much of the simple stuff had even happened. Kissing here and there and groping hardly said simple gestures of awkward first getting to know you affections. It kind of saddened him to realize that as far as dates went, their tally was none existent. Then again, they'd spent a lot of time together to make up for that he supposed. He sighed, he really wished things weren't like this. They made their way up the curb to Jack's house and as Anthony was about to knock Spot just reached for the knob and opened it.

"Shawn!"

"What?! He knows your coming already, the fuck, honestly."

"…..excuse me?" Anthony glared at him.

Spot paused and considered what he'd said, after a minute he just shrugged a shoulder and continued in.

"Fucking asshole," he muttered and realized his odd craving increasing.

When they walked in Jack, David, and Evan were sitting at the table playing a card game. As everyone waved Anthony said hey and Spot just nodded his head once and sat down next to David on the couch with enough room for Anthony if he so pleased. Anthony just stared at them as Spot was handed some cards and started to grind his teeth. He didn't completely understand why he was in such a mood, but Spot talking to him like that honestly didn't help.

"Hey, I'm gonna be right back, bathroom and stuff," he walked off.

Anthony walked down past Jack's room to the left and into the bathroom. The skylight at the top let in as much sun as it could. Shutting the door and locking it behind him he squatted down and opened the bottom door beneath the sink and reached far in the back for the pack of cigarettes he knew Jack kept there. He pulled out a cigarette and the clear green plastic lighter and opened the window next to the tub. As he inhaled he realized that he was going to smell like cigarette smoke. He coughed lightly and looked for some Fabreeze or Oust, positive they would hide the smell. And while Anthony was in the bathroom Jack, Evan, Spot, and David continued their card game.

Jack placed a card down, "I'd have to say, Jessica Alba."

Evan placed a card down next, "…..red, Nicole Kidman."

"I have to answer that stupid question too?" Spot glared at his cards for a few seconds before putting one down.

"Yeah," said Jack and Evan.

"Fine……..Billy Zane."

"That guy from Titanic?" Jack seemed to mull it over.

"The jerk, right?" said David.

"Yeah and?"

"I guess for a guy he's good looking," said Jack.

"David?" Evan looked in his direction.

David looked through his cards and picked up a couple cards from the deck before putting one down, "Calista Flockhart."

"The fuck?"

"You know From Alley Mc-"

"We know," said Jack.

"God David," Evan was giving him a look.

"She's a fucking stick."

"Would it have been better if I said Kate Moss?"

"…………"

"You need better taste in women, Davey."

"I hate all of you," muttered David.

"I'm sure he'd have bad taste, he's friends wit' you ain't he?" said Spot smirking.

"Is it just me or is Tone taking longer than usual?" said Evan glaring down at his cards.

"I'm sure that was a remark towards me," muttered Jack placing a card down.

"What- you time each other or something?" Spot tried glancing at Evan's cards.

"You know it was, Jack, he said _you_." David managed to see Spot's cards as he'd leaned over to see Evan's.

"No, but unless he has explosive diarrhea, he shouldn't take that long," Evan stuck a card down.

"Hey, Sparky, stop cheating."

"Should I be playing red?" Jack looked to David.

"Says the guy who looked at Evan's cards, no Jack, yellow."

"Should I get the pepto?"

"Maybe some air freshener. It's been like five minutes- yellow it is!"

"Cheating!"

"Explosive diarrhea?" they all stopped and stared at Anthony standing at the end of the hall.

"You cracked a window right?" Jack attempted to look at David's cards.

"Yeah, Jack, and while I was at it I repainted the walls."

"That was oddly nice of you," said David pulling his cards to his chest.

"…….That's disgusting," said Spot grimacing and picking up eight cards and putting one down.

"Hey Shawn, you feel like going somewhere?"

"Like?"

"Movies, the park, just somewhere."

Spot stared at him for a whole minute before finally tossing his cards down, "Anything to get out of this stupid game."

"Fine, whatever, abandon your friends for your boyfriend, you're buying lunch tomorrow," said Jack.

"And do what? Sit here all day?"

"That's what Spot does at Itey's."

Anthony rolled his eyes.

"You know what we could do!?"

"Crap, Jack got an idea." Evan tossed his cards down.

"We could all pitch in and rent a hotel room for the night. Liquor, a sauna, free HBO, come on it's a great idea."

"……….."

"No thanks Jak-Jak, my chances of getting laid with you guys around, zero."

Anthony smacked Spot on the shoulder and turned to Jack, "You know my mom, if anything, we could hang out for a while."

Spot opened his mouth to say something, but Jack cut him off.

"Do me the favor of shutting up," Jack stuck his hand in front of Spot's face. "Leave the untrained dog at home, Tony."

"Fuck you!" Spot grabbed Jack's hand and twisted it behind him.

"Spot!"

"Jack!"

"Can't you guys act your age?"

"We are!" the both of them yelled at Evan.

Anthony just rolled his eyes and decided to just sit down, while David and Evan were content to watch Jack and Spot attempt to strangle each other. This was going to be a promising day of that he was sure of. After five minutes of the strangling match Jack and Spot finally settled down and ignored each other. Spot sat down next to Anthony and slipped his arm around his shoulder. Anthony just raised an eyebrow in his direction and Jack walked out the room David trailing behind him. Evan shrugged and started to pick up the cards. It wasn't till around six in the evening that they ended up ditching the hotel idea and just hung out around town.

Jack and David were sitting in the front and for once Jack wasn't listening to that talk radio show about aliens. Actually, David had changed the station the second they'd started down road, at first Jack had seemed annoyed, but hadn't said one word. This caused Anthony to laugh and Evan couldn't keep from making comments for the first half of the ride. Spot on the other hand was completely bored, he sat quietly staring out the window as they passed the road where Itey's home was and he caught a glimpse of Rollercoaster standing outside. He sighed a little too loud for his own taste and looked to Anthony sitting next to him, the other boy was staring at him with a concerned look on his face, God he hated getting that look.

"Can I help you?"

"You just look upset." Anthony sounded defensive.

"Hungry, s'all." Spot shrugged and then reached forward and smacked Jack across the head. "Food, now, Sonics."

"What the Hell!?" Jack swerved on the road a little.

"Watch the road."

"I would if your pet didn't piss me off."

"Man, Spot's such a sad name for a gangster."

"Evan!"

"Care to take a shot too Sparky?"

David raised his hands in a defensive manner, "Leave me out of this."

"This night couldn't get any better."

Jack was just about to turn his head to yell at Spot when the car bounced and everyone heard a loud thud, the entire car was quiet.

"…………" Spot looked shocked.

Anthony just stared blankly at Jack.

"Did, you just hit a dog?" David unbuckled his seatbelt and got out.

"Thought I saw something." Evan got out next and both he and David inspected the area.

Spot looked at Jack, "Man, I am so sorry,"

"I've never hit an animal and I drive like a manic," said Anthony getting out also.

"I can't believe I just….." Jack finally got out the car, Spot followed shortly after.

"Um, this is going to sound strange, but I don't see anything," said David looking around.

"I don't see anything either."

"Maybe it was a ghost," said Spot getting on his knees to look under the car.

Jack crouched down next to Spot and looked under the car as well, "I hit something that's for damn sure. There's just nothing here."

"So you're saying you just nicked an animal and it took off?" Anthony looked off into the distance, but saw nothing.

"So somewhere there's a dog just limping around the block?" Spot laughed.

"That's not funny," said Jack getting back into the car.

"It kind of is," said Evan also getting in the car.

The other three looked at each other and shrugged before getting back in the car.

"I had no idea you were such an animals rights guy Jack," said Spot.

"I'm not, just my mother hits 'em like crazy saying they have enough time to get out of the way and that it's their fault if they don't get out the road in time. I swear to God, I see that bird twitching every time I pass a flock of pidgins."

"Awww." the entire car cooed and the rest of the night played off in a compatible manner. Even Jack and Spot managed not to argue anymore that night, it was an odd calm.

XXX

In the morning Spot shut and locked the front door to his house and headed down the block to the bus stop. He walked over to Itey's house and found Rollercoaster waiting outside with one of his other cousins, Pelon. He nodded once to Pelon and tried his best not to make eye contact with the older Mexican. He sped past the house and continued on, but not even a few steps away from the house he heard foot steps behind him. Spot glanced behind himself and couldn't help but jump slightly as he saw Rollercoaster right behind him.

"Shit! What the Hell are you? A fucking ninja?!" he pulled his backpack strap tight in his hand.

"Nah, ey, you feel like hanging out today? You ain't got nothin' to do right?" he kept with Spot's pace.

"No, not really, just school." Spot couldn't resist rolling his eyes.

"Cool, let's go to the park."

"That was sarcasm, something you'd know if you'd passed eight grade English!"

He smacked Spot hard upside the head, "Don't be a bitch, you know just like anyone else I dropped out to help my dad work."

"Like I give a shit, I got school."

"You get A's anyway right? Why you need to show up?"

"God, you know how annoying your English is?" Spot finally stopped walking, just watching his bus pick up the students lined right outside it.

Rollercoaster shrugged, "Right, so?"

Spot sighed, "Fine, let's go."

-

Evan sat down next to Anthony at the fountain at school, "Is everything alright? You look kind of pissed."

Anthony shrugged, "Nah, I'm fine."

"You don't look it."

"Would you be concerned if you saw the person you were dating hanging out with someone they had a thing for?" Anthony took a bite out of his sandwich and sighed.

"What's going on?" Jack sat down a plate of pizza, a Pepsi, Hot Cheetos with nacho cheese, and a cookie piled in his arms.

"Sounds like Spot's hanging out with Rollercoaster again. Crazy, huh?"

"I thought they hated each other? Then again that would explain why I saw them together earlier this morning," said Jack.

Anthony just stared at him and swallowed hard. "I'm just being paranoid right?"

Evan and Jack just stared at him blankly neither saying a word.

"Gee, you're both fucking swell at making me feel better."

"Did you always swear this much?" Jack grimaced at the taste of the pizza.

"It's hard to say, I think we just notice it more since he started dating Spot," said Evan grabbing Jack's Hot Cheetos with nacho cheese.

"I don't think I swear more…." Anthony cocked an eyebrow and continued eating.

"At least with Spot around you won't sound that bad, he swears every other word," said Evan slightly laughing.

"I'm sure everything's fine, Anth, I might not like the guy much, but whatever," Jack shrugged and grabbed his food back from Evan.

He knew things had to be going bad somehow regardless of what he wanted to believe. Stupid Evan for always blaming his aim, it was a cosmic fortune teller somehow. When his clothes just plain missed the basket bad things always happened. At least when things hung half on half off the laundry basket he knew he had the ability to keep it from going bad. Maybe he was just really weird. No, that wasn't it, he was sure lots of people had strange habits. He sighed, the only thing he could think of that could calm him down was the fact that Spot promised to go to the movies with him after school for a real date. It made him smile knowing that he could finally say they were real couple.

-

"Want to fuck try your luck……" Spot sent Rollercoaster a bland stare before yelling. "you fucking wrote my cell number!"

"I was drunk, or high, can't 'member which." Rollercoaster propped his feet up on the bench.

"Whatever bitch, I'm gonna take off, movies to go to," the older boy caught hold of his wrist.

"With who?" he raised his sunglasses with his free hand.

Spot smiled oddly, "What's it to you?"

"Pft, nothing," he shoved Spot's arm away from him.

Spot's phone rang and as he reached for it Rollercoaster grabbed his wrist again and pulled him forward, "Mondo, what the fuck?"

"I fucking hate that you grew some balls."

"What?"

"Nothing, ey, let's go back to my place."

Spot stared at him, surprised, he couldn't help it. He remembered the last time he'd been there and how much he'd loved being able to come and go and stay for however long he pleased. If he went now, he knew what would be there. He'd finally managed to detach himself from the drugs and away from all those people that he'd pissed off. Going with Rollercoaster was such a bad idea and he knew it, but he didn't want the older boy to start hating him again. Though when Spot really thought about it, the only reason they stopped being…….friends was because Rollercoaster wasn't willing to accept the fact that, hey, he just might be gay. If only Rollercoaster could have accepted that before, things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand. His phone rang again and he looked to see Anthony's number flashing.

"Sure."

The two of them got up and started down the block. It was a good half hour to his house from where they were at. Spot swallowed hard as Rollercoaster occasionally bumped into him. For a brief moment he pictured Anthony standing out front the movie theater waiting for him. He felt his heart sink, it was the second time he felt this way about a person. The first time he'd felt this way was when he realized that he and Rollercoaster were no longer going to be close. He wondered if Anthony had ever felt like this. The feeling setting inside him seemed to spread all throughout his body. It made him feel uncomfortable in his own sink, it was a feeling he'd known but was rather unaccustomed to dealing with. The only way he could describe the feeing was being lightly bruised and embarrassed all over. He hated this feeling he just wanted to shake it out.

"You're really fucking quite."

"I shouldn't be here should I?"

"The fuck? What do you mean?" he seemed to pull a cigarette out of no where and lit it.

"I made plans with someone else," Spot eyed the cigarette.

"So?" he exhaled and offered it to Spot.

"It's only right if I call him and tell him I can't make it right?" Spot took it and inhaled gratefully.

"Fuck if I know."

"Or even care."

"True."

"………." Spot rolled his eyes and inhaled another time before passing it back.

"You and that guy, you ain't, you know?"

"Fucking? A couple? Go to Hell."

"Uh……."

Spot started laughing sardonically, "You're an asshole."

They were nearing the older boys place.

"Fuck you puto, it was a question."

"Half form by the way, and what business is it of yours if I was?"

"So, that mean, you get around or something?"

"You think that since I'm gay I randomly screw people? Fuck you!"

"Don't know, figured all gay people fucked each other," he shrugged and exhaled a plume of smoke.

"You-are-an-asshole," they headed down the dirt gravel driveway to the back where Rollercoaster still lived.

"I didn't mean to say that, sorry."

"-say what?" Spot looked stunned.

"Or some shit," Rollercoaster opened the door to his place.

Spot took one step into the place and stopped, "Holy God, you, it's clean. Mom and Itey were right, fucking apocalypse."

"My mom came in to do my laundry, saw my place and cleaned."

Spot smiled, "Stash?"

"She fucking threw it all out. Acts like she touched nothing but my fucking clothes," the older boy headed straight upstairs.

Spot watched him wake up the stairs.

A couple seconds later Rollercoaster yelled down, "You just gonna stay downstairs the entire time?"

Spot felt his heart skip a beat and he made his way upstairs. The wall was lined with family photos and pictures of old cars. As he stepped into Rollercoaster's room he immediately noticed the actual bed, nightstand, TV, phone, and ceiling fan. The whole place was a huge step up from what it use to be. He even saw shelves filled with Lowrider magazines and tons of DVD's.

"This place actually looks like a real house now," he continued to stand at the doorway.

"You can sit you know," said Rollercoaster grabbing the remote and turning the TV onto a cooking channels and turned down the lights.

"What're you doing?"

"Watching TV bitch, sit."

XXX

It was around noon Wednesday as Itey, Bumlets, Raffle-Ticket, Rollercoaster, Pelon, and Spot had gone out riding around town. Bumlets and Raffle-Ticket sat in the middle seat, Itey was driving and Pelon was riding shotgun, which left Spot and Rollercoaster hidden away in the back of the van with the curtains closed. At first it had been real awkward, but after a couple of days Spot could hardly recall when Rollercoaster had last been an ass to him. The older boy somehow managed to change, it scared him but at the same time set off an odd fluttering feeling inside him. Though, maybe it was just the weed clouding his thoughts. But oddly enough, everything seemed to be going really good. This was the way things should have been. _Should have_. Not now. Spot stared over at the older boy, God did he look hot in that skin tight black tank top. Spot shook his head.

Itey slipped an NBK CD into the system he had Bumlets and his uncle install. It had taken up an entire day, but Itey felt it was worth it to drown out the sound of his cousin Rollercoaster trying to inconspicuously and subconsciously flirt with Spot. It was downright disturbing. Itey got the feeling that since he knew about it, it was ten times more obvious. And the few times it had been just the three of them Rollercoaster hadn't held back on the unnecessary touching. It sickened him to know that Spot hadn't once mentioned Speed Racer to his cousin. He paused in thought, he really needed to start calling that dude by his real name, whatever it really was. He felt utterly bad for him.

Rollercoaster was feeling really good, if he could say so, "I can't believe we finished off the last bit of the stash."

"Mmm…." Spot smiled and leaned against the side the metal cool against his back.

"Ey," Rollercoaster scooted closer to him.

Spot slowly inhaled and exhaled and closed his eyes as the older boy tugged him closer till there was no distance between them, "What?"

"I'm really, burnt, right now….." he was speaking softly into Spot's ear.

"Oh…." Spot felt a shiver run down his spine, his eyes still closed.

Rollercoaster swallowed the knot at the back of his throat know that he himself wasn't as gone as he'd like to be, but also knowing that Spot was as far gone to not really notice. He took this opportunity to indulge in the things he hadn't done in ages and on some level that he'd never admit that he'd missed. He started licking the edge of Spot's ear and was slowly sliding his hand under Spot's tight deep red shirt. Spot knew on some conscious level that what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't help it he'd longed for things to go back to the way they were. It was just a little too late for his taste, but with the reality that the person he'd liked for so long was touching him he sort of pushed all thought aside.

Just outside the curtains Raffle-Ticket and Bumlets kept sending each other panicked looks, in the front seat Itey pretended he didn't know what was going on, and Pelon stared out the window and turned the music up a little more. After a while though, the music wasn't helping and it started to seem that both Spot and Rollercoaster forgot they were the back of someone's van. Then after a few more minutes Raffle-Ticket couldn't sustain his curiosity and chanced peeking through the curtain. Bumlets just covered his ears and pretended his friend wasn't doing what he thought he was doing, while Raffle-Ticket closed the curtain and regretted being so curious. Finally Itey got too bothered by having to listen to that and headed in a new direction.

"Anybody fell like going to the park?"

"Yes!" Quickly Itey pulled into the nearest parking spot and everyone jumped out leaving the pair in the van.

"I swear to fucking God!!" yelled Pelon lighting a cigarette up.

"I know!" yelled Bumlets.

"I've been traumatized for life," mumbled Raffle-Ticket sullenly.

"Fucking Spot!" Itey was beyond mad.

"I can deal with your friend being a fag, but when he starts twisting people he's looking to get fucked up."

"Pelon, shut the fuck up!"

"They're not……seriously…"

"Rollercoaster of all people, fucking Mondo! It's wrong cousin, you know it, I know it, they know it. And he's too fucking high to -"

"Are you implying that Spot's the one who's-" Bumlets didn't even bother finishing what he was saying.

"………….." he put his cigarette out before even finishing it.

"Why're you so angry?" Bumlets sat down.

"I've known Mondo forever-"

"We're cousins, estupido." Itey rolled his eyes.

"Exactly! I've never seen him act _it_ once not till he met your puto of a friend."

"I'm sure he was a closet fag lon-" Itey's right hand shot to his face but managed to glare up at his cousin.

His cousin looked dead serious a half insane feel about the look in his eyes, "Whatever you implying, give it another thought, you'll find yourself the better end of a hospital bed."

Itey didn't say anything, but deeply regretted being born into this family.

XXX

A week had passed since Spot had been to see him since that last time. All he got was two phone calls from Spot telling him he wasn't feeling good or that he had something to do for his mom. He got the feeling that Spot was lying to him, it didn't help that Spot sounded a bit…..dazed was really the only word he could think of. Also, someone had been laughing in the background. He knew he was feigning naivety, but he desperately wanted to believe that Spot was really just busy. He nodded once to his reflection in the mirror. A momentarily thought that perhaps this was some sort of jacked up karma for making that statement about Jack, no, he shook his head he was just being irrational. There was a good explanation for this, yes, of course there was. He checked the clock, he was supposed to be going out with Jack, Evan, and David anytime now. It had taken a lot of convincing, but Jack had got his mother to agree to let him go out till about one-ish. The front doorbell rang and Anthony turned the light out in the bathroom and hurried out to the front of the house. He opened the front door and frowned.

"What the hell are you doing here, and how the fuck did you know where I lived?"

Itey snubbed the cigarette out, he'd been so nervous about doing this he actually had a couple of cigarettes before he even got there, "Spot been here?"

"No, haven't seen him in a while, why?"

"Figured as much, look, I know you don't like me much but I think there's something's you should know about."

"………." he just stood in the door way still holding the handle.

"Where's your sense of hospitality? Let me in or something."

Anthony rolled his eyes and let the other boy inside and led him down the hall to his room.

"Anthony, honey who was at the door?" his mother paused and looked at Itey. "Is everything alright with you and Shawn?"

"Mom, ew why would I cheat on him with his best friend?"

"Hey I'm not bad looking, I'm just not into that thing," Itey smiled and stood to shake her hand. "He didn't introduce me technically, but my names Guillermo and your son doesn't like me much."

"You seem nice enough." She gave her son a look that bordered on saying: be nice, but get him out of my house as soon as possible. "Well, try not to stay up too late, good night boys."

"Night, ma'am." Itey waved.

"She doesn't like you."

"I could tell, pretty hot though."

"Disgusting."

"I'll just get to the point, you see, my cousin Mondo's been hanging around a little too much for my taste and I think that tomorrow that you should seriously drop by before twelve k?"

"I have better things to do with my time."

"I feel it would be in your best interest to Anthony……" Itey gave him a serious look.

"Why?" he suddenly felt a sinking feeling.

"As Spot's –_Shawn's_ best friend, I don't want to see him get hurt and from where I'm standing you're really the only person I want to see with him. He makes stupid decisions when he's on his own and it's going to Hell very quick. Just, stop by ok?" Itey stood and headed for the door.

"………ok." Anthony stared sullenly down at the carpet.

"Thanks," Itey showed himself out the front.

Anthony just continued to stare blankly at his room. Something really bad was going on.

XXX

A/N: I honestly thought I had enough room for Anthony's day with Spot and Rollercoaster, but pacing is against me. Lol. (also, if you want to choose the pairing for my next one shot, first person to tell me what card game they were playing. Guess now, WIN WIN WIN, nobody's a loser!) I have too much energy for sitting in front of a computer all day.


	20. Don't Watch The Pendulum Sway

Sins For Thought

Chapter 20: Don't Watch The Pendulum Sway

Itey glanced down at his watch for the fifteenth time. He was starting to get really tired of waiting. Looking around his front yard he sighed, beer cans, overturned lawn chairs, that honky piece of shit of a van sitting on the curb, it was getting very ridiculous. Not once did he figure when he moved that this is what his life would amount to. Perhaps there was just no getting out of something like this. He still hung out with gangster wanna-be's, his wardrobe still consisted of seventy-five percent red, he still desperately tried to be cool but remain responsible. And all that really came from moving here was that his respect for his cousin had diminished, he'd acquired more disappointment from his father though lucky for him his mother never seemed to be ashamed of him and he actually had friends that gave a shit ninety-five percent of the time. He was glad though, life was difficult, but not as bitter as before. All he really had to worry about now was making sure his best friend didn't destroy what could possibly be one of the few good things he desperately needed in his life. On the other side of the lawn Bumlets was busy tying ribbons he'd found in box earlier in the day to the tree, he paused and noticed Itey just blankly looking everywhere. He finished tying the last of the ribbons and sat down next to Itey. Things had definitely been awkward since Spot and Rollercoaster reconciled and that was just putting it lightly in his opinion.

"Things going down hill that's for damn sure, huh?"

"Sometimes I think I'd be better off moving far away from this place," Itey grabbed the pack of cigarettes from Bumlets pocket.

"All you gots a couple more years, what makes you want to move anyway?"

"Its better then where I use to live right, but it seems the people are still the same sometimes."

"At least no ones dead right?" he handed his lighter to Itey.

He lit it up and watched as Spot and Rollercoaster slowly made their up the sidewalk.

"Sometimes its hard to tell."

"Sup Gee," Spot smiled and grabbed a lawn chair and sat next to Itey.

Rollercoaster rolled his eyes and grabbed a beer before pulling Spot out of the chair, "Just gon' sit here all day?"

"What we do everyday," said Bumlets moving so Spot could sit down.

"I figured someone gets a car, we go do shit more often," said Spot taking Bumlets seat.

Itey checked his watch again sighed and stood up, "I guess if we're going to do something-"

"I get the feeling you're none too excited," murmured Spot staring oddly at the ground.

"Well, hanging out with potheads all day makes my life worth wild," Itey dug in his pockets for the keys.

"Hugs not drugs yo."

"Yeah, crack is wack," Rollercoaster laughed.

"I didn't know Speed Racer was hanging out today," Bumlets waved to Anthony down the street.

Spot literally fell out of his chair and scrambled to the curb, "What?!"

"His bitch much?"

"Fuck you, Mondo."

Itey smiled, "We're still all hanging out right?"

Spot and Bumlets both looked at Rollercoaster.

"The fuck you looking at me for?" everyone shrugged.

Anthony made his way up the curb and stopped shot of the ice chest at the middle of the lawn, "Hey."

Spot looked to Itey who shrugged and headed for the van.

"We going to the park or what?" Bumlets followed Itey.

"Picking up Raffle-Ticket then the park," said Itey shutting the door and starting the car.

Spot looked at Rollercoaster and Anthony and did so again once more before grabbing Anthony's arm and leading him to the van. Spot didn't even want to think about the look he knew Rollercoaster was more then likely sending him. More then that, he was afraid that the older boy would revert back to hating him at any second. Why the Hell Anthony had even showed up to begin with was beyond him. They crawled into the back sitting on the mattress and pulling the curtain close behind them. When the door shut Spot exhaled not even realizing he'd been holding his breath. Turning to look at Anthony Spot smiled and started to move so that they'd be sitting side by side, but Spot had paused in his movement when the curtain moved and Rollercoaster came crawling through. Anthony seemed to look a tad uncomfortable and Spot seemed on the verge of having an internal panic attack, but as quickly as the look had come upon Spot's face it vanished. Rollercoaster reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette and lit it, as he inhaled he looked at Anthony making it obvious what he was doing. Rollercoaster looked to Spot and merely let a creeping slow lopsided smirk cross his face. As he exhaled he returned his attention back to Anthony.

"So, you go to the same school or some shit?"

"No," Anthony felt no inclination to feign politeness.

"Where'd the fuck you meet then?" he raised an eyebrow as he took a long drag off his cigarette.

Anthony shrugged a shoulder trying to portray how uninterested he was in answering, "Itey's."

"..." he exhaled and looked the slightest bit more annoyed then moments before.

"The park, huh?" Spot looked towards Anthony.

Rollercoaster rolled his eyes and Anthony gave Spot a bland stare before shaking his head and moving next to him. Spot wanted to move, but didn't want to make it obvious to either of them. Seeing no way out of the situation Spot finally gave up his internal battle with is nerves and decided to wing the whole thing somehow. He couldn't be affectionate in any manner towards Anthony and he couldn't seem like a pushover when it came to Rollercoaster, more importantly he couldn't be transparent. He didn't want the kind of turmoil swirling around inside himself to show, it conflicted with how he wanted the world to perceive him. He wanted Rollercoaster to see him as strong and independent someone who didn't need anyone to lead him around on a fine thread of makeshift affection. With Anthony he just wanted to show that there was so much more to him then what he let out, he wanted Anthony to know that he needed him...somehow.

XXX

Jack licked at the trail of melted ice cream making its way down his wrist as he crossed the park beyond the old closed metal rocket-ship to where the peach colored tables rested. It was on a whim that he decided to go to the park, he'd called David, Evan, and Anthony but only David had answered and agreed to come along. Oddly enough he was glad only David picked up, Evan only liked to go out at night to cruse and Anthony had gotten into the habit of only talking about how Spot never seemed to want to talk to him. Like he honestly cared, so he'd handled the situation as he would when any of his ex's had rambled and simply tuned him the fuck out. Not that he never cared, he just really didn't feel like having to hear about their relationship. He hardly cared about his own, so why would he feel any inclination to about anyone else's. It was ridiculous. Really. He spotted David siting on top of the table waiting for him. He smiled and nodded on in his direction as he waved the slowly melting treats in his hands. He licked at his wrist once more as he approached the table and handed one of the ice creams to David.

"Sorry 'bout the wait, line and all."

David shrugged, eating his ice cream, "Happens."

"You know Dave-"

"That's what's his names car right?" David pointed to a white van parking at the skate park.

"Must of got tired of all trying to fit in a three passenger person car," muttered Jack.

David rolled his eyes, "Looks like Anthony's with them."

"There's a shocker, maybe now he'll stop whining about Spot- Holy shit that's Rollercoaster!" Jack finished off his ice cream and tried to get a better look.

"Who?"

"Him and Spot use to be real tight with each other back in the day."

"Tight as in...?"

Jack started rubbing his temples, "Please don't make me say it."

David laughed, "Fine. Continue."

"Not much else to say, I don't know anything else and I don't care to," said Jack settling down.

"You ever wonder how long they know they're _that _way?" David finished off his ice cream.

"Huh?" Jack gave him a guarded sidelong stare.

"Well, I mean, do they know it from the start? Or do they just sort of, stumble, along the knowledge?"

"Curiosity killed the cat, Davey," Jack stood up.

David jumped off the table and tossed the paper his ice cream had been wrapped in the garbage, "Yeah but I heard somewhere, satisfaction brought him back."

"...ok, no more books for Christmas," they headed across to where the zoo was.

"But Santa, I was a good boy this year," said David tossing some change into the donation box as they walked through the front gate of the zoo.

Jack shrugged, "Thems the breaks."

"You took Christmas away, I hate you."

XXX

Anthony was glad that they finally managed to walk off on their own. Rollercoaster wouldn't stop staring and every time he spoke it gave him the chills. Spot on the other hand seemed completely comfortable with this guy, he hated it so much. A couple of times the two of them would talk and leave him out and if Spot tried to start talking to him the other guy would interrupt. It was annoying, if he knew he'd be competing for Spot's attention he wouldn't have even bothered. He paused in thought for a moment, he still would have came. He missed Spot so much he'd have done anything to be in his presence even put up with that douchebag. Anthony smiled to himself, he hadn't used that word in what felt like decades.

"Anth?" Spot smiled oddly at him and grabbed his hand.

Anthony looked around them, no one was close by, "What?"

"I should have called or something, sorry," Spot brought his hand up and kissed the back of it.

"You're a jerk, apologizing alone really isn't going to fix how pissed I feel," he pulled his hand close to himself.

"It's not like it was intentional!"

"Go to Hell Spot."

"Look, Rollercoaster apologized, _he_ apologized, he's nicer then before and-"

"Nicer? I've seen him hit you twice upside the head, hard. Are your definitions of _nicer_ or _changed_ that far off or are you just desperately _stupid_?" Anthony found that he was yelling, something he hadn't meant to do and saying things he hadn't meant to say.

"The fuck Anthony!?" Spot glared at him.

"I didn't mean to say that, I'm just frustrated Spot. You're supposed to by my boyfriend, and it seems like you haven't been it in what feels like quiet a while. Spo-"

"Shawn, damn-it, Shawn, call me Shawn, Anthony! I have a real name, you use to use it, often..." he seemed crestfallen.

"S-s...Shawn," Anthony just stared at him, "I'm sorry, I love you, but this is ridiculous."

"After we're done here, we can go to your house, ok?" Spot grabbed hold of his hand again.

Anthony looked down at his hand and smiled, "Yeah, I'd love that Shawn. I hate it when you're not around."

"Me too Anthony," Spot pressed his head against Anthony's and kissed him quickly.

-

"Jack, stop spying on them," whispered David tugging on the other boys shoulders.

"Why? This is a public park?" Jack swatted at his hands.

"I know I wouldn't want someone spying on us if we were having an intimate moment," he gave up on moving him.

Jack turned his head and raised an eyebrow.

"I didn't mean it like that, it was an example, Jack, and you know it," said David, hands raised defensively.

Jack turned his attention back beyond on the bushes and watched as Rollercoaster approached the pair. Spot immediately let go of Anthony's hand and made distance between them. He could see the annoyance it caused on Anthony's face and Spot merely shrugged in a somewhat desperate looking manner, like he'd been at a loss at what else to do in such a situation. Rollercoaster made a motion towards the outdoor theater and Anthony seemed even more vexed, but got up nonetheless and walked off across the park.

-

"God, I hate seeing you two together," he sat down on the ground cross-legged and lit up a joint.

"Your loss, fucker," Spot looked around before sitting down as well. "I can't believe you're lighting up in a public place."

"Like it matters," he smiled and handed it to Spot.

"This is the last thing I need to be doing with Anthony around," said Spot as he took it happily.

"..." he stared at Spot, a less then happy expression crossing his features.

"What?" Spot handed it back to him.

He took it back and inhaled gratefully letting it take affect on him and his thoughts, "Come over tonight."

"Can't going to Anth's, see, I have an obligation to him, he's my boyfriend. You on the other hand, I have no obligation to, we're not involved. All you do is mind fuck me all day," Spot took the joint back from him and took a long hit from it.

Rollercoaster stared at him momentarily before moving forward and whispered into his ear, "Like you don't enjoy it."

"B..besides the point, Mondo," he attempted to regulate his breathing. "Anthony treats me better then you ever have."

"Like he's got shit on me, I can be just as ...hospit...al..." he stared off quizzically to the side for a second before saying, "I'm missing some letters ain't I?"

Spot nodded and laughed, "I'll just have to divide my time evenly, obviously Anthony takes top priority over you."

"Ey fuck that shi-"

"No, fuck you," Spot stood up, Rollercoaster pulled him back down.

"You need to learn to shut the fuck up," he paused briefly and Spot could tell the older boy was a bit paranoid and pissed about what he was about to do.

-

Jack looked sickened and shocked as the scene in front of him continued, "What the fuck..."

David pulled Jack away from the bushes and to the car, "I – I don't even know what to say."

"We cannot tell Anthony," Jack pulled the keys out of his pocket.

"You kind of have a moral obligation to, Jack," David glared at Jack as they got into the car.

"Why do I have to be the bad guy?! Besides, he'll just think I'm making it up, considering how I treat Spot," he started the car and drove off.

"Why_do you_ treat him like that?" David turned the radio off.

"...Don't know," he shrugged noncommittally and sharply turned into traffic.

"Jack!?" David was bracing himself against the window and dash.

"What, he just pisses me off. Anthony swears like there's nothing wrong with him, but he's a fucking nut-job," they bounced haphazardly over the train tracks.

"He's seemed pretty ok to me up till, you know," David watched Jack's facial expression flicker from one emotion to the next.

"It's just, I've known Anthony for a pretty long time, and not once have I known him to make so many stupid decisions for any reason. All of a sudden Spot enters his life and, shit, it all just starts to scramble into this huge mess he doesn't even realize Spot really doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself," he pulled up to a drive-thru window.

"I don't know about that, Anthony doesn't seem that blind to me, and I may not know Spot all too well, but I think he's just God what's the word-"

"Retarded?"

"No, conflicted."

Jack just shook his head annoyed and proceeded to order food, after they got their food they headed back to Jack's house, "Conflicted, I'm sorry but that's just a load of crap Davey."

"I get the feeling you're more annoyed because you were just cheated on not too long ago," David shrugged, "then again, I _could_ be wrong."

"..."

XXX

"Why'd you leave them alone?" Itey was sitting atop the randomly place exercise bars normally used for pull-ups.

"He said he had something private to talk about, if I didn't go, I'd look like an ass," said Anthony head pressed against the thick blue bar cigarette smoke spiraling upwards.

"I never took you for a smoker," said Bumlets sitting on a thick low bar for sit-ups.

Anthony shrugged.

"That can't be a good sign, mean, does Spot know?" Raffle-Ticket was hanging upside-down on the next bar from Itey.

"I smoked once in front of him, at the very beginning when we met, I was nervous or something," muttered Anthony finally moving.

"Look like a seasoned vet to me," said Itey jumping down and pulled the cigarette away from him and tossed it on the ground. "They're walking back and I feel like making them look for us."

"What?" Anthony glared at Itey.

"Come on," he started walking towards the creek that was next to the park, it lead all the way across town.

Anthony sighed and followed. He had no idea why, but did so. After spending an hour around these guys, Itey mostly, Anthony started to realize that out of all of them he seemed the most level headed. He'd never once seen him rip-roaring drunk, high, or in a fight. Though that did leave him wondering how he'd received that almost diminished bruise, who ever hit him, got him really good. He started to wonder why Itey even bothered hanging around the rest of them. Not that they were bad people, their priorities just seemed different. Spot seemed deeply troubled, which was something he wanted to help with and make him realize that he was worth something. Bumlets and Raffle-Ticket didn't seem too bad either, but the two of them always seemed to have random cuts and bruises every so often. Itey even mentioned that they went to a different school for their behavior and such. And what he could gather from his somewhat distorted impression of Rollercoaster, the guy was a huge asshole who gave a shit less about the people around him. The guy had tattoos a couple dragging faded scars on his upper left arm and sounded completely unintelligent. He was really desperately starting to wonder what Spot saw in the guy. Itey somehow seemed, out of place.

"Why do you hang out with them?" they'd started walking down the trail, water rushing down the creek beside them.

Itey gave him a strange look, "Who?"

"Spot and them?" he kicked at the rocks and broken vegetation that lay about the old trail.

Itey shrugged, "Mondo's family, Bumlets and Raffle-Ticket are good guys deep down and... Spot just needs someone ...well that's it, he just needs someone. I think if he was left alone, that's how he'd be for the rest of his life. He hardly trusts himself, let alone anyone else."

"Why'd you want me to come here today?"

He shoved his hand in his pocket and pulled out a cigarette and lit it, "I just wanted Spot to feel guilty, I guess."

"About what?"

"You know how he hasn't been around you much lately? Well, he's been spending all his time with Mondo...and I don't want to be the one to say it but, you know that they...before..."

Anthony visibly shook, "I wish I didn't."

"Worse yet," Itey took a long drag from his cigarette before saying, "I'm pretty sure they're-"

"What the fuck are you doing running off with him like that?!" Spot sprinted down the path and slung his arm around Anthony.

"Nothing," Itey shrugged and turned his attention to snubbing out his cigarette.

Anthony chewed on his bottom lip and stared at Spot.

"What?" Spot looked to Itey then back at Anthony, that slightly panicked look gracing his features again.

"I – nothing. Uh, lets head back home already?" Anthony could smell Rollercoaster's cologne on Spot.

"Yeah," Spot stared back at Itey as they walked off, he knew he'd said something, he just wish he knew what.

XXX

As Spot stepped into Anthony's room he could feel a sort of awkwardness creeping into him. Anthony was in the living room getting his ever present lecture about grades and lack of responsibility. Spot sighed and sat down on the bed, head hanging between his legs as he thought about how he'd yet to go home in quite a while. Was his mother worried? If she was it didn't show, though that was probably something he was use to or should be use to by now. For some reason he felt about as down as the day his father had left them. He could remember that day so easily, thinking back on it now, he'd been so wrong to say the things he'd said to his mother. He'd been so young then though, he'd thought his father was a God. He remembered him, tall and overpowering not just in stature, but in presence. For some reason thinking about him brought discomfort. All he'd ever wanted was for his dad to be proud of him, to want him, to be worthy of being noticed not mocked. All those things he'd felt as a child, all the confusion of what they were, he knew them now, he could name every single feeling he'd felt back then. Bottling them all up into one word, it was shame. He knew this because, Rollercoaster made him feel that way...

"God, I'm pathetic," he could feel himself start to shake and his throat tighten to the point that he could barely breath.

Everything was going so wrong. Anthony was too nice, he cared too much, he gave too much. He was so trusting and willing to put up with him and all his bullshit when he knew he didn't have to. He didn't deserve that, he didn't deserve the crap that spilled forth from his oh so completely un-devoted scumbag of a boyfriend. Spot angrily raked his fingers through his hair, not even realizing how much of it he pulled out in the process or that it even hurt a bit in the least. Nothing really mattered at this point, just what he was doing to the person who cared too much for him.

"Shawn, are you ok?" Anthony walked into the room and shut the door behind him.

"Anthony, hold me, please," he couldn't stop himself from shaking. "Just hold me."

"What's wrong?" Anthony sat down on the bed next to him and held him tightly.

"I can't make it stop, I can't."

"Make what stop?"

"I'm so sorry, I- I love you, I'm so sorry, Anthony, I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't know how to fix it."

"Shawn..." Anthony couldn't stop himself from smiling even though he knew for some reason that for Spot was completely distressed over discovering this.

Knowing that Spot cared for him, really loved him, made everything else in the world seem to fade. Spot was his, really his. Whatever Itey had been concerned over had no place no bearing. For once everything was finally right. He gently ran his hand in circles on Spot's back and tried to comfort him soft sounds and contact. He pressed his forehead against Spot's and kissed him, like Spot had done earlier in the day. Everything was fine. As he smoothed out Spot's shirt he noticed something just below the collar, trying to smooth it out again he saw it, Spot didn't realize it, but he saw it. Anthony placed his hand right below the base of Spot's neck, covering a hickey.

XXX

A/N: As you can tell the focus shifts shortly from person to person (habit I won't stop) getting to see things from other people's point of view entertains me to know end. I'm also deadly curious as to how the other characters see things...I hope that doesn't sound weird...yeah...and no ones guessed the card game yet so that's still up for grabs!!! Also, I opted for a somewhat different tone? Style? In this chapter, must be the music I'm listing to. -shruggs- hope you enjoyed it!!


	21. Interlude II Spot, The Boy Who Couldn't

Interlude II

_Spot, the boy who couldn't_

Quietly he sat on the living room floor playing with his old broken G.I Joes and log set. His dad was sitting on the couch watching sports like always. Shawn never really got sports, it all looked so boring to him. It usually made his dad angry also. From the kitchen he could hear his mother cooking and doing dishes. His mom was nice, she never yelled, not like his dad. After he finished building a cabin out of the logs he grabbed a piece of paper from the desk and some pens and pencils. Carefully he drew his little cabin with a G.I. Joe family and smiled as he put the finishing touches to his pictures. It was the best he'd ever done.

He got up from positions on the floor and tugged on his dads shirt, "Look, look!"

He held up his picture, but his dad didn't look.

He tugged his dads shirt again, "Dad……."

"Shawn, shut up, you know not to bother me while I'm watching the game," his dad reached for his beer.

"But, Dad, you _always_ are watching the game," Shawn looked absolutely crestfallen.

His dad narrowed his eyes at him, which meant he was pushing his fathers limit. He sighed, letting the hand with his picture drop to his side. Shawn dragged his feet as he walked into the kitchen and sat down next to his mothers feet while she stirred something on the stove. Pausing, she looked down from the food to stare curiously at her son.

"Shawn, honey, what's wrong?" she crouched down in front of him.

"I drew a really good picture and Dad won't look at it," he stared down at the paper in his small hands.

"Can I look at it?" she tilted her head slightly, trying to catch his eyes.

Shawn shrugged and sluggishly lifted the picture out for his mother. She carefully took it from his hand and looked at it and smiled. She looked back at her son and ruffled his hair.

"This is the _best_ picture I've ever seen."

He looked up at his mother, surprised, "Really?"

"Oh yes really, it's so good I think it deserves a place right here on the fridge. That way, I can look at it everyday and think of how great an artist you are," she nodded and tapped him on the nose.

Shawn smiled as he watched his mom mount it onto the fridge.

"God damnit!"

Both Shawn and his mom flinched at the harsh sound of his fathers voice from the living room. But his mom just helped him up off the floor and smiled as she went back to the food. Shawn stayed in the kitchen, sitting at the table as he watched his mom cook. Sometimes he wished it was just the two of them, but then he'd remember that his dad wasn't always mean. That's when he'd feel bad. Shawn turned his head towards the living room and watched his dad walk over to the kitchen and to the fridge. His dad paused momentarily and stared at the picture on the fridge while opening the door.

"That's the crappiest picture I've ever seen," he opened the can he'd pulled out of the fridge.

"He worked very hard on that, you don't think it's the least bit nice?" his mom wiped her hands on a dish towel and glared at his dad.

"What do you want me to do? Lie? Like you always do to him?" his dad laughed and walked back into the living room.

Shawn stared at his mother and then at the space his dad had just vacated. He was chewing his bottom lip and looked ready to cry. His mom walked over to him, but he just jumped out of the chair and yelled "No!" as he ran outside. The backyard was mostly dirt with little patches of grass here and there. He sat down and picked up a twig and stabbed at the ground. Nothing he ever did was good enough to get praise from his father. His dad was right, the picture was crap. There was probably nothing he'd ever be good at. What was the point of even trying the way he did? All his mom did was lie to him to make him feel better and all his dad did was call him on all the shit for things he did. Like when he'd been in boy scouts. Who'd want to buy something from a boy who could hardly keep his shoes tied? An ant had the misfortune to cross his path and he crushed it with his thumb.

Inside he could hear his dad yell and his mom yelling right back. They always fought when they thought he was asleep or out of listening distance. Well, his mother more so, his dad could seem to care less if Shawn heard him call him stupid. It always made him wonder what it was that he'd done wrong. He was just a kid. He couldn't have done anything, but somehow, he seemed to disappoint his father without even trying. He didn't like the feeling it gave him deep inside his gut. He stabbed harder at the ground, causing the small twig to break. He glanced back at the house and saw his mom yelling. She was such a liar. He knew he shouldn't trust her.

XXX

It happened again, he couldn't help himself. There he was sitting in the cafeteria staring down at his tray of food when he figured, if he could make himself sick, he could easily go home when his father was not around. Granted he was starting to really dislike his mother, he still wanted to be home when it was rather pleasant. If he could go home, sick even, it could actually be nice. So, he'd stuffed everything into his mouth and made sure he was well past stuffed and well, ended up making himself hurl. It didn't feel good, but the outcome was going to be well worth it. He'd sat in that office for fifteen minutes, waiting for his mother to come and pick him up, he wondered what was taking her so long to get there. Finally his mother showed up and signed him out. For some reason he got the feeling that something was wrong.

The house was dark and quiet, but otherwise devoid of his father. His mom had sent him to his room to change into some comfy PJ's and made a bed for him on the couch and turned the TV on for him. She was currently in the kitchen sweeping up what looked like broken dishware and a fallen vase of lilacs. On the stove was a boiling kettle, steam slowly rising from the spout as a low whistle started getting steadily louder. His mother took the kettle off the burner and went back to sweeping the rubble into the old green marked up dustpan. She walked over to the trashcan and threw the contents in the dustpan into the trash and put the items away and washed her hands in the sink before getting her son a mug. Pouring the hot water into the mug she reached her free hand into the cupboard and pulled out a small plastic container holding small cubes of chicken broth. She dropped one into the cup and stirred till the cube was dissolved.

The living room had a slight warm but lonely feel to it. That was when the thought occurred to him. This house was definitely not a home. His mom handed him the mug of chicken broth and he drank from it, if only to quell any thoughts that this might actually be a farce of some sort. She smiled gently at him, then went back into the kitchen and continued to clean. The last thing he remembered her doing when he finally got tired and fell asleep was hearing his mom cry in the kitchen. She must have thought he was asleep already, he'd never heard her cry before. When he woke up he could see that it was already late afternoon, the door opened and quickly he closed his eyes. It was his father. The door slammed shut and his father yelled. He continued to pretend to sleep.

"Quiet, you're going to wake him," his mother's soft voice came from the kitchen doorway.

"Like I give a shit," something heavy landed on the ground.

The conversation, if that's what you really wanted to call it, continued on in that fashion for quite a while. He was surprised he hadn't been found out. But they never really paid attention to him when they were busy arguing with each other. He could hear things being broken in their bedroom down the tiny hall. More yelling, more shattering, he fell asleep to those sounds. When morning came it felt as if a hurrican had come and gone. His mother stood at the counter washing dishes.

"When's Dad coming home?" Shawn was swinging his legs as he sat in his chair eating cereal.

She never responded.

XXX

A week and a month after all the arguing that had happened the day he'd first decided to play sick, his dad and mom had gotten into another fight and had stormed out. Two days after that, all his dads things were gone from the house. The place for some odd reason, didn't feel as empty as he thought it should have. Late at night though, he started having trouble sleeping. Without the sound of all that yelling, it made him restless. Also, his mom had taken up a job somewhere, it kept her out at odd ends of the night, and she would come back and fall asleep on the couch. After a week of that, one day, really early in the morning he found his mom, flipping through channels. She looked tired, sad, and really on the verge of crying, she finally stopped on a screen full of static, just static. No sound came from the TV other than the rushing sound of vacant noise. It made him sleepy, that sound. He walked over to the couch and found his mom asleep, he stared at her for a while, then glanced at the old clock mounted on the wall, four a.m. He wondered how many other people were awake right now, this restless, this desperate for sleep and rapid sound. Four a.m., who knew what that time of day could share with the rest of the world, what secrets it kept from everyone else who already "knew" everything. What it might come to know about him...

A day later he found himself sitting in a room at some place downtown, all he knew was that his mom worked at this place. There were a bunch of other women around dressed oddly, his mom had tried to cover his eyes as they'd gone into the building, but kids always found a way to get around that. Once they'd gone into a room he wasn't allowed out. He had four regular books, two coloring books, a hand-held game of Zelda, and a backpack full of sandwiches and Gatorade. Sometime around six o'clock he fell asleep. The strange sound of beat-y music in the background……….he would eventually grow up to hate any kind of music that sounded even remotely like that. Hated every last ounce of it. Around three-thirtyish in the morning Shawn woke up to his mother trying to get him up and to the car. The night seemed to cover all that was bad, daylight everything seemed less oppressive and somewhat bright. The night, it made everything seem unnatural and shadowy as if the mist rising off the ground were really darks spirits coming to carry off the evil of the night. In corners far off he could see grown men huddled around large cans of fire, brown bags twisted around glinting glass in torn gloved hands, the night held nothing good. His breathe fogged up the window and he watched as dim orange street lights passed by lighting his features in the dark car. His mothers face never seemed the same in the night, like all the dreams that haunted her followed silently in the echo's of passing cars and horns. Watching his reflection in the mirror he realized how much he resembled his mother, fair skin and all. Glancing back at his mother, he wished he'd grow to look more like his father.

XXX

He hated this day, like he hated almost every holidays, who needed to celebrate things like Mothers day or Fathers day? He especially hated Valentines day like he hated Christmas. Worse yet, today was his birthday, it had already been a couple years since his father had left and nothing could fill the obvious hole he'd left in the house by all means, it was not a pleasant one. His mother had recently acquired a boyfriend, all muscle, stunning by anyones standards, though it was in that second that he realized that he noticed other guys more then he noticed girls. Girls were all curve and smelled strongly of sickly sweet scents and tended to pack makeup on like a second face a mask you could peel off. Guys, well, they were strong, never too worried about their appearance, and smelled intoxicatingly wonderful. He often found himself wondering what it would feel like to touch another boy or even to be touched himself by another. He heard his name and stared blandly up at the teacher who decided it was a grand idea to make him a spectacle, standing in front of the class and have them sing Happy Birthday to him, it sickened him. It took a couple seconds to get the rest of the class into it, but the teacher refused to accept that no one would want to wish him a happy birthday. He fought the urge to just get up and walk out the room considering he was already in trouble for being late so many times and of course that "altercation" in the hall last week. He supposed that's what happened when you hit other students.

The walk home was uneventful as always as he passed the park, the police satiation, and Seven Eleven. Other kids walked past him and he could hear the whispered voices as they continued on in front of him, like he was invisible, like it didn't matter that today might have been better if someone had just spoken to him said something nice without having to be told to. This was why he hated everyone, this was why he never bothered to smile, to be nice, to open doors for anyone, to say thank you...happy birthday, glad you were born...no one was...not for him. Standing out front his house he wished that maybe, this time he'd open the door and his dad would be there, a better man someone who regretted the way he treated people, but opening the door all he found was his mothers boyfriend. He silently walked in and shut the door behind himself and walked quickly to his room slamming the door behind. He stared quietly, calmly around his room, two posters, a photo of his dad, clothes scatted about the floor, notebooks and novels resting on his bed. He felt himself start to shake, to breath heavily, his fist clenched tightly on his backpack strap and then he threw it hard at his window. Glass shattered and flew out the window and in the air like shimmering lights. He walked over to his wall and ripped at the posters and threw them, paper flew in the air mixing with the pieces of glass on the ground and clothes. He grabbed the blankets from the bed and threw them as well, picking up his mattress the best he could and yanking it as far from the box spring as possible he could feel something welling up inside him, something he'd never noticed before and soon found himself yelling, screaming curses at everyone he knew at his mother, his father, the people at school, the teachers, mostly himself. He found himself on the ground frustrated, irritated, crying hot tears, he wasn't supposed to cry, he wasn't supposed to see the kind of person he was staring right back at him, the mirror that lay untouched half hidden under his bed reflected his image. He hated the person staring back at him.

Behind him his door opened slowly and he could hear the heavy foot steps of his mothers boyfriend. If he was going to be miserable on his birthday so was his mother, it was her fault, she never should have had him if this was how things were going to turn out. Slowly he turned his head over his shoulder and stared at the guy, Ethan, that was the guys name. Ethan stopped as Shawn stared at him, those cold eyes piercing him, Shawn let himself enjoy a creeping smirk as he watched Ethan momentarily shake. He liked having that effect on people, scaring them, it sent an odd semi uncomfortable yet intriguing feeling though him. The feeling seemed to pool at the bottom of his stomach and he shifted slightly and finally stood up. He wasn't tall by any means, but felt as if his mothers boyfriend shrank in size he he stood in front of him.

"Who said you could come in my room?" he tilted his head slightly to the side and arched an eyebrow.

"Y-you... I mean, I heard something break and you were yelling so, I uh that- I thought you might be hurt or something,"he swallowed hard and tried to feel his age, for some reason Shawn always made him feel uncomfortable.

"Oh, so you were concerned?"

"Y-yes."

"That's... different, but if you're so concerned, do me a favor?"

"Uh, what is that?" he shifted uncomfortably in his place.

"Well, it's my birthday right?"

"Yeah..."

"Close your eyes," he could tell Ethan didn't trust him, he liked that.

Ethan swallowed hard again looking somewhat uncertain, "I guess."

"..." Shawn just stared at him placidly, wondering why his mother would be with someone so easy to command, this guy was pathetic.

"Uh..."

"Keep 'em closed," for a moment he felt a little lacking in courage, then finally he tilted his head upwards and pressed his lips to the older mans.

"Shawn!" he pushed him back a bit.

Shawn licked his lips, "What? You telling me I can't get what I want for my birthday?"

"That's not it, I -I mean, God S-Shawn, there are so many t-things wrong with what y-you just did..."

Shawn shrugged knowing that the only prevalent thing he meant was that he was guy who just happened to kiss another guy. That was something that wasn't well accepted from what he could gather. He'd watched as the other boys at school harassed other students simply based on rumors alone, the ones who actually got found out usually had their asses kicked thoroughly, no one ever got in trouble. Every once in a while he'd feel bad for them, on one occasion he waited patiently as a group of boys jumped a slim pitch-blacked hair boy in the locker room. He'd been out of sight, hidden by the tall tiled wall where he changed habitually. Once the other boys had left he walked slowly out and the other lay there curled up on the ground crying, sweating, bleeding he looked awful. He could have walked out, left him there like the jackass everyone knew him to be, but knew he'd be a worse person for leaving him, that he'd feel guilty in the late shadows of night. He liked to think that if for some reason he ever found himself in a similar position that someone might help him too.

"I don't think there was anything wrong with what I did," after that night he never saw Ethan again, he didn't feel bad in the least.

People like that deserved to be taken advantage of. If they couldn't keep themselves from being so gullible then they could get hit by a bus for all he cared. Never in his life would he let himself become someone like that. If there ever came a day when he let someone drag him around on a collar he'd shoot himself. There was no way he'd let someone kick him around just to come happily wagging his tail all the way back. Never.

XXX

He sat on his bed legs crossed, a large textbook resting on his lap. He pulled the cigarette from his lips and exhaled, he tapped the pen in his other hand against the notebook beside him it was covered in notes and scribbles. He didn't have much else to do, not since he'd come back from Itey's, the whole thing with Rollercoaster had been an experience he never wanted to go through again. He sighed and pushed his textbook off his lap and laid down cigarette still in hand the whole thing had be utterly frustrating.

"Shawn?"

Spot shot up not even bothering to hide the cigarette, "What?"

"I"m getting take out, did you want me to pick something up for you?" she stayed half hidden by the door.

"Fine, nothing spicy." she merely nodded and closed his door, he sighed long and loud.

He just couldn't focus on his work right now, his mind was full of so many things. How was he supposed to avoid Mondo? How was he supposed to hang out at Itey's without worrying. It didn't seem to register how pissed Rollercoaster had been with him, the guy didn't even want to see his face again, that's probably what hurt the most. He'd tried on two occasions to talk to him and both times the older boy had been more then hostile. Spot rubbed his arm the lingering tenderness of some bruises still present a constant reminder that his so called companion was no longer even a simple acquaintance. Why the Hell did he have to be so in denial?! Why couldn't have just accepted the fact that he liked him? Why couldn't anybody for that matter. All the things he'd done, the weed, the stealing, the drinking, the lying, the smoking...he put out the cigarette in his hand and threw it in the trash. All this he did because he wanted Rollercoaster to acknowledge him, encourage him, praise him now all he got from him was his contempt. Maybe, he just hated him, because he was honest with himself, something Mondo could never be...

"Why the hell can't I focus, damnit all to Hell!" he got off the bed and headed for the living room.

The TV was on, the normal ever present static gone, just the sound of old nineties music videos playing across the screen. Listlessly he grabbed the remote and changed the channels one by one deeming them uninteresting or lacking in quality. He paused two young guys in a bedroom talking, lights were dim and one of them made a comment about show-tunes whether it was a joke, Spot couldn't tell. In a matter of seconds the two of them were taking everything off, wearing only their boxers, the two of them started kissing. Why hadn't he seen this show before? He continued to stare and paused briefly to glance around the room and continued to stare. As it went to a commercial he went into the kitchen to grab himself a soda, the show was a nice distraction, he pulled out a grape soda and walked back to the living room and glanced around again. Finally it came back on and he sat, soda in one hand remote in the other. The show seemed to focus on two couples, one was straight, the other not. He sat back and chugged his soda waiting for the other couple to come on screen, he was starting to think the other couple wasn't going to come one till next commercial. His patience was rewarded and he watched with interest the conflict that followed. The end of the show was approaching and he watched in intent as the couple began to make up, just as the two guys on screen kissed the front door opened and his mother stared oddly at the TV.

"I-uh-was um, changing it," he swallowed hard.

She nodded both eyebrows raised and glanced back at the TV before fully shutting the door, "Ok."

"Never mind," he turned it off and walked into the kitchen and grabbed another soda.

"I got you some steamed rice and orange chicken, and that Mongolian beef," she handed him a white container.

He didn't say anything and just took it from her and walked back to his room shutting the door behind him. For a while he just sat in his room staring at his food, that had to be the most awkward moment he'd ever shared with anyone in his life.

XXX

It was one of those days where things just kept getting stranger and stranger as the day progressed. It was like a mist of rain on a bright sunny day and muggy heat when it was there was nothing shining. Things were just off somehow he could feel it, things bad always happened on days like this. Good things came out of bad things just as bad things came out of good, the whole outcome may not have been the intention but that's how things would come to pan out. They always did. It was late and he was making his way across down town. Streetlights sputtered into life and music boomed from the closed stores. Older teenagers slowly cruised down the street in their somewhat expensive looking cars, their parents cars more then likely. A couple of people from his school in the backseats painted up to look like whores in his opinion. He made his way passed the theater and passed more people from his school hanging out front waiting or just trying to look cool in front of the Starbucks. As he made his way passed the center of town and cut across the street towards the bank parking lot, which was usually deserted until much later when the eighteen year olds more plentiful. He stopped short of the steps when he saw a familiar figure coming down by himself, the sound of chains echoing in the outdoor parking lot.

"Ey, it's gringo!!"

For a moment he considered saying something extremely insulting, but decided against it, "You seem in high spirits, pun not intended."

"Puhh...what? I'm all good," his words were dragging.

"Never mind, um, were you going somewhere?" maybe tonight would be a good night.

"Heh, home, puto, just got find K-Swiss, bitch was my ride."

"Hate to break it to you, but no ones here, Mondo."

"..." he looked around. "Well shit."

"You are so drunk," Spot smiled.

He looked at Spot, as if contemplating something and slowly smiled, "Yea, I am, ain't I?"

The two of them walked off back in the other direction. Rollercoaster seemed to be drunk enough to let go the fact that he wasn't talking to him anymore. Spot saw this as his window of light, his small chance to get back he'd lost, this was his moment his opportunity to gain it all again. He could be happy again, right? The moon was reaching its highest point and Spot and Rollercoaster found themselves in an alley way. Broken pieces of metal and shredded boxes lined the cold gray brick walls and light reflected in the tiny puddles of water. Spot was starting to think that maybe tonight would be magical instead of cataclysmic. Rollercoaster slung his arm around Spot's shoulder and he was whispering into his ear which caused Spot to shudder slightly. God this was perfect. He wanted to whole world to crumble right then and there.

"Spot..."

"Huh..." Spot looked confused and could tell that the older boy was clenching his jaw, something he tended to do when he was uncomfortable with something he was about to do, which really meant that Rollercoaster wasn't that far gone.

He licked his lips and leaned forward and pressed his lips to Spot's. Spot watched as the Mexican boy closed his eyes relax just a little. He could feel the tenseness in his body as he slid his arms beneath Rollercoaster's. He had to want this as much as Spot wanted this, he just had to why else would he pretend to be drunker then he really was? It was an excuse a good one he could use and Spot would let him get away with it as many times as he wanted so long as this happened more. He would give anything in the world if the two of them could just reconcile. He probably was about to get down on his knees and beg, but probably something just before that. Spot felt his back pressed up against the cold dumpster and the dampness of mist rise from the ground as fog making the air seem transparent as it often did. And then, the moment just seemed to go away as the wind picked up and the distant sounds of people calling Rollercoaster's name became louder.

"Mondo! Ey! Fucker!"

"Where ya at!"

"Ey, Mondo!"

Before Spot could even think to move away Rollercoaster pulled away and then yanked Spot towards him before slamming him into the dumpster and kicking him good in the stomach a couple of times. Spot didn't even bother to fight back, it would just prolong the fight and he just wanted to go home now and sulk alone in his room maybe light up joint and get himself out of his skull to forget the burning sensation pulsing through him. Rollercoaster finally called back and jogged over to the street at the end of the alley way, he didn't even look back. A car door opened and closed twice and when Spot heard footsteps he was sure the older boy had perhaps gotten the rest of the guys to come out and pumble him some. It would make for a great and fantastic pastime for them, he was sure. But when he looked up he saw it was only his friend extending a hand out to him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he took the offered hand and slowly got up.

"I was walking home when I found my cousins and Leti buying a cheeseburger, they said they were looking for Mondo since he'd wondered off, I tagged along. When he came to the car he told me he just kicked you ass."

"Hm," he stared at the ground.

"What was he doing?"

"Nothing, lets go home or something."

"Right." The two of them walked down to the road and down the sidewalk.

XXX

She wasn't exactly quite sure anymore what Spot ate nowadays. His taste had evolved to something different then what she was accustomed to. She was completely content to just stick to her light foods, but then again he was a growing boy he seemed to be enjoying ethnic food more and more now. There was a store just a few blocks from the house that she could stop at and pick up some stuff for the fridge. Because while her son wasn't home whenever she was he tended to eat almost seventy-five percent of everything. At least he cleaned up after himself, the kitchen was never dirty and the place was always clean. Sometimes when she came home she just wanted to cry because she remembered the first time she'd moved into the house with her husband. Everything was so new and she was excited because they planned on having a baby really soon. The yard was covered in lush green grass and flowers lined the lawn. The walls of the house had been a beautiful shade of light blue, and inside the house had been bright warm and inviting. When she came home now all she saw was a dirt lawn old toys long since done and played with paint peeled off the outside walls in large pieces and inside seemed so lackluster and lifeless.

She pulled into the parking lot at the continence store, it was late and she'd gotten out of work early enough to make it before all corner stores had closed. She hated coming home at two in the morning. At least elevenish was early enough for her to get some things done. She walked in and picked up a small red basket and walked down the aisle and headed straight for the milk and grabbed a half gallon two percent and one whole regular gallon. She wasn't tall by any standard, but she could peer over the side of the shelves if she tried hard enough. She'd heard a familiar voice just in the next aisle where all the chips and candy were stationed. As carefully as she could she leaned up on tiptoes and stared at the back of her sons head.

"I mean really, its the only conclusion I can come to. I am an unlovable person, something about me just drives everyone I like away from me, the people I talk to in elementary school, the people I pissed off in Junior high, your cousin."

"Ew, ok, Mondo is an asshole who knows he likes you as much as that grosses me out to say, but he does and it freaks him out because it goes against everything he's worked up to be."

"...your cousin, the guy who sells me my weed, of course I should pay him eventually, but the list could go on, I mean I don't even talk to my fucking mother."

"Not like you want to anyway."

"Exactly, and then my dad just up and left. My life is a series of people walking out and shutting me out of their life. I mean kindness exists on the same plane that real love does,"Spot paused and noticed the look on his friends face. "in the sense that it doesn't. People like to pretend it does in order to make themselves feel better about their lives give it some sort of false meaning. The meaning of love is inordinate, and people who honestly believe in it are pathetic."

"I think you're one of those self-fulfilling prophecies kind of guys. You say negative things are going to happen and people pick up on this kind of negative thing from you and they respond. So when they do the thing you expected of them you think you were right all along. It's not good for you health Shawn."

"Fuck you, and stop reading sociology books."

"You're the one who lent it to me!"

The two of them stuffed small items into their pockets and grabbed a couple bags of pretzels and some sour candy and headed for the front to buy those and then they continued to walk out the store. She was glad she parked at the back of the parking lot, she had no idea how her son would react if he'd known she'd been there. She finished picking up the rest of the items and bought them. When she walked out the store she stared down the dark street watching as the two young boys made their way home.

XXX

A/N: As we can tell, Spot was way messed up before he met Rollercoaster. Aside from his seriously wow personality he's not too too bad I guess, he's intelligent and retarded and extremely in need of good people in his life. Which is probably why he's drawn to Anthony, who may have his own family issues but generally lived a happy good childhood.

Next chapter: Anthony pretends that what's there really isn't and Spot tries to regroup himself and expunge Rollercoaster from his life, but that doesn't quite work out the way he wants it to and things continue to progress in a manner no one pictured.


	22. Desperately Wanting

Sins For Thought

Chapter 22: Desperately Wanting

Spot stared up at the ceiling watching as the fan slowly spun in circles. To his left Rollercoaster slept peacefully. Spot slowly quirked a smile, this was the first time for them, it had been the hottest experience he'd ever had with him. They'd come back from Itey's and Rollercoaster had wanted to get high, but for some reason he'd felt so charged. Before the older boy even had the chance to light it up Spot had found himself moving without thought. At first Rollercoaster had tried to push him off, but the second he had pulled off his shirt and started kissing him Rollercoaster had just went with it. It was all heat and hands and lips and tongue. It was a pretty raunchy experience if Spot could say so himself. He turned to his side and smiled at the older boy, why couldn't things have been like this from the beginning? Rollercoaster turned in his sleep and for a brief moment he opened his eyes and closed them. The older opened them again and frowned.

"What the Hell you smiling about?"

The smile on Spots face dropped, "Nothing, what time is it?"

Rollercoaster pulled the blankets up to his neck and closed his eyes, "Five forty something."

"You didn't even look at the goddamn clock!"

"I have what you call it, mystical powers, if I'm wrong I'll do that thing to you, you always want me to do, but I'm never fucked up enough to ever do it."

"..." Spot blinked for a moment, "You serious?"

"If I'm lying you can sell the rest of my stash," mumbled the older boy as he tugged the blankets over his head.

Spot reach over Rollercoaster for the clock and frowned. He was about to tell the oder boy he was right, but paused and smiled broadly as he gently hit the buttons to change the time. He poked Rollercoaster's side and showed him the clock. He blinked at the clock and frowned and glared at Spot.

"That ain't right..." he sat up and took the clock from him.

"You're not gonna back out on what you said, are you?" Spot wouldn't stop smiling.

"No, but that ain't right, I've never been wrong," he stared confused down at the clock then looked at the TV before grabbing the remote and turned to the TV guide channel, he stared at Spot.

"...can't blame a guy for trying."

Rollercoaster lay back down, "Had me thinking I was wrong."

"About tomorrow, I won't be able to hang out."

"Pft, forgot you had a master," he pulled the blankets up.

"Fuck you."

"We just did that, I'm tired."

"...It surprises me how open you're being about it all."

"I don't know what you're going on about."

"I'll call you later ok?" Spot got up and started getting dressed.

"Ey, you have nothing better to do come back over."

"You're becoming quite attached, it's adorable in a creepy way."

"Say that again, I'll break your neck."

"Been there, heard that threat, I'll hear it again later," he finished tying his shoe and headed down stairs.

Rollercoaster sighed long and loud to himself. He was really digging himself into a very deep grave, "Spot!"

Footsteps slowly made their way back up stairs and Spot stood at the doorway and stared at the older boy. He was always making it hard for him to leave nowadays. If it wasn't one thing it was another and he knew that Itey was on the verge of spilling to Anthony what he figured was going on between the two. The last thing he wanted Anthony to know was that he and Rollercoaster had gone beyond the regular relationship he'd described it as. It was also a pain in the ass to hide hickeys from everyone, it appeared that Rollercoaster loved to leave them where everyone could see them. It was embarrassing to admit but he'd been using his mothers makeup to hide them.

"What?"

"Come here," he motioned Spot over to the bed.

"..." Spot raised an eyebrow but walked over to the bed anyways.

"Please come back later, I'll make it worth it..." he smirked sideways up at Spot an eyebrow quirked.

"How worth it?" Spot leaned down more.

"Very, white boy," he pulled Spot down and started licking his neck tugging his shirt down and headed for his collar bone.

Spot swallowed hard, "I'm in."

"Easy much?"

"Fucking tease," muttered Spot straightening up a smile broadly placed on his face.

"Fuck off already," the older boy yawned and threw the blankets over his head and settled in for a long nap.

Spot stopped at the front door and pressed his forehead against it and started laughing to himself quietly. He felt jittery, and nervous, and happy, and very very guilty. On the one hand he was getting everything he ever wanted from Rollercoaster. He wasn't the same boy getting ordered around and taking the abuse like before. No, he was actually getting to say stuff and able to make snide comments and swear at the older boy with hardly any repercussions. And best of all was the fact that they actually did _it_ without the aid of narcotics, he was practically on cloud nine. On the other hand, he was extremely unfair to Anthony. Anthony trusted him and what made it all worse was the expression on Anthony's face when he admitted that he actually loved him. He felt a cold shiver run down his spine. Spot almost couldn't believe that he'd said it, but to top it all off he'd been avoiding Anthony without meaning to. Anthony deserved better then him, but he didn't want to let him go. Anthony _was _the best thing to happen to him. He needed to apologize, but that meant causing an argument and he liked to avoid those as much as possible. He finally sighed loudly to himself, he just needed to go home and think long and hard about what direction he wanted to take his life in. He opened the front door and started the walk home.

XXX

Anthony stared off into space, it had become a habit of his for the past three days now. Spot would call when he _couldn't_ come over and the times that he did come by were spent trying to meld themselves together. The ritual was becoming a bit taxing on Anthony, not to mention how awkward he felt when Itey would drag him over to talk about what Spot had been doing when he got the chance to see him. It was kind of an unspoken knowledge, but they all knew where Spot was at when he wasn't at home, Itey's, or Anthony's. Rollercoaster had become this unwavering shadow by Spot that was hard to detach from the other boy. Anthony was sure that Spot didn't even want to be. He exhaled another cloud of smoke from his lips, he didn't want Jack or Evan to find out he'd started smoking, but they had. He'd been at school behind the theater nearest the parking lot when the two of them had found him. Jack was telling him Spot wasn't worth it and Evan said he really didn't care anymore. The door behind him opened and Jack sat down next to him. They didn't say anything to each other for a few minutes and Jack reached over and pulled the cigarette from Anthony's fingers and inhaled before handing it back. Jack only smoked for a few reasons, he was angry, nervous, or depressed. Anthony blinked at him for a few seconds then sighed.

"I didn't know you cared..." he quirked a slight smile.

"Yeah, no, I just, had a question to ask, nothing really something I want to voice out loud anymore though."

Anthony stretched his arms out, "Who's gonna hear?"

Jack sighed, "You see, there's this, person, I sort of developed a ...thing for, but things will get sort of complicated."

"...because?"

"I dated someone close to- uh, this person, I'm at a loss on how to go about liking said person," Jack fidgeted, Jack almost never fidgeted.

Anthony stared at his friend, trying to think about all the people he'd ever seen or been around. The only people Jack had been with as of recently was that girl from ...he paused remembering she had a name...he paused again...David's sister. Other then that no one else had been around Jack, maybe the brunette knew some hot chicks he didn't want anyone to know about. He paused once again, according to Evan, Jack _had_ been spending lots of time with the other boy and there was that time when Jack's appearance after finding out his girl had been cheating on him was a little suspicious. He figured he'd just throw the stone out there.

"...just kiss him, Jack, get it over with," he shoved his shoulder.

"I ain't got the slightest idea of what you're talking about," he smiled at the ground.

"It's not as scary as you think," Anthony inhaled.

"It goes against everything I've ever been."

"Straight?"

"A man!" he sighed and took Anthony's cigarette again. "So, you uh down about something?"

"You're changing the subject, but I'll let it slide for now," Anthony grabbed another cigarette since Jack didn't give him back the other, "It's about Shawn."

Jack shifted, a little uncomfortable, he knew this was probably a talk that he could somehow admit to Anthony what he'd seen at the park. The only problem was that he hated to have to be the one to say it, but then maybe Anthony already knew and was just going to vent. Then again, Anthony seemed to like to pretend that some things just never existed until they were tossed in his face, in which case he'd have to say something. Sometimes he really hated Anthony for that. But did it make him a bad friend or a good friend to say nothing at all?

"What about Spot?"

"I don't know," he ran a hand threw his hair roughly, "It's just, I think him and Itey's cousin are hanging out more then I get to with him. It's irritating, I mean, I understand that they were ...close before, but am I stupid for not getting seriously mad about it?"

"Yes," Jack winced knowing he'd answered all too quickly. "I mean, so long as you know they're not _doing_ anything, then it shouldn't matter, I guess."

Anthony stared at him for a moment feeling as if Jack had somehow known he'd discovered something he _should_ be mad about, "I suppose you're right."

"Listen, Anthony, I want to be a good friend and tell you that any bullshit you and Spot got going on right now will pass, but I'm biased and think you should just dump his ass. It's not what you want to hear, but I'm saying it, and I know you won't listen."

"Good, I'm not," Anthony sighed, "I know it sounds stupid, but I really love him Jack."

"Eww..."

"Shut up, you're gay for David," Antony laughed and snubbed out what was left of his cigarette.

"Hate is not strong enough a word to describe how I feel about you right now."

"I've got a word for you!"

"I've got more then just a word for you."

"Save it for David."

"Go fuck Spot."

"I've got him on speed dial!" His phone started ringing and the two of them stared at it.

"...if that's him, I'll come out of the closet."

Anthony answered his phone, the number didn't look familiar, so much for Jack's coming out speech, "Hello?"

"_Itey, hey, where you at?"_

"Jack's why?"

"_Come hang out."_

"How the _Hell_ did you get my number?!" Anthony glared at his phone, more confused then angry.

"_Got it from Spot's phone while he went inside to mess around with my cousin."_

Anthony frowned, Itey didn't have to go and voice it, "He there now?"

"_No, hasn't been here since the day before last. I'm bored and lonely and drinking by myself. Bumlets and Raffle-Ticket had some kind of community service thing to do for school. Keep me company, your boyfriend's a douche._"

"I know," Anthony sighed, "I"ll be there in five."

Jack looked at him, "Where are you going?"

"Itey's," he put his phone away and stood up dusting his pants off real fast, "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Your mom's probably having a fit, knowing you've been hanging around this side of town so much," Jack crushed his cigarette under his foot and stared up at Anthony.

"She'd kill me if she knew I was hanging around _gang_ members," he just smiled and headed around the side of the house.

"Don't get yourself killed Tone!" yelled Jack from the back porch.

XXX

It was the strangest thing, but Spot couldn't deny the scene, he was sober after all. He was just about home when he came upon Itey and Anthony sitting out front of Itey's house, the two were drinking and smoking and talking. Spot frowned. The two hadn't noticed him and he took to hiding behind the neighbors bushes so that he could hear them. Lucky for him the bushes sort of created a hollow place to hide in the middle, he was barely able to fit, but he didn't want to be seen yet. He wanted to know what they were talking about.

Anthony lifted a bottle to his lips and down half of it's contents, "What I don't understand is why? Nothing good's going to come from it."

Itey shrugged, "Beats me, they're retarded."

Spot glared.

"Stuff like that makes things worse on everyone else."

"Exactly, they don't care!"

"I swear, when they're done, I'm going to hate living here so much," Anthony finished what was left in his bottle and tossed it next to the other ones he finished.

"After this, we should build a bottle tower!" he raised his bottle in a toast like fashion and smiled.

"How about you? You going to hate living here?"

"Hell, I hate living here now, and I can hardly stand the people who live here to begin with."

Spot looked confused, he was sure at first they'd been talking about him and Rollercoaster. What the Hell were they talking about, if he found out he cramped himself in a bush for nothing he was going to be pissed. It looked like Itey had at least consumed two six packs of beer by himself, Anthony looked well on his way to catching up. Why the Hell were they even hanging out to begin with?! What could they possibly have in common enough to even talk to each other for two cases of beer long? Anthony's mom was going to have a bitch fit when she found out her son had been drinking instead of being at some library or whatever lie he'd concocted that day. Why was he even tossing himself into this pit to begin with. Didn't Anthony bash this? Something along the lines of hanging out front someone's house all day drinking being lame. His head shot up from his musings when he heard his name.

"I just don't know what to do anymore, I'm so happy and mad at the same time," Anthony opened another bottle.

"Spot's been my friend pretty much since I moved here, and he's made and is making a lot of mistakes. Most of which I can deal with, but what he's been doing to you isn't fair. I don't care if he gets mad at me anymore. I've tried my Godamn hardest to be a good friend and help him, but when he crashes this time, I won't be there to help him pick up the pieces," Itey lifted the cigarette waiting in the ashtray and inhaled greatly.

"When he crashes," Anthony blinked staring down at the bottle in his hand, "when he crashes..."

"Yeah, it's going to hurt bad, sorry in advance by the way," Itey exhaled and put the cigarette back down.

"Oh God, this is all going to Hell in a handbasket," Anthony's head sunk to his knees, beer still in hand.

"I never understood that phrase," said Itey staring up at the sky.

"Um, I think it's something along the lines of things going bad quickly and easily."

"What?"

Anthony shrugged awkwardly before sitting up properly, "A basket _is_ easy to carry."

"Makes sense," Itey put the cigarette back in the ashtray, "So, what're you going to do."

"I don't know, how the Hell should I?" he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"If you just let it slide, he's going to think it's alright."

Spot shifted uncomfortably in the bush, he didn't like this line of conversation.

"I know-I'm gonna throw up!" Anthony shot up from his chair tossing the beer carelessly next to the ice chest.

"Not on the lawn, I'll show you to the bathroom, hurry, before my dad sees," Itey lead him quickly into the house.

Spot crawled out from the bush and stretched, his neck hurt, he probably deserved more then just a sore body. He sighed and banged his hand hard on his head a couple times. What the Hell was he doing?! Anthony knew, but hadn't said anything, he was just letting him! Why hadn't he yelled at him yet, not that he wanted him to, but Anthony had every right to just get angry at him. He needed to talk to him, maybe he could come out and say it, he knew what was going to happen, but it would be better then knowing that Anthony knew and wasn't doing anything. If he admitted to it and Anthony still didn't say anything then at least it wouldn't eat at him. On the other hand, if he told Anthony and the boy got mad at him...this was really a no win situation. There wasn't much to be won though, except the fact that he'd said it to Anthony, not the other way around...

"God this is going to suck," Spot stretched one last time and headed into the house.

Spot nodded to Itey's mom and asked where to find Itey, she pointed him down the hall saying that he'd taken their friend to the bathroom because he was feeling sick. Anthony needed to hold on to his liquor better. Spot shook his head, now was not the time for those comments. He turned the corner and slowly pushed the door to the bathroom open, Anthony had his head hanging over the toilet, Spot slightly cringed. Itey turned his head at the sound of the door quietly creaking he looked mildly surprised. Anthony still had his head over the bowl and was muttering a string of very foul words. He nodded his head at Itey and motioned him to leave the two of them alone. Itey looked sidelong at him, Spot found that he felt more ashamed of himself then he had in ages. Itey rolled his eyes and stealthily exited the bathroom. He crouched down next to him.

"Hey Anthony."

The other boy stared up at him for a second and squinted, "What're you doing here Spot?"

"I feel like asking you that question," he smiled gently at him and winced when Anthony flung his head back to the toilet.

"Oh God, I just shouldn't drink."

Spot was still smiling when he picked up his head, "I don't recommend it, hangovers suck. What're you gonna tell you mom, Anthony?"

"I don't know just yet, I'll think of something..." he trailed off and flushed the toilet and wiped his mouth before standing up and heading for the sink.

Spot watched as Anthony splashed water over his face and stuck his head as best he could close to the faucet and swished water around his mouth, "He's got mouthwash under the sink."

"Seriously Spot, what's going on?" Anthony lifted the bottle of Scope to his mouth.

"After you're done, ok?" Spot still had that soft smile on his face.

Anthony thought back to when he first met Spot. Covered in red clothes, sunglasses, sounding absolutely ridiculous trying to talk Spanish and sound completely uneducated cussing in it. He'd been into graffiti and doing weed as well as whatever those infamous red pills were. Spot never did stop with the incessant drinking and he was following close behind him now in that department. He was starting to feel that he was brining out the good in Spot, while Spot was bringing out the bad in him. So he hadn't gone bad per-se, but he'd picked up on the smoking and then the drinking came in. Lying to his mom more often had also become a habit of his, God it was getting harder and harder to come up with convincing lies. He finished swishing the Scope around and spat it out.

"Done," he flipped the toilet lid down and sat on it across from Spot who was sitting on the edge of the tub.

"Not exactly where I pictured having this talk, but hey, it works I guess," Spot had stopped smiling now and had taken to staring down at his shoes.

"You're not breaking up with me, right?" Anthony looked a little more then crossed, till Spot answered.

"No," he sighed and braced himself for the moments to come. "It's about me and Mondo."

"What about you and Itey's cousin," Anthony really wished he had another beer and cigarette now, God Spot wanted to confess.

"I haven't been the most devoted boyfriend lately, I figured you had a right to hear it from me," Spot swallowed hard and loud enough for Anthony to hear.

"Hear what exactly?" Anthony wanted this to be real hard for Spot.

"You going to make me _say it_?"Spot looked panicked and actually up at Anthony.

"Well, first I got to know what it is you're saying, don't I Shawn?" Anthony raised and eyebrow at him.

Spot looked like he wanted to whine and throw a fit like a kid, but the moment passed quick and he took a deep breath before speaking sounding more composed then he'd looked two seconds ago, "I cheated on you, Anthony, and I'm sorry."

Anthony stare at him, not saying a word, he knew Spot had been fooling around, but cheated? The word hurt more then the hickey's Spot couldn't always hide so well. He didn't want to cry, didn't want to yell, didn't want to do anything except leave and head calmly home. He supposed it was silent rage. Sure, Spot _said_ he was sorry, but did it mean anything? Spot had said he loved him, but that probably didn't mean shit either. Fuck him.

"Fuck you, I'm going home," he stood and quickly walked out the door.

Spot followed him as he made his way towards Jacks house, "Anthony wait!"

"I don't want anything to do with you, Spot," he continued walking up till Spot got hold of his wrist.

Anthony had spun around quickly surprising Spot but not enough to make him let go of his wrist, "Let go."

Spot winced at the sound of his voice, "That's it! Get mad at me, yell! I deserve it, Anthony, just don't talk in that deep cold voice and don't ignore me!"

"Leave me alone, Spot," he jerked his hand out of his grip and continued quicker down the street.

"Damnit!" Spot leapt at him and got hold of both his wrists, "Anthony listen, I'm not letting you go to Jacks' and I'm not letting you go home till you listen to me."

"No!"

"I don't care what you have to say," he started dragging him down the street to his house, "besides you're mom's going to kill you when you come home smelling like alcohol. Better to say you passed out at my house then to have Tinfoil Hat take you home."

He struggled the entire time, but didn't manage to get out of Spot's grip. When Spot managed to get him inside he took the liberty of calling his mom and telling her that he darling son had fallen asleep and that he'd make sure he got to school on time. Anthony had glared at him the entire time, Spot's mom was in the kitchen reading instructions from a cookbook, and Anthony had given up, but resolved to kick Spot out of his room come time to sleep. He found himself deposited on Spot's bed, the room a wreck.

"Well, talk, so I can get to ignoring you," Anthony turned his head away from Spot, seeing his face just pissed him off.

"I know you're mad at me, but I meant what I said when I said I loved you, I just do stupid things," Spot really wished Anthony would look at him, but he knew that was probably asking too much right now.

When Anthony didn't say anything he continued trying to fill the silence.

"I tried so goddamn hard Anthony. I told myself I wouldn't get involved with him again after that last fight, I had so many reasons lined up, at the top was you."

When he still didn't get anything from Anthony he continued.

"I separated my feelings the best I could, but when Mondo started acting _nice_ everything went to Hell. I never meant to hurt you Anthony, I don't even know _why_ he started acting that way to me again. I wish he hadn't. I'm a weak person Anthony..."

Anthony finally turned to stare blandly at him arms cross just under his chest, he still didn't say anything though.

Spot smiled weakly, "Thank you, for looking at me..."

Anthony only quirked an eyebrow.

"I swear, Anthony," he was looking him straight in the eyes, "upon all that I hold dear in my possession that I will never, ever, do anything like that to hurt you again. I know you probably think I'm lying and to prove it."

Spot got up and walked over to his closet and tossed every piece of red clothes and a few other assortment of things into a pile and walked out his room and came back in with a metal trashcan and a box of matches. Anthony really wondered if Spot was impulsive enough to actually go through with-

"Spot, not in the house!" Anthony's hand shot out and he looked up at the other boy and gave him a look that clearly indicated that he was insane.

"You're talking!" Spot smiled.

"Stop smiling, lets go burn that shit outside."

Spot nodded and they headed to the backyard.

XXX

Rollercoaster glanced at the clock again and grew even more mad then he was seconds before. He'd gone threw two whole packs of cigarettes in what felt like minutes. Spot had said he'd be there, Spot was in fact, not there. He glared at everything that made a sound in his makeshift home. He stood abruptly, he was furious, he stalked down his stairs, the entire place dark, not a single light was on. Well, if Spot wasn't going to come over to his place, he was going to go to Spot's place. He did in fact remember something being said about calling to say you wouldn't be able to make it a while back. Well Spot hadn't called, perhaps he just forgot, perhaps he just needed something to remind him he'd made plans. He headed down the road.

XXX

A/N: Happy holidays y'all! I'm sorry to announce the end is nearing. On another note, I'm debating if I want to go threw with that related fic based around what happened between Jack and David during the events of this story. Or to just tack it on the end of this fic as a bonus piece. Any thoughts? (that is if I ever get to finishing it, there's some stuff on paper, rest is in my head.)

Well, it's currently one forty-seven a.m and Sev's ready to head to bed. Oh yeah, I so sat here since nine after work to finish this for you guys just before x-mas. Sev's going to cali for six days, I say: Go To Hell Taco Bell, I'm on vacation!! (starting the 31st that is -squinchy face-)

Peace Home Slice's!

(ps. MyKa HoLLy I tried desperately hard to write that Jack Spot fic, you have no idea how hard I tried I have like six different notebooks scrawled with my failed attempts, but alas Sev must admit defeat. I can not write a Spot Jack fic. If there's another pairing you'll settle for, I'll take a swing. I'll try not to miss this time around, I promise.)


	23. Storm Before The Calm

Sins For Thought

Chapter 23: Storm Before The Calm

Rollercoaster walked up the familiar dirt lawn and past all the fallen relics of Spot's crappy childhood. When that boy drank, he talked, constantly. He got the feeling that Spot was not too keen on the joys of complete silence. Now when the boy was high, that was another story, he'd just lay there and stare at stuff for hours on end, or at least as long as the weed was good. It was pretty much the opposite when Spot drank, he wouldn't be able to keep his mouth shut to save his life. He'd admit, if only to himself, that he actually did miss the boy, when he decided to start acting like an asshole to him. He much preferred Spot's company over all the whores he'd had at his place before he'd met the boy. The thing was, Spot was bad for his image. He was a clingy little white boy desperate for attention where ever he could get it. Boys dad up and left when he was little, kid had a fucking complex back then. Now all he does is talk about his mom and the stuff they planed on doing, which by the way there was still no grass on the lawn. He paused at Spot's bedroom window and peered in, Spot was laying on his side with his arm draped over something.

He glared when he realized the thing Spot's arm was around was that other boy. He started knocking on the window. He really wanted the other boy to be the one to wake up. Neither rose from the bed though. He thought about just trying to break the glass, but then he'd probably get in knee deep shit for doing that. He tried to push the window up, but it didn't budge and he was back to square one. He mentally pictured himself slamming his fist into the window, but just started knocking on it again. Spot started to move, he watched as the boy sat up and stared at his bedroom door then laid back down. He knocked again and Spot sat up again and then turned his head in the direction of the window this time. It didn't seem to register for a second then Spot's eyes went wide as he recognized him. Spot scrambled out of the bed and yanked the window up.

"What the Hell are you doing here?!" hissed Spot glancing back at Anthony.

"You said you were coming over, what the fuck happened, huh?" he didn't bother to whisper.

"Keep your fucking voice down, Mondo. Look, something came up, I told you before that he takes priority over you, so just leave ok?" he glanced back at Anthony again.

Rollercoaster smiled crookedly and Spot wondered what was going threw the older boys mind as he nodded, "'K, I'll go."

Spot watched him turn for a second and was just about to shut the window when Rollercoaster turned back around and half stuck his head threw the window and half shouted.

"Hey fucker, wake up!"

Spot stared wide-eyed at the older boy before turning around to see Anthony start moving in his sleep, "Stop it, what're you trying to do?!"

"Shut it, puto. Fucker wake up!"

Spot tried shoving him out the window unsuccessfully, "Stop Mondo!"

"What's going on?" Anthony had sat up and was staring at the two of them and frowned when he saw who it was.

"Fucker finally woke, Goddamn hate heavy sleepers," he shoved Spot away and nodded at Anthony and motioned him to come over.

"Mondo, leave, now!"

"Nah, I wanna talk to the fucker," he stared pointedly at Anthony.

"Well, _I _feel like talking to the _police_, they're a happy bunch," said Anthony quirking a smile at Rollercoaster.

Spot really wished he hadn't promised to go over to Mondo's earlier.

Rollercoaster smiled that lopsided smile of his and nodded once and smiled wider, "Nice threat kid," his smile dropped quickly to a frown, "Better watch your fucking back kid, this a dangerous neighborhood, don't want ya to hurt, ey?"

Anthony didn't let it show, but felt momentarily terrified, "Fuck you."

"..." Spot stared back and forth between the two of them and watched nervously as Rollercoaster nodded one more time and headed down the lawn. "Oh God."

"What the _Hell_ was that Spot?!" Anthony got up and stared out the window.

"He just showed up! I didn't invite him!"

"What the Hell!!"

"I'm sorry Anthony, I told him earlier today that I'd come over later on and I completely forgot, because I ran into you. He probably got tried of waiting and decided to come over, I should have said something, I just forgot!"

Anthony sighed, "Why were you going there to begin with?"

"..." Spot opened his mouth but nothing came out at first, "that was before I said I wasn't going to do anything, Anthony."

Anthony started laughing, somewhat hysterically, "You are the shittiest boyfriend ever, Spot."

"I," Spot bit his bottom lip and stared out the window and noticed someone standing not too far, something in their hand, he realized who it was just as the figure chucked something he shoved Anthony away from the window.

"Spot, what the-" Anthony watched as a beer bottle came flying threw the open window and shatter on the ground.

Spot stuck his head out the window and yelled, "Mondo, just leave already, before my mom wakes up and actually _does_ call the fucking cops!"

Anthony watched Spot slam the window shut and close the curtain. Anthony wasn't quite sure what to say, tonight had to be one of the worst nights of his life. First he drank himself sick, then Spot decided he was going to be an actual moral person and admit what he'd been doing, then his life had been threatened. Worse yet, he had to face his mother come daytime. He stuck both hands to his face and rubbed at his eyes roughly before looking back at Spot, who was now sitting just beneath the window. He supposed this was just as hard on Spot as it was on him. He carefully scooted next to Spot and draped his arm around him. Anthony started to get the feeling things really weren't going to work out for them. He really wished otherwise, but with the way things were going, things really didn't look like they were going up any time soon. Though, he really hoped he was wrong about all this. Anthony sighed and rested his head on Spot's shoulder and they sat there in the dark for almost the rest of the night, falling asleep leaning on each other.

XXX

When they woke they stared at the broken mess on the ground and just walked around it on their way to the kitchen to get themselves something to eat. They hadn't slept well and it was about six in the morning. Reaching the kitchen Spot grabbed the bottle of Tylenol resting on the counter and took two and handed the bottle to Anthony who just pocketed it for later. Neither of them said anything to the other and just ate in silence. Spot's mother wasn't going to be awake for another few hours so the two of them quietly walked over to Itey's place and Spot went inside to drag his friend out of bed to take Anthony home. Spot decided he was going to wait for the bus instead of suffering threw more of that silence. It was one thing to be quiet by yourself, was a whole nother when it was you and someone else, he hated awkward and tense silences. And when Anthony ignored him as the car drove off Spot sunk to the ground and dropped his head in his hands. He had no idea how to fix things, they'd just gone so bad.

-

Itey yawned for what felt like the hundredth time since Spot had dragged him out of bed, but he could tell something had happened. Spot hadn't looked so bad since the first time his cousin had harassed him, but to top of the assumption was that Anthony looked pissed and just as bad. He found it pretty hard to believe that Spot had managed to get Anthony to stay the night after telling him what was going on. Regardless of the fact that Anthony already knew, it still was going to hurt, that much he understood. And drinking wasn't going to fix Anthony's problems, they'd already established that the other night ago. What Anthony needed was to just get out and forget about Spot for a few hours and just have fun. He always figured there were different ways to fix people when they were angry, upset, or depressed. With Spot, it was drinking and avoiding the problem. He himself liked to just shut himself in his room listening to heavy rock music and read, while claiming he was sick from drinking too much. Nobody else liked to listen to rock music, it was all Reggaetón and shit like that. He cast a glance at Anthony and sighed, might as well ask what had happened and try and fix Spot's mistakes.

"So, what happened?"

"You're cousin."

"I know that, but why do you both look like Hell?" he turned into morning traffic.

"About one in the morning, your cousin came by Spot's house. The mother fucker's annoying, who the Hell does he think he is? I mean, what kind of guy gets off on trying to intimidate a couple of teenagers?"

"Crap," he looked at Anthony with mild amazement, "you came out unscathed?"

"What?" Anthony looked confused.

"When Mondo gets mad, he gets _mad_. The only reason he doesn't do shit to me is because we're related, not that it stops Pelon from hitting me, but he's borderline psychotic if you ask me," they finally got a green light and Itey stepped on the gas making a quick left.

"I'm pretty sure he threatened me, then after a few minutes he chucked a beer bottle threw Spot's open window," maybe Itey's accusation wasn't so far off.

"Um, he threatened you?"

"Yeah? Why?"

"You saw what he did to Spot before they got all up on each other, and he was going easy on him, not to mention Spot can defend himself pretty well," he turned down a long road.

"That's fucking fantastic, I'm going to get killed because Spot can't keep it in his pants," Anthony glared out the front window.

Itey started laughing for a few seconds then managed to get it under control, "Oh, God, sorry."

"It's not funny," nevertheless Anthony kind of smiled and shook his head.

Out of the whole ordeal Anthony felt he'd gained some respect for Itey, out of that whole group he was the only one with real plans. In fact, Anthony had discovered that both he and Itey were applying to that new UC being built, the guy just desperately wanted to get a degree and get the Hell out of this town. At first they both had felt that it was just going to make the town more worse then it already was. Crime was bad enough, adding a UC was just going to make traffic worse add more people with money, and thusly take away more of the already dwindling available job offerings. Itey already decided he was going into architecture, designing buildings and the like. Anthony wasn't too positive what he was going to do, but all he really needed was a degree in anything practical. He saw his house coming up.

"Hey, you going to be free later?" he parked the van.

"If my mom hasn't killed me, maybe," he opened the door and hopped out.

"If you are, give me a call, ok?"

Anthony shut the door, "I guess."

When he'd stepped into the house his mother had yelled for the remaining free ten minutes he had to properly get ready. After which, she told him to take the car head straight to school and then straight back home so that she could yell at him properly about how he was fucking up his life. He understood how bad he'd let things get, his mom didn't even trust him to let him take the car anywhere anymore. The only positive thing he could think of since he started dating Spot was that he hadn't gone on any races in the car. He slammed his locker shut and headed for his first class of the day. At least he wouldn't have to deal with Spot if he got grounded.

XXX

Jack watched as Anthony dragged ass to their usual meeting spot for lunch. Evan was already sitting at the fountain with his own food with his jacket to his left and his backpack to his right. Jack removed the Jack and tossed it on top of the backpack Evan had just moved for Anthony. Both of them knew that something was wrong, Anthony hadn't said much as they'd talked during break and he only bought a soda and a bag of chips to eat for lunch. Evan gave Jack a look, something along the lines of _well, what's wrong with him._ But Jack could only supply him with a shrug, it wasn't like he had Anthony figured out in the slightest. The boy was tight lipped about a variety of things. Though Jack went with the assumption that it had something to do with Spot. Although, if he thought about it long enough, when wasn't it about Spot when it came to Anthony.

"Hey, Tone?" Evan leaned a little forward trying to catch Anthony's eyes.

"What, Ev?" he bit into a chip loudly.

Jack winced.

"Is everything alright?"

"Is everything, _alright?_" Anthony widened his eyes but furrowed his brows as he repeated the question.

"It was _a question_," muttered Evan biting into his croissant ham and cheese sandwich.

"_I know_ that!" he bit into another chip loudly.

"Well? Is it?" asked Jack getting annoyed at the two of them.

Anthony sighed frustratedly, then answered, "No."

"Lay off the cigarettes Tony," said Evan reaching into Anthony's pocket and pulling a pack out and stuck it in his bag.

"My question is, how are you even getting them? I know that both your parents don't," said Jack remembering his fruitless search ages ago.

"Wow, I just steal them," said Anthony laying on the sarcasm, only, well...

Both Jack and Evan stared at him, both still in their previous actions. Evan blinked a few times and slightly opened his mouth like he was trying to make a quick response. Jack had both his eyebrows raised, but just as always was quick to make a response in such situations.

"Your shitting me!"

"Tony, since when...I mean, I know Jack just had college students get them for him, but shit. You get caught you could get in a lot of trouble."

"I was trying to be sarcastic, but I guess that backfired," he shrugged and wished they'd change the topic.

"Since when do you steal?" Jack scoffed.

"Jack, don't go there," said Evan tossing his sandwich back on his tray.

"Don't go where? Blame it on Spot? Whoops! My bad, I up went and said it," Jack rolled his eyes and looked exceedingly shocked when Anthony knocked the soda can out of his hand as he'd went to take a drink, "Anthony what the fuck!?"

"Shut up Jack, you just make things ten times harder when you say shit like that, which is all the fucking time!" yelled Anthony further kicking the fallen can across the lawn.

"Anthony, calm down!" Evan had jumped to his feet hoping he didn't have to be the one to break up a fight between them.

"I am clam damnit, isn't it fucking obvious!?" he turned momentarily to yell at Evan.

"What the fucks your problem!?" Jack had stood now trying his best to loom over Anthony.

"You! You're always my fucking problem when it comes to Spot!" he clenched his fists for two seconds before clenching them and just sighed felling frustrated again and settled for glaring instead of yelling, "Can't you just...let us fall to Goddamn pieces in peace?"

Jack stared, really feeling shocked and bad at the same time as he watched Anthony sink back down to sit on the fountain, "I didn't, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..."

A teacher had come over finally trying his best to exude authority, but really no one respected the guy, "What's going on here, someone said there was a fight."

"Nope, no fight here sir," said Jack cheerfully.

Evan nodded smiling brightly like a kid who just got offered ice cream, "Maybe someone was just trying to play a trick on you."

The teacher looked to Anthony, "Everything alright kid?"

Anthony scoffed and noticed the looks Jack and Evan were giving him, "Everything's peachy keen sir!"

The teacher frowned at the three of them, but walked off none the less, muttering to himself.

"What a jackass," said Anthony rolling his eyes.

Jack and Evan looked at him, one smiling oddly the other trying to suppress laughter.

"What?!"

"Nothing," said Evan.

"Everthing's peachy," Jack smiled.

"Keen," finished Evan.

Which sent them off into a round of laughter that was hard to kill. It was at times like these Anthony really wished he didn't say such dorky things out loud. It was also at times like these he was happy to have Jack and Evan as friends. It always seemed like it didn't matter what it was that they said to one another, seconds later they would be right back to poking fun at each other and laughing. Anthony just really wished he'd felt as content with his life as everyone else seemed to think he was. He knew he had a tendency to block things out for as long as he could, it was much different to Spot's "lets avoid the problem" motto. For him it was more like "lets pretend I didn't see or hear that, in fact, let's just push that aside till it becomes a big problem," in retrospect it wasn't much better or different but it got him threw the days. Anthony had to admit he was happy that neither of his friends had made comment on what he'd said about his relationship falling to pieces. He got the feeling that there would be no saving things at this point, but still he wanted to hold on for just a little bit longer. Jack finished laughing and the bell rang they both waved off Evan and Anthony walked to his next class, Jack following close by.

"So, uh, I'll lay off, ok?"

"Oh, please, spare me the kindness, it's worse then the bashing," said Anthony turning the corner.

"I said I'd lay off, not stop," said Jack stopping in front of his class.

"Well, it doesn't matter now, I just got angry, that's all, I took it out on you," Anthony checked the time on his cellphone.

"You have every right to, but you do realize you owe me a soda now, right?" Jack smiled.

"Like Hell Kelly," Anthony smiled and flipped him off as he continued down the hall.

"I don't care what you say, you owe me a soda, Tony!" yelled Jack before he was being dragged inside by his teacher.

XXX

The last two classes of the day seemed to pass in a blur, his mind was occupied with so many other things he had to deal with. He was distracted so much lately it was a wonder how he managed to keep up with all of his school work. He dreaded going home secondly for that reason, his next report card was due in the mail today and he _felt_ more then positive that he was getting C's in at least two of his classes. So much for hanging out with Itey, if staying the night at Spot's place wasn't bad enough, getting C's, Hell let alone B's was just going to clip whatever chances he had. Not that he knew what the two of them would be doing considering the vendetta he just took out on alcohol. Throwing up, take that booze! He shook his head to clear his thought long enough to quickly write down the notes that had been scrawled on the board before going back to zoning.

He started doodling in the margins of his notebook. All he really felt like doing tonight was burying himself under all his blankets and listening to depressing music till he fell asleep. He probably wouldn't even be getting to sleep till at least midnight with the painfully long lectures his mother would be giving him. He always felt like bashing his head into the nearest table and if he felt like crying he'd just clench his teeth tightly together, take deep breaths, and blink a lot. He wondered if that was somehow ruining his teeth in the long run. God he didn't want to wear falsies. He shook his head again and much to his enjoyment the bell to leave rang and he was quickly out the door.

Anthony quickly weaved his way around his classmates and peers as he dodged books and bags. He wanted to get home and just get things over with as quickly as possible so that he could get back to sulking about how bad his first relationship was turning out. He made it to his car before the parking lot became any more worse and jumped in and zoomed out of there in three minutes flat. The next problem was afternoon traffic. Though from months of experience he'd learned to take all the back roads and the creek road was his favorite one. It only had one stoplight and a train track that was barely used if he took the right road. He took this time to think to himself.

When Spot had told him he'd been cheating he wanted nothing more then to drive somewhere anywhere, and fast. Spot had just kept talking, trying to make him forgive him. Like it was going to be that easy. Anthony sighed, knowing full well that he was a push over and that Spot somehow was taking advantage of his stupid nature. But when Spot had said he'd promise on all that he held dear and dragged all that gang affiliated crap ready to burn, he let some of his anger die down. Not that he still wasn't angry, obviously, but he was more mad at himself for letting it show. He had to say though, that the most poignant moment of that night, aside from watching the red clothes burn or watching as Spot opened a small box filled with those red pill and tossing them into the fire, was when Spot had pealed out a picture and tossed it into the fire. He'd managed to catch a glimpse of it, the picture had been of a younger looking Spot and Rollercoaster, Spot smiling brightly and Rollercoaster smirking in a cocky manner.

He frowned as his house came into view, after he pulled in and parked he sighed, "Well, into the lions den we go."

His mom was already home and sitting on the couch opening mail when he walked in. She still didn't look the least bit happy as she ripped open letters and read threw them, "You got home quick."

"Well, you did say, straight home," he shrugged and tossed his backpack at the end of the couch, but remained standing.

"So tell me Anthony, I want a reason," she left it open, he hated it when she did that.

"A reason for what exactly?" there was no proper way to answer her, there was a variety of things should could have wanted a reason for.

"A reason to believe you weren't out doing something stupid," she raised her head and gave him that look he hated getting, like she already had a punishment already picked out even though he didn't yet have the chance to defend himself.

"I can honestly tell you I was at Jack's house and heading out to pick something up for his mom we ran into S-s Shawn," he really didn't feel like saying that name still, it probably would have made him seem suspicious if not for the fact that Spot had indeed called his mother last night, "we went to hang out at his house while his mom made dinner and we talked and he went to go do some stuff for her and I fell asleep waiting."

"Anthony, sweetheart I put up with your well thought out lies only because you're my only son, but you've been pushing it lately. I don't know when you got it in your head that it was alright to lie to your parents, but it _will_ stop."

"I know."

"I know you know, but you aren't going to listen so," she paused as she got hold of his report cared.

Anthony squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"Oh, Anthony I knew you could do it, I told you you were smart!"

Anthony unclenched his eyes, "Do what?"

"Don't think this gets you completely off the hook, but I'm so proud of you! I have to go call Marin," she practically sprang from her position on the couch to go call her sister.

"Mom, before you call her, I was wondering, since I got such, good grades this week, could I go hang out with one of my friends tonight?"

"Well, I guess, and just this once you can stay out till one, just don't get arrested or I'll literally skin- you- alive."

"Thanks mom," he watched her saunter off to the phone in the kitchen.

How good were his grades this week if she was letting him stay out till one? He crept towards the kitchen and stood next to the door, listening as his mom called his aunt.

"Marin, Marin, you won't, argh, get your mom on the phone!"

She only talked that way to the middle child of his aunt, she didn't like him much, said he was going to drop out of school any time soon.

"Marin! You won't believe it, Anthony got all A's on his report card, I know! I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be valedictorian for his graduating class. Well he _is_ my son after all and-"

He walked away from the kitchen and headed to his room, picking up his backpack on his way out. That's all he ever was to his mother, just some bragging right. Heaven forbid he did something terrible to disgrace his mothers perfect delusion of a family. He slammed his door behind himself and tossed his backpack across the room. Anthony really wondered how he even made it out half as sane as he was. His mother was a hypocritical prideful woman. She'd just as easily write you off if she could gain nothing from having you around. On the bright side, it got him off a lecture.

He supposed he should call Itey and thusly pulled out his cellphone and hit the call button.

"_What's going on Speed Racer?"_

"My mom said it was ok for me to go out tonight," he tossed himself down on his bed.

"_Sweet, I have big plans for us tonight."_

Anthony decided Itey sounded too excited about whatever he had concocted, "I can barely contain myself."

"_So when can you head out?"_

"Probably now if I wanted," but what the two of them were going to be doing that could fill those eight or so hours were beyond him.

"_I'll meet you at the theater down town in an hour ok?"_

Anthony sighed, "Fine."

XXX

They'd spent the first few hours at the theater having finished one movie, Itey convinced him to movie hop. It was actually much easier then Anthony had expected, he decided he'd have to do it with Jack and Evan some time. They'd been halfway through their third movie when they'd been kicked out for making too much noise. All Anthony knew was that if they didn't want people throwing popcorn at the screen and calling the actors stupid, they should have put signs out. Grumbling to himself Anthony handed Itey the keys to his car and sat passenger side. If his mom knew he was letting someone else drive the car she'd never let him see light of day again. He just didn't feel like driving and he trusted the other boy enough to let him drive because Itey seemed like a sane person behind the wheel.

"It's nine a clock," muttered Anthony leaning his head against the window blandly staring at the lights.

"Correction, it's about ten _o'_ clock," Itey smiled as Anthony backhanded his shoulder.

"Let a guy screw up the English language in peace."

"Well, you do have to know English well in order to fuck it up properly," Itey headed just off Main Street to the only Sonic's in town to get the largest drink he could. "I'm thirsty."

"What exactly do you have planed?"

"Aren't you a party pooper?"

"I'm only asking because I can't get drunk."

"Don't worry, I've got this," said Itey pulling up to the drive-thru.

"Got what?" Anthony wasn't sure what was going on in that Mexican boys head.

As they drove out Itey headed back down to Main Street and made a couple of illegal turns. But Anthony smirked as they parked at the County Bank parking garage. They walked up the stairs to the top in relative silence. Once actually up there Anthony leaned over the side and stared as the cars stopped at the streetlights, waiting for the lights to turn green so that they could get to wherever they wanted. He leaned back and took a drink from his Styrofoam cup. It was odd, Anthony sort of got the feeling that Itey was trying to accomplish something. The day before it was drinking, today it was movies and this. Itey walked over the edge and rested his arms on the building side his cup between his hands as he continued to drink from it. It was nice though, it got him away from everything that was bothering him. He couldn't really complain he guessed. Itey finally stopped drinking and stared across the street as he spoke.

"You know, I never actually thought, this was how I'd turn out to be..."

Anthony felt mildly confused for a moment before he found himself speaking, "Yeah, how so?"

"Before I came here, I was a jerk, not intentionally, but I'd actually lost a close friend before I moved here. Got shot, didn't even do anything, we had just been walking down the street and some guys in a tacky Lowrider drove up and shot him."

"...I didn't think people actually did that."

"Neither did I, but it happened. The only reason I hung out with the guy was because he was a little brother of a friend of Mondo's. After that, I got pretty bad, then my parents decided to move closer to the rest of our family. That's the year I met Spot."

"How long ago was that?"

"Junior high, we got into a fight, afterwards we were kind of inseparable, till he met Mondo. That had to be my biggest mistake, I use to idolize my cousin, but then he'd somehow managed to steal my best friend away from me. I didn't think that was possible, since he was older then us. I hated him ever since."

Anthony wasn't quite sure why Itey was telling him all this, "Oh."

Itey smiled and shook his head, "Spot had some problems on him when I'd met him and Mondo just seemed to make more for him. I was jealous at first because I thought Spot liked hanging out with him more then me, come to find out they were fucking. I was shocked, kind of terrified. I mean, I let this guy sleep in the same bed as me, but then I mean, I know that was a stupid thing to freak about. "

"That he'd slept in the same bed as you? "

"Yeah. I got over it though, quickly, he was still him. What changed was how I looked at my cousin. He didn't look that way, still doesn't, but he is you know. Worse yet, that crap went on between them for almost two years, that's a long time to put up with so much bullshit." Itey shook his head, "All those bruises."

"Two_years_?" Anthony felt shocked.

"I thought you knew," said Itey looking at him.

"That they had done stuff, not that they'd been _together_ for _two years_!" Anthony dropped himself to the ground and sat there leaning against the stuco wall.

Itey sighed and sat down next to him, "That's a lot of baggage, huh?"

Anthony nodded, "Never thought _this_ was how my first relationship would turn out."

Itey laughed, "What did you picture? Some tall well dressed dude -"

"I'll stop you right there, what I pictured was some girl about my height beautiful smile, smart, middle of back length hair, with wit and an easy going personality. But it, was, just you know, a picture I had in my head, someone I knew my mom would like. Not some guy, and_definitely_ not someone like Spot was when I met him."

"I guess we all have that in common, that unrealistic dream about what we want and how it's going to be when we get it," said Itey taking a long sip from his drink.

"That's for damn sure," Anthony quirked a smile at the empty top parking lot.

"I know I'm going to sound very TVish, but I almost wouldn't trade it in for better things. Bitter memories, no matter how shitty they are or will be, they shape us right?"

"For better or worse," Anthony paused and took a drink from his cup, "memories can leave pretty bad scars on us, but I guess you're right, I learned some very important things these past months."

Itey nodded.

"Even if me and Spot don't make it, I'll still carry what we had, if only for a while."

"And of course, you know, a pedestal," said Itey curtly.

Anthony laughed outright at the statement, but didn't disagree. He supposed that in the end, things would be rough before they got better, that's how things always went. If everything was easy then what would have been the purpose? Life was a test of your love for people and the kind of things you could endure. Nothing would be learned if you could breeze by untouched by the forces that be in the world. If this was a test, he wanted to make it to the end and come out a better person for it, he wanted Spot to come out of it for that matter. But in the end, who knew how things were going to be.

XXX

A/N: And here it be, the second to the last chapter. And here is the finalized soundtrack for Sins For Thought, song 1. Lonely Day-System Of A Down, 2. Love and Memories- O.A.R, 3. It Doesn't Matter-Allison Krass, 4. Savin Me-Nickleback, 5. Silhouettes- Smile Empty Soul, 6. Easier To Run-Linkin Park, 7. Zebraskin-Dredge, 8. Twenty-four-Switchfoot, 9. Learn You Inside Out-Lifehouse, 10. Dream-Nastyboy Klick. Listen in that order.


	24. Almost Meaningless

Pre. A/N: I apologize in advance for the four pages of fight description. There is of course dialogue in during the fight, but yeah, I'm still sorry lol. I guess some part of me felt it was important.

Sins For Thought

Chapter 24: Almost Meaningless

Spot couldn't believe he was showing his face here. It was one thing when it was simply Rollercoaster by himself, but the fact of the matter was that the older boy wasn't alone. He'd gone to Mondo's house and had caught sight of at least four different cars. He wanted to turn tail and run but Mondo had already seen him and was waving him over. Next to him was Pelon, the two of them were usually on good terms but he no longer hand any score with him and that meant all good vibe was gone. Rollercoaster handed him a beer and somehow Spot found himself enjoying the atmosphere. An hour later and about five beers later Spot made his way into Rollercoaster's place to use the bathroom.

The place was crawling with all the guys Rollercoaster had ever known, well it sort of seemed that way to Spot. He walked back down the stairs and saw K-Swiss and his former dealer watching a football game. They both looked up.

"Hey, it's the gringo!" they both coursed.

Spot rolled his eyes, "I have to go."

"Didn't you just get 'ere?" K-Swiss turned his attention back to the game.

"An hour ago, I have to head out, shit to do."

"Tch, I don't feel the love no more, you know, I actually have a deal on some good shit for you if you want."

Spot's head shot up, "Fuck that."

"The fuck's gotten into you?"

K-Swiss watched the two of them.

"Nothing, I don't have time for that shit anymore."

"He gone goody two-shoes on you, Beto."

"No, tell me it ain't so, good only lasts so long."

Spot gave him a weird look, he knew his dealer was strange, borderline normal if you ask him, "Way to be an adult."

"Gotta feed my family somehow."

"Well, it's not _my_ fault you knocked your girlfriend up at sixteen. How many kids you at now? Four, twelve?"

"If you hadn't been one of my best customers, I'd knock your teeth in right now, and it's two, one on the way."

"Man, you have to learn to keep it in your pants."

The front door closed and Rollercoaster walk in, "You're both a bunch of fruits."

K-Swiss started laughing but stopped mid way to cheer as someone scored a touchdown.

"Ey, Spot walk with me to the store, gotta pick up some stuff for tonight."

Spot glanced back at the other two guys but they were engrossed in the foot ball gone. Spot sighed and figured that this was probably going to be the only way he was going to talk to the older boy alone, Spot sighed, "Fine."

The two of them headed down the drive way, Pelon stared as the two of them walked out of sight. Spot pretty much new what was Pelon's deal, Spot had already come up with the notion that Rollercoaster had indeed lost his mind. What had happened in the back of Itey's van had been absolutely crazy. Good, but crazy. Spot shook his head, no it was bad. He turned his attention back to the street and found that they were already halfway down the block.

"We need to talk," Spot stared at the older boy.

Rollercoaster frowned for a second, but didn't say anything.

"It's kind of important, a 'soon to be non-existant you and me' kind of important."

Rollercoaster frowned again,but still didn't say anything.

Spot growled, "You're an ass!"

Rollercoaster shrugged.

"Look, after today, after we're done doing what it is that we're doing...I'm, I can't come around anymore."

"This because I chucked a bottle through your window?"

"Because you chucked a bottle through the window at my _boyfriend_!"

Rollercoaster shrugged.

"I don't get you..." Spot ran his fingers through his hair, "It's exhausting trying to even figure out."

"What?"

"Why you're acting the way you've been acting. You weren't like this before, if you were, this would have been a lot more easier."

"Do what you gotta do," said Rollercoaster as he he picked up his pace and continued on without Spot.

"I just, wanted you to know, this was it!"

The older boy waved his hand in the air dismissively, but Spot got the feeling he was only brushing him off to get rid of him. Rollercoaster had reached the point of angry, Spot knew that posture, the guy was beyond upset. But really what right did the guy have to even feel that way? It was him who had started to make things like they had been. He wanted to just ell him off now. So, he waited. About fifteen minutes later Spot caught sight of the older boy heading back down the street.

"What the fuck you still doing here?" his hands were full of bags with brown bags in them.

"I need to tell you something."

"I heard you the first time, puto," Rollercoaster walked past him.

"No, you, didn't."

"Yes, I, did. Now leave before you get your skull busted," he continued walking.

"I'm sorry, I just, can't do this anymore. Us being together, it was, sort of fun, but it was a mistake, a huge one, for the both of us," Spot stood still in his place not looking up to see the older boy frown in his direction.

"..." Rollercoaster didn't say anything at first, "I guess."

Spot looked up to find the older boy staring at the cement, "I just, don't want it to be like it was before. You harassing me, or all the fighting. I just want us to be able to ignore each other in a civilized manner."

Rollercoaster didn't say anything for a while and just continued staring at the ground till finally he raised his head. He didn't say anything, just nodded. His posture had changed. Spot really couldn't figure out what it meant, but he got a strange feeling that plummeted to the bottom of his stomach and swam around there. But he didn't know what else to say or do so he just nodded at the older boy and walked off in the other direction. He glanced behind himself and desperately wished he at least had one last, well, something...

XXX

Anthony woke up and groggily surveyed his surroundings. He'd been up so late last night and oddly enough his mom he'd even called him around eleven to tell him he could stay at his friends house if he wanted. Which Anthony got the feeling his mom just wanted some alone time. He stood up at at the end of the bed, since he'd slept on the floor. Itey was out could. Somehow the two of them had got it in their heads that it was a good idea to sit on skateboards and fly down the streets. Itey incidentally, flew into a couple of trashcans. It was a pretty fun night all in all. He picked up a shoe and tossed it at the Mexican boy.

Itey sat up and glared and went back to sleep.

Anthony poked him, "Hey, get up, I have school."

"Nobody cares!" yelled Itey.

"Get your ass up and drive me home," Anthony started looking around the room for his shoes.

"A guy gets a van and suddenly he's chauffeuring everyone he knows around."

"You have a shitty car by the way," Anthony found his shoes and slipped them on.

"At least it can't get taken away from me," Itey finally sat up and stared at his room, "God, it's a wreck in here."

"Don't blame me."

"Come on," he sighed, "I'll drive you home, just let me get dressed first."

They headed out to the car and Anthony cast a quick glance down the road to where Spot's house was. He hadn't seem him since the day before, but he figured that he'd see him later on in the day at least. Well, that is if he was going to be keeping to his word about having nothing to do with Rollercoaster anymore.

They got in the car, Itey was still too out of it to carry on a conversation so they rode in silence. Anthony felt more then at odds with himself. He really loved Spot. But there were so many things that Spot had done. He wasn't even sure if he actually even felt like he'd really forgiven Spot for what he did. He kind of didn't even want Spot touching him, but at the same time he wanted to be near him. He glanced up, they were still five minutes away from his house. Spot was intelligent, but he was also a huge idiot who had mixed concepts about how things worked. He remembered when he first met Spot, he was always smiling for some reason, it struck him as odd. Maybe it had always been the weed. He glanced up to find that they were at his house.

He unlocked his front door and headed straight for the bathroom for a shower. After everything had settled down last night him and Itey had a long conversation about his relationship with Spot. By all means, Anthony could tell Itey wasn't trying to back-stab his best friend, but he'd told him that Spot had a lot of things to sort out before he could be in an honest and real relationship. What it was neither of them could quite figure it out.

XXX

Spot sighed loudly to himself he felt exhausted. After he noticed what he told Rollercoaster, he felt sort of depressed. Rollercoaster had been such a huge part of his life. It wasn't exactly one of the greatest moments of his life, but there was so much to that part of him. Rollercoaster was his first, well, if he was going to admit anything to himself he might as well be honest. Rollercoaster was his fist love. He'd loved that twisted mind fucking bastard. They'd had so much fun together, those had been the most amazing moments of his life, but ...when he thought about it, those had also been the most dreadful as well. If he thought long enough, his sexual experience with Mondo had been so much more different then with Anthony.

He always wanted to make Anthony feel good, it was like a huge turn on to him. With Mondo, he didn't even know to to describe how he felt. Kissing him was nothing like kissing Anthony. He really had no idea how to describe it but-

"Spot, is that pot?"

"Sparky!"

"Seriously, is it?"

"Want some?"

"NO!" David looked mortified.

"I want to ask you something. I know you don't know me too well, but I can't talk to Itey about this so..."

"First," David pointed, "get rid of the weed."

"You fucking _kill_ joy," Sot took one last toke and put it away.

David glanced around and moved closer to Spot, "So, uh."

Spot bit his bottom lip for second trying to gather his thoughts, "You think you can tell a lot from just kissing someone, you know, as opposed to fucking them? I mean-" he shook his head no real quick, "not fucking, but..."

"I know what you mean, and I'll be one to admit that I've never slept with someone before, but I think kissing can sometimes be more intimate then sex."

Spot raised an eyebrow.

"I uh, well, that is...God, look um I mean think about it. Yeah sex is about deep passion, but a kiss has a lot of meaning as well. There's a lot of things running through your head when you kiss someone for the fist time."

"You and Jak-jak share one recently?"

"..." David opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, "no!"

"Lies, all lies! Look, thanks for the input, I guess you could be right. My first kiss, well, I don't exactly remember it, to be honest. You know, those are supposed to have more meaning to it, but it was like on a whim. But with Anthony, I may have been drunk, but I remember that moment, so perfectly. It was like, my whole world..."

"Started and ended with that moment?" supplied Daivd.

"Exactly."

They sort of just stood there, an awkward silence for some reason falling over. David shifted from foot to foot. Spot fingering the joint in his pocket.

"So, uh, I'm ditching, see you 'round Sparky."

"How do you get good grades if you're always ditching?"

"I have a gift," he shrugged, "I'll tell Jak-jak you said hi."

David watched as Spot made his way towards the back parking lot and out of sight.

XXX

Spot managed to make it across town by the time Anthony's school got out. He sort of felt like things weren't so bad. For some reason though, Anthony still wasn't calling him by his name, it hurt, but he sort of understood that Anthony was just as hurt if not more. The two of them headed for the nearest fast food restaurant to eat.

Anthony stared down at his half empty tray and then at Spot's empty tray, "You have an appetite today."

"Sure as hell do, you done eating?" he pointed at Anthony's food.

"Yeah," he watched as Spot proceeded to devour the rest of his food.

"Man, I'm so fucking starving, I need like, HoHo's or like Oreo's, oh, brownies, fuck me brownies would be so perfect right now!"

Anthony frowned.

Spot paused in his musing slash eating when he noticed the look Anthony was giving him, "What?"

"Did you?"

"Did I what?" snapped Spot.

"Nothing," muttered Anthony.

"Exactly," said Spot as he finished eating the rest of the food.

"Fuck you, don't talk to me like that!"

"Like what?" Spot found himself snapping again.

"You're acting like an ass for some reason," growled Anthony.

"Because you're accusing me!"

"Of what exactly, tell me?"

"Of something I didn't do! Have a little faith, you bastard."

"Go to hell!" Anthony stood.

Spot's hand shot out and he grabbed Anthony's wrist and gently tugged him back down, "I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm acting this way."

"Yeah, you do, and you smell," muttered Anthony as he moved to stand.

"Well jee thanks," said Spot getting up and leaving the mess of trays on the table.

"Like pot."

"Oh," Spot sniffed his shirt, "well shit."

"Look, Spot, I don't want to deal with this right now, let's just head to Itey's for a little then we can head back to my place," Anthony headed out the door and Spot followed.

Spot stared down at the floor as he walked out, he didn't know how to fix the mood now. Maybe Itey would. Itey seemed to always know how to fix things.

-

Itey glared at the phone as it started ringing just as the show he was watching was getting to his favorite part.

"Qué pasa?" he made sure to sound irritated.

"Ey, you know if Spot's gon' be there today?"

"Mondo? Uh, yeah, he is, why?"

"How 'bout his bitch?"

"Probably, why Mondo?"

The line went dead and Itey stared down at the phone wondering why his cousin had just hung up on him. He got a bad feeling, but wasn't sure what it meant. Mondo was rash, but maybe he just wanted to know if it was alright if he came over, but if Spot was there ... he blinked still confused. He hung up the phone and checked the time. They'd probably be there any time soon.

"Mijo, who was it?"

"Just Mondo mom!"

"What did he want?"

"I have no idea, he didn't say."

"Are your friends coming over today?"

"Yes."

"Want me to cook something for them?"

"Nah, I think we'll be fine."

"Okay, mijo, just tell me if you change your mind."

"I will," he settled himself back down properly on the couch and continued watching the rerun of Dawson's Creek.

It wasn't even five minutes later when the front door opened and Spot and Anthony walked through. Spot burst into laughter as he saw what Itey was watching, Anthony followed suit once Itey had scrambled to change the TV.

"Oh my God, Itey, just no, no, no," Spot still couldn't contain his laughter.

"I didn't know Mexicans could blush like that," said Anthony.

"You racist bastard," muttered Itey.

"I have new respect for you Anthony."

"Well, I have none for you right now," Anthony cocked an eyebrow.

"Itey, fix him, he's mad because I had a joint, a , just one!"

"When, you know, you shouldn't have had any," said Itey.

"How_dare_ you take his side," Spot reached for the nearest couch cushion and hit Itey.

"Don't_ hit_ him," Anthony picked up a cushion and proceeded to hit Spot.

"Don't defend the Mexican," Spot whapped Anthony.

"The Mexican _can_ speak English," said Itey taking the cushions from them and hit them both, "play nice children."

"I have a Mexican mom," said Spot smiling as he fixed his hair.

"Don't you mean dad?" said Anthony.

"No, mom," Spot smiled.

"Well, now that Happy Racist Hour is over," Itey stared pointedly at the two of them, "you guys just want to hang out front, I warn you now, all we have is soda."

"Dad mad?"

"Furious!"

"Well, Dr. Pepper, _does_ make the world taste better," said Spot as he headed out front.

"Sometimes, you say really gay things," Anthony smiled.

"Hey, nothing I say, can ever top you saying things like _peachy_," Spot gently elbowed him and smiled, maybe things would just work themselves out.

"I'll go grab the soda's, meet you outside."

Spot and Anthony shrugged and headed outside. Both of them froze, the sound of chains just a little out of hearing range, barely audible reached their ears. Spot turned to Anthony, who was frowning, Spot shook his head trying to indicate that he had no idea what was going on. The both of them leaned forward just a little and then they saw him. Rollercoaster stalked up the driveway, his arms were hanging down at his sides, but his fists were clenched.

Anthony couldn't help but notice the skin tight white tank-top, khaki pants, black belt with three looping chains, and black shoes. The guy reminded him of one of those tiny plastic Homies, only, he was pretty good looking, but still very scary and very creepy to him. Like one of those people's hands he wouldn't shake in church when they'd say 'peace be with you' because there was something about them that just rubbed you the wrong way. He glanced over at Spot and wondered what was going through his head at that moment. It was obvious that the Mexican guy was not there on good terms to talk. He looked outright pissed. Anthony could feel his heartbeat begin to race and figured that at least he knew Spot's was doing the same.

Itey was just making his way out the house carrying drinks and smiling, the smile seemed to drop from his face the second he caught sight of his cousin. He glanced back inside and rushed back in and deposited the sodas on the couch and reached for the house phone and ran outside. He'd only seen that look on Rollercoaster's face a handful of times, but on each of those occasions no pleasant outcome had derived from it. He had no idea what was going on, but he had every idea about what might or was going to happen.

Spot took a step froward away from Anthony and really thought his heart was two seconds away from bursting out from his chest. The beating in his ears was so loud and could barely hear himself breathing, his entire body felt as if it were detached from the rest of him and yet he could still find himself able to function enough to tell it to move. He walked halfway across the lawn and stopped, waiting for Rollercoaster. He turned to look at Anthony.

"Anthony, you should leave," Spot glanced back at him.

Anthony shook his head, "You want me to leave you here with him? Are you crazy?"

"Anthony, there's a good chance he's going to beat the living hell out of us, more specifically, you," he turned to look back at Rollercoaster.

The Mexican boy stalked straight up to Spot and shoved him aside and headed straight for Anthony. Spot jumped quickly to his feet and lunged for Rollercoaster who grabbed Anthony by the front of his shirt, raising him off the ground.

Rollercoaster jerked his elbow back forcefully knocking Spot in the jaw and then swinging his first forward just to have it yanked down as Itey caught hold of his arm.

"Mondo, are you insane?! You can't do this!" yelled Itey.

Rollercoaster didn't hesitate to drop Anthony and swing his cousin off him and land him on the ground and kicked him hard in the gut.

He turned, practically whipped around, whooshing sound and all, to glare down at Spot who took the opportunity to swing his leg hard under the older boy knocking him onto his back.

Spot quickly jumped up and took a hard swing at Rollercoaster's face. He just wanted enough time to knock him into a daze so that he could get Anthony and scram, but he didn't even seem the least bit dazed. Spot swore, his fist red and throbbing. Rollercoaster knocked Spot off and hit him full in the stomach knocking the wind out of him so badly Spot felt like hacking.

Anthony stared wide-eyed for a moment in shock, Rollercoaster was really going to kill them.

Itey was on his feet again and stepped in front of Anthony, Rollercoaster just smirked and decked his cousin again. Itey was not going to get up again so quickly this time around.

Anthony knew that he really couldn't fight anyone, sure, give him some lame ass person who liked to talk shit but couldn't back it up, he could take them. But in all honesty he'd never once gotten himself into a fight, it just went against everything his mother ever taught him and he internally glared. Why in the hell did he listen to his mother?!

Mondo smirked, it crossed his face in a slow curl that just made Anthony's skin want to crawl, "Hey Fucker, what's up? Don't feel like playing?"

"I've exceeded my fun quota for the day, why not just go for a jog?" all he could ever do was be lippy, what the hell was wrong with him?!

"Oh, I'm gonna go for jog alright," Rollercoaster seemed to bound forward and the next thing Anthony knew he was leaping backwards and trying his best to dodge the guy.

"Fuck this!" Anthony jerked himself to a stop, catching the older boy off guard knowing that the he didn't have enough time to stop.

Anthony raised his elbow quickly placing the back of his left hand against his chest and pulled his right fist to his left hand, his elbow strongly pointing upwards and Rollercoaster incidentally rammed himself into his propped up elbow.

Anthony's elbow hit him dead set in the sternum. Anthony stumbled backwards a few steps and then he tripped over something and landed hard on the ground. He quickly blinked the stars from his vision and tried to see if he did any damage. Rollercoaster had his hand over the center of his chest and looked like he was turning really red. Anthony did a mental tally for himself, it was probably going to be the only point he'd get.

The victory was short lived and Rollercoaster seemed ten times more angry then he previously was. He stalked over to Anthony, though you could tell he was having some trouble breathing, and painfully yanked Anthony up and started laying in the hits one after another. Spot pulled himself off the ground and frantically stared around the yard, he spotted the baseball bat not to far and reached for it. Of all the things he'd done to Rollercoaster in a fight, he never thought things would get this out of hand.

He grabbed the bat and made his way over to the older boy, "Mondo!"

Rollercoaster barely even glanced when the bat made contact with his side. He immediately let go of Anthony, dropping him to the ground in a heap. He caught hold of the bat the second time around and yanked it out of Spot's grip and flung it across the yard.

"You know, puto, there's something I always wanted to do to you," Rollercoaster mock chuckled and smiled.

"It's not oral, that's for goddamn sure," Spot scoffed at the older boy.

The smiled dropped from Rollercoaster's face and he went at Spot, but Spot had been hoping he'd take the bait and was prepared for it. With as much agility and speed as he could muster he took the first chance he got to knee Rollercoaster in the crotch then Anthony quickly came up behind him and hit him really hard in the back and just as the older boy was leaning over in pain Spot took that moment to knee him in the stomach and watched him drop.

Rollercoaster was coughing and growling out swears, Spot knew they'd hurt him, but also knew that when a person gets mad enough, not much is going to stop them. Rollercoaster seemed to regain some of his composure, if that's what he was calling it, and the look on his face changed.

Anthony got the feeling that he wasn't even thinking sanely anymore as the older boy whipped around and reached for something and Anthony had to wonder where exactly he pulled it from. Spot had stopped in his tacks and it seemed as if all the color had drained from his face. Itey, who finally gathered his wits, immediately ducked his head under his arms, he really hated those damn things. And for a moment Anthony could have sworn the world dropped to a dead silence at that exact moment.

Rollercoaster cocked his head to the side and slowly let a smiled slide across his features, "Not so tough with a gun to your face, are you?"

Anthony swallowed hard, but couldn't stop the question that came out, "How's that chest feeling? Glad you can breath again."

Rollercoaster glared and knocked him across the face, gun still in hand, "Keep talking bitch."

Anthony really wished this was just a terrible dream.

Spot looked for the bat and grabbed it again, he just had to do enough damage to get away. He walked up slowly behind Rollercoaster and lobbed him hard in the back of his legs and watched, feeling more then shocked, as Rollercoaster went to the ground. Spot quickly reached for Anthony and pulled him hard and they barely had enough time to duck behind a car as Rollercoaster got up and actually shot in the direction of the car. One of the tiers went flat and the back window now had three bullet holes in it.

Anthony stared over at Spot who was visibly shaking, "He's fucking out of his mind!"

"You think I didn't _just_ notice that?!"

"You have _bad_ taste in men!"

"I'm dating _you_ aren't _I_?!"

"Now's not the time for a lovers spat!" yelled Itey finally picking his head up.

"Shut up!" yelled both Anthony and Spot.

"There's about to be a lot less talking in two seconds," said Rollercoaster as he stepped around the car.

Anthony suddenly wondered why his goddamn life wasn't flashing before his eyes, he sort of laughed sardonically to himself. He kind of got the feeling there probably wasn't much for him to see. Spot on the other hand. Anthony glanced over at him. His eyes were clenched shut.

For a moment Anthony tried to figure out what that weird wailing sound was. Rollercoaster's eyes widened and he dropped the gun. Spot kept his eyes shut, but was now covering his ears. Anthony glanced to the side. Police cars were quickly pulling up to the curb, out of the corner of his vision, Anthony saw Rollercoaster jerk his head in Itey's direction and he started backing up, but the police were out of their cars before he could try to run.

Cops had pulled out their guns and were pointing them at Rollercoaster. Anthony and Spot had pressed themselves to the ground. It took a second, but Rollercoaster attempted to hightail it and finally ran. Two of the cops chased after him and they ran out of sight. Anthony put his hand over Spot's, who flinched, but finally unclenched his eyes. Some of the cops had started over to them and Anthony took it as a sign that it was okay to stand. Itey was already up, but wasn't heading over.

A few minutes later the two cops came back. One was holding the back of his head, the other had Rollercoaster cuffed.

They all watched wide-eyed and overall completely shocked by the whole ordeal. The police officer had shoved Rollercoaster's head down as he practically pushed him into the back of the police car and shut the door. Blue and red lights flashed all around and even the smallest of sounds seemed too intense to bear, amplified somehow tenfold. It was almost as if it wasn't truly real, possibly not at all reality, at least not to them. Itey stood an almost confused look to his features, his mother not too far off from them, standing at the front door of the house.

Anthony could taste blood at the back of his mouth and felt as if someone was continuously crunching paper at the very far end of his mind as he stared at the Mexican boy behind the bars of the cop car. He looked, resigned, not at all like the person he had just saw minutes before the cops had showed. He realized at that moment he never actually thought the guy would ever get arrested. Anthony turned his attention to Spot who couldn't stop staring at Mondo, the look on his face seemed as if someone had just taken away his sole reason for being. But Spot stood there, just staring...

Anthony realized it then, what Itey had meant when he had said that Spot really needed to sort things out in himself. Spot had so much baggage, and he was hellbent on carrying it.

XXX

Antony waited, exactly three days before he went to talk to Spot. Holing himself up in his room only made things at home weird. After his mom found out what had happened, courtesy of Evan's nosy gossipy mother, his mom had flipped. She didn't ground him per-se, but said he wasn't allowed to do a lot of things, which was in essence the same damn thing. He'd been forced to play board games with his parents and watch lame feel good programs on TV. He honestly wondered in what world his mother lived, because she needed a plane ticket out of that place. His dad wasn't mad, the guy didn't seem at all bothered by a lot of things, not counting the times he'd caught him and Spot doing things together. In fact, his dad was the one to let him leave the house so that he could go to Spot's house to talk to him.

Anthony turned his music low as he pulled up to Spot's and parked his car. Itey and Spot were both sitting out front talking. He made his way up the dirt lawn and stood in front of Spot, hands in his pockets. Itey looked sidelong at Spot, but Spot wasn't even looking Anthony straight in the eyes. Anthony grabbed Spot by the collar and tugged him up.

"We need to talk."

Spot's eyes went wide for a moment, but it passed quickly, "Um, ok."

The two of them went inside, he knew what was coming, Spot was surprised it hadn't happened sooner. Anthony had put up with so much and all he did was make things worse. A part of him clung to the hope that he was most surely wrong. They walked to his bedroom and shut the door behind them. Spot sat down on the bed and stared up at Anthony, a more or less resigned look on his face. He really hoped he was wrong.

Anthony was trying not to look Spot directly in the eyes, he felt that if he did that tight ball in his throat would get harder to swallow, "You and I, have been, us for quite a while and we've been through a lot."

"Anthony, just say it, you're gonna leave me," Spot found himself picking at the loose threads on his top blanket.

"Spot!"

"Tell me I'm wrong, Anthony," Spot looked up at him.

Anthony locked eyes with him then quickly looked away, "You're..."

"When was the last time you called me by my real name?"

"..." Anthony stared down at the ground then sat down next to Spot on the bed, "I've been real confused about your feelings for me, Shawn, I wanted everything between us to be real."

"It was."

"No, it wasn't. You lied to me, you'd say we'd do stuff together, then you'd cancel or just not call entirely. I felt like an idiot for giving you so much benefit of the doubt, for telling myself you would change."

"Anthony," Spot suddenly noticed the wide space between them and slowly started to inch closer.

"Let me finish first, yeah you stopped wearing red, you smoked less, you drank less. Then, I started seeing you less, hearing from you less, and when I did see you all we did was fool around. It pissed me off, if all I'd been looking for was sex I'd have picked some random chick to fuck at a party. Not date you."

"I screwed up, there's no doubt about that, but I'd never meant for any of this to happen, and I sure as hell never expected Mondo to get all possessive and shit over me. I never even expected him to ever speak to me like I was a _person _again," he stopped inching closer and turned to stare at Anthony.

"Whether he admitted it or not, Shawn, he really liked you. I mean, the guy fucking pulled a gun out on me for Christ's sake," Anthony turned his head and quirked a bit of a smile at him.

"Lord knows that's _exactly_ the kind of form I want love to be taken when it's expressed for me," Spot rolled his eyes and smiled.

The expressions on their faces seemed to both drop at the same time. Both seemed to come to terms with that fact that it was actually going to happen, regardless of the fact that neither of them wanted it to. It was something that just had to happen.

"I guess, this is really it, huh?" Anthony turned his attention back to the floor.

"I really wish it wasn't," he leaned his head on Anthony's shoulder.

Anthony tilted his head so his was leaning on Spot's, "It doesn't have to be, I mean, I still want to be with you too."

"Then why are you breaking up with me?" Spot inhaled as much of Anthony's scent as he could.

"That's something you need to figure out for yourself, if you can, then maybe it could work out between us," Anthony sighed and glanced over at Spot's clock, "I have to get going, before my mom comes home and finds me gone."

Spot arched an eyebrow at him, "I-" he stopped himself then settled for something less emotional and smiled at him, "don't get caught, Tony."

Anthony smiled as well, but neither of them actually looked happy, "I wont."

Spot got up and followed Anthony back out of the house to the front. Itey was still sitting down on the front porch. Anthony waved bye to him and Spot watched as he started his car and drove off. He wondered if this was really a full fledged goodbye and if he'd missed his chance for another last something. There were no hugs, no intimate touching, no last kiss, he really wished he'd just done _something_ anything, besides simply laying his head on Anthony's shoulder. It was as bad as when he'd said his final goodbye to Rollercoaster that day. He cast his vision back down at Itey and sighed.

"I take it, today was it, huh?"

Spot nodded.

"I'm sorry about that," he stared up at his best friend and felt somewhat guilty.

"So," Spot sat down next to Itey, "how long you think Mondo's going to be in?"

"Let's see," Itey brought his fingers up as he listed each, "assaulting a miner, carrying an illegal substance, damaging private property, assaulting a police officer, carrying a weapon, and I'm sure at least two of those were felony's. "

"A long time then, huh?"

"Yeah," Itey sighed and dropped his head into his hands, "but I suppose it's for the best. Although, there's a lot of people who probably don't feel that way, his parents for starters."

"And Pelon," said Spot knowing there was no way to salvage that so called friendship.

"Don't worry, he wants to kick my ass too," Itey let out a long sigh.

Then it got quiet between the two of them. It was weird because it was one of first times in a long time that they had an awkward silence between them. All the hell and bullshit they went through didn't seem quite real still, but it was and neither of them knew exactly how to handle it. The silence dragged on for almost ten minutes, Itey would sip from his closely placed soda every now and then and Spot would clear his throat lowly, until Spot finally decided to say something.

He looked to Itey, then down the street, "I think," he paused for a moment before continuing, "the reason I wanted attention from Mondo_so desperately_ was because, he reminded me of my dad."

"In what way?" Itey sipped at the soda can in his hand.

"My dad was a jerk, I justified hating my mom because my dad left her before he ever really appreciated me."

Itey didn't say anything, knowing that Spot just really didn't want comments. So that later, he could tell himself everything was alright because at least he wasn't internalizing.

"I mean, I understand I was a kid, how could he? But not once did he ever say anything nice."

Itey just nodded, signaling he understood and was still listening.

"When I met Armondo, I saw this really cool guy and there was something about him that just drew me to him. He was arrogant, cocky, selfish, pretty much a jerk like my dad. I guess I figured if I could get Armondo to like me, it would make up for my dad not."

"So, you dated Mondo, because he was like your dad?" Itey looked both mildly confused and disturbed.

"That and because he was really freaking hot," Spot laughed, but smiled sadly at the ground.

"I understand the accepting part and will look past the horny teenager part, but I still have to wonder, Shawn, was it really worth it all?"

Spot shook his head so slowly and when he spoke his voice came out low and deep, "Absolutely no part, of what I did, was at all worth, losing Anthony..."

"At least you can admit that to yourself. I know it hurts that I didn't help cover your ass, but you honestly deserved what you got for cheating on him."

Spot nodded.

"And I think I get you a little better, although I don't know how you get it in your head that someone has to treat you like shit before they can really love you, but that's something you can work past."

"You make it sound like I'm a masochist."

Itey shrugged.

Spot frowned.

"Who knows, Mondo might have been the next step for you..." he cringed, "eww I just grossed myself out."

Spot actually looked up and laughed at him, "Come on lets go make me feel better."

Itey gave him a curious stare before nodding, "Let's make a deal."

"Shoot," said Spot as the two of them stood.

"We both quit drinking and smoking and get part time jobs together till school lets out and we'll take the best fucking vacation to forget it all and start over."

"That's not fair, you never drank as much as I did."

Itey smiled, " Well?"

"Deal."

Itey glanced sideways at Spot, "That's gross you wanted to date your dad."

Spot glared and smacked his shoulder, "Shut up, that's disgusting. What I _wanted_ was for him to accept me."

Itey slung his arm around Spot's shoulder, "What you need to do first is accept yourself. You're a good person, Shawn, you deserve more then what you give yourself."

Spot pulled his arm off, "Someday, I'll get to that."

"Time to look for jobs."

XXX

_One month later_

Anthony parked his car by the curb and headed up the driveway. The front lawn was covered in lush thick green grass, everything that had once littered the forgotten dirt covered lawn was long gone. The house had been fixed up and was now painted an off white color. Flowers lined the bottom of the house both sides of the front porch and a few trees had been planted here and there. He stopped at the front door and knocked a couple of times. Inside music played and he could hear laughter. When the door opened Anthony was greeted by none other then Spot himself.

He stepped out the house and closed the door behind him, "Hey, Tony."

Anthony noticed he was wearing jeans and a T-shirt with a single dark brown feather on it, "Happy birthday. Figured I'd at least stop by before going to Jack's and give you this."

Spot took the box and sat down on the front porch and Anthony sat also. Spot unwrapped the box and frowned at the the Drivers Handbook in his hands, "You're a laugh riot, Tony."

"That was the joke gift, here's the real one," he handed Spot an envelope, "Read it later, ok?"

"Promise," they sat in silence for a moment.

"You know Spot, us being together wasn't a complete waste."

**Life is a bundle full of crap and excitemnt.**

"You really believe that?"

**Not that very often you get the chance to screw up your life by just meeting someone.**

"I know it, maybe, in a few years, you'll know it. Till then, I love you."

"...I did too, Anthony."

**Life was just funny and fucked up that way.**

XXX

A/N: It literally took me forever and a day to complete this chapter. I wrote it from practically the bottom up. Like I wrote the first scene, well, first, then came the very end, then the the scene second from the last, next came the break up scene, then the end of the fight scene with the cops then the middle of the fight then the first part and added from there. Itey and Anthony's scene then the part with David. I drove myself insane, which apparently was the word I almost used the most in this chapter till I edited. Anyways.

I fell in love with writing this story, and can't wait to move on to the Javid aspect of it all. They should intertwine, just a bit, I guess that's the beauty of same universe fics.

Anyone actually listen to all the songs on the list? You think they fit? Pictures are up by the way, so if you pop by my profile, just copy and paste the link to my LJ and they'll be there. So I guess, I bid a sorrowful but complete farewell to Sins For Thought.

I'll miss you Mexican-gang Spot.

And I'd like to say thank you to everyone who's read and reviewed this, it means and has meant a lot to me over it's year and so many months run.


End file.
